One of the benefits of winter time is the drive to Eau Claire. Yes, it’s a hike and sometimes snow and ice make it a little more difficult, but there’s such beauty as well. Thanks to the timing of my drive I was able to see both the sunrise and sunset and all the colors on the ends. Watching the colors slowly change while reflecting off the snow in the rolling hills is so awesome. I was smiling almost the entire way there and back today.

While it’s an hour and a half drive it’s certainly not wasted time. On my way to the office this morning I never once picked up my phone or turned on my radio. I was able to spend time in thought thinking through and planning my day and actions. Funny how sometimes the best thought time I have isn’t in an office, but on the road. I’m thankful for how much more smooth my days go when I have time to mentally prep and plan on the drive in.

On the way home I took a slightly different path for much of the drive. I still kept the radio off but spent time reflecting on the book I’ve been reading. The book really has my head spinning and has helped me learn a lot about myself. Spending time reflecting and thinking was a great way to let some of the ideas really start to sink in. Having that quiet time alone surrounded by the incredible beauty of God all around me was wonderful and an excellent way to focus my thoughts.

Lots of driving today, but also lots of smiling, planning, thinking, and reflecting. Who says windshield time can’t be productive or joyful?

Thanks!!!

Was there a lesson someone tried to share with you that didn’t quite sink in right away? Why didn’t you “get it” right away?

Each day I attempt to write about something I’m thankful for that’s a little different than any of the fifteen hundred plus blogs before it. By the nature of the blog it will continue to get more and more difficult to find something “new” to be thankful for. This also means I often stretch outside my normal stuff to find something a little more unique. To take this a step further, this also means that I often don’t blog about some of the things I’m thankful for every single day.

Today when I woke up to Becky and then went for a run with her while the world slept I couldn’t help but pause and be incredibly thankful for waking up to her each day. My days are better and more joyful with her in my life. I’m so grateful for her presence in my life. She may not be the topic of my blog everyday but she could be.

As is the case with almost all of us there’s never quite enough time for everything I want to accomplish. This leads to trade offs due to my inability (unwillingness?) to perfectly utilize my time. Today I was able to notch out an extra five minutes of thought time in different way… I fired up a podcast while I was in the shower. Even with washing and scrubbing I was still able to listen and focus on the content. The podcast even helped me take action today that I wouldn’t have without listening to it. I might have to do it again tomorrow!

Better late than never, right? In reading The New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton I think I’m finally learning what Father Mark Thought I could learn from this book. Several years ago I jokingly told him he’d hit me between the eyes with a spiritual hammer after a conversation we’d had. In the following conversation he suggested I read this book. I’m once again a nail being driven in by the hammer. Not even halfway through and I’m already getting excited to read it again. So much to think about and take action on. It has taken me years to finally start to learn the lesson Father Mark was trying to teach me and I’m thankful that I’ve finally listened.

Thanks!!!

What a day it’s been! I slept in late (8am is about as late as this dude gets) and still had plenty of time to get ready to head out to church with the family. The sermon was a good one, and throughout it kept tugging my thoughts into a certain direction. There was discussion of Thomas Merton, a monk who studied many Eastern religions and philosophies in addition to Christianity. Father Dodge shared a story of Thomas Merton and as he did a smile crossed my face along with a memory.

In a conversation I had with Father Mark many years ago he had suggested that I read The New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton. He referred to it as an excellent resource that I would most likely find very useful. I went out and purchased the ebook and started reading. It was a difficult read and I had my head in the wrong direction. I was seeing it as something I needed to do and consume quickly as opposed to taking time to digest it. Maybe it wasn’t even a difficult read and it was just me getting in the way of myself. Regardless, I only made into the fourth or fifth chapter and set it aside. After church today I hopped online and bought the audio version for myself to start listening to tomorrow.

