Thankful for Working on the Gap

Thankful for Working on the Gap

Day 4,065

This morning a semi truck pulled into the roundabout right in front of me. I hit the brakes, and I was upset. Very upset. My blood was boiling, and I spent more of the drive than I care to admit stewing over a driver I will never meet.

I cannot control what happens, but I can control how I respond. So often this shows up in how I respond to others. It is not about how I respond outwardly to the person. It is about how I respond inwardly to their actions, and how much I let them frustrate me.

Days like me remind me to listen to the words of wisdom from Anthony de Mello:

“I have no right to make any demands on you. Oh, I’ll protect myself from the consequences of your actions or your moods or whatever, but you can go right ahead and be what you choose to be. I have no right to make any demands on you.”

Anthony de Mello, Awareness

We are all human, we all do human things, we all have human drives and cravings, we all have our human egos, and we all have our human failings. Why should I expect perfection from others at all times when I am constantly stumbling over myself in a seeming race to see how many mistakes I can make?

Yet I am continually surprised, and sometimes moved to anger and frustration, by the actions of others. I catch myself getting worked into a lather at someone doing the same things, or a similar flavor of the things, I have done myself.

It is so easy to sit upon the judge’s bench and call out the mistakes. It is so easy to get frustrated by what I can so clearly see as foolish, and sometimes malicious, mistakes made by others. My blood boils and I get angry at their inability to follow the fundamental laws of logic and justice…

Yet when I make my own mistakes, I cannot understand why anyone is so frustrated. “I didn’t mean to cut you off, I was looking at something else and didn’t check my blind spot. Why are you yelling and screaming at me? Don’t you know what a stressful day I’ve had and all I have on my mind?”

Were it me, I would wonder why I wasn’t being forgiven. Why were they not understanding my intentions? Can’t they see past my fallibility and look instead to the goodness and love I share? Why must the focus be on the negative? Surely, if they were in the same shoes they would understand…

I have been that driver. More than once.

So Mr. Semi Truck Driver, I should have taken a deep breath and understood you were likely trying to get home quickly, or had a long day ahead, or maybe were engaged in a conversation and didn’t see me. Whatever the reason, we were both fine, there was no harm done, and I have done the same before.

When will I learn to pause and relax, to not hold expectations of others, to not worry about their mistakes, to forgive the wrongful actions, and to assume a more positive intent? For sure, this does not mean I stop protecting myself and others from the consequences of their actions. It does mean leading with love. It means becoming more fully human, more fully the loving beings we were all called to be.

There was a mix of my responses throughout the day. Some I handled well, others not so much. And here is the part I keep forgetting. The same grace I offer the truck driver, I need to offer the guy who got so angry at him. I have no right to make any demands on him either.

Today I am grateful for the moments I remembered to pause and love, to forgive and move forward. I am grateful for the moments I didn’t, and for the chance to learn from each of them. The gap between who I am and who I am called to be is still there, and that is okay. Here’s to working on the gap, one roundabout at a time!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Creating Space, Brain Breaking Books, & Space to Think

Day 4,064

Growth:

Leaving the office to eat a quiet lunch in my car while parked in the woods. After lunch I set and alarm for myself and took a 15 minute nap. Talk about feeling much more relaxed and rejuevnated when I got back to work.

So often I run from one thing to another and see my lunch as an opportunity to get something else done. What if the thing that needs to actually get done is taking a pause, relaxing my brain, and letting everything from the morning settle? Do this more often, allow it to be space without need of being productive or feeling compelled to action. Create space.

Appreciation:

A few nights ago Becky and I watched the movie Arrival (here’s the preview: https://youtu.be/tFMo3UJ4B4g?si=4_kXYUhy1NT1c9Qi). Last night I finished reading the short story it was based on, Story of Your Life, by Ted Chiang. While I enjoyed the movie more from an emotional standpoint, the story pretty much helped to break my brain.

The story dives into several fascinating concepts, but the biggest mental leap for me was its exploration of free will versus determinism. I’ve always been firmly entrenched in the free will camp, but I have to admit there have been many times when I’ve done something simply because it felt so right in the core of my being. Was that a pull towards an already completed future that I was unable to see? Who knows? That’s part of what makes this such an intriguing rabbit hole to explore.

