Day 3,984

Growth:

This whole empty-nester mindset is going to take a while to sink in, that’s for sure! Being on vacation certainly throws an odd curveball at it as well, but it definitely feels quite different. Knowing that both boys are off and being adults (for the most part) after having them both with us for so long is very rewarding yet feels like something is missing. Throughout the ay there were moments when I could tell something was off, but I couldn’t immediately put my finger on it.

What’s funny is that while all this is going on in my mind, Dominic and Caitlyn are driving back from a road trip across Montana and up through the Rockies! Dominic has already been gone for a few years and has traveled to many places on his own without us. Gavin has already left the country without us, he took a cross country mountain hiking trip with Dominic before. They’ve both left and gone great distances before. Why does this feel so different?

Somewhere deep inside I feel like it’s also a moment to remind me that I’m closing in on turning 50. Assuming I live into my late nineties and am still very active (definitely a long term goal of mine) I’m still almost guaranteed to be beyond the halfway point. The boys both now not living at home really forces that reality to be faced. It’s certainly something I should already have known, and I’m sure I did, but now there’s a much difference sense of awareness. I knew my life was likely past the halfway point, but this shift has started to really make me aware of that fact at a more visceral level.

Part of the discomfort lies in knowing that I’m shifting from one chapter to the next. I got to know the last chapter very well, I feel as if I really had a good hang of it by the end. Now it’s something different. It’s a shift, something of an unknown.

While I continue to explore that sensation and find my way down this new path I’m more grateful for something I learned from Dad along the way. He did not know everything, far from it. What he did know, what he had faith in, was that he could figure anything out and he could always find the help he needed to accomplish it. Sometimes he got the challenge completed on his own through trial and error. Other times he found it was best to ask for help. I’m certain there were times when he tried to do it on his own, got frustrated, and realized he needed to call in support. Regardless – I can learn from his example on this.

One way or another I’ll figure out how to adjust to and make the most out of this new chapter. Some if it will be trial and error on my own, quite often it will be with the help of others. Regardless, the opportunity is mine to really figure this out and find a way to grow.

Appreciation:

As we walked towards the family registration at JHU yesterday with Gavin there was a moment that I’m still smiling about today. Gavin and Becky were a step ahead of me and I saw a group of people passing by. One of the guys immediately stopped in his tracks, spun around, had a huge smile open across his face, and said, “Gavin???” He then gave Gavin a big handshake and pulled him in for the old school one armed guy hug. Turns out it was one of Gavin’s roommates he’d met online a couple of weeks before. Talk about an epic start to the move in day!

After Gavin got his key we helped him move in, helping to unpack, set things up, and whatnot. The entire time he was a nervous ball of positive energy, smiling the entire time, totally getting into making his corner of his triple room his own. We got to meet both his roommates and one of their families. The family lives in the DC area and immediately offered their house up for Gavin anytime he wanted to leave campus. He was beaming about that opportunity.

Last night and today we’ve gotten some text updates from Gavin about all the fun he was having, all the people he was meeting, how much he was enjoying the school cafeteria, and so on. It was very clear from the tone of his texts that he’s having the time of his life!

All day today and throughout last night I had so many memories of my first day at Michigan Tech, moving in and knowing exactly ZERO people on that entire campus. That entire first week was best of my life, the first week of being truly free to be me, to be an adult(ish), and to be able to meet so many people with similar interests but from so many different backgrounds and walks of life.

Gavin is now experiencing that week in spades and I’m so excited for all the memories he is creating!

Presence:

Spending the day with Becky at Gettysburg was more moving than I expected on a few levels. Seeing exactly where all the fighting and combat took place, having it become something that now “felt” real (see my comment on awareness in the Growth section above) was more mind bending than I’d expected. To think that only a century and a half ago people thought is was okay to own other people – I still cannot begin to comprehend how that was ever acceptable, this experience helped me again get that sense of awareness of just how true that was. My heart broke several times over, not only for the fallen soldiers, but also for the slaves they were working to free.

At the end of our day our tour culminated with a walk through the cemetery in which Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address. The monument of Lincoln looking so morose for the decisions he hade to make with a copy of the Gettysburg address chiseled in stone on either side of him caused me to choke up for a moment. In reading his speech, in seeing the agony he suffered in doing the right thing for so many, I was deeply moved. Later we got to the exact spot where he spoke those words, a place now commemorated with a memorial, and I again was moved to tears – for Lincoln, for the slaves, for our country, and for all those who’d fought there – regardless of side of battle. So much hate, so much pain, but thankfully, so much freedom for all afterwards.

Thanks!!!

Day 3,983

Eighteen years and two days ago this was the scene after Gavin had launched himself into the world!

Today this was the scene as we dropped Gavin off for his freshman year of college at JHU halfway across the country.

It is beyond wild to consider just how quickly the past eighteen years have flown by. So many shared moments of joy, frustration, love, growth, humor, sadness, and everything in between. How they have passed by in such a flash leaves me almost speechless.

Let’s leave it short and simple today.

As one chapter ends, another begins. Here’s to the fact that each chapter will always have its own ups and downs and twists and turns, and if we choose our mindset correctly we can leverage that into writing a new chapter which will be somehow even better than the previous. We then have the opportunity to repeat.

This past chapter has been nothing short of amazing, I cannot wait to see how this next chapter finds a way to become even better.

Thanks!!!

Day 3,982

Quick, someone wake up my copilot!!! 😉

The cross country migration of rhe adult Gavin has begun! This evening will wrap up about halfway across the country, one more push tomorrow morning before we drop Gavin off at his dorm.

