Yeah, there are some activities in life that just never seem to get old. Waking up for an early morning run with Becky is one of them.

This morning the dogs were both exhausted from our time on the boat so we ran without them. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy running with them, but it was a nice change of pace for the day. We didn’t have to stop multiple times along the way. There was no yelling to get them to stop sniffing. As I type this I have to admit I kind of missed that as well…

We ran further than normal and just chilled while we did. No rush, no stress. The sunrise was spectacular. The bright pinks combined with deep reds and dark purples. The wind created just enough ripples on the water to make them shimmer a silvery pink liquid metal. On the run back we stopped in our tracks to watch a bald eagle land on a branch almost directly above us. While we stopped and stared it started making it’s call. What a serene way to start off the morning!

There’s a lot to accomplish this week and starting it off with a peaceful run like that was about the most perfect start I could’ve asked for. Getting some exercise in right away in the morning. Spending time alone with Becky. Enjoying nature’s beauty. Yup, that was an awesome way to kick off the week!

Thanks!!!

There are many quotes and comments that have stuck in my brain throughout the years. They are the guideposts I look to when I’m not sure of the right action to take. These are slightly different from my values. In my values I see the ideals, in the quotes I see context to better help me understand. The majority of the quotes have a story or memory tied to them that help to embed them deeply into my brain. I wish they only came to the top of mind when I called for them, however they often do so exactly when I’d prefer they’d stay hidden in the shadows.

Over the past weeks I’ve been focused on many deep thoughts. Between the anniversary of Dad’s stroke and death, reading a few well timed books, some great thoughts from friends, to getting back into writing, and a few other situations my brain has almost been on overdrive trying to process some seriously intense concepts. What’s interesting is that there are definite connections from one large concept to another. As I think on them I start to see them weave into a larger and interconnected whole. Gratitude tied to presence tied to growth mindset tied to stoicism tied to living while alive tied to purpose tied right back to gratitude. Throw in a little essentialism for good measure and there’s a lot going on in my brain.

So where am I going with all of this? Normally I’d ask this cute little line to help people see the link between what I was just saying and where I am going. Tonight? Yeah, that question was definitely for my thought process. I’m still working this blog out while I type. I’m one part giddy and one part nervous right now. I’m totally opening up my thought process and might end up with a piece fo garbage that I delete (that’s my nervousness). I’m also excited as the blogs written in this fashion in the past have led to some enlightening thought processes (giddy).

So where am I going with all of this? There’s a quote from Blaise Pascal which has been repeating in my brain throughout much of the past week (and it’s in the voice of Father Mark Pierce – that really makes my heart smile!).

“Sometimes when I set to thinking about the various activities of men, the dangers and troubles which they face at court, or in war, giving rise to so many quarrels and passions… I have often said that the sole cause of our unhappiness is that we do not know how to stay quietly in our room.”

Blaise Pascal, Pensée 136

When Father Mark introduced this quote I immediately became best friends and archenemies with the concept. I loved the simplicity of its meaning and I could 100% agree with the statement. I also couldn’t help but continue to squirm more and more in my seat as I felt the crushing weight of what it meant upon my chest. Even after seven years this quote is bound to make me take stock in the gap between who I am and who I am called to be.

Here’s why I am most thankful for this quote / concept. It makes me intensely uncomfortable. The dissonance it causes in my soul is palpable.

I am naturally a person of action. My brain is full of fantastic ideas in a crazily complex imagination. Keeping my mind quiet and focused on thought in of itself without distraction is difficult for me.

All that said, I know this comment is correct. The reason I feel such discomfort is that I know that I haven’t followed it and my life would be better for me if I did. The discomfort this quote causes me also helps push me to action.

Over these past couple of weeks I can sense my thoughts and mindset are reaching a wonderful tipping point. So many thought streams are diverging into one river. I need to help continue to push them in the right direction in order to fully connect. Sending time in thought on them is exactly what I need to do in order to make this happen. Time spend on wasted activity does no good in this endeavor. Quite to the contrary, it sets me back and may cause the ideas to never quite coalesce.

