The past week and change has included some pretty deep stuff. Tonight? Totally different!

After work Becky and fired up a perfect couch date night meal… cheese and crackers. We fired up The Office while we ate. Our dessert was a mix of games we could play while chilling on the couch together. We fired up some TV for background noise. Talk about full on chill!

Taking time to just relax and chill was greatly appreciated today. Nothing crazy, no deep thoughts, and no responsibilities. Just the two of us enjoying time together while chillin’ on the couch on a rainy night. I can’t remember how long it’s been since we last did this, but I’m totally savoring it tonight.

Thanks!!!

Over the past days I’ve written about Dad often and thought of him even more. As luck would have it I’ve had several different thoughts combining in my head at the same time.

My mind and soul are still feeling rocked from reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl for the first time. Hearing his story of survival has had a very profound impact on my thoughts. I’ve already started re-reading it with a highlighter and sticky bookmarks. If you haven’t read this book yet I would highly recommend it – especially if you are struggling to find meaning in the current challenges we’re all facing.

As mentioned a couple of days ago I’ve been writing my book again. I’m not sure, but I think Frankl’s book helped me re-fuel the reason behind it.

In the past few days I’ve been seeing a combination of these concepts and my personal experiences starting to gel into a cohesive whole. When I try to picture the concept in my head I have a crystal clear image. It is so vivid I can reach out and touch it.

What is that picture? This:

This is a nurse log. In an old growth forest when a great tree falls it can often turn into a nurse log. As it lies on the forest floor and decomposes it becomes a source of nutrition, sustenance, and safety for new trees. As the new trees grow the nurse log slowly fades into nothingness. Its presence is still very much known. When one looks through the forest the right way they’ll notice an odd natural occurrence… a long line of trees of about the same age in a perfect row.

The tree sprouts, grows, endures, falls, nourishes, and fades in the history of the other trees.

As I think about our purpose I can’t imagine a more fitting way of expressing the concept of the purpose of life. Grow, learn, share our light, love, and joy, nourish those coming after us, and then fade away.

To be clear, I believe there’s something beautiful waiting for us after we fade away. What’s interesting is that when sitting amongst these lines of trees that grew out of the same now non-existent nurse log if you listen with your soul… shh… quiet your mind… shh… let your soul listen closely… you can feel the presence of that once great tree. This sense of peace, serenity, and completion of purpose is truly awe inspiring.

Where am I going with all of this? We owe it to those who came before us to share their joy and light. We owe it to ourselves to let our light shine bright. We owe it to others to help bring more light and joy to their lives. We take all we’ve been given from others and share it with others to help those who come after us grow and live a more joyful life than us – and help them find their purpose on their own as well. Once that is completed we move on. How beautiful it would be to fulfill that purpose?

Thanks!!!

Bonus for those of you who’ve made it this far 😉

This quote was in the forest in which I first learned about nurse logs. Edwin Way Teale hit the nail on the head much better than I could’ve ever hoped to. It’s only now after almost three years that I’m starting to understand this on a much deeper level.

“For a great tree death comes as a gradual transformation. Its vitality ebbs slowly. Even when life has abandoned it entirely it remains a majestic thing. On some hilltop a dead tree may dominate the landscape for miles around. Alone among living things it retains its character and dignity after death. Plants wither; animals disintegrate. But a dead tree may be as arresting, as filled with personality, in death as it is in life. Even in its final moments, when the massive trunk lies prone and it has moldered into a ridge covered with mosses and fungi, it arrives at a fitting and noble end. It enriches and refreshes the earth. And later, as part of other green and growing things, it rises again.”

LOL!!! So this is the fourth time I’ve started typing my blog tonight. Even though I write this each day as a way for me to pause and focus on gratitude I sometimes feel like I’m not quite getting it right. Try as I might there are some days when I can just tell that what I’m writing wasn’t hitting the point I wanted it to. Often I can start typing and drift in the correct direction. This can lead to meandering, but I almost always get to where I am wanting to go. Tonight? Nope. I tried, I drifted, I meandered, and I didn’t even end up close to the right thing. So here goes nothing… Day 1,349… Take four… and ACTION!