As I said, the sermon was focused on using the tools we already have at our disposal. In order to get back on track with my eating I was making my lunches for the week and enjoyed some quiet time in the kitchen as Becky and the boys took the girls for a walk. I was considering filling the quiet with something mindless to fill the space. In an instant I heard the voice of Father Mark reading a quote from Blaise Pascal. In a heartbeat I fired up my iphone and started listening to some of the advent season sermons from Father Mark. My mind, heart, and soul were filled as I prepared my lunches and did dishes. I am so thankful for the sermon today, I’ve already taken action on it a couple of times.

Much of the day involved time with Gavin!. Yes, I intended to have both the exclamation point and the period. When he’s in a particularly Gavin-ish mood I refer to him as Gavin! with an exclamation point. He certainly earned it today. At church he was constantly stirring next to me. Along with that he was in a kind of snugglish mood and I’m thankful for that once in a while too. Later in the day he came up to the workshop with me and we started a project together – a wooden Catan board.

After supper we spent time digging through Gavin!’s room with him trying to locate his lost Boy Scout shirt. I just about lost it as each new possible location led me to more and more random stuff (treasures to him, crap to me, we’ll meet in the middle and call it “stuff”). Becky sat back, smiled, and laughed and reminded me of how Gavin! is pretty much a miniature version of me in so many ways. He and I met in the middle and were able to get a lot cleaned up and either recycled or tossed. The shirt is still MIA, I’m sure we’ll go searching again one night this week.

To wrap up the night I had some business stuff to take care of but Gavin! wanted to play a game. We again met in the middle and I walked through what I was working on with him. Once I’d finished a few minutes later we went into the dining room to play the game he wanted to play, tabletop football. For quite some time we were laughing and having fun flicking a paper football across the table and kicking field goals. It was an awesome time.

I’m so thankful for my time with Gavin!, but especially today. Today was one of those days when I sit back and think about how fortunate I am to have such wonderful sons. They truly bring so much additional love and joy into my life each and every single day. Every moment I had with him and the rest of my family today were amazing and I’m thankful for each of them.

Thanks!!!

Today was a day of firsts for Gavin & Dominic. Gavin has his first basketball games today. It was a blast watching him hustle his butt off on the court. He’s got a ways to go to catch up to others who’ve been playing a while, but his hustle and tenacity on defense had me smiling all tournament long. Dominic has his first snowboarding lesson today and thoroughly enjoyed it. Becky said he even fell asleep on the ride home he was so tired!

I’m so thankful the boys are both open to new experiences and activities like this. Watching them try new adventures makes me smile as I think about just how many new adventures they’ll have in life if they’re not afraid of new challenges. As they attempt new things I’m also thankful for their resiliency as the navigate their way through new challenges.

Earlier in the day I was listening to Pandora radio and a band came on talking about the reasons behind one of their songs. The X Ambassadors shared how they wrote their song “Steady” focused on parents being divorced. They said they find it interesting that so many people have misinterpreted the meaning and they’ve even heard of it being played at weddings. I knew the song but I had no idea that was what it was about. When I went back and listened to it again I could totally hear it.

The funny thing is that this was the second time I heard something along those lines in the past few days. After reading The Fellowship of the Ring there was an afterword written by JRR Tolkien talking about how many people had put different meaning and symbolism to his story. The theories included everything from symbolism of the World Wars to industrialism to religion. He laughed and said none of those were even close. He simply wanted to create a great long story. No hidden meanings or agendas, just a story he had within in him that he wanted to tell.

The reason I am thankful for these two stories is that they remind me of a couple of things. What I intend to communicate versus what is understood will often not line up exactly. with this mindset I must be sure to find very clear ways to communicate if I intend for a specific message to be communicated. The second lesson is to remember that there’s always more to the story and I’ll often view a story through my own paradigms. This means I’ll see things differently than they are intended and if I truly want to understand I must ask questions and not just assume. These are two very valuable lessons to remember and live by.

Thanks!!!

Watch out blog world, I’ve started typing, deleted, started over, deleted, and started over a few times now. There are some days when there are big events or happenings that are so easy to blog about. Most of those days I type about that event and why it was important to me.

