Earlier tonight I had an interesting experience. When I went to go out to check on the chicken I had on the grill I found a rapidly cooling grill and two chicken breasts that were about 5 minutes away from being done.
“Son of a…” was exactly what came out of my mouth before I started chuckling at myself. In an instant my quick frustration went to joy. I heard the Facebook comment of my friend Grant go through my head and I couldn’t help but change my attitude.
When the sudden anger welled up it was quickly quenched with the reminder that this wasn’t the end of the world. Not only that, but a few months ago I was even grateful for running out of gas! As I chuckled I thought to myself, yes, I am thankful for running out of gas. In a heartbeat I realized I was also thankful for the moments in which my gratitude leads me to moments of calm and peace that I wouldn’t have otherwise felt.
Thanks for the comment a few months ago Grant!
For some reason there was a song stuck in my head after our run this morning. It’s a beautiful song, the tune is catchy, and the lyrics are enlightening. The more and more I spend time in thought, in presence, and in gratitude the more this song hits on so many levels. To be clear, not in judgement of others, specifically a reflection of my own thoughts and desires when I’m not as disciplined as I should be, as focused on my purpose as I should be. This song reminds me to stay the path and keep focused.
Society by Eddie Vedder
It’s a mystery to me, We have a greed with which we have agreed, And you think you have to want more than you need, Until you have it all, you won’t be free
Society, you’re a crazy breed, I hope you’re not lonely without me
When you want more than you have, you think you need, And when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed, I think I need to find a bigger place, Cause when you have more than you think, you need more space
Society, you’re a crazy breed, I hope you’re not lonely without me
Society, crazy indeed, Hope you’re not lonely without me
There’s those thinking more or less, less is more, But if less is more, how you keepin score? Means for every point you make your level drops, Kinda like you’re startin’ from the top, And you can’t do that
Society, you’re a crazy breed, I hope you’re not lonely without me
Society, crazy indeed, I hope you’re not lonely without me
Society, have mercy on me, I hope you’re not angry if I disagree
Society, you’re crazy indeed, I hope you’re not lonely without me
One of those moments of serenity, hiking g in Alaska at Kenai Fjords
Thanks!!!
PS. This blog has sat untyped for more than a several minutes of silence now. There was another gratitude I was going to share but it’s left my mind. Hmm… Here’s to hoping I remember it and can type about it tomorrow. Cheers!
Sometimes the things I’m most thankful for are amongst the most simple. Today we got a wonderful hike in as a family. Is there much better than spending time in the woods in the fall in Wisconsin? The leaves were beautiful, the forest was quiet and serene. We spent time talking as a family and we also spent time in silence.
In the woods there aren’t the distractions of normal life. My phone only functions as a camera and not as a communications device. We aren’t buffeted by news alerts and politics. There isn’t a list of tasks to complete or a rush from one event to the next. There is only time in the present, enjoying the moment, being outside, and being physically active. Hiking is a beautiful way to live life simply.
I know I just wrote about it yesterday, but 2020 has really presented me with incredible gifts if I remember to pause and enjoy them. More time in nature, more time being active, and more time with Becky & the boys doing things like this. Moments like this today remind me to pause, appreciate, and enjoy each and every moment life gives me.
Throughout the past week I’ve caught myself having a similar conversation with several different people. The conversation starts with discussing some of the challenges of 2020 and then drifts.
It’s been a ridiculously challenging and difficult year for all of us – and it feels like an understatement putting it that way. From COVID to societal challenges to politics gone bonkers to a recession it has been a challenging year in so many ways. I think we can all agree that 2020 has been one of the most difficult we’ve lived through. If given the opportunity to have 2020 or any other year back to re-live I would be shocked to see if a large % of the population chose a 2020 Do Over.
What’s interesting is that even with this in mind the conversation drifts from the difficulty of it to the benefits of the year. Yes, it has been challenging, but there have been some significant positives as well if I remember to look for them. Once we start talking about the positives 2020 suddenly seems to be not nearly as horrible as it sounded at the onset of the conversation.