See, add some dramatic notes and an exclamation point or two and I’m ready to!

Dear Mr. Writer’s Block,

Your services are no longer required here. Kindly exit stage left.

Sincerely,

Mike

So what am I most thankful for today? Quite honestly it’s the quiet time I’ve had for reflection over the past 48 hours or so. I’m glad Becky’s home and we’ve had a great time today. I’m very thankful for our quiet time together as well. That said, the time I’ve had to myself to think, reflect, and process has led to a great deal of healthy re-charging. Thanks to that time I’m able to enjoy our time together even more.

Many of my favorite mentors, writers, and thought leaders speak often of taking time to take care of yourself. As one of my mentors is often heard saying, “put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others put theirs on.” Another says, “If you would be a river first you must be a reservoir.”

What I find in that quiet time by myself is the ability to really think. Without the distraction of other people I have less to interrupt my thought process, or, more accurately, when I am starting to think deeply about things I really don’t want to face I have more potential distractions to reach out for. When I take time to think (or to write) it is forced thought time. Even right now. My mind is working all of this out as I type.

Over these past couple of days I’ve found that the gap between who I am and who I am called to be has grown wider in some ways. It’s also decreased in other ways. I often think of it as a river working it’s way through the stone in a valley. Just when I think I’ve made progress in closing the gap the water carves out a new section of earth that was weaker than it appeared on the surface. I used to get frustrated when I’d see myself take a step backwards. Now I’m seeing that usually that is incorrect. I’ve moved forward and with the benefit of closer vantage point I can see something even better to reach for. This will be a never ending quest to reach the end of something that doesn’t ever end. Regardless, in moments of quiet like this I’m able to view the gap more clearly.

I’ve also had more time to think about purpose. The writing of Viktor Frankl really hit home for me earlier this week. When I had time to let it ferment this weekend it really showed up in my writing. As I wrote in one chapter I really opened myself up in discussing a potential purpose of my life. Had I not had time to think alone this most likely wouldn’t have appeared on my laptop’s screen.

I feel rested. Like really rested. And not just because I got over 10 hours of sleep last night and will be heading to bed just a shade over 12 hours since I got out of bed this morning. My soul is rested.

I have tendency to want to fill my life with as much of everything as possible. This means spending time with others often (especially family and close friends), not saying no to things that I should skip, and wasting my time on trivialities that don’t move me towards my purpose. One of the biggest issues in losing time on non-essential things like that is I often sacrifice my alone time. This has certainly been the case recently and having this time alone was the rest I needed. Moving forward I need to find a way to keep this top of mind and worked into my life on a regular basis instead of by accident.

Whew!!! Take Four finally hit it on the head! Funny, sometimes I try to force my blog in a certain direction. I really need to remind myself to just let my fingers loose and set my soul free to talk, it’ll never lead me astray.

Thanks!!!

I’ve spent today alone at home. The morning was focused on home improvement and the evening was focused on writing my book. Having time to pause and have complete quiet has been exactly what my soul needed to recharge. I love spending time with my family more than anything on earth, but there’s a need for quiet and stillness at times. One of my favorite sermons talks about the need to escape to the desert every once in a while to breathe. Today was a desert day for me.

Writing my book always seems to get put down on the priority list. I’m so close to having the first complete draft done, but I have found many excuses to get in the way.

With this much time alone today I had a lot of time in thought. Something I finally realized was that I’m still nervous about writing. This might sound weird, but as I get closer to wrapping it up the idea of putting it out in public has me feeling fear and self consciousness. In my head I feel like putting it out there is akin to stripping naked in a crowded room of fully clothed people with a spotlight on me as everyone has a clipboard in their hands and they’re asked to have a contest to see who can find the most faults in me. How’s that for a visual? Sorry, but that’s how I’m feeling. I’ll get over it, things like that are never as bad as they build themselves up to be.

Once I realized that it was fear stopping my I may have uttered an expletive along the lines of “screw that”, chuckled, and started typing. After several hours tonight I’ve only got a few things to add over the next few days and I’ll be done with round 1.5 (I’ve re-read and edited 2/3 of it already).