Today it’s been a little different. Today was a big day for me; one that would be very easy to write about. I’ve started typing about it several times already, but each time it doesn’t quite feel right. When I start typing it turns into something that I don’t mean for it to be.

In the back of my mind there’ve been a couple of other moments that have really hit me in the feels. Each of those moments are personal, special, and greatly appreciated. Based on their situations I really don’t want to get into them.

They were little moments in which I was able to just be me, doing what I do, and smiling all the while. When I really think deeply about them, one in particular, there was something about them for which I am very thankful for; I felt greatly appreciated by the individuals involved.

It seems a little weird to mention, but it felt really great to be appreciated in those moments. I feel appreciated often, but the way it came across was very heartfelt and meant a lot to me on many levels.

To everyone who helped me to feel appreciated today, thank you greatly! I am so blessed to have all of you in my life and am eternally grateful for our time together.

Thanks!!!

What’s something that annoys you that you’ve found a way to turn into a positive?

In the past I’ve found myself getting frustrated after the first of the year when I go to yoga, cycling, or anywhere that involves people making New Years resolutions. I’m ashamed to say it, but I guess I could get kind of possessive and wonder why so many people would have the audacity to use “my facility.” How lame is that? Yeah, I can actually claim that if I owned the gym… and if I actually did that I’d be up for the prize for the lamest human being. Yeah, even as I type it I’m feeling even more lousy about that past behavior. I can’t go back and change the past so I’ll let it go and focus on moving forward from here… Which is what my post is about tonight.

Knowing this about myself I caught myself starting to think the wrong way earlier in the week. In recognizing my incorrect mindset I took a breath and initially decided I was just going to not think about it. I’d just go early, get a spot for Becky and I and close my eyes. Easy, right?

A pretty cool thing happened as I laid in an almost full yoga class tonight. Having a room full of folks added so much energy to the room. At times I caught myself smiling because I was enjoying it so much. A small class is cool too, but having so many people breathing and sweating all at the same time was awesome! It almost felt like a concert environment with everyone moving in the same direction at the same time. By the time class was up I was thinking to myself that I wish all the classes were almost full like that.

After thinking about it I realized that this will be a great lesson for me to hold onto. My natural instinct is to hold onto what is “mine.” To keep it all to myself. That’s a sure fire way to find unhappiness. When sharing something with others there’s always so much more joy to be found. I feel like I do a decent job of giving much of the time, but this reminded me that there is so much more for me to give and be open to sharing. Moving forward when I find myself getting frustrated at others for being in “my place” or trying to enjoy “my thing” I’m going to take a deep breath, remember how much fun class was tonight, and take time to enjoy sharing something I love with others – whether friends, family, or total strangers.

Thanks!!!

How do you wrap up the previous year and start a new one? Are there traditions that you and your family live each new year?

One of my annual habits it to go back through all of our pictures from the previous year on New Years Day. This year I didn’t even get through all of them, there were too many! One of the side benefits of a daily blog is that I take many more pictures now. I want to have an icon pic for each one that reminds me of the post before I even start reading. With that in mind I’ve found I’m more likely to stop for a beautiful sunrise or when the boys do something crazy. This year our photos include well over 3,100 captured moments throughout the year.

We choose to live a crazy busy life and it’s wild how many times I’ll lose myself in the moment and then move onto the next moment to live in. When that happens I am making memories but they don’t always fire right up for me. For instance, if you asked me what I did in 2019 it would take me a while to list the major moments. Some are easy (Becky’s PhD), others would come along pretty quickly (Dominic helping Gavin cross into Boy Scouts), but some would most likely be forgotten until there was some type of a trigger (Dominic, Gavin and I riding our bikes in the Mississippi River when it was flooded, Becky and I going for a long bike ride in March).