As I thought about the story, I began to see an interesting possibility: Free will is how we experience our choices from within time, while fate is how those same choices look when viewed from outside time.

In the moment, we experience ourselves making choices. But what if we could look back on our future the same way we look back on our memories? Would those choices suddenly appear inevitable? And if they did, would that make them any less our own? Wouldn’t they be the choices we’d already made? The Choices we’ve always made?

It brought back so many thoughts and memories of the book Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. In it, the alien Tralfamadorians perceive all of time simultaneously, rather than one moment after another. We seem to always think of time as a linear progression, forever moving forward. But what if we’ve been looking at it incorrectly? What if time is actually an ongoing whole, with every moment already existing, even though we’re only capable of experiencing one at a time?

Vonnegut illustrates this through a Tralfamadorian guide who asks his audience to imagine a person whose head is encased in a steel sphere with a six-foot pipe welded to the single eyehole. The person is strapped to a moving flatcar, unable to turn their head or see the larger landscape around them. All they can perceive is a tiny, distant dot of reality at a time. Whatever happens to pass through that narrow field of vision becomes their entire experience of existence. As Vonnegut puts it, “That’s life.”

I’d highly recommend this short story to anyone who wants to stretch their brains a bit, largely in uncomfortable ways. The more I’ve wrestled with it the more I’ve found clarity and increased blurriness all at the same time.

So it goes.

Presence:

Our morning run, always one of the best parts of my mornings with Becky a few times each week. So often we talk and catch up, this morning saw periods of quiet as we were both in our own heads as we ran. For me this led to a handful of ideas for work that could end up making a profound impact on our business in the next year.

Regardless of the conversation – heavy or light – having that time in the morning to be up and about while the world sleeps offers up so many moments of presence and space. Sharing it with Becky makes it all the better!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Humbled, Investing for Longer Term Rewards, & Working Without Distraction

Day 4,063

Growth:

It’s okay to have to change plans to take care of what needs to be done. Take care of the asset first, everything else comes afterwards. If we’re not physically able to be our best self that should be priority number one. The same way I coach my teammates, I need to remember to take care of myself.

Appreciation:

There are always tradeoffs to be made. Sometimes it’s a matter of paying a little up front for a potential long term investment. This morning after getting my eye all checked out I decided to go upstairs to to the immunology clinic and knocked out my two annual shots. Both the flu and COVID shots leave me feeling a bit drained for a half day or so, but based on my seasons on not getting them I’d trade a half day of feeling meh when I have a moment to spare and in a moment of my own choosing over the possibility for getting knocked out at a later date without planning and feeling way worse. Ever since the winter we came back from vacation and I was the only one who got knocked out by the full blown flu for over a week (everyone else had previously gotten the flu shot) I’ve found this to be the smartest move I can make.

Presence:

Taking time to dive into a challenge with complete focus, having no distractions in my way. Working from home is definitely not my normal jam, but today it was exactly what I needed. Quiet time and space to focus, the ability to get more done.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Positive Impact, a Rewarding Work Day, & Chair Pose

Day 4,062

Growth:

We never know the ability we have to impact the lives of others with the small acts of kindness we do. I was reminded of this very clearly today as the thought of the maple tree in our front yard entered my brain on a few occasions today. “Pete,” as Becky named the tree, is still holding onto his leaves, they are a bright red in contrast to the largely empty leaves of his neighbors. After Dad passed away some of my teammates got Pete as a gift for us, a reminder of Dad to keep in our yard, hence the tree’s name.

The gift they gave me almost a decade ago continues to flourish, always outside standing sentinel by our home. Each view of it causes me to pause for a moment to think of Dad. That gift in the form of a tree has created so many smiles, rekindled so many memories. That act of kindness, it continues to give over and over again.

Appreciation:

My work day was a pretty bonkers one, some curveballs, some change ups, a fast ball or two. Some of the pitches I saw coming and was able to swing for the fences, others I swung for the fences but totally whiffed. Other times I was caught with my bat laying on my shoulder.

