Three weeks later and I am back to the shores of Lake Superior. The calming waters, so blue in the sun as we arrived before sunset. After supper we walked back there from our campsite, taking the photo above while pausing to appreciate the magnificent view and the reflection of the moon.
All around are the scents of the northwoods in fall, of leaves, of campfires stoked by firewood cut from pine. Interesting how the nose can start to figure out the different scents of smoke based on the wood on the fire.
The air is cool and the temperature is continuing to drop. Perfect sweatshirt weather.
Relaxing in the campervan as I wind down for an early bed, about to read for a bit to slow my mind. In the morning we’re back up and at it, heading out for an early morning hike before an entire day spent enjoying the area.
So grateful for one more trip up to Lake Superior this year, a little slice of heaven on Earth.
Well, I’m thinking this might be a little more common over the next few days as I read more and more of The Speaker for the Dead. There is no question that it is one of my all time favorites as I discussed yesterday. So many nuggets of wisdom, so many themes that wind slowly throughout.
This was one of the quotes that really stuck out to me today, a quote about giving oneself grace. This theme is interwoven throughout the entire novel in so many ways with so many characters. We’ve all made mistakes, have regrets for actions we’ve taken and actions we didn’t take when we should have.
This quote reminds me that the me who made those mistakes is not the me who is realizing that the mistakes were made, to remember to focus on the me who is here now, who is different, who is changed, as a result.
A strange thing happened then. The Speaker agreed with her that she had made a mistake that night, and she knew when he said the words that it was true, that his judgment was correct. And yet she felt strangely healed, as if simply speaking her mistake were enough to purge some of the pain of it. For the first time, then, she caught a glimpse of what the power of speaking might be. It wasn’t a matter of confession, penance, and absolution, like the priests offered. It was something else entirely. Telling the story of who she was, and then realizing that she was no longer the same person. That she had made a mistake, and the mistake had changed her, and now she would not make the mistake again because she had become someone else, someone less afraid, someone more compassionate.
If I’m not that frightened girl who heard her brother in desperate pain and dared not go to him, who am I? But the water flowing through the grillwork under the fence held no answers. Maybe she couldn’t know who she was today. Maybe it was enough to know that she was no longer who she was before.
Orson Scott Card, The Speaker for the Dead
Appreciation:
A full and productive day at work hot off the heels of a nonstop day of adulting had me worn out for sure. All good, a productive worn out, but worn down nonetheless.
Getting home to Becky back was awesome! We’re both pretty tired, but it just feels more like home when she’s here, no question.
At 6:15 the two of us hopped onto one of our twice a week family FaceTime sessions with the boys, the four of us all getting together even though we’re separated by about 16 hours of drive time. Those moments shared catching up with each other were amazing, though we’re far apart we’re able to stay connected. Many jokes, laughs, updates, and so on – so much love on the call.
Today I’m thankful for all of the people who help home feel like home, for the time shared with family to help re-energize and remind me of why I do all that I do.
Presence:
My morning drive was again the source of my presence inspiration today. The weather was just too perfect of a “driving in the morning while the sun is coming up and keep the music blasting while drinking my coffee” kind of weather!
With the windows down the cool air blew through the car, the fog intermittently hid and exposed the sun, providing a very intriguing combo of sunlight and dreary all at once.
I sang aloud to a little Audioslave (I am the Highway) and several different Rural Alberta Advantage bangers while occasionally pausing to drink coffee in the guitar solos.
All in the world was at peace, no stress, no worries, no looking ahead, no looking back, only the moment I was in as the highway laid out before me.
“And it’s true,” thought Valentine. “I’m not the same person, really, from book to book, because each world changes who I am, even as I write down the story of the world. And this world most of all.”
Orson Scott Card, Speaker for the Dead
As I read Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card for the seventh time this quote has resonated in my brain.
Each reading of this story adds depth, each reading uncovers previously missed concepts and connections. While the book remains the same, I continue to change, I see the path differently each time. Each reading shifts who I am a little.
Appreciation:
I’m typing this from bed, ready to crash and start all over again long before sunrise. I am exhausted.
