Thankful for Questioning How Much I Need, Our Dream Lists, & a Few Moments of Stillness

Day 4,055

Growth:

Over the past day I’ve had so many thoughts revolving around what does one really need to be happy? What do I need ot have in order to find joy in daily life? How often am I wasting my valuable life energy on something without a return, on something that doesn’t lead me closer to my conceptual purpose? How much energy is wasted trying to make money for something I don’t really need? Why do I often consider buying “stuff,” rather than using those resources for something important? Why do I reflexively want to make sure I have enough and am afraid of sharing too much with others (cash, time, etc…)?

Some of these thoughts likely come from my buddy’s recent trip to Walden Pond, reminding me of the economics of Thoreau. I’m also in that state of mind when reading Endurance by Alfred Lansing, hearing the story of Shackleton and his crew being stranded in the most inhospitable place in the world and even after being stranded for over a year have comments like this:


“Macty [McCarthy] is the most irrepressable optimist I’ve ever met. When I relieve him at the helm, boat iced & seas pouring down your neck he informs me with a happy grin ‘It’s a grand day sir’ I was feeling a bit sour just before….”

The Endurance, Alfred Lansing

Or maybe as I’m prepping to re-read Life Lived Wild by Rick Ridgeway and remembering this story about a tribesman in the amazonian rain forest who is going to leave his village for a month and takes nothing besides his bow and arrows, machete, and his small loincloth.


“That guy will go with us.” “Great. Tell him we’ll wait while he goes to his hut and gets his stuff.” Alberto translated my message to the headman, who replied to Alberto, who turned to me. “He doesn’t need to go to his hut. He has everything he needs.” I looked at the man. He held his bow and several arrows and he had a machete. Like the others, he had a small red loincloth that covered only his privates. He would be gone from his village for about a month.

Life Lived Wild, Rick Ridgeway

How much more do I have than what I need, and how much is it really costing me?

Appreciation:

Almost twenty years ago I wrote my first real dream list while sitting on the shore of Lake Superior. Throughout the past couple of decades it has shifted and evolved. Many of the dreams have been knocked out, so many more are waiting in the wings. Some have existed for brief stints and then vanished as time passed them by.

In the past few years I’ve started re-writing the list once per year, taking time to curate a list of 100 or more things I would like ot do, see, or experience. Some can be easily completed with a little focus, others will take quite some time and a lot of focus – like going to every US National Park with Becky, 40 down and 24 to go!

One of the things I appreciate most about the list is the fact that some of the things that get written down kind of get forgotten about, and then out of nowhere there’s an opportunity to knock it out. Sometimes I totally forgot it was on the list until a while after it happened! It’s almost like once it’s in ink on paper it takes on a life of its own, it just up to me to watch for the moment or to choose to focus on it to make it real.

The reason I bring it up today is that there have been a few on my list for quite some time that are not my dreams specifically, but dreams of others that I want to accomplish with them. Dominic, Gavin, and Becky all have their own dream lists, and it’s sometimes fun to “borrow” one of theirs to help it come true, especially rewarding when we are able to share that moment together. There’s nothing quite like the magic of experiencing a dream come true for someone else, talk about your heart bursting with joy!

This evening we’ve thrown a few chunks of dream lists at each other, so much fun going back to see what we each had at different times, and seeing how we can help them come true. Without that list we could still dream, but the lists make it so much easier to craft into reality!

Presence:

Today was full of moments, running with Becky, conversations at work, yoga this evening, texting and joking with the boys. What really sticks out for me most was the quiet moment I took to myself today. On my drive to work I took a slightly longer route to go through a cemetery, the leaves fallen like snow, the cold dark grey skies, everything making it feel like the exact place I should be. I paused, sat in the car quietly. Sipped my coffee. Let my mind wander. Spent a moment thinking of those above who’ve gone before. Relaxing and re-calibrating my thoughts to remember that I will be amongst them at some point. Smelling the leaves and scents of autumn, savoring my breaths. Centering my mind and soul. Stillness.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Moving Song, Almost Twelve Hours of Sleep, & an Afternoon with Dominic and Caitlyn

Day 4,053

Growth:

Some human experiences are near universal. Dealing with the death of a loved one is something we’ll all work through at some point in our lives, likely many times. There are times when someone can so completely open the door to emotion so compleely that we can all recognize the feeling. This song is one of those – Grief is Only Love by Stephen Wilson, Jr.