The progress was difficult as it was dealing largely with one of the most profound days of my life (as you’ll read more about shortly). Yes, it was difficult. In writing it there are more than a few spots that were gut checks for me. That said, just like so many things in life, the hardest fought work results in the sweetest rewards. I wrote the book largely in order, except for the day I wrote about today. That one was a beast. I put it off until the very end for reasons I finally started to understand today. Difficult but rewarding progress today.

One of the benefits of writing is having the opportunity to time travel. When I was writing today I went back to Thursday, June 8, 2017. I took the time to re-read my blog from that day. I read the notes I’d taken a week or so later as we left on a family vacation to Washington state. As I wrote I dug even more deeply into the fabric of that day.

For many reasons I’d thought it was one of the most difficult days of my life. Aft writing I realized that wasn’t the right description. It was one of the most profound days of my life. The impact that day has had on my life is long lasting.

Here’s the deal, I’ve just spent hours typing about it and I really don’t want to any more tonight. Instead I’ll share my blog from that day. Of all 1,700 blog posts thus far it is easily in my personal Top 10. While it’s not all the detail I think you’ll see what I mean by profound. https://thankful4forty.com/2017/06/09/day-255-thankful-for-letting-go-of-the-wheel/

What a day! Time for bed so I can wake up early and get rolling again.

Thanks!!!

Three years ago today life was thrown off kilter more than I’d imagined it would. Becky and I were wrapping up our morning run when I got the call that Dad had a stroke and was being rushed to hospital.

Of all of the days of my life this is a day I remember more clearly than most. My thoughts have gone to the negative portions of that day only rarely today. Time seemed to crawl by at an excruciatingly slow pace. Just like in the car accidents I’ve been in everything seemed to slow down. I observed all around me in sharper detail than normal. Each detail burning itself into my brain whether I like it or not.

What’s struck me today is just how times my brain went to very positive thoughts and memories with Dad. When I started thinking about three years ago I caught myself remembering with clarity the many joyful moments mixed into that day. Yes, as shitty of a day as it was there were still so many bright spots all around. All I had to do was look for them and focus on them. Conversations with my brother I’ll never forget. Calls from friends and family. So many well wishes via email, text, and Facebook. Hug after hug after hug in the hospital. Becky propping me up so often throughout the day. Even in what may have been one of the darkest days of my life there was love and light.

When I thought back to three years ago I remembered those joyful moments. I smiled. I’ve even laughed at several of them! Very few thoughts have been focused on the pain and heartache of the day. I’m sure I’ll be feeling those on and off again our the next week or so, but for today they weren’t the focus.

What I am most thankful for today are all of the thoughts and memories I’ve had playing in my head. Dad has been at the top of my mind all day long. It may sound crazy, but it feels a lot like I’ve spent the day with him. Just a hunch, but I’m thinking this may continue through tomorrow. Becky and the boys are out of town. I’m home alone and will be working on some projects around the house. Time for me to spend quietly in thought with Dad. I’m sure I’ll feel his presence closer than ever… especially the first time I make a bone headed mistake and I hear him laughing in my heart.

Today’s been different though, almost like a highlight reel playing intermittently throughout the day. I see something I made with Dad and I think of him. I have a conversation with Dominic that reminds me of Dad. At one point I even caught myself looking at myself on Zoom and thinking about how much I was making a facial reaction like Dad. Thoughts of him one after another after another. It’s been awesome!

So I’ve rambled a bit and am probably going to change the title slightly now as a result.

To everyone who filled my heart with love and joy on this day three years ago… thank you so much! Your kindness is so clearly remembered and will never be forgotten. Your actions and words have inspired me to be a better help to others. You each helped me see and focus on the light in the darkest of nights. Thank you!!!

Dad… dude… love you Bud! Looking forward to spending time in spirit, thought, and remembrance with you tomorrow.

Thanks!!!

The past few nights have been either some relatively deep and weighty topics or very descriptive. Tonight? Nothing that deep or complex, yet in many ways I’m more thankful and full of joy.

Tonight I spent much of the time hanging out with my boys. We fired up some great gaming and spent hours joking, talking, and playing at the dining room table. After gaming we ended up on the couch chilling and watching The Office. Yeah, I’m staying up later than I should, but it’s worth every minute of it.

