Day199 – Thankful for the Rawness of Being Tired

When I get blisters I sometimes make the mistake of cutting the dead skin off, exposing the fresh new skin. The reddish new skin is incredibly sensitive and feels everything at a different level than the old skin did. The nerves are closer to the surface, the skin hasn’t toughened and is raw, everything is more receptive than it was before. For some crazy reason when this happens I can’t help but poke and prod the rawness more and more to understand the sensations more completely. Eventually it toughens up and goes back to normal.

Through life, and especially during endurance running, I’ve noticed that when I get run town and tired I get a similar sensation, but more mentally and emotionally than physically. When I push myself to exhaustion, whether it’s work, life, adult-ing, running or doing yoga, everything gets more sensitive, everything seems a little more raw. Everything seems a little different, takes on a different tone, and the relative seriousness of things varies greatly. The closest feeling to it that comes to mind is the feeling of the raw skin after a blister… There’s a rawness to life that I feel when I’m tired.

The past week has been a busy one, between work and the start of soccer season it has been a consistent dose of craziness one night after another, rinse, repeat. I haven’t slept the greatest, feel myself fighting off a little bit of a cold, and I’m tired. Sleeping in tomorrow is going to feel glorious! 

All that said, I’m especially thankful for the rawness of being tired today. Becky, the boys, and I went to Good Friday service at our church. Over the past few years Easter has been hitting home more and more, the importance of it is sinking in more than ever. Combine that growing awareness of this most important of holy days and the rawness of being tired and it felt like I was hit with a ton of bricks, in a very good way. Several times during mass I was moved almost to tears. From seeing the passion as one of the masses, thinking of Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane the night before, seeing how Pilate could have made a decision to save His life (not that it would have been right, but just seeing the perceived helplessness is pretty deep when you think of it and is the cause of many issues in society), taking in the importance of the moment of His death, kneeling and touching the cross, and seeing my boys do the same, each moment packed a punch and had a different feel. It just felt differently than in the past, and I seemed to “get it” more than in the past. The rawness of being tired certainly played at least a small role in that sensation. 

While I continue to reflect on the entire story more I’m sure I’ll continue to “get it” more and more, but that raw feeling certainly helped push it all in a different way than in the past, and I’m thankful for that awareness. To think, I briefly considered taking a nap instead of going with the family… What a waste that would have been. There’s a quote that I can’t quite remember or put my finger on, but it is something along the lines of: “Beyond the point of exhaustion is where we see the world for what it truly it is and who we really are.” I’m certainly not exhausted, but the edge and rawness of being tired has helped me learn more about the world and myself today, and for that I am thankful.Thanks!!!

When I teach Cub Scouts knife safety I’m quick to point out the scars on my left index finger.  The one closest to my hand was in Boy Scouts when I decided to cut towards my hand instead of away from it.  The small one near the tip was from fooling around and not paying attention to what I was doing (to add insult to injury I was cutting a very juicy lemon…  that tickled!).  I point out these scars as examples of what not to do.

Over the past couple of days we’ve had an awesome and huge opportunity present itself at work.  Navigating the path to the right strategy was difficult (not that I’m through it yet) and one misstep could lead to critical failure.  In the past I’ve been quick to move ahead quickly, try to think my way out of any problem and react.  This time I’ve remembered a valuable lesson, I took a good long look at my scars first.  After looking them over I remembered past failures and mistakes, lessons learned, and better ways.  Just as I was about to walk more confidently into the minefield two close friends reminded me to look at the scars I’d skipped over.  I almost missed a couple of things that could have made all the difference, history almost repeated itself.  Having looked over as many of the scars as I can see I’ve taken action and I’m feeling more confident of our success than ever.

Those scars were all earned through pain and failure.  Mistakes and poor decisions.  Poorly executed strategies and well executed but poorly thought out strategies.  Each of them involved hurt, always mine, sometimes others’.  While I’m not proud of the mistakes that made those scars I’m thankful for the wisdom they’ve brought.  It’d be easy to glance at them and see them as ugly, but when I pause I’m reminded of their beauty.  I’ve tried, I’ve failed, yet I persist and each scar makes me stronger.

Today I’m thankful for remembering to check my scars.  It always hurts on the surface when I remember how it was earned, a brief flash of that pain crosses my mind.  Once I take a deep breath and swallow hard I’m ready to dig deeper and remember what I learned from it.  Today those memories and lessons did me well.  While the results are a long ways away I’m confident that we’re on the right path.

Thanks!!!

Nope, I did not mis-type, button mash, or spill something on my keyboard.  Dawat Mutang is the name of a farmer in the jungles of Borneo, and the guy is pretty amazing!

Today we had our Express Refresh Leadership Simulcast and one of the presenters was Robyn Benincasa.  She was an Adventure Racer in the Eco Challenge series, a crazy set of races in which teams of five head out to run, bike, climb, canoe, kayak, and everything in between for 300+ miles in five+ days… non-stop.

As she was relating these experiences to leadership lessons she shared the story of Dawat Mutang, a farmer in Borneo.  As you’ll see in the clip above, the French team had a team member break their ankle on their way to the starting line.  Undeterred, the French started knocking on doors in the jungle village the race started in and found someone who was willing to make the trek with them without training, preparation, or experience.  Dawat opened the door, said yes, and the rest is history.