And I miss my father every day
The kinda pain I pray don’t fade away
And the ones above guide me down the road
Yeah, grief is only love that’s got no place to go

Stephen Wilson, Jr – Grief is Only Love

This one really has hit home as I’ve listened to it over the past couple of days. What’s really struck me isn’t just the way it makes me think of losing Dad, there are so many levels to this.

This song takes something incredibly difficult and uses it as an opportunity to grow.

It reminds us to soak up the emotions and let them flow through us. Sometimes we may want to hold them back, that’s okay to. We’re human, give ourselves grace as we work through the dificulty.

As the song reminds us, the ones we lost are always there to guide – take your pic of literally or through the lessons they taught us in life, either way is right – we only need to pause and listen for them.

We’re all human, we all have difficulty. Things like politics, money, fame, power, and the like really don’t mean anything when we remember we’re all going to face the same human challenges and losses, we need to love each other as we all get through our lives together. We are all one more than we are individual.

Appreciation:

Last night was my earliest Halloween bedtime (that I can recall anyways), I was in bed a little before 8pm and asleep before 9pm. This morning when I woke up and got out of bed it was almost 8am, I slept for almost TWELVE hours! That’s the most I’ve gotten in a very long time, Certainly the most I’ve gotten without suffering through an illness of some sort. Half a day, sleeping.

Based on the past couple of days / weeks / months it is no surprise that my body and mind took total advantage of the opportunity to get the sleep and rest it needed. There might be another one of those monster sleep nights in the next week or so just for good measure.

What I’m most grateful for today is the sensation of waking up after a full and complete night of sleep. I awoke completely rested and ready to go. My brain was sharp, everything seemed a little more clear than usual. Everything was working in the right direction very well. Great way to kick off the day!

As a result I was totally present while we grocery shopped, remembering all the little things. At church I was much more focused and attuned to the sermon. When we had lunch and a walk with Dominic and Caitlyn I was one hundred percent there with them. Our FaceTime with Gavin went very well, it was clear how much I miss spending time with him in person. As Becky and I laughed and relaxed I was able to be there with her as well all day. Life was a little extra on a very normal day.

Cheers to finally getting the sleep I needed to get myself mostly caught up!

Presence:

This afternoon we had lunch on the grill with Dominic and Caitlyn, the four of us relaxing outside and enjoying the weather while shooting the bull. Afterwards we hit the road and woods for a nice long walk together. The time was spent without screens in front of any of us, we were talking the entire time. So wonderful getting that time together with them!

I’m very grateful for the twice a week we’re all together on the phones for FaceTime, but spending time together in real life is always so much better. Having an afternoon together like this was exactly what my well rested soul needed, especially as I kept thinking of Dad throughout the day, specifically through a combination of the song Grief is Only Love and much of the focus of our church service today.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Day of Family and Fresh Air

Day 4,052

This pumpkin has seen much later Halloweens, that’s for sure! I’m likely going to be in bed by 8:00pm this evening and have zero intent of setting an alarm to wake up to tomorrow morning. As I wrote about a couple of nights ago, it is time to pay the Late Nights Watching the Brewers Win the World Series Tax!

This morning started with a wonderful walk in the woods in the acreage behind my inlaws’ home. Leia loved being off leash and running all over while Becky and I took our time walking the trails and enjoying the fresh air. So chill to be in the woods with no goal, no timing, and the almost total quiet. At one point there was a very light rain, one that was heard more than felt. Such a magical sound, the pitter patter of raindrops on freshly fallen leaves.