This was a day full of ups and sideways, one that helped me practice more on being present to fully listen to what was being said. A lot to take in, but a lot of wins. Exhausting in a few ways, deeply invigorating and rewarding – sometimes in the same ways!

Here’s to a work day that was not what I expected, more than usual, less crazy and stressful in some ways, and one that legitimately may have moved the dial more than any day before it. A deeply rewarding day.

Presence:

“Sit back into chair pose…”

This evening’s yoga session heard that phrase a little more often than I wanted! In all seriousness, it felt truly delicious in a twisted kind of way, sitting back, holding the weight of my body up with my quads, everything shaking while I drip with sweat as I focus on only holding my legs in place. All energy going into one of two spots – my legs and my breath.

After the exquisite feeling of release into a forward fold my brain begins to process how there was literally nothing else in my mind in that moment, only the pose, only my breath, only my shaking legs, only the sweat beading up and dripping off my face, only the feeling of opening my chest just a little more to expand for a more full breath.

There was no stress, no work, no worries, no thoughts of future, no concern for the past, only the now. Only presence.

My legs may be shaking afterwards, but my mind feels fresh and clear.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Acknowledging My Myopic View, a Busy But Chill Sunday, & a Sunday Morning Walk

Day 4,061

Growth:

Funny how we can all hear the same story, but we each take away something a bit different? At church today one of the readings left me feeling a certain way, I was kind of frustrated. It’s a story I’ve heard before and I always thought it was a display of selfishness rather than a sign of faith. Then our priest went into the story in more detail than I’ve ever heard before, getting very clear on what was actually happening when we were only hearing a little of it. It turns out that my view was completely wrong and actually would have caused serious issues had my “happy ending” to the story actually occurred.

Why the long explanation as a start to this section? How often do I hear one portion of a story, see only from my perspective, or filter through my own personal understanding and experiences rather than seeing the full truth? Why don’t I initially step back to take a wider view before forming an opinion?

Step back, see all the terrain, and then choose my path…

Appreciation:

This morning I awoke feeling completely refreshed and relaxed. There was a ton on my list to get done today, but nothing too crazy. We got our walk in early. I had enough time to make my lunches for the week before we left for church. After a thoughtful service we had time to drop off one of our long time fellow parishioners on our drive home. I had a quiet lunch and went to work knocking out more adulting. There was great peace to be found in the simplicity of the working, cleaning floors, sweeping the garage. With extra time somehow found I was able to get the next batch of rocks going in the tumbler, cleaned a bunch of our amethyst from Canada, and got a few other things put away in the garage. A long talk with Mom, dinner with our friends, knocking out a bunch of adulting between blocking calendars and reserving hotel rooms, and now blogging. Soon to be reading a book and then off to bed.

This entire day has been a bit of a whirlwind, but a very calm and productive one. Plenty of time spent in thought, lots of quiet peacefulness in the motion.

I’m very grateful for a day that say a lot get done while also helping me recharge my battery for the week to come!

Presence:

Our walk this morning was sublime! The sun was out, the weather cool but warm in the sun. The air was crisp and was heavy with the smell of fall leaves. By the time we got to the trail everything was so quiet and peaceful, it felt as if the entire world was still. Becky and I had time to talk, time to let our brains relax, and time to simply exist together in a moment. A perfect start to a Sunday morning!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Becky’s Positive Impact & Many Moments of Joy

Thankful for Becky’s Positive Impact & Many Moments of Joy

Day 4,060

Growth and Appreciation:

One of my mentors told me long ago to be sure to surround myself with people who push me to be my best. While the advice was meant in a work setting I can’t help but be grateful for how much this applies to all of life.

Today was a reminder of how Becky helps me be a better person so often. She got us up and moving on our hike with Leia this morning. She occasionally gave me a hard time for being too frustrated or stressed over things out of my control. Part of our afternoon was spent volunteering, specifically because she saw the opportunity and got me excited to join her for it. Over and over and over again throughout the course of the day I was reminded of how much she helps me live into a better version of myself.

This entire day was filled with shared memories, conversations, dreams of future craziness, and even laughs and fun to be found while grocery shopping – all because the day was shared with her.