Nights like this are awesome and greatly appreciated!

Thanks!!!

“Our time is too precious to waste on worry.”

The storm last night got my gears rolling. Yesterday during the day was hot, sunny, and wonderful out. Sure, it was hotter than blazes, but it was fantastic. Seemingly out of nowhere the clouds rolled in. In less than 20 minutes the temperature dropped by over 30 degrees. The lightning tore across the sky. The winds ripped through anything and everything that got in its way. Shortly after the storm blew through the the skies cleared up. The weather was even more perfect than it was before the storm. There was damage, but the world was still intact. It is changed, but it is still there.

When it became evident the storm was going to hit with full force I had a choice to make.

I could run to the basement, fear for the worst, and drive myself crazy with worry. It’d be so easy to think about all of the possible awful things that could happen and stew. I could be angry and think of how unfair it is that the storm is going to hit. If I chose the path of dark thoughts I could drive myself into a state of depression.

or…

I could head out on the deck and take in the show. I could appreciate the sensations of the storm rolling in. I could take time to be thankful to be here to experience it. I could still stay safe and not put myself in harm’s way, but at the same time not worry. I could choose the path of gratitude, prepare myself and others for safety as best I could, and stay positive throughout the worst. If I live I can continue to find reasons to be thankful. If I don’t live the rest doesn’t really matter, does it? Either way, I can choose gratitude and purpose.

Regardless of what I chose, the storm was going to hit. My attitude wasn’t going to change it’s path or the destruction it left. There was not a single thing I could do to change the situation itself. What I could change was how I responded, the attitude I chose.

As with every struggle in life if I survive it I can learn from the storm. If I am alive I can find purpose in the storm. If I am breathing I can find beauty, even in the storm. So long as I am still on this earth I can choose the one choice any of us truly have to make, my attitude.

After the storm the clouds parted. The grass was a spectacular shade of green. The world smelled amazing. It was still a place of beauty. Yes, some things were broken. But if we survived it we had the opportunity to find beauty, purpose, gratitude, and joy in it. Some may have had to look for it harder than others, but it was still there to be found for everyone.

I had a choice to make when the storm rolled in. If I survive it I can learn from it, I can find beauty in it, and I can be thankful for it. My time is too precious to waste on worry.

I stayed outside and experienced the storm with no worry and found ways to be thankful for it.

Thanks!!!

Sooo… When I started this blog one of my intentions was to blog about something I’m thankful for each day. Preferably this would be only hitting a certain topic one time. Otherwise this blog may as well be entitled “Thankful4Lasagna.” For reals, I wanted to find something unique each day to be thankful for. My thought was that this would keep me focused on digging deep to find something I’m grateful for that I would normally missed.

I’m pretty sure I’ve blogged about some version of today’s post at leas a handful of times. To be honest, I really don’t care. Thunderstorms are freaking awesome. Period. If there’s a big boomer that I’m able to soak in the odds are high it will be mentioned. Which leads to today’s post.

Our post dinner walk was cut very short by the magnificent storm clouds rolling in from the north. There was a wide smooth band of clouds signaling the front and everything else flowed behind, not too dissimilar from a jellyfish. We’re a family who rarely says no to the opportunity to experience a storm’s entrance. We all grabbed a drink and headed out to the deck to take in the show.

There were clouds at one level moving west to east while another set moved from south to north. This was particularly wild as the storm clouds themselves were seething on a path from north to south. Clouds were a wide variety of colors from dark gray to blue to dark orange. There was even a small cluster of teal. I fired up a few songs to set the mood along with the thunder… Thunder by Imagine Dragons. Thunderstruck by AC/DC. Thunder Road by Springsteen. Hmm… almost like there was a theme? 😉

The winds picked up and we watched the front coming right at us. The pressure of the air was totally intense. The strong wind rolled like a bank of fog from several houses down and hit us full on. Gavin and I toughed it out (we may not be the brightest of our household) and waited for the rain. I did the most gifting thing I could thing of in that moment. I fired up Thunderstruck again. As Angus hammered on his guitar the intensity picked up significantly. Out of nowhere the rain hit us as it defied gravity and went parallel to the ground! It was AWESOME!!!

