I’ve spent today alone at home. The morning was focused on home improvement and the evening was focused on writing my book. Having time to pause and have complete quiet has been exactly what my soul needed to recharge. I love spending time with my family more than anything on earth, but there’s a need for quiet and stillness at times. One of my favorite sermons talks about the need to escape to the desert every once in a while to breathe. Today was a desert day for me.
Writing my book always seems to get put down on the priority list. I’m so close to having the first complete draft done, but I have found many excuses to get in the way.
With this much time alone today I had a lot of time in thought. Something I finally realized was that I’m still nervous about writing. This might sound weird, but as I get closer to wrapping it up the idea of putting it out in public has me feeling fear and self consciousness. In my head I feel like putting it out there is akin to stripping naked in a crowded room of fully clothed people with a spotlight on me as everyone has a clipboard in their hands and they’re asked to have a contest to see who can find the most faults in me. How’s that for a visual? Sorry, but that’s how I’m feeling. I’ll get over it, things like that are never as bad as they build themselves up to be.
Once I realized that it was fear stopping my I may have uttered an expletive along the lines of “screw that”, chuckled, and started typing. After several hours tonight I’ve only got a few things to add over the next few days and I’ll be done with round 1.5 (I’ve re-read and edited 2/3 of it already).
The progress was difficult as it was dealing largely with one of the most profound days of my life (as you’ll read more about shortly). Yes, it was difficult. In writing it there are more than a few spots that were gut checks for me. That said, just like so many things in life, the hardest fought work results in the sweetest rewards. I wrote the book largely in order, except for the day I wrote about today. That one was a beast. I put it off until the very end for reasons I finally started to understand today. Difficult but rewarding progress today.
One of the benefits of writing is having the opportunity to time travel. When I was writing today I went back to Thursday, June 8, 2017. I took the time to re-read my blog from that day. I read the notes I’d taken a week or so later as we left on a family vacation to Washington state. As I wrote I dug even more deeply into the fabric of that day.
For many reasons I’d thought it was one of the most difficult days of my life. Aft writing I realized that wasn’t the right description. It was one of the most profound days of my life. The impact that day has had on my life is long lasting.
Here’s the deal, I’ve just spent hours typing about it and I really don’t want to any more tonight. Instead I’ll share my blog from that day. Of all 1,700 blog posts thus far it is easily in my personal Top 10. While it’s not all the detail I think you’ll see what I mean by profound. https://thankful4forty.com/2017/06/09/day-255-thankful-for-letting-go-of-the-wheel/
What a day! Time for bed so I can wake up early and get rolling again.