The day has bene a day full of driving, but pretty sweet having the bonus time together. We’ve each spent time cycling through driving and riding shotgun and in the backseat, the shifting allowing different conversations at different times. We’ve enjoyed several podcasts, often paused so we can talk for a moment about the podcast or a random memory. Many laughs together, definitely a soft landing to get us all ready for what’s going to happen tomorrow.

My brain has already started to shift the narrative a bit, realizing I will see Gavin in person again in only three months AND we’ll be talking a couple of times a week before then. It will be a big change for sure, but as with Dominic, I’d be surprised if it doesn’t somehow strengthen our bond and relationship. Different than it has been for sure, but it will likely grow into something stronger.

Before that paradigm shift, this drive today has been a great way to savor the way it has been for a few more hours.

Thanks!!!

Day 3,981

Crazy to think that Gavin is 18 today! Somehow our youngest has now legally become an adult though it seems like only yesterday we were taking Becky in to the hospital as this kid was ready to take on the world!

This year saw him wrapping up his senior year of high school and prepping to head off to Johns Hopkins University for his freshman year. So many adventures throughout the year, so many shared moments of every day activities, so many smiles he created, so much joy he brought to into my life this year.

What a wonderful year this was to enjoy with him before he heads off to college. I’ll certainly miss having his high energy, humor, wit, and drive in our home, but I’m beyond grateful and proud of the man he has grown into. Vey much looking forward to seeing the positive impact he’s going to make in the world!

Thanks!!!

Day 3,980

The past few days have been filled with spending a lot of time with many different people and filling my brain with many different ideas and thoughts.

This evening I paused and savored some quiet time. Becky had gone to bed, Gavin is out with friends. I’m on the couch, listening to music, letting my brain decompress.

After so much thinking and time with others, my brain really needed an hour or so of relaxation and absorbing everything from the past couple of days without actually focusing on the ideas. Letting them have space to breathe, not pouring more in, letting everything just sit and simmer, letting it ferment a bit. This time of quiet calm, exactly what I needed to wrap up my week!

Thanks!!!

Day 3,979

Another full day, almost 19 straight hours of life packed in.

Totally exhausted from the day, forget being wordy, I’m going with a list of highlights:

• A chill morning run with Becky, sub 60 degrees for the first time in a while.
• Remembering to enjoy all of Gavin’s “lasts” before he goes to school.
• The Nights by Avicii
• Seeing everything slowly click into place.
• Teammates growing together.
• The opportunity to coach teammates on more than work.
• The palpable change in confidence of s teammate.
• Creating space to think bigger.
• Seeing additional similarities between teams.
• Dinner with friends.
• A bonfire by the beach of the Mississippi River.
• Going to bed exhausted!

Thanks!!!

Day 3,978

First thing’s first – big day in the Kreiling house! Gavin officially passed his Eagle Scout Board of Review this evening!!! After many years of hard work Gavin’s efforts have culminated in the final step of earning his Eagle Scout rank. Sure, it will be “official” at his Eagle Court of honor, but we can definitely celebrate it tonight!

Today’s been a day full of connections. Time with teammates, time with cohorts. Time with family. Time with my niece and her boyfriend. Time with a friend. Time on the phone with my brother.

Seemingly around every corner of the day there was interaction with others. The only times when that wasn’t the case was when I was driving. Outside of that it’s been a day of nonstop people-ing. While I can tell my social energy batteries have been tapped I’m grateful for the connections made. Very solid day shared with others for sure!

Thanks!!!

Day 3,976

Whew – the emotions started hitting today as this marks the likely last time Becky, Dominic, and Gavin will all be in the same place until November. Crazy to think how much life has changed over the past couple of decades, this change will be one of the biggest by far.

Fortunately, we had the opportunity to spend the overwhelming majority of the day together. Ken and Mary came for the day, Caitlyn joined us for a good portion, and we were able to get some quality time in together.

Fittingly, Becky, Dominic, Gavin, and I got to hammer out one more family game night around the kitchen table. Gavin pulled out a victory in one of the tightest games of Catan we’ve ever had. That bonus time together as a family warmed my heart.

While I’m already missing having the four of us together, I know we will have plenty of time as a family in the future as well. So grateful for the time we’ve been able to share, the love we’ve shared as a family, and all the memories we’ve created together. Our futures may be different than we are used to, but we will continue to experience them together.

Thanks!!!

Day 3,975

As I prep for the handful of hikes I’ve got upcoming today was my last opportunity for a test, a trial of miles if you will. Two Saturdays ago I hiked all of Perrot State Park, knocking out 15.5 miles and 2,800′ of elevation gain. Last Saturday I knocked out almost 21 miles and 2,400′ of elevation. This evening was something quite different, a focus on elevation and hitting 3,000′ in 10 miles in a repeated loop on The Quarry Trail.

Each workout was a trial of it’s own kind, pushing me to see how I could handle the distance and elevation I’ll need for our upcoming hikes. Each an opportunity to get outside and push myself, to get some time outside and in the woods, and an opportunity to test myself to make sure I’m prepped and ready.

Now begins the fun! In less than two weeks we’ll be hiking in Shenandoah NP and New River Gorge NP. Labor Day weekend will have Dominic and I knocking out a beast of a hike in Thunder Bay (20+ miles, 4,000′). A couple of weeks later my brother and I will have a very short and compact weekend trip to Colorado to summit a 14er, and then we’ll chase that up with a long weekend of hiking for my birthday in Thunder Bay for round two.

First, the trials of miles, the mile of trials to prepare for the hikes themselves. Then, the trials of miles, the miles of trials on the trails themselves. Double the fun!

Thanks!!!