For all of today’s reasons as well as an infinitude of others, I am very grateful for Becky motivating and inspiring me to be a better human for the past 9,899 days.

Presence:

Getting our morning hike in on what is normally a busy trail only to find only one other person on it the entire time…

Spending time in the woods smelling the aromas of fall, specifically the spot that had a strong pine needle smell with an overlap of aspen leaves, a hint of fresh soil, and a wisp of almost a cigar box spice…

Laughing as we listen to small kids at the La Crosse Community Theater talk and joke as they help out as ushers at the children’s play…

Sitting on the couch with Becky as we watch the movie Arrival, tears trickling down my cheeks for all the reasons (can’t say more or I’d spoil the movie), and then hugging Becky afterwards…

So many moments of joy found in presence. Life contains such beauty should we only pause to watch for it!!!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Pausing to Re-Frame, Several Directions, & Perfectly Chill Fall Running Weather

Day 4,059

Growth:

Reframing a situation really can help us find a new perspective. Sometimes this may mean finding a new way to tackle a challenge, other times it means zooming way out to realize we were asking the wrong question or were armed with the incorrect tools.

Before making a decision remember to pause and consider how much time you have prior to making the decision. Then use that time effectively to come at it from as many different directions and vantage points as possible.

Today I was able to save myself from choosing a less elegant solution. I also found a better way to tackle a different challenge. Lastly I was able to reframe an entire conversation differently as a result of the pause.

Appreciation:

Hmm…. I’m going to go in a few directions today, a few interesting notes I want to be sure to drop as bread crumbs for Future Mike to be able to come across at some point.

There were more than a few conversations about death today, and many more over the past week or so. Largely Halloween, likely a mix of fall weather mixed in. What’s interesting is that none of them were scary or nerve wracking, more accepting and leveraging the end all of us will eventually face to live into our best lives possible.

So much fun getting to know people who are new in our lives, especially on road trips to other offices. I had a wonderful time getting to know one of our newest teammates much better today, so much fun being able to connect as a human being rather than just a teammate.

Spending a calm Friday evening at home with Becky, eating dinner together, relaxing on the couch as she read and I watched high school football while we both snuggled with Leila a bit. A very calm end to a week that seemed so hectic in so many ways.

Presence:

This morning’s run was kind of a chilly one! I was bundled up a little more than usual, wind pants, a windbreaker, and gloves as the temperature felt like it was below 30 for the first time this fall.

While the air was crisp and chill my lungs soaked it right up, it was really quite invigorating! Becky and I were both in a good mood as we did our best to keep up with Leila, who thought this was by far the best weather we’ve had since last winter!

Fresh cool air, clear skies, many stars, and a thumbnail of a moon. What a perfectly fall way to start off the morning!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for the Best Moments of My Life

Thankful for the Best Moments of My Life

Day 4,058

Becky recently read Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt by Ben Reeves and recommended it to me. Over the past three nights I’ve consumed it, deeply moving on a few levels.

One of the quotes really hit home as I read it last night, I just had to save it:


She holds them tight. She smells their hair. She remembers Layla when she was Neda’s age, when they lived in the old flat, and how terrifyingly fast it’s all gone, and she thinks about how old Layla will be when Neda is Layla’s age, and how quickly that will go too. And it hurts, and it swells in her chest like the panic of drowning, but she breathes, and she squeezes them tighter. She knows this moment – this precious clarity, this twenty-minute gift – this moment right now, just sitting with her children is everything she will ever miss.

Ben Reeves, Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt

This evening Becky, the boys, and I all hopped on FaceTime for over an hour of talking, joking, connecting, and existing with each other.

In every way it was perfectly ordinary, nothing unusual.

In every way it was a moment of complete presence, of the connection of my family, a moment of shared love.

The moments of love and presence with my family I will miss most when my time is up. I will miss them, but I’m even more grateful that they happen so often that they seem ordinary in-spite of their extraordinariness. Without a doubt the best moments of my life.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Our Own Tides, Planning a Trip, & a Moment of Awareness

Day 4,057

Growth:

This quote from Golden Son by Pierce Brown is one of my favorites:


“We all have our own tides inside. They go in, out. Not really ours to control. The things, people that orbit us do that. At least more than we’d like to admit.”

