Earlier today I encountered a situation that I was not prepared to handle as well as I know I could have. My emotions were getting the best of me and I knew it. I paused. I rolled my chair back from my desk, looked up, and took a deep breath. Then it hit me. There was a quote which caused me to chuckle. Next thing I knew it was the answer to the challenge.
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…”
Epictetus
Looking at this situation through the correct lens solved the challenge.
Hmm… interesting day today on many fronts. Let’s see if I can pull it all together into one cohesive whole. This one may be too splintered to splice together. Guess we’ll find out 🙂
Over the past couple of weeks my teams have had a bunch of illnesses, COVID exposures, and whatnot. All of this has led to an empty office as people worked from home, many absences, re-scheduled meetings, and a general sense of disjointedness. In the past I would have tried to force fit my goals for the new year into the mix, it’s after the first of the year after all! This time around I paused, took a deep breath, and decided to focus only on what was most important. With that focus on the essential few it’s been relatively easy to say no to the extra. In some ways we’ve found opportunities to do both. In others we’ve just pushed back the start of a project until February. It’ll be okay. Resilience and adaptability remain two of the most important life skills anyone could work on over the past couple of years. Of course I’d love to execute on the grand plans we have, we made those plans for a reason. That said, sometimes you just need to take a deep breath, hunker down, and stay focused. Once the storm passes we can get right back at it.
Another lesson I’ve learned through too many mistakes is the power of collaboration. Yet again I almost went off to slay some dragons on my own. I had some wonderful ideas, why not run with them right away, right? The little voice in the back of my head reminded me that there was a lesson to remember. Realizing the error of my ways I got a small group of people together to pick their brains on the project. After adding their input and insight to the mix the potential solution got exponentially better! Adding the insight of others is a fantastic way to weave a greater tapestry of ideas and strategy.
Without getting into too much detail I was reminded why I am largely staying off the internet this year. In a training session on a difficult topic I saw people lose their minds with anger misdirected towards the instructor and those who were trying to help them. I quickly thought of my own fallibility – how many times did I react emotionally when hiding behind the screen? How often have I made remarks that were not well intended or borderline rude when I had a keyboard to type my thoughts? So often I wouldn’t have said face to face what I had typed online. This was a reminder for me to a) stay away from chats, and b) remember to be kind and stoic. It was difficult to watch on many levels, one of which was because I realized how wrong I’ve been to join the chat mob (or even incite it) in the past.
Yeah… hmm… I don’t know that there’s really a common theme here. Or is there? Reminders of past life lessons? Take a deep breath and stay focused on the essential. Collaborate to create something truly beautiful. Don’t be a jerk, remember to be me even in a chat situation. There I go, reminders of life lessons – some lived better than others.
As I’ve written before there are many benefits to journaling in this fashion – a daily blog. One of the greatest is the time focused on pausing to reflect on the day, to stop and think, to allow my mind and soul to work out some meaning and lessons form the busy-ness of the day. The daily writing helps me keep the set pace of taking this time once per day rather than all willy nilly. Left that way I’m sure to have just wrapped up maybe my fifteenth blog in 6+ years. Today I’m most appreciative of another benefit, the daily reminder of days gone by.
Each day I’ve been loading up my blog from the same day for each of the past six years. What I’m doing is digging up a time capsule of my life. In that little sealed chamber dug up from the past are the remnants of memories long since gone. Many of which would have disappeared from memory had they not been packaged up in a weather proof container and buried.
The memories from today include logrolling, silence, discouragement, spending time in a gym for a futsol tournament, loving my work, and a new perspective on an area I love. Each of these moments were important to me in their own present. Somewhere in my brain the memories are carved into the wrinkles like ancient hieroglyphs. They’re waiting to be found by someone walking by, my blog provides someone to walk the trail of nice each year. Without a process to send an explorer through the labyrinth of memories the majority would slowly be lost to the sands of time, less likely to be found again.
Reading my blogs bring back those memories. My hard learned lessons remain in mind and are less likely to have to be relearned. The old blogs remind me of smiles, are measuring sticks of progress, and notes from my past and present self to my future. My messages in a bottle to be collected at the right time.
One of the activities I did today was one that I often see as more of a chore. It was very different this time. A deep clean of our living room floor was quite relaxing and rewarding. Moving all the furniture out of the way, getting into all the nooks and crannies, the sweeping and the cleaning – totally peaceful and relaxing. What made it something I enjoyed today? Purely the choice of attitude.
Is there anything better than reading an old paperback novel? Physically turning the pages. That scent of an old and well loved book. Yes, an e-reader of some sort would be way more efficient, but the real deal is truly a treat. Also, if you haven’t read The Godfather by Mario Puzo I’d highly recommend it. The movie was fine, the book is a masterpiece – and I am not into mafia storylines.
Pausing to design and map out a handcrafted project was also on my agenda today. It’s been a while since my last project, picking up a pen and paper to start designing the next idea was awesome. At the beginning the opportunities are endless, the genesis of the design so freeing and exciting. Each step of the process has its own unique benefits, I just need to remember to choose that right attitude.
Yesterday afternoon we went on a family hike in the bluffs. Today Becky and I took the girls for a walk. Yes, it is crazy frigid out, but time outside, regardless of the temperature, is sure to warm the soul.
This evening I had an opportunity to step out of life as I am used to. The experience provided a glimpse into a life I’ve never lived and challenges I have yet to have to face.
Wow, I’m really struggling for words tonight, my brain is still attempting to wrap itself around the experience.
What I experienced this evening has hit so many different emotions. Sadness. Empathy. Appreciation. Growth. Compassion. Joy. Love. Faith. I am struck by how completely different we can be as people while simultaneously seeing how totally similar we all are. Our experiences can be so varied, but we are all still the same.