Some of the positives from this year include so many valuable life lessons. I’ve been more focused on gratitude than ever. I’m appreciating more of the little things in life. I’ve learned more through experiencing diversity than ever. I’m finding so many ways to use 2020 as an opportunity to teach the boys about resilience. I’ve spent more time deep in thought than in a long time. My focus on the present moment has increased. I’m exercising more than I have in a long time. There have been more moments spend focused on my faith. I’ve found so many opportunities to practice doing right even when it is difficult to do. This year has helped me focus on what is important to me in life. Long story short, when I really think about it, my soul is more at peace, calm, alive, and aware than it has been in a very long time.
How crazy is that? In the face of all of this craziness and chaos my soul is finding calm within the storm. In a weird sort of way it’s finding levels of peace and joy in direct opposition to the levels of chaos and craziness. How can this be possible?
It boils down to one simple thing, gratitude. When I choose gratitude I have to find a way to be thankful for everything, even the difficult stuff. It may sound crazy, but the more difficult it is the more thankful I am for it. I have to find a way to become better through the difficult stuff and to learn from the difficult stuff in order to be thankful for it. Once I’ve got my mind focused on finding what I am thankful for my soul switches gears from sadness, frustration, and anger to joy.
How fortunate am I to have lived through such an opportunity? How lucky am I that this difficult thing has happened as I can find a way to be better from this? Thank you Big Dude Upstairs for pushing me in a direction I didn’t want to go as it’s helping me grow in ways I never thought possible.
As I started with, the same conversation seems to have come up in one form or another so many times in the past week. It starts with talking about the challenges of 2020 and then drifts into the positives and upsides of the year. By the time it is over I find myself more joyful and optimistic than before the conversation. When I pause to think about why I am more joyful it all boils down to using gratitude to lift my spirits through any storm.
This is still one of my favorite trees of all time. Atop a boulder it found a way to continue, and thrive, through the hardest of environments.
2020, dude, I really hope I don’t have to re-visit you anytime soon. That said, the opportunity you’ve presented to help me grow and strengthen my gratitude practice is greatly appreciated. Just as losing Dad was a source of great growth, 2020 has been so similar in a very different way. While I won’t be reaching out to invite myself back anytime soon I am grateful that we’ve met as you’ve improved my life through the challenges you’ve brought my way.
My blog tonight is inspired by a wonderful story my friend Kelsey shared from a wonderful book she gave me for my birthday. As luck would have it I had just heard this story for the first time a couple of months ago. The story hits home on many levels and has been in the back of my mind for the past few days.
Here’s a version I found online, enjoy!
A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.
The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman.
Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey.
The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them.
Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could contain himself any longer, and blurted out “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”
The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”
If it didn’t quite sink in all the way please know it’s okay to re-read it. It’s taken me several readings of it and much thought focused on it to get me to my current level of understanding of it. The funny thing is that while it is so simple I’m continuing to find more and more ways to apply this to my life.
It’s a story of living in the present. A story of forgiveness. A story of letting go. A story of doing right. A story not letting the past weigh us down. A story of action. A story of integrity. A story of the folly of assuming all rules make sense all the time. So many different layers to pull out of this one story, and I’m sure there are many more to go.
With all that is going on in the world I’m amazed at the ability of a simple and short story from so many years ago can help guide me in the right direction in life.
Earlier today I had a reminder of a life lesson that I’ve kept close to my heart for over 20 years. At some level the lesson is never far from the top of mind, never clouding my vision or distracting, but always ready for those important seconds every so often when it is needed.
When in doubt of what to do in an emergency situation, take action. Do not count on others to do what needs to be done. Take action. Until the situation has been taken care of, take action.
Way back in one of my college classes we were discussing the topic of “Diffusion of Responsibility.” This is the social psychological phenomenon in which a person or bystander doesn’t take action when are other bystanders or witnesses around. When something happens almost everyone freezes for a second thinking that someone else will jump in, someone else is better suited to jump in, or almost pretends to not notice and waits for someone else to jump in. Often it is not big deal, but in some cases it can be life or death.
Why do I remember this tidbit so clearly after all these years?
Our TA (Teacher’s Assistant) shared a deeply personal story of why we must train our brains to resist diffusion of responsibility and take action.