Pierce Brown, Golden Sun

What got me thinking of this today was the number of times in which the impact of others was very much felt on me. In turn, there were several moments in which I realized how my presence had had an impact on others. Likely none were intentional, we were all just being who we each are, but without realizing it we all caused each others tides to ebb and flow.

Our presence always contains gravity of some type for the others nearby, how can I more often live into the best version of me that helps the tides in the right direction rather than disrupting them negatively? How can I work to better shift the tides of others, or maybe deflect is a better term, in order to minimize or maximize the impact of their “presence” gravity?

Every step we take, each action we make, each smile we share, all impact others.

Appreciation:

Let’s be real, vacations and travel are some of my all time favs!!! There are more than a few reasons for them, one is very fresh in my head this evening.

Of course the trip itself is usually lights out, right? If not, why would we go?

After the trip we have a lifetime of memories to share. Bill Perkins called these “memory dividends” in his book Die with Zero (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED READ). By experiencing these moments with others we have memories to draw on for the rest of our lives.

What hit me today is the gratitude for the fun in planning the vacation in the first place! Yes, it is work to get it all organized. Yes, it can be interesting as we’re coordinating things we’ve never done before with people / countries / options we’ve never dealt with before. Yes, there is some stress, but it is worth every moment. What’s more important – we’re able to draw from the future memory dividends as we plan the trip! We plan, we bounce ideas off each other, we talk with other friends, we connect with others who have had these similar experiences – each of those conversations lights us up and fills us with joy before we’ve even gone on the trip! Think about it, have you ever asked someone about what it’s like to travel somewhere for fun and not walk away with both of you smiling?

Planning the vacation, one of the most underrated benefits of the entire process of traveling!

Presence:

One of my all time favorite moments is a version of this repeated. Seeing someone finally see in themselves and believe in themselves in the the way you have always seen them. The moment of awareness that you can see on their face and in their eyes when they see their potential in a way similar to how so many of us already seem them. Amazing!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Full Day with Several Different Currents

Day 4,056

This morning I had a fun conversation with my brother as we both started off the day with early morning long drives. He had me beat by a few hours, though his drive was likely more scenic than mine. We shot the bull, spoke of nothing of true consequence, essentially having the same type of conversation Becky and I often have on our early morning runs when we are up while the rest of the world is asleep. So much fun joking with him and knowing we have well over forty years of stories to share. I can’t help but be more grateful for the time we spent on our road trip a couple months ago, the bond seems stronger than ever.

My work day was a lot of prep, prep for a new teammate, training them a bit, prepping for a few conversations for tomorrow, prepping for a handful of projects to finish this week. Prep for additional coaching and mentoring, and definitely prepping for continued growth. When I look back on today it won’t be filled with anything that will show up on a scorecard, but will make a big difference in the future scoreboard. Very fulfilling in a very different kind of way.

Usually my first two days of the week leave me feeling like I’ve run ragged, so much packed into the first 40% of the week. Today I realized I was feeling quite full of energy, a couple of schedule shifts led to a couple of subtle changes that left me more rested and feeling less taxed than normal. I could get used to that, I need to spend more time considering what exactly was different and then work more of that into my future weeks.

A relaxed start to the evening and dinner with Becky was fantastic! No screens, no stress, even dinner was leftovers (my favorite!). Just the two of us shooting the bull, relaxing, and smiling knowing we’ll both be going to bed early as we both get used to the new time change. Looking forward to our run tomorrow morning, our quiet time to start the day!

This evening I’ve been able to knock out a handful of relatively simple tasks I’ve had on my list for quite some time. Nothing crazy, but progress. Having this bonus time with the boys not being home has led to more open time, and now I’m finally starting to feel it more – I had forgotten how much time the Brewers had taken up over the past couple of weeks for me! Now in the quiet I’m able to get things done, and relax. I miss the chaos of chasing the boys, but this is very rewarding in a different kind of way. That said, I am totally looking forward to them being home to disrupt this quiet.

Today was a great day in so many ways. Time with loved ones. Time making progress. Time in thought. Time to reflect and relax. A full day.

Thanks!!!