The entire day has been spent adulting. Working, driving, and all the other “ings” related to being an adult. I’ve had about ten minutes of downtime except for my meals and a FaceTime with Becky.
I am exhausted, but also very fulfilled. I lived into purpose today. I busted my ass today. I got shit done today. I left it all on the field today.
That feeling of exhaustion after hitting it this hard is fantastic!
Presence:
My ride to work this morning was loaded with a playlist of some of my favorite music. The songs were not a collection of relentlessly optimistic and cheerful music, quite the opposite. There was frustration, longing, regret, time passing, heart ache, looking backwards, trying to figure out what really matters.
And somehow, I felt incredibly happy. Not happy in spite of the songs, but, in a strange way, because of them.
Driving along this morning, I realized I wasn’t listening to sadness and becoming sad. I was simply noticing how much there is to feel in a life. Love can hurt. People and moments pass. Roads take us away from places we once belonged. We carry scars from things that mattered. And that’s okay.
At one point I laughed at myself because my shuffle apparently decided that subtle emotional damage was the breakfast special. But underneath all of it was this surprising current of joy.
I’m here. Driving to work. Watching the morning pass outside the windshield. Listening to songs that remind me of all the beautiful, complicated, ridiculous things that come with being alive.
Maybe presence isn’t always about quieting everything down. Sometimes it’s turning the music up and realizing that sadness, joy, nostalgia, hope, heartbreak and gratitude can all ride in the same car.
Life is life. And this morning, I was really happy to be here for it.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is take a deep breath, admit we are exhausted, and go to bed early to recharge. That’s the name of the game for me this evening. My mind is now mush, I need to get rested back up to be sure to bring forth the energy I need for a ridiculously busy day tomorrow!
Appreciation:
Today I was reminded of all of the resources at my disposal at work to help develop solutions to difficult challenges. From past notes and experiences to online resources to professional cohorts to AI to books to other digital resources there were so many ways I was able to pull my thoughts together to create a unique solution to a unique opportunity. The ability to utilize so many resources helped to engineer a huge win, one likely not possible without all the help!
Presence:
Realizing my brain was overloaded with too many thoughts rumbling through my brain at once, I took a pause. I closed my laptop, sat down, set a timer for five minutes, closed my eyes, and did nothing but breathe. Within a few breaths my mind was calm and still.
At every moment we have the opportunity to choose presence, to bring our focus intentionally into the present.
When the opportunity to live into the values you know you should model for others presents itself be sure to jump right on it. This came up a couple of times, and each time I had to pause to make sure I was making the right call. Each actoin was a little uncomfortable for different reasons, but I was grateful for each.
I’m thinking there’s a little something to that… the more we know our values and purpose the more we can live into that person, the more comfortable we become with the discomfort as we know it is coming from the right place. How do I remind myself of this in the future so it becomes an immediate reaction rather than a delayed response?
Appreciation:
My evening spent snuggling with a dog, running the zoomies out of a dog, and then walking a dog. Outside of the dog time I’ve had time to relax, breathe, and take in some time to myself. Definitely missing Becky, but after the nonstop week that was last week the quiet respite feels exquisite. I’m currently listening to music and chilling out as I blog, recounting the day lazily, a long task list ready for tomorrow night, but an evening of calm tonight.
Presence:
Getting in a morning run while talking about life, nothing crazy, upcoming work, our next adventure… All while enjoying a perfectly cool fall weather day. The scent of autumn all around, even in the dark we can tell the leaves are starting to change. Spending some time together while the rest of the world sleeps before Becky heads out of town for a work trip. A wonderful start to the day!
Over the past 87 hours or so there are some interesting stats:
2,151 miles, 32 hours and 55 minutes of drive time across five states
Two ridiculous hikes encompassing over 10 miles and 5,097 feet of ascent
Two 14,000′ mountains summited (Mt Blue Sky and Mt Sherman) and one almost 14’er (Mt Spalding)
One snowstorm atop the summit
One shower, and it was in a laundromat in Leadville, CO
Amongst the things that I am unable to accurately count:
Many breathtaking views of aspen changing color in the mountains
Several animals including a moose, bighorn sheep, a couple mountain goats, marmots, and deer
So many laughs and stories shared with my brother
Countless new memories and jokes created with my brother
Incredibly grateful for the nonstop ridiculous long weekend road trip with my brother, one of our greatest bonding times yet, looking forward to the next!