We then spend time with her parents relaxing and talking for a bit. Chill conversation, nothing crazy, just fun catching up and spending time with them over coffee. Shortly thereafter we went for a ride to Becky’s sister’s to catch up with her, and then off to Wisconsin Rapids for our nephew’s State Cross Country meet! More family time while hanging out on the golf course soaking in more fresh air and getting even more steps in!

After the meet we walked back a mile and a half to our private parking spot, my brother’s driveway! As luck would have it, the meet was that close to Nick’s so we got to spend some time together with Nick and the family for a bit after the meet.

Becky and I loaded up to head back home, listening to a podcast about the study of beavers. Now we’re home, relaxing on the couch, and ready to call it the earliest Halloween night I can remember.

Such a great day, very relaxing, full of family time, and so much fresh air!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Starry Sky

Thankful for a Starry Sky

Day 4,051

Growing up in northern Wisconsin, there were many things I took for granted. One of the largest (literally) was the starry skies, almost completely exposed by the utter lack of light pollution. Mom had often taken us outside to look up at the stars on cool summer nights, watching for the possible shooting stars while taking in the enormity of the heavens above. I figured everyone had a spectacular view of the Milky Way, thus I concluded it was rather ordinary. For sure, I was in awe of the stars and all the cosmos, but I completely missed how wrong I was about what everyone else was seeing.

My freshman year of college was when the curtains were opened for me. During a break I brought a friend back home to experience rural Wisconsin, she had grown up in the Detroit metro. One night we went out on Little Chicago Rd and laid out on the blacktop, staring up at the starry sky. The sheer awe and wonder she experienced and that I experienced through her still makes me smile! She had never seen the skies that clearly in such total dark, it was her first time seeing the Milky Way. We laid there seemingly for hours with my buddies, all of us watching for satellites and shooting stars, talking about everything and nothing all at once. It was one of those moments I’ll remember forever, everything in the world was exactly in tune and where it was meant to be for a moment.

Fast forward a little over thirty years and I’m taking Leia outside at Becky’s parents’ home in northern Wisconsin. I look up and soak in the splendor of the starry sky. After savoring the galaxy and taking some pictures, I head back in and share with Becky. She immediately lights up, excitement bursting from her smile, and we bolt back outside like a couple of little kids!

We walked into the darkness, eyes always looking up. We talked, we stood in shared wonder, and enjoyed the view and the quiet moment together. Total stillness and solitude, surrounded only by the stars, a moment of awe filled perfection.

Staring into the starry sky I feel I could slip from the gravity of Earth and fall into the infinity of space. When in Canada I was excited to see over 60 miles of land and lake, here my mind breaks on the concept of seeing billions of light years at once. So much beauty, such a state of awe and presence.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for the Culmination of a Two Month Tornado

Day 4,050

Whew – the last week and change has been a blur! Life, work, bonus projects, and everything in between, the weeks and even months have flown by. I’m definitely feeling the exhaustion of running at high speed for this long, it’s time to slow it down a bit and recharge.

The next few weeks will still see busy times at work, but with the space to focus where I need to. Just about through this push of growing pains, everything there will be balanced out in the near future.

The project is officially semi-launched, just a few more pieces to wrap up and the you’ll see more of it. So exciting, most of the difficult work is done, now it’s almost time to set it loose!

Home has a nice window of a quiet and calm few weeks until Gavin comes home for the first time since we dropped him off in August. Relative stillness, the only activity is relaxed, no specific projects or timelines, only chill.

Tonight I’m in bed typing this blog, exhausted, soon to be sleeping. The whirlwind is just about passed, but I wouldn’t trade a moment of it! So much life packed into two months, a Brewers World Series as dessert, doesn’t get much better than that!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for the Upside of Sports

Day 4,048

I still remember going to the Brewers game at County Stadium when I thought my Uncle Frank knew Ben Ogilve becase he kept hollering his name before the game to try to get a ball.

I still remember listening to the Easter Sunday baseball game in 1987 with Mom and celebrating when Dale Sveum’s walk off home run.

I still remember calling Dad after Brett Favre helped the Packers win the Super Bowl.