Several times over the past few days I’ve heard this saying (read in the voice of Father Mark) repeat in my head. It’s often when I’m doing something that wastes time and is of no true significance. Maybe I’m playing a game alone. Maybe I’m listening to music to clear my brain instead of thinking. Maybe I’m just wasting time on non-essential tasks when I should really be sitting still with my eyes closed and focused on my thoughts.

Thanks to hearing this quote from Pascal play in my head I’ve spend time on different actions. Even tonight, I was going to just sit, write a short and most likely somewhat insignificant blog and do some Sudoku to quiet my mind. Instead this quote prompted movement. I spent time in thought. I decided to blog as a form of meditation to get my thoughts out. As I do I can feel myself making progress to where I should be going, towards my purpose. What an awesome feeling that is!

Blaise, you mathematical and philosophical genius, thank you for taking time to write your thoughts on paper to share with countless numbers of generations. You were 100% correct and your thoughts have helped me take action tonight. I’ve still got a lot of work ahead of me before I would say that I am good at living it, but I’m sure I’m at least on the right path. As soon as I start to stray I know I’ll hear your voice in my head calling me back.

Thanks!!!

Today presented itself with a unique opportunity to play in the dirt and I totally took it! I had so much fun (for reals) playing shoveling, leveling, and compacting dirt. Ahh, who am I kidding? It really felt a lot like playing! The hours flew by while thoroughly enjoyed the time outside. Isn’t if funny how much my attitude impacts how much joy I find in an activity? If I looked at the same activity as work it would’ve been more of a drag. By looking at it as fun the time flew by and I had a blast!

The boys and I had a nice long ride home afterwards. Again, I’m amazed at the power of my attitude. I know some rides of 30 minutes that have drug on like an eternity. Today? The two and a half hour drive flew by! The boys were both in talkative moods. The whole drive back we shot the bull, joked around, talked about their adventures from the past week, and had a great time. Spending time with them when they were both in that outgoing and upbeat mood was AWESOME!!!

Lastly, I’m thankful for writing this post while sitting under our newest deck project. Over the past week we’ve been putting in lights so we can enjoy some additional outside time during the summer. Tonight we had just enough time to put up the lights and then chill under them for a little bit. Once I’m done typing I’ve already got a book ready to go and then it’s total chill time. Spending time reading on the deck under our new lights makes it all the more peaceful.

Thanks!!!

Whew – what a day! From the point I woke up until now it’s been a flurry of activity. Even Becky made a comment about how much time I spent on calls and Zoom meetings. In between it seems like I was either finalizing proposals, prepping for later conversations, or churning out emails to clients and teammates. After work Becky had supper already cooked which was awesome! We ate, went for our walk, and then I hopped online with some friends for some gaming.

Throughout the day there were many awesome things that happened. It seemed like there was much positive progress mixed among obstacles, both expected and unexpected. There were some frustrating moments as well. The overall feel of the day has been positive balanced with exhausting.

So while the day has been exhausting I am thankful for how fast it has flown by. It has been a day that flew by in the blink of an eye. The pace of the day was tiring, but invigorating at the same time. There is a rush to days like this that remind me of how much can be accomplished with focus, planning, adaptability and resilience.

To be sure, I hope tomorrow is a little more normal pace. That said, I’m thankful for the pace today – it’s been a crazy, yet great day!

Thanks!!!

The ability of the weather to have an impact on my mood never ceases to amaze me. At the end of the day I always have the option of choosing my attitude, but isn’t it so much easier on perfect summer nights like this?

Three years ago today it was a stunningly perfect weather Saturday. Dominic had a couple of soccer games in the Madison area. The boys all brought squirt guns along with and had an epic water fight after one of the games. Gavin found a tree to climb. Becky and I got way too much sun, but it felt awesome!

Why do I remember the weather so well? That was one of the toughest days of my life. That was the day when I knew in my gut that Dad was not going to pull through after his stroke.

There’s a lot that happened on that Saturday. Even with it being one of the most difficult days in my life I remember it with such vibrancy – the highs and the lows. The day seemed to be a constant rollercoaster of emotions. One moment I was ready to break down, the next I was smiling and laughing. Then I’d feel a little crushed and just need a little time to myself, and then I’d be surrounded with great memories of Dad.