Several years before our class she was living in an apartment. She had just left a boyfriend who wasn’t the nicest and it was a hot summer night so all of her windows were open. The ex-boyfriend decided he needed to talk with her again and showed up at her apartment door. When she let him in he burst through the door and proceeded to beat her viciously. She screamed for help as she was attacked. In brief moments of pause she heard her neighbors talking and it was obvious they could hear her screams. Knowing that others could hear her and were not doing anything to help her made it feel even worse as she felt that others thought she wasn’t worth helping or saving. The beating went on for hours and finally stopped when the ex-boyfriend decided it was over. No one called the police to help her.
She said she’d already forgiven the neighbors for not calling the police as she’d since learned, studied and understood Diffusion of Responsibility. Her hope was that by sharing this tragic story we would all remember to recognize when that happens and to be the person who takes action. By the time she’d finished her story and her ask of us there wasn’t a dry eye in class. We pretty much all went up and hugged her before we left the classroom. When I left class I made a personal promise to her to remember the story and to learn from it.
Yes, it’s a very dark story and my heart still breaks for her. I can’t even imagine the pain – physical and emotional – she went through in that night. What I can say is that her lesson has stayed with me all these years and will for the rest of my life. Today I was able to take action and live into the promise I made her and I’m grateful for the lesson and story she shared.
So I’m not going to get into this in too much detail as my blood pressure will probably spike again, not what I want it to do right before bed. Long story short, I made the mistake of watching the Presidential Debate last night. When I got out of bed this morning I was still bent out of shape and completely torqued about it. I was so angry that I let it cloud my thought process longer than I should have today.
Throughout the day there were several moments that reminded me to pause and breathe. Each of those moments were opportunities to step back, focus on the present, and remember to choose my values and attitude. The anger still burns in me, but I need to find productive ways to turn that into positive change instead of negative emotion. In pausing to look back on the day and see the turning points I hope to learn (and re-learn) ways to take a deep breath in the future.
The first moment was early this morning. On our run the sky was a wild color in the west. The moon was getting closer to the horizon and was 90% hidden by the cloud cover. The luminosity was so bright that the 10% of the light lit up much of the clouds and sky around it. While we ran we watch it pop out of the clouds and then slowly descend into more clouds and the bluffs. It was nothing short of spectacular.
In that moment I was 100% present and focused on the natural beauty of the outdoors. I was in the midst of physical activity so my endorphins and adrenaline were pumping. As my mind replayed the slow moving moonset I couldn’t help but remember that it displayed the true nature of all things. Brightness, darkness, clouds of uncertainty, peace, tension, and cycles. All things start, exist, change, and end. Whatever the future holds these natural rhythms will continue. I was looking at the big picture in the lens of the present and my heart was calmed.
Later in the morning I’d shared my nervousness (borderline panic) over the direction of our society with friends. Out of nowhere one of my friends sent back an incredibly well written response that set my heart at ease. His text reminded me to stay upbeat and hopeful. By reaching out and sharing my feelings with friends I opened myself up. I’m not usually the one who sees only darkness and not the light, but today I needed someone to help me find the light again. Incredible to think how much impact one short text could have on helping me take a deep breath and flip the switch back to positive mode. It reminded me to take the extra step when I see someone else struggling in the darkness.
What an awesome trip that was a decade ago!
Another exchange with a friend reminded me of the fragility of life. The reminder of him losing his father immediately turned my thoughts to losing Dad a few years ago. In that most painful of losses I’ve found strength, love, growth, and wisdom. By practicing gratitude I’ve found ways to take a horrible situation and turn it into a source of great strength. I would trade almost anything I could for even just one more day with Dad, but I can’t. It is done and I can’t change that he’s gone. What I can choose is to find a way to grow from the experience, to live better as a result of the experience, and become stronger through fully living through the experience.
In thinking about the loss of Dad this way I remembered how difficult life is in the tough times. In the midst of the challenge and pain we would give up almost anything to make it stop. If we keep our wits about us in the most difficult of times we can remember to find purpose in our suffering, we can remind ourselves that we grow the most through the deepest of pain. We have the ability to transform the pain and heart break into something beautiful, so much more beautiful than the pain… which is always temporary.