I remember the crazy long rain delayed Brewers game against the Mariners with my uncles, Kevin and Buster, my brother and I laughing the entire time as my uncles yelled at the Mariners and tried to talk me into eating jalapenos to “put hair on my chest.” We thought we won the lottery when the game was so delayed they gave us free tickets to the game the following night!

I remember watching the Packers game when Antonio Freeman somehow caught a ball while falling to help the Packers win the game. Becky and I were with friends who were Vikings fans, eating burgers and drinking beers at Bucky’s Burger Barn.

Fast forward to today… I’ll always remember texting my boys and my brother throughout the Brewers World Series games. I have no ideas how the end result will be, but I’ll remember the jokes, the shared groans, the cheers, and all the time shared with each other from over 1,100 miles away. Memories, laughs, reasons to connect.

Sports… what a wonderful to create and share memories!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Pausing to Remember My Faults, The Stockdale Paradox, & a Moment of Awareness

Day 4,047

Whew – this was a day for sure. Nonstop from the alarm through getting home. Similar to last night, I’m not quite sure where this one is going to end up, should be interesting!

Growth:

We all have our challenges. Our frustrations. Our setbacks. Our fears. Our backstories. None of us has ever experienced the exact same things as another person. Throughout history there have been approximately 117 BILLION people, not a one has ever had the exact same experiences as another.

While we experience the world through our one life, we understand the world through those experiences. We frame the actions of others through our past experiences and assume the intent, yet we get frustrate when others don’t assume our intent correctly.

How do I remind myself to consider the other person’s unique experiences? How do I remember to be kind to everyone when I don’t understand their perspective? Rather than frustration how do I choose to pause, acknowledge my complete ignorance of their personal story, and listen and love? So easy for me to get frustrated, or to assume, or to paint an incomplete / incorrect picture. Pause and choose love and kindness, those will always be the right answers.

Appreciation:

Over the past week or so the concept of the Stockdale Paradox has come up well over a half dozen times in a variety of situations. When Jim Collins studied Admiral Stockdale he realized Stockdale had a very interesting insight from his time in the POW camps of Viet Nam. Stockdale said you always had to confront the brutal facts while simultaneously maintaining unwavering faith that everything will work out in the end.

This balance of accepting reality and optimism in the long run is a difficult act to be sure. Personally, I find that I’m more likely to lean more one way than the other based on the situation. I can vacillate between the two, sometimes quickly, but I find it tough to maintain the balance of the two.

What I’m grateful for today is this concept as a diagnostic tool. Seeing it as a highway I can remember to pause and see which lane I’m in, hopefully using the rumble strips to quickly wake me up and bring me back to center. It’s been especially helpful over the past week!

Presence:

The moment in a storm when someone gains awareness, seeing the why behind the action, changing their mindset in a clear way, realizing how they should re-frame a situation as a result of walking a mile in the other’s shoes, suddenly sighting a way to live more into the person they are meant to be. A moment of grace, a moment of presence, all of the feels.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Uncharted Territory, the Secret, & an Outdoor Morning Moving Meditation

Thankful for Uncharted Territory, the Secret, & an Outdoor Morning Moving Meditation

Day 4,046

Growth:

One of my favorite authors once shared that the reason they write what they do is to figure out how they feel about a certain thing. As I was starting to think about my blog today I was almost giddy as I had an idea or two, but I really didn’t know where this post was going to take me. Then it hit me, that’s one of the reasons I appreciate this practice so much – I never know where it’s going to go and I likely wouldn’t have gotten there without taking time to write and think it through.

This practice, more than eleven years in, and it’s still surprising me with the reasons why I appreciate it so! Here’s to all of the uncharted territory I worked my way into without intent over the past decade and change!

Appreciation:

After spending a few hours working on my passion project today my mind kept pulling back to this quote:


The awful truth would begin to dawn on him: there was no Secret! His days would have to be spent in exactly this manner, give or take a mile or two, for longer than he cared to think about, if he really wanted to see the olive wreath up close. It would simply be the most difficult, heartrending process he would endure in the course of his life. At that point most of them would drift away.