How crazy is that?  Picture yourself sitting at home one day with your family.  You’re enjoying a nice meal together and out of nowhere someone knocks on your door and asks if you’d like to join them on a week long journey into the jungle to run, bike, kayak, cave dive, and rappel…  And you’ve never done any of those things other than running?  By the way, this will be one of the most painful experiences you’ll ever have…

To think that he said yes, not only tried, but successfully finished the race!  How incredible is that???  The smile on his face at the end of the video helps us glimpse just how incredibly happy he was at the end of the adventure.

How many times in life has a crazy opportunity come up and I’ve said no?  How often has someone offered something that would push me completely out of my comfort zone and I said no out of fear?  Haven’t there been times when I said no to a wild idea that could have taken me on an adventure that made me smile that big?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that the next time a wild ass idea presents itself I’ll remember Dawat and give it a longer thought.

Thanks!!!

I sometimes catch myself in those moments when I’m not doing anything productive.  I’ve kind of just drifted off and found a way to fill my time.  No purpose, motivation, or focus, just some mindless way to waste time.  It happens so quickly and easily, it usually takes me a while to notice and get myself back on track.

Earlier today I almost had one of those moments.  My lunch eaten I was online reading the news and I noticed what was happening.  I quickly pulled out my planning guide for the week and got myself on to task.  After a brief review I then spent the next 10 minutes or so focused on something that I had intended to get done this week.  It felt great!  One less thing that needs to get done, something that wasn’t super involved but easy to put off, done.

It wasn’t the most exciting thing ever but it was something that needed to be done.  Instead of drifting off into mindlessness I was able to realize that I was slipping, got back on track, and made something happen.  While I will continue to work on this to the point when it is my natural reaction today I am very thankful for not randomly filling my time.

Thanks!!!

Most of our weekends are a mash of craziness, busy-ness, rushing all over, and everything in between.  While this weekend was not that different, it was great to have a wonderful mix of “alone time” with each of my family and a little much needed actual alone time.

Becky and I got our early morning run in on Saturday.  Dominic and I worked together on cleaning up the soccer fields.  Gavin and I were spending time alone in my workshop.  I had a few hours of creating up in my workshop all alone.  We had several meals as a family out on the deck.  The boys and I had fun playing at the park.  To wrap it up Becky and had a little more alone time as we went for a walk while the boys finished up a movie.

All in all the weekend was exactly what my soul needed.  Not that I was getting stressed or anything, but I can tell that I was getting a little too tightly wound by the chaos of life.  Taking time this weekend with each family member and myself was fantastic, and I’m ready to go for this next week!

Thanks!!!

How easily I allow myself to get so busy that I keep myself from doing the things I should.  Many times I get caught up in the busy-ness of the day and forget to take time to protect my most valuable asset…  my time.

Today I made a point of remembering to take care of that.  Instead of grabbing lunch on the go I brought my hiking clothes, changed in the car, and got some trail time in.  It was amazing and incredibly refreshing!  The time in the sun and fresh air was exactly what my brain and soul needed to get back to business and be productive.

Today reminds me of why I need to remember to stay focused on the things that bring the most reward and say no to the things that don’t fit.  I need this time to be the most productive version of myself that I can be, and I can find ways to make it fit into my day so long as I make it.

Thanks!!!

Most days if you were to check on what I was listening to while I drive you’d hear one of several great books on leadership, business, strategy, behavioral economics, or some great 90’s grunge.  Taking a brief break from more serious stuff I opted to pick up Bruce Springsteen’s autobiography, Born to Run.

Sadly, I let about three decades of my life slip away before getting hooked on Bruce’s music.  If you haven’t ever given it a good listen I’d encourage you to give his Darkness on the Edge of Town album a spin…  You might find that little something you’ve been looking for in your music.  Once it gets in your bones, it just sticks and you can’t get enough of it.

Listening to Bruce read his own life story has been nothing short of mind blowing for me.  While I was intending to get in a more entertaining and relaxing book it’s been a surprise with nuggets of great wisdom in almost every chapter.  There was learning to see that I’m not nuts when I sometimes have the voice in my head that tells me I’m not doing a good job in the middle of a presentation.  The grit that he had in order to create what he wanted to create was unbelievable.  His willingness to be left open and vulnerable in admitting to mistakes he made was enlightening.  The passion that he exudes for his craft is very motivating.  Hearing the imperfection of his life, the way he worked hard to raise himself up, his commitment to excellence, the rigor of his practice, the sacrifices made…  It all adds another level of depth to his songs and pushes me to be better than I am.  As he puts it, he doesn’t have much for natural talent, he’s had to bust his ass to become the success he is.  While I may have been opting for a relaxing book I’ve instead found one that is getting me even more fired up!

While it’s not my normal read, I’m very thankful for having picked this book up.  My appreciation for his music continues to increase and his passion for excellence has helped stoke a fire in me.

Thanks!!!

While I’d really prefer not to get into too much on this one for the sake of professionalism, I am thankful for the times when I need to hold a hard line and I do.

Today one of my teams and I were tested with this.  We had reviewed a situation, went back to our vision and values, and made a decision on a specific course of action.  We knew it wasn’t going to be liked or easily accepted, but it was the right decision.  As we met with our client it went exactly as we expected.  Our client was not happy and may decide to use a competitor instead.  That said, I am thankful that we held the line.

It’s often easy to succumb to emotion in the moment when pushing for something.  It’s difficult to stick to my guns and always want to find a way to get the “AND,” but sometimes, there’s not an “AND” to be found.  In those cases we need to stand firm.  Today I was tested and I held the line… and I am thankful for that.

Thanks!!!