While the tone was so dark, it was still a day I am very thankful for. I learned so much that day, felt things I’d never felt before, and had experiences I still can’t even being to explain. Reading the chapter I wrote about that day I can’t help but shake my head wondering how that much could’ve happened in one day.

One thing in particular really resonated with me today for a variety of reasons. Over the past year or two I’ve talked a lot about “nudges,” those times when something seems like it nudges you down a certain path or in a specific direction. I can’t really explain it, I can’t will it into being, but when nudged I’ve learned to go with it.

That beautifully sunny Saturday included a very different kind of nudge.

We had opted to carpool with one of the other parents to the soccer game. We weren’t even two miles out of La Crosse when I got the call that recovery wasn’t an option and Dad wasn’t going to be around much longer. I was sitting shotgun while Eric drove. Becky sat right behind me and held the hand I stretched back from the front seat of the vehicle. I explained to Eric what I’d just learned and he very calmly asked if I wanted to head back home.

Throughout the past couple of soccer seasons I’d gotten to know Eric enough to know he’s got a huge heart and is a great person to talk with. Every interaction I’d had with him left me smiling more than I was before our conversation. That said, we weren’t best friends or anything like that, more like friends of consequence due to being soccer dads. Up until this point we hadn’t talked about anything overly personal.

When Eric asked if I’d like to turn back I had a feeling the right thing to do was carry on. Little did I know just how powerful my time with Eric would be that day.

On the drive he did an awesome job of following my lead, listening when I talked, talking about other things when I uncomfortably shifted the topic of conversation to change my focus away from Dad. I still don’t know how he did it, but he handled the situation perfectly. Even more important than handling it with perfection were a couple of key things.

First off, he shared his thoughts from the perspective of both a father and son. With Dad not there Eric did a wonderful job of helping me remember both perspectives.

The other thing he did will stay with me for the rest of my life. In one of the many moments of he silence he asked, “Mike, can I tell you a story? It might not be what you want to hear, but it might be one you need to hear.”

I was amazed at how calmly he asked that question. The fact that he asked instead of just telling was especially poignant and was greatly appreciated. Since this conversation I’ve held that memory tight in my head and have often emulated his question when I’m talking with someone who’s facing a difficult moment and might need to hear something tough. When they say no I respect that, just as I know he would have.

After I’d said yes he went on to tell me a story that related to Dad’s situation. To say it was heartbreaking would be an understatement. That said, it truly was EXACTLY what I’d needed to hear in that moment. It made a profoundly deep impact on me and I carry it in my soul to this day.

When I talk about nudges this wasn’t anything so subtle. This story was a full blown kick in the shins! But it was exactly what I’d needed to hear. I’m eternally grateful for the way Eric shared this story with me.

As I said, there were so many things that happened that day. While the overwhelming majority were difficult, there were many more bright spots; I just needed to take some time to see them. One of the brightest was that time spent with Eric. While nudges are usually something very subtle, Eric was exactly the nudge in human form I needed that day in addition to my family.

Eric, for reals, thank you so much for listening, sharing, and taking time to care for me on what was one of the most difficult days of my life. I’m so thankful for the incredibly compassionate way you helped guide me in the right direction. Thank you!

Thanks!!!

The past week and change has included some pretty deep stuff. Tonight? Totally different!

After work Becky and fired up a perfect couch date night meal… cheese and crackers. We fired up The Office while we ate. Our dessert was a mix of games we could play while chilling on the couch together. We fired up some TV for background noise. Talk about full on chill!

Taking time to just relax and chill was greatly appreciated today. Nothing crazy, no deep thoughts, and no responsibilities. Just the two of us enjoying time together while chillin’ on the couch on a rainy night. I can’t remember how long it’s been since we last did this, but I’m totally savoring it tonight.

Thanks!!!

Over the past days I’ve written about Dad often and thought of him even more. As luck would have it I’ve had several different thoughts combining in my head at the same time.

My mind and soul are still feeling rocked from reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl for the first time. Hearing his story of survival has had a very profound impact on my thoughts. I’ve already started re-reading it with a highlighter and sticky bookmarks. If you haven’t read this book yet I would highly recommend it – especially if you are struggling to find meaning in the current challenges we’re all facing.

As mentioned a couple of days ago I’ve been writing my book again. I’m not sure, but I think Frankl’s book helped me re-fuel the reason behind it.