Why make several decisions when you can make one or two that settle all the rest? Remember to pause, consider which decisions really need to be made and when, which one or two would make all the difference, and then let ‘er rip! Life is so much easier when there is clarity and there is usually an unfair leverage advantage to be gained somewhere. Choose that one!
Appreciation:
Life becomes more and more interesting when we live more intentionally, when we focus on living into what we really want. There were examples on both sides of this today – why it is helpful and how it can be harmful to not have that rudder. When I know what I want out of life it seems like life is a little more clear, it’s a little easier to see where to point the tip of the canoe. Everything seems to flow in the right direction, even getting hung up on the rocks ends up only adding a little extra adventure!
Today I’m grateful for my focus, the ongoing drive towards certain objectives. Some may be closer than others, but they are all slowly but surely getting closer.
Presence:
Running with Becky early this morning was particularly refreshing. The weather was nice, our conversation engaging, and it just felt good sharing time together while we ran. Nothing crazy or special, no super deep conversation or anything like that – just time together on the road, time together outdoors, time together being active, and time together free of interruption. A perfect start to the day!
Sometimes our ego gets in the way of asking for the help we need. Sometimes our ego gets in the way of having an uncomfortable or difficult conversation. Sometimes we are too nervous about hurting someone’s feelings and decide to avoid something tough. Sometimes we take too much on and find ourselves buried, but too afraid to figure out how to lighten the load.
We always want to help other people out. When someone is hurting we always want to find a way to help them. In the moments in which we’re able to help, able to be useful, we feel joy for being there for the person.
Why do we struggle when we are the ones who need help when we are so giving of help when others need it? We even know others will be filled with a sense of purpose, possibly joy, for the opportunity to help.
Does it make us selfish to hold onto our own hurt and not allow them to feel the joy of helping?
Today I was reminded to ask for help, to get others involved, to help others when they are struggling – even if it means pushing through an uncomfortable conversation. Regardless of whether we need help or are there and able to help – remember that we are together in this and no one makes it out alone. We are one.
Appreciation:
Planning a vacation can be frustrating, no question, especially when wrestling with small little airports in tiny towns. I experienced much of that this evening as Becky and I were just about done wrapping up the skeleton of one of our next adventures. That said, as soon as we got the logistical stuff largely out of the way it became a total rush!
The trip itself will be amazing, no question, but I’m also very grateful for all of the planning that goes into the trip in the first place. I’m not a fan of the details, but I am a huge fan of the anticipation of the adventure! We started really getting the details put together and were starting to see what we are going to do – we were able to start dreaming more clearly of the specifics we will be enjoying and that was pretty awesome.
My favorite part of the entire night was when Becky looked over at me with a wild smile full of awe and excitement and exclaimed, “so we’re doing it???” Her excitement was off the charts and somehow raised mine an entire new level!
Yes, logistics and can be a little rough, but the dreaming ahead for the adventure is priceless and well worth the price of admission, long before the trip even begins!
Presence:
Okay, you make a promise before you read this one. Whatever I write next you are NOT to share with my wife, Becky. She would definitely give me a hard time for this one. 😉
Sooo… let’s just say, hypothetically, that I got home from work first and was treated to nonstop snuggles from our dog, Leia, as soon as I walked in. If that were to happen I’m sure I would’ve enjoyed the quiet rubbing of her belly while she pants and smiles at me and puts her paws on my arm. If that happened I guess I might find some stillness and calm as I just sat there, snuggled, and pet her. I’d bet it would have been very relaxing, and likely would have been a wonderful way to transition from work to home for the day. Maybe even for ten minutes or so. Maybe. 😉
We all face things, we all have different challenges. What’s interesting is that so often I can see things more clearly in someone else, that third person perspective, that I can then reflect back upon myself to see challenges I may need to work through better.