John L. Parker, Once a Runner

How many of us spend so much time trying to find a shortcut, a way to make something difficult easy? I can’t even begin to express how much of my life energy has been spent in this simple pursuit of the quick way. In some ways it’s incredibly humbling, but I also fear it is also incredibly human.

When I read the quote above I picture the imagery from the book, Once a Runner, in which the focus is on putting in a ton of miles of running… day after day after day… as the way to getting to the goal. Everyone wants the shortcut, but once they learn the awful truth that “the secret” is nothing more than putting in the reps over and over and over and over, they lose heart and quit.

Interestingly enough, when we somehow find a way to keep grinding, to keep putting in the reps, we might eventually find just how much of an impact that repeating action made. Case in point, this daily blog has averaged about 320 words per day. Those 320 words per day have somehow accumulated to almost 1.3 MILLION words over the past eleven years! How wild is that? They just keep adding up, piece by piece by piece.

As I keep working on my next project, Life Topography (more coming very soon now) also has a longer term underlying structure beneath it. What started almost twenty years ago as a way for me to remember what was important to me in life has slowly grown. Over the past five years it’s become a core of who I am and has generated more and more of the daily grind / slow burn habits that have helped me grow towards more and more of my dreams recently. Those habits include reviewing my annual map each morning before I get out of bed as well as daily scorecard to review my day as I lay in bed before going to sleep. Small and simple steps, but unceasing, relentless.

I love creating and inventing things. I really enjoy the process of shaping something from the aether that has never existed or re-shaping an existing process to improve it. While that is fun, that is novel, and that is entertaining, some of the largest gains come from the simple act of doing the same thing over and over and over and over until we really start to see the core of the thing… and that’s just the start! Then we have to keep doing it over and over and over, maintaining the relentless trial of miles and miles of trials. Eventually, the magic happens and we didn’t even notice that it had been building while we were continuing to grind.

There’s a true magic in maintaining, in gritting something out, in being relentless. There’s a joy to be found in the process of putting in the reps, and more joy as we grow into what the reps build us into.

Presence:

I had a crazy idea for Becky and I this morning, I’m so glad she was game for it! We woke up early, drove out to the Trempealeau Wildlife Refuge and proceeded to have a five mile jogging nature / bird watching / outdoor moving meditation. So much beauty and wonder to be found there this morning! We saw a good size buck burst out of the woods and run away from us. There were giant groups of pelicans preening and fishing. A flock of cormorants joined another flock and another flock and all flew in the direction of warmer horizons. Becky noticed something flying in the woods and pointed it out. Next thing we knew we were staring at a Barred Owl who seemed to be having just as much fun watching us! So many birds and birdsong throughout. We’d jog for a while, stop to take in the view, and then get moving again with no goal of a distance or a time, only to be present in nature together. These are the moments in which I am so grateful for Becky in my life!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Fall in the Driftless and Prepping the Campervan

Day 4,045

Fall in the Driftless, doesn’t get much better than this! Had a wonderful morning hike with Becky in Perrot State Park, enjoying the perfect hiking weather, sunny skies, and relatively quiet trails (until we hit rush hour as we were heading out). The autumn colors, the fresh air, the scent of leaves. Getting out and moving on one of our local favorites was perfect start to the day!

This afternoon I did some work on the campervan, removing the TV (outside of the Brewers in October we really don’t watch much TV, especially while on vacation) and replaced it with a wooden National Park picture that tracks which of the parks we’ve been too (while simultaneously providing future travel ideas). Next up was cleaning the bathroom, the floors, and the fridge, getting it ready to be packed away for a handful of months.

I’m grateful for this practice as it provided an opportunity to pause and consider all the adventures it took us on this year, all the memories it played a part in creating. We put on many miles, traveled across many states, went to Canada a couple of times, and sooooo many wonderful moments shared with loved ones. The season may be done, but the memories kept flowing back as I cleaned. Such a gift, the enjoyment of the memory dividends!

Thanks!!!