In the past few days I’ve been seeing a combination of these concepts and my personal experiences starting to gel into a cohesive whole. When I try to picture the concept in my head I have a crystal clear image. It is so vivid I can reach out and touch it.

What is that picture? This:

This is a nurse log. In an old growth forest when a great tree falls it can often turn into a nurse log. As it lies on the forest floor and decomposes it becomes a source of nutrition, sustenance, and safety for new trees. As the new trees grow the nurse log slowly fades into nothingness. Its presence is still very much known. When one looks through the forest the right way they’ll notice an odd natural occurrence… a long line of trees of about the same age in a perfect row.

The tree sprouts, grows, endures, falls, nourishes, and fades in the history of the other trees.

As I think about our purpose I can’t imagine a more fitting way of expressing the concept of the purpose of life. Grow, learn, share our light, love, and joy, nourish those coming after us, and then fade away.

To be clear, I believe there’s something beautiful waiting for us after we fade away. What’s interesting is that when sitting amongst these lines of trees that grew out of the same now non-existent nurse log if you listen with your soul… shh… quiet your mind… shh… let your soul listen closely… you can feel the presence of that once great tree. This sense of peace, serenity, and completion of purpose is truly awe inspiring.

Where am I going with all of this? We owe it to those who came before us to share their joy and light. We owe it to ourselves to let our light shine bright. We owe it to others to help bring more light and joy to their lives. We take all we’ve been given from others and share it with others to help those who come after us grow and live a more joyful life than us – and help them find their purpose on their own as well. Once that is completed we move on. How beautiful it would be to fulfill that purpose?

Thanks!!!

Bonus for those of you who’ve made it this far 😉

This quote was in the forest in which I first learned about nurse logs. Edwin Way Teale hit the nail on the head much better than I could’ve ever hoped to. It’s only now after almost three years that I’m starting to understand this on a much deeper level.

“For a great tree death comes as a gradual transformation. Its vitality ebbs slowly. Even when life has abandoned it entirely it remains a majestic thing. On some hilltop a dead tree may dominate the landscape for miles around. Alone among living things it retains its character and dignity after death. Plants wither; animals disintegrate. But a dead tree may be as arresting, as filled with personality, in death as it is in life. Even in its final moments, when the massive trunk lies prone and it has moldered into a ridge covered with mosses and fungi, it arrives at a fitting and noble end. It enriches and refreshes the earth. And later, as part of other green and growing things, it rises again.”

LOL!!! So this is the fourth time I’ve started typing my blog tonight. Even though I write this each day as a way for me to pause and focus on gratitude I sometimes feel like I’m not quite getting it right. Try as I might there are some days when I can just tell that what I’m writing wasn’t hitting the point I wanted it to. Often I can start typing and drift in the correct direction. This can lead to meandering, but I almost always get to where I am wanting to go. Tonight? Nope. I tried, I drifted, I meandered, and I didn’t even end up close to the right thing. So here goes nothing… Day 1,349… Take four… and ACTION!

See, add some dramatic notes and an exclamation point or two and I’m ready to!

Dear Mr. Writer’s Block,

Your services are no longer required here. Kindly exit stage left.

Sincerely,

Mike

So what am I most thankful for today? Quite honestly it’s the quiet time I’ve had for reflection over the past 48 hours or so. I’m glad Becky’s home and we’ve had a great time today. I’m very thankful for our quiet time together as well. That said, the time I’ve had to myself to think, reflect, and process has led to a great deal of healthy re-charging. Thanks to that time I’m able to enjoy our time together even more.

Many of my favorite mentors, writers, and thought leaders speak often of taking time to take care of yourself. As one of my mentors is often heard saying, “put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others put theirs on.” Another says, “If you would be a river first you must be a reservoir.”

What I find in that quiet time by myself is the ability to really think. Without the distraction of other people I have less to interrupt my thought process, or, more accurately, when I am starting to think deeply about things I really don’t want to face I have more potential distractions to reach out for. When I take time to think (or to write) it is forced thought time. Even right now. My mind is working all of this out as I type.