After work Becky and I hit the park for outdoor yoga. Throughout the practice I could feel my shoulders relax and the world outside of a couple of feet around me drift away. I was immersed only in the present, focused on my breathing, relaxed while sweating, straining, and stretching. During final rest I kept my eyes open and watched the could drift over head. They were beautiful as they slowly worked across the sky while continuing to slowly and effortlessly change shape. Again I was reminded of the temporary nature of life and pain. There was no way I could change the clouds or shift their path. I could only sit back, appreciate them, find beauty in them, and then watch them disappear.
When I put all of those experiences together I’m left with the following lessons to remember from today:
Enjoy the beauty of the outdoors and its ability to focus my attention back to the only place it should be, the present moment
Physical activity always boosts my spirit, even if I initially don’t think it will
The cycles of birth, life, change, and death are natural and will continue for eternity, embrace that fact and use it to live joyfully
When I’m hurting reach out to friends, they’ll be there to help
We all lose sight of the light sometimes, ask for help when I can’t see it, lead others to it and be the light when someone else has lost it
When things seem difficult remember that life is temporary and I will die, would I rather live in fear of death or truly live my life without fear? Why fear something that is natural?
The most difficult of times are the times in which I’ve grown the most. The pain hurts, but I must remember to use it for a purpose and find ways to become better because of it.
Yoga… one of the best ways in life to become all namaste and shit 😉
Breathe, focus on breath, and remember that everything will pass. Enjoy the moment as it will be gone before I know it. Good, bad, beautiful, painful – the moments won’t last. My memories will and I have the ability to make them a light and a lesson or an anchor.
I guess there’s one more moment I should mention. Writing tonight’s blog. In this moment I am focused only on gratitude. When I pause and look at the world through that perspective my heart becomes full, I choose the right mindset, and I become closer to the person I am called to be. I am thankful for my gratitude practice, especially on days like this.
Yes, yesterday was my birthday, but I had a lot going on at work and Becky had her infusion all day. Put those things together and today looked like a much better day to take off together!
After sleeping in a little (5am) I jumped on my bike trainer for a while and got a nice sweat going. We got the boys up and running so they were ready for their virtual school day. Once we knew they were good we hopped in the car and headed out to Perrot State Park. At first it felt weird and awesome to be out on the trail at 8am in the morning on a random-ish Tuesday, but the weird quickly disappeared in the smells of fall in the woods.
Spending time alone in the woods hiking was exactly what I needed after a busy day yesterday. Having time with no calls, texts, or emails while taking in the beauty of the drift less area was so peaceful. The fresh air was exactly what my soul needed as we walked up and down the bluffs. What a great way to kick off a day of playing hooky from work!
After supper I took advantage of some down time and spent about an hour up in my workshop. It’s been a little while since I’ve had some quality time up there and my hands and mind felt the urge to create something. There’s been an idea in the back of my head for a while for a box for a game Gavin and I play often. Without too much prep and planning I dove right in and went to town. The next thing I knew about an hour had flown by and I had the project competed. It felt great!
There’s a beautiful state of flow and serenity when I’m creating. Taking a raw material and transforming it into something useful. Funny how even a small period of time can bring such a state of calm and peace.
Thank you to everyone for all the birthday wishes today! It seemed like they just kept rolling in all day long, one after another after another. I greatly appreciated reading each of them. Taking time to read each of them left me smiling as I thought of some of the great times I’ve had with each of you.
When I was young I remember looking forward to birthday presents. They were one of the best parts, if not the best part, of having a birthday. For one day you got a little more attention and some really cool stuff to boot. There was usually one gift I wanted badly and my parents always seemed to come through somehow. As I grew older the importance of a present has diminished and has been replaced by something much greater.
Throughout the day, from start to finish, I have felt loved. So many people help me feel that regularly, but today of all days it hits home with so much more intensity. People taking time out of their day to reach out and offer a “happy birthday” means they love me enough to take their most precious of resources, their time, and offer it up as a gift. How awesome is that? My heart is full from all that love today! Whether it was a text, a Facebook message, a phone call, a card, a post, or even a voicemail rendition of “Happy Birthday” the love just never stopped all day long. I’ll be sleeping with a huge smile tonight.