As I started going through the pictures from this past year it was like opening a time capsule. Each photo brought about a new memory for me Some photos were of happy moments, some reminded me of mistakes, and others left me scratching my head for a moment before the light bulb finally flickered on. Each one brought a smile – regardless of good, bad, or ugly each of those moments made up my life in 2019 and were pebbles that paved the road that’s led me to today. Taking time to really stop and examine each of them left me with a sense of joy, motivation, inspiration, and purpose.

I am so thankful for the trail of breadcrumbs I left myself through 2019 and look forward to leaving a trail in 2020 as well.

BTW – I am beyond thankful for the all out ridiculousness that was 2019. What a year! These past 365 trips around the sun were totally lived as a rollercoaster and not a merry go round.

Thanks!!!

When you ring in the new year are there usually small habit changes you make? Which seem to be most common? What helps them last?

While I’m not a fan of making New Year’s resolutions I am a fan of finding a concrete way to track my progress. Yes, I know that I don’t need an artificial date stamp to make a change that could be started immediately… but they don’t hurt either.

After all the eating I’ve been doing since Belize in November I’m looking forward to a very sustainable habit change. As of tomorrow I’ll be going back to tracking what I eat.

I haven’t eaten horribly the entire past month and change, but it’s been enough and often enough that I’m excited to get back to eating well. When there’ve been slight gaps between travel and family events I’ve gone right back to eating like I had been and it feels great.

My eating habits throughout 2019 as a whole were much improved from past years and I’ve felt great most of the year. The change of the new year marks the end of the holiday season and a bit of a respite from events that involve huge meals. I’m excited to get back to the normal I worked to make normal back in 2019.

Thanks!!!

What is one of your biggest fears? How have you found ways to fight it? When have you successfully conquered fear?

Hot yoga on a frozen day like this is nothing short of amazing. When Becky and I went for our run this morning it felt like Spring had sprung and we both had too many layers on. By the time I drove home it felt like an arctic January night. Going into a room that’s kept over 96 degrees was like wearing a thick and soft hoodie and then wrapping myself in a comfortable quilt.

During practice tonight our instructor asked us to try something new. Usually I’m pretty tentative and wait to watch everyone else before trying something new. It gives me the opportunity to see how they are doing it and then I can better attempt it. Tonight I decided to just trust myself. Before I knew it I was in a new pose and it felt amazing!

The reason I am thankful for this today is that it reminds me to trust myself and not overthink. I can often over analyze and attempt to over control a situation. In many cases I need to remember to let go, take a deep breath, and trust. This was an excellent and tangible example of that for me to quickly recall when needed.

One of my biggest fears is a specific kind of claustrophobia. You should watch my heart rate when the conversation goes to being in a very tight cave and there’s an extremely limited range of motion. Not elevators, groups, or anything like that, but just incredibly confined spaces that don’t allow room for any movement (maybe it’s related to the control thing above?).

I still remember back in college hearing a couple of buddies talk about a caving experience when one of them was in a tight spot. The cave was so tight that he has to slide on his belly, exhale to minimize his height, and then slide through to a spot when he could breath again. Even as I type that my heart is pounding and I’m feeling short of breath. As they told the story I suffered what I believe was my first ever panic attack as I felt flush and had a cold sweat.

Once in a while, like the moron I can occasionally be, I mentally put myself in that spot. I’m crawling in a cave on my stomach with the roof of the cave pressing down on me. I have to go forward and I can feel the space getting tighter and tighter as I slowly slide forward. I know that there’s an opening 15 yards ahead, but to get there I need to expel every square inch of air I have in me. With no air in my lungs I have to hope that I have the strength and space needed to get to the opening before I either pass out or freak out. In that moment I can visualize the entire thing and I swear I can feel the weight of the world literally bearing down on me. It freaks me right the heck out.

Why do I do this? Over the past year it’s been a practice for me to learn to control my fear. I work on keeping calm in spite of the deep fear it pulls out in me. It’s an opportunity to push back on a primal fear and harden myself.