Today what caught my attention were the labels we all put on ourselves. Sometimes they are created by others. Sometimes they are self diagnosed. Regardless of how they got into our brain they can quickly take hold and cause us to unnaturally live into them. If we have a label it becomes a part of who we are and we can change our behavior accordingly. They are quite dangerous and can lead to stunted growth, a lack of clarity, a lack of joy and fulfillment.
When I catch myself labeling myself I need to remember to only label the ACTION or THOUGHT itself, not me. It is in passing, it can be changed, it is not a fixed core of who I am. If I slip and use a label remember that it is not a label of me. Take it off like a jacket, I don’t need to wear it like a pair of handcuffs.
Appreciation:
Yoga, wonderful yoga… For reals, I could blog about yoga almost every single night. The impact it makes on my well being is so positive and much larger than the one hour practice.
This evening was the first night in about four weeks that I was in class and it felt spectacular! All the bending and twisting and holding and breathing and sweating was able to wash clean the slate of the day’s busyness, all that existed in my mind was the pose I was in, only the breath I was taking.
As I creep closer and closer to the big 5-0 I can’t help but feel so much younger than that number, so much calmer and less stressed than a 50yo should be, and I credit so much of that to our ongoing yoga practice. It calms the storm, and fortifies the soul.
Presence:
Okay, this is kind of similar to a few days ago, but for a completely different reason. Waking up in my own bed with the windows open and the outdoor temperature sitting at about 50 degrees… Amazing!!! Nothing like waking up in cool fresh air, the temp just cool enough that you can kick a bare leg out from the blankets, but likely not much more than that. The sensation of cool air going into the lungs with the first waking breath of the day. I love this weather!!!
On our hike this morning Becky and I were talking about the power of writing down dreams and goals. We both recognized multiple times in which we had written a dream down, let it slip from our conscious memory, and were then surprised when we happened back up on the list long after and realized we’d already knocked out some of the dreams we’d written and forgotten.
When our mind puts pen to paper there is a re-wiring of our brain, somewhere deep down we remember and unconsciously find a way to help to transmute the dream to reality.
Write my dreams down more often, it doesn’t cost anything, write them down and see what happens.
Appreciation:
Our priest dove deeply into the concept of forgiveness today and it was a clear and direct reminder of one of the biggest things I need to work on in myself. As he shared multiple stories and ideas I kept coming back to one specific phrase that will likely become a part of my 2027 Top 3 Lessons to Remember:
Choose love and forgiveness over fear and anger.
So easy to get angry and frustrated. So easy to have fear and close one’s mind.
Pause, breathe, and remember to love, remember to forgive. Our life is not fully our own, it is to be shared. Share it openly with others, remember to love ALL people, not just those I know, am related to, am friends with, care about, and agree with. Love all, we are all a part of one shared humanity. Love will conquer fear, forgiveness quenches anger.
Thank you Father Conrad for another moving sermon that will have a lasting positive impact on my life.
Presence:
After our morning hike I got into one of my music driven moods, my soul was craving a dose of something specific – The Rural Alberta Advantage, specifically their song Late September Snow. A song about transition, time slipping by without being noticed, the shocking realization that time has moved by as I was oblivious.
I know this change it brings a heavy heart, Breaks us all apart. So, I don’t know where the days they go, I’m always shocked by late September snow. I don’t know how the years erode.
Rural Alberta Advantage – Late September Snow
With so many changes in life this seems so appropriate. Turning fifty, becoming an empty nester, the sensation of turning a huge new chapter, they all have created a vortex of “Last Ofs” and “First Ofs,” the combination of which has my brain simultaneously crying in sadness and joy and grief and excitement and wonder. That combo has really helped me see the passing of time so clearly, almost a day by day ticking of the clock which wasn’t there several months ago.
As that song wrapped up I slid back to 3 Sisters, another of their songs focused on the impermanence of our lives, the way we grow so quickly in life, especially when compared to being viewed through the “Eyes of 3 Sisters” – three majestic and iconic peaks outside of Canmore, AB. To us our lives fly by at a breakneck pace, yet they are our entire existence. When viewed through the eyes of 3 Sisters we’re but a blink, a blip.
The music of The Rural Alberta Advantage, such a wonderful way to get my soul and brain rolling this morning after our hike!