The other incredible gift I received from everyone today was the gift of awesome memories. In reading and listening to each birthday wish I took a moment to smile and think of the great times, experiences, and moments we’ve shared. My brain is blown thinking of all the incredible memories everyone has given over all the past 44 years of walking the earth. So many great moments, conversations, back stories, and adventures. I’m thankful for those experiences themselves as well as the memories of them that you brought back to the front of my brain tonight.
Thank you all so much for making this an incredible day. My heart is bursting with love and joy and I look forward to creating new memories while talking about the old ones as well.
All that said, I did get a pretty epic birthday present from Becky and the boys created by our friend Kelsey Lyons! How awesome is this???
It’s crazy to think that five years ago, I made the decision to do something each day. The new habit I was going to start involved something that I wasn’t particularly fond of doing (writing) and was based on doing something that I hadn’t been practicing very well (gratitude). When I put the plan together I knew I had to find a way to beat one of my weaknesses – consistency. Next thing I knew I was writing my first blog post expressing my gratitude for something and sharing it for all the social medias to see.
The reason I started this process was because it felt like something was missing from my life. When I really boiled it all down I realized that the issue was a lack of gratitude for all the blessings I have in my life. My hope was that in writing about something I was thankful for each day it would force me to look on the bright side and actively search out gratitude. What I didn’t realize was what a profound impact this practice would have on my entire life.
On each of the past 1,827 days I’ve sat down in silence and stillness by myself to type. Some days have been pretty short and only take 5-10 minutes and others have taken over an hour. On average I’ve taken about 30 minutes to type my gratitude. Some days have almost written themselves and other have been brutal to write as I’ve stared at the laptop screen for what seemed like hours.
This daily practice has blown my mind on so many occasions. Through making time for gratitude like this my life I’ve lived the most joyful years of my life so far. I’ve learned so much about myself and have found ways to better love into the person I should be. While I started this as something for me I’ve been so excited to see the positive impact it has had for others at times. Taking time to sit in stillness has caused me to pause the busyness of life and take time to think.
Knowing that by the end of the day I’ll have to answer the question, “What am I grateful for today” helps me start my day actively
Sometimes the sermons and stories that hurt the most also help me grow the most.
There’s been an assortment of homilies at church that have caused me to squirm very uncomfortably in my pew as they hit much closer to home than I would hope that they would. In those moments I pause for a second and feel disappointed in myself. Then I remember that this is all a part of the journey of being a human. I dust myself off, take a deep breath, and then listen close to find the way to improve the shortcoming. With a specific story or example in mind I’m able to take action on working on myself. I loving call them “Gap Sermons” as they help me more clearly see the gap between who I am in that moment and I who I should be.
Tonight’s “Gap Sermon” reminded me to check my ego more often. Instead of focusing on the acts of others and getting frustrated or being judge I would be better served working on myself first. How do I live into the best version of me that I can be? That should be the biggest focus on fixing me first.
What’s got me thinking deeper is that I’m seeing how this would be a better way to help others potentially change their minds. Screaming, yelling, putting up huge signs (especially those with pictures of Trump as “Rambo”) will never change someone’s opinion. Living into the person I should be and modeling that life for others would be much more productive. Be an example for others, but to get there we need to become the right example first.
Over the next days and weeks this will be going through my head as I listen to my inner monologue… Am I focused on living my life in a better way or am I chastising or judging the actions of others as I see myself and/or my views as superior? If the answer isn’t the former I need to pause and check my ego.
Last night Becky and I had an impromptu “Virtual Vacation.” When writing my blog I wanted to find a picture that was fitting. In the search I went into my New Zealand vacation folder and found the pic. After writing was complete I started going through all of the pictures we took on our vacation to New Zealand almost three years ago.
In an instant Becky and I were reliving so many incredible moments and memories created with our family! My mind is blown with all that we crammed into two weeks and by the fact that we only explored less than 25% of the country. So many experiences we will never forget!
Sure, it’s been a bummer to not be able to head out on the vacations we’d planned for this year, but there’s nothing I can do about that. Taking a virtual vacation, even if it was only for thirty minutes was pretty awesome. All throughout last night and today my brain has gone back to some of those awesome memories and brought me great joy. I’m grateful for the virtual vacation last night, we might have to do that again sometime soon!
Thankful for Forty 