At the end of yoga tonight I didn’t go to one of my normal happy places during final rest. I instead shimmied on my belly into the tightest part of the cave. With the towel over my face it felt almost dark enough with my eyes closed. I imagined the scenario I described above and allowed myself to feel the panic and the fear. Then I practiced taking shallow breaths that barely caused my chest to move. I focused my energy on knowing that I would be okay even though I was in this tight spot. A few times I caught myself starting to freak out but I was able to reel my focus back in.

When we went snorkeling in Australia and I panicked I realized that I have a legitimate gap in who I am and who I want to be when it comes to facing fear. In that situation I had to remove myself from it for a short period of time before I dove back in. The best version of me wouldn’t have needed to do that. The best me would’ve kept calm, focused on his breathing, and taken control of his thoughts.

By finding ways to trick my brains into facing my fears I’m hopeful that I can become better at controlling that emotion when I am exposed to it directly. As I continue to get stronger at taking it on in an imaginary setting I’ll then actively look for ways to reality test it further until I know for a fact that I can stay calm.

Whew, that was a way longer explanation than I was expecting to share today! If I were to sum it up in a Tweet it would be something like, “Today I’m thankful for finding ways to strengthen my soul in response to fear. Eventually I will be able to control my fear response. Facing my fears is an obstacle that will help me become the best version of me I can be.”

Thanks!!!

When you say goodbye to a loved one how do you turn it into a positive? How do you minimize the tears and maximize the joy in those moments? Take a minute to let that one roll through your mind and we’ll come back to that in a bit.

Yesterday morning when Becky and I went for our run we were on a sheet of almost perfectly smooth ice. At times I even put one arm behind me like a speed skater and took off gliding while swinging the other arm. It was so icy I was moving without lifting my feet off the ground. I’ve never run on anything quite like that before, it was more slippery than any broomball rink I’ve ever been on.

What an excellent way to practice choosing my attitude! It was so easy to get frustrated and want to quit. On the flip side it was so easy to relax and enjoy just how crazily different it was. I caught myself vacillating between childlike play and total adult frustration. The ice, the road, and the weather never changed; only my attitude did. The only thing that caused me to feel either was my own mindset. Funny how I had to work harder at smiling and frustration came so easily if I stopped focusing on it.

Running on ice isn’t something I’d recommend, but it was a great way to explore the gap between who I am and who I should be a little more. In those moments I remind myself to learn from the experience and through hard work and focus I will improve myself.

When we got up this morning we headed out for a nice walk. Today I’m reminded just how much more happy i am when i start the day outside. Getting fresh air and losing myself in nature is such a beautiful way to get my head in the right place for the day.

After lunch it was time to say goodbye to family and head home. My mom mentioned that saying goodbye is her least favorite part of the weekend. I disagree in a weird way. For clarity, I enjoy time with my family – I’m not saying it’s my favorite because I get to “escape” or anything like that. There’s a little trick I use to remind me that goodbyes are a very beautiful thing.

Why does saying goodbye seem sad? We’ve just had a great time together. We love each other and have to part ways for the time being. The more the goodbye hurts the more thankful we should be for it. That means we really enjoyed the time together, we love each other, and want to have more of that time.

Instead of continuing to feel sad about it I flip to the positive. I ask myself the following: “Why did I enjoy our time together so much?” “What memories did we create in our time together?” “Why do we not want our time together to end?” As I ask myself these questions they blend beautifully into helping to remind me to be thankful for the time we’ve had together instead of wasting energy and joy wishing for more.

When I feel sadness about a goodbye I’m immediately reminded to take stock of how thankful I should be for the opportunity to create those memories. When I remember those moments in my head I can’t help but smile even though I know we’re parting ways for a while. Goodbyes are a beautiful reminder to choose gratitude and to find joy in that thankfulness. Remember, true joy is wanting what you have and not in having what you want. When we say goodbye and it hurts it is a sign that we truly wanted what we just had.

Thanks!!!