When gifted with so much, how do I rectify how much I have and how seemingly little I’ve given? There is such a gap. My heart is hopeful as I look across the the gap between who I am and who I am called to be. This evening the gap seems even wider than this morning, but I’m more hopeful I can help close it. Much to do, to grow, to improve… and the ability and tools to do so all around me.
It is so often easy to tell how busy a week has been by the reactions of our entire family on Friday night. We all had gotten back into the swing of real life and had a lot of stuff going on in between school and work. Couple that with the recent holidays and it was evident we were all exhausted.
After supper we all loaded up on the couches in our living room and fired up an episode (or several) of Ted Lasso. As we watched and laughed together I had LuLu up on my lap much of the time. It was pretty peaceful chilling out and relaxing while snuggling with LuLu.
Nights like this don’t happen often in our house, but sometimes they feel necessary for all of us to take a deep breath and chillax. It is so easy get caught up in my desire to get much done, to move from project to project, to start and complete new things, and to be productive. My soul is restless by nature and left to my own devices I’d be busy constantly. Chilling on the couch with my family is a great way to remind myself to relax and breathe. It’s tough to do anything but relax with a dog on your lap snuggled into you.
With the COVID cases going up almost as fast as the mercury in the thermometer is dropping I made the difficult yet easy decision to have one of my offices go remote for the next handful of days. Unfortunately it was the office closest to me and the one I had been planning on working out of today and tomorrow. Such is life, good thing we’ve had practiced switching gears back to remote work as needed.
One of the upsides to working at home has always been the ability to start work a bit earlier and on my terms. When the spirit moves me and I want to get rolling before 6:00 I can do that when I have a commute timed in seconds rather than minutes or hours. Today I was able to shower up and dive right in. So nice to be able to start working with work rather than a drive.
When I decided to pause after lunch and get a workout in I was able to do the workout I wanted, a bike ride. I only had to walk a dozen feet or so into the living room, hop on, and pedal until my heart was content. The decision to shower was one I was able to make rather than a must do (though, truth be told, I was way too sweaty to not shower, even when working from home the rest of the day).
Sure, it wasn’t the same as in the office as I would have liked to be, but I was able to make the most of it… while continuing to find the upside. Not everyone has the ability to work from home, it is a privilege that I will not take for granted. The ability to hop on my bike part way through the day, get my sweat on, hop in my own shower, and then get right back to work is pretty awesome and a very sweet benefit.
Funny how much spare time I’m finding throughout my days when I make a few behavioral changes. A couple of the big things I’ve been focused on are cutting out internet usage (except for Wall Street Journal, travel, and recipes), not pulling out my phone as a time filler, and making better use of the time I have. Without those instinctual reactions to a lull in the action I’ve been left exploring what the heck to do with all the extra time I have on my hands. Case in point – the past five days have seen my phone’s screen time tracker dip below 60 minutes each day – significantly lower than the embarrassingly high total it had been averaging.
Throughout the day I’d hit this little pocket of time when I had a chance to breathe. I caught myself as my hand reflexively went towards my phone and would do something different. Earlier this week the new action was reading a book. Yesterday it was pausing to collect my thoughts and jotting notes to myself about a future book idea. Today it was going back to an old homily from one of my favorite priests. Tomorrow? Possibly back to one of those three previous ideas if the weather is still bitterly cold. If it’s just a tad nicer out maybe I’ll get a little bonus outdoor time on a walk. Maybe pause and do a little exercise? Who knows?
What’s I’m grateful for is the feeling of accomplishment I’ve already had from choosing right actions rather than reaction. The focus on intentionality is already helping me focus more on the long term goals I have for this year and beyond. There’s a lot for me to work on and do, I’ve now got more time to to get it all done.
Our morning run conversation this morning was much deeper than normal. Usually Becky and I are shooting the bull, talking about our upcoming days, and so on. When I’m up and out the door a little before 5am my brain doesn’t always keep up with my feet (not that they are moving that fast either!).
This morning was quite different. A little after a mile in we started talking about the question that had been ringing through my head since yesterday afternoon. We spent time on the question itself, ideas working around it, and ways to put it into my next writing project. Somehow we got onto the topic and stayed there for the majority of our run.
I am very grateful for the insights Becky shared this morning. The ideas she brought to the table really rounded out the concept and have helped me to start fleshing it out. I’ve already got a pile of notes as my brain had it working in the background throughout the day – many of them bear her fingerprints.
Talking about a topic this deep early in the morning on our run was oddly refreshing and helped embed the idea into my brain more completely. Having Becky’s insight added in was a huge bonus.
My early morning bike ride two to three times each week is my opportunity to indulge in watching TV alone. Left to my own devices I’d binge watch an entire series. Stacking my TV watching onto exercise helps me stay focused on my goals.
This morning there was a line which really hit me. “Remember to ask the RIGHT question.” For whatever reason my mind stayed fixated on those words much longer than it had any right to.
Later in the day that phrase prompted an epiphany. When a specific situation arose the phrase rocketed out like an over powdered cannonball! Much like the splinter of glass lodged in my fingertip the idea erupted out of my mind. The sense of relieved pressure was palpable.
Within seconds my mind was awash in wave after wave of inspiration as the depth of my idea reached a depth akin to the Mariana Trench. The idea itself with wait for a different day to be shared, there must be work done to extract the diamond from the coal.
What I am most grateful for today is the fact that I have myself the space and silence my brain needed to put these two seemingly unrelated thoughts together. Had my mind been more full of useless stuff I could have easily missed this opportunity.
Thankful for Forty 