Over these past couple of days I’ve found that the gap between who I am and who I am called to be has grown wider in some ways. It’s also decreased in other ways. I often think of it as a river working it’s way through the stone in a valley. Just when I think I’ve made progress in closing the gap the water carves out a new section of earth that was weaker than it appeared on the surface. I used to get frustrated when I’d see myself take a step backwards. Now I’m seeing that usually that is incorrect. I’ve moved forward and with the benefit of closer vantage point I can see something even better to reach for. This will be a never ending quest to reach the end of something that doesn’t ever end. Regardless, in moments of quiet like this I’m able to view the gap more clearly.

I’ve also had more time to think about purpose. The writing of Viktor Frankl really hit home for me earlier this week. When I had time to let it ferment this weekend it really showed up in my writing. As I wrote in one chapter I really opened myself up in discussing a potential purpose of my life. Had I not had time to think alone this most likely wouldn’t have appeared on my laptop’s screen.

I feel rested. Like really rested. And not just because I got over 10 hours of sleep last night and will be heading to bed just a shade over 12 hours since I got out of bed this morning. My soul is rested.

I have tendency to want to fill my life with as much of everything as possible. This means spending time with others often (especially family and close friends), not saying no to things that I should skip, and wasting my time on trivialities that don’t move me towards my purpose. One of the biggest issues in losing time on non-essential things like that is I often sacrifice my alone time. This has certainly been the case recently and having this time alone was the rest I needed. Moving forward I need to find a way to keep this top of mind and worked into my life on a regular basis instead of by accident.

Whew!!! Take Four finally hit it on the head! Funny, sometimes I try to force my blog in a certain direction. I really need to remind myself to just let my fingers loose and set my soul free to talk, it’ll never lead me astray.

Thanks!!!

I’ve spent today alone at home. The morning was focused on home improvement and the evening was focused on writing my book. Having time to pause and have complete quiet has been exactly what my soul needed to recharge. I love spending time with my family more than anything on earth, but there’s a need for quiet and stillness at times. One of my favorite sermons talks about the need to escape to the desert every once in a while to breathe. Today was a desert day for me.

Writing my book always seems to get put down on the priority list. I’m so close to having the first complete draft done, but I have found many excuses to get in the way.

With this much time alone today I had a lot of time in thought. Something I finally realized was that I’m still nervous about writing. This might sound weird, but as I get closer to wrapping it up the idea of putting it out in public has me feeling fear and self consciousness. In my head I feel like putting it out there is akin to stripping naked in a crowded room of fully clothed people with a spotlight on me as everyone has a clipboard in their hands and they’re asked to have a contest to see who can find the most faults in me. How’s that for a visual? Sorry, but that’s how I’m feeling. I’ll get over it, things like that are never as bad as they build themselves up to be.

Once I realized that it was fear stopping my I may have uttered an expletive along the lines of “screw that”, chuckled, and started typing. After several hours tonight I’ve only got a few things to add over the next few days and I’ll be done with round 1.5 (I’ve re-read and edited 2/3 of it already).

The progress was difficult as it was dealing largely with one of the most profound days of my life (as you’ll read more about shortly). Yes, it was difficult. In writing it there are more than a few spots that were gut checks for me. That said, just like so many things in life, the hardest fought work results in the sweetest rewards. I wrote the book largely in order, except for the day I wrote about today. That one was a beast. I put it off until the very end for reasons I finally started to understand today. Difficult but rewarding progress today.

One of the benefits of writing is having the opportunity to time travel. When I was writing today I went back to Thursday, June 8, 2017. I took the time to re-read my blog from that day. I read the notes I’d taken a week or so later as we left on a family vacation to Washington state. As I wrote I dug even more deeply into the fabric of that day.

For many reasons I’d thought it was one of the most difficult days of my life. Aft writing I realized that wasn’t the right description. It was one of the most profound days of my life. The impact that day has had on my life is long lasting.

Here’s the deal, I’ve just spent hours typing about it and I really don’t want to any more tonight. Instead I’ll share my blog from that day. Of all 1,700 blog posts thus far it is easily in my personal Top 10. While it’s not all the detail I think you’ll see what I mean by profound. https://thankful4forty.com/2017/06/09/day-255-thankful-for-letting-go-of-the-wheel/

What a day! Time for bed so I can wake up early and get rolling again.

Thanks!!!