In less than 10 minutes we experienced the temperature dropping by 23+ degrees. Yes, 95 right down to 72 in the blink of an eye. The winds hammered away at almost 30 mph. Did that stop us? Nope! Gavin and I went to the south doorway of our house and stood outside on the steps. The lateral trajectory of the rain missed us entirely as we watched the trees around us sway and bend way more than they had any right to.

I drew a huge breath in through my nose and savored that amazing smell, one of the best in the world. “Do you smell that Gavin? Summer storm. I wish I could get that as a body wash.” Without missing a beat Gavin asked if we could get in touch with the owner of Old Spice and pitch the idea to them. I love that kid!

We finally all ended up chilling in the living room watching the sheets of rain, the crazy wind, and the never-ending lightning. It was awesome. Nature’s beauty and fury all at once in one gnarly punch.

Experiencing that with my family is something I’ll definitely remember. This was a winner.

Thanks!!!

This morning I woke up feeling a little stiff. Nothing horrible, but everything just wasn’t quite moving right. After years of kicking the butt of my allergies this year they’ve mounted a comeback. While they haven’t knocked me down they certainly hit me with a doozy this morning. My nose was stuffy and runny and my lungs felt thick. Last night was a good night of sleep, but just not quite enough of it.

When the alarm blared the last thing I wanted to do was go out for a run. I wanted to go back to sleep. The bed wrapped me in a big old quilted hug that I didn’t want to be released from. Hmm… maybe just a few more minutes… NOPE!

Instead I got up, got dressed, and was ready to head out in a short period of time. The rust finally started to bust off after a mile or so. By the end it felt great to be out and moving. My morning was more productive thanks to the early morning run. I felt better after my run. Even if the world fell apart all around me today at least I was in control for a fleeting moment. I was presented with the choice of waking up and running or going back to bed. I felt accomplishment because of the run. Had I gone back to sleep I would’ve known that I didn’t run like I should have. Morning’s like this have a particularly high value to me.

Part of what made this morning possible was my running partner. Becky is going to run, come hell or high water. Period. While I don’t want to always rely on peer pressure to get myself moving it certainly does help knowing that someone else is sharing in the moment with me. While she would still run without me I have that little voice in my head saying that I would let her down by not running with her in addition to the voice telling me that I didn’t do what I should have done anyways. Yes, multiple voices in my head, all my own, all expressing their deep disappointment in myself. I’m thankful I skipped that this morning and just got moving!

Today the tired me was conquered by the gritty me and I’m thankful for that win. Sure, it was a battle and not the war, but it’s a start! Thanks again to Becky for being an awesome running partner. Her consistency helps the gritty me get up and moving in the morning.

Thanks!!!

Right after lunch today we headed out for some sunshine and time on the water. We brought the girls with us so we focused on finding a sandbar that was a little more isolated. Over the past couple of years we’ve found a spot that works out very well. It’s separated form the rest, big enough for only one group, and has some sandy and shallow stretches.

We got everything unloaded and the boys went to town figuring out where to secure their large floating pad. Within a matter of minutes they’d constructed what appeared to be a rope bridge from the mini-island to the shore. The pad was attached to the rope via a carabiner so it would slide from side to side. As they constructed it they even talked LuLu into helping out. Dominic swam out to the island, fixed the rope, and then tied the other end of the rope to a stick. He then got LuLu to fetch the stick and take it to Gavin. Talk about bonus entertainment!

Once all was said and done it was a pretty great idea they had. There were no issues with the pad floating away and they still had great range on the pad. I always love watching them come up with their own solutions like that. Showing their ingenuity on the river was pretty awesome.

The weather tonight was about the most perfect deck weather I could ever ask for. Now that the stain was dry we ate supper outside on the deck. We talked about the lighting I’m hoping to begin installing next weekend. There were a few family games played while we all chilled outside. Becky brought the girls’ bed also so they could join in the fun with us. It was borderline hot when we started eating and cooled to the point of sweatshirts by the time we came in. Having that extra time as a family is something I always appreciate. Enjoying that time in perfect deck weather made it all the more awesome.

Thanks!!!