Over the past few days I’ve fired up an old favorite audio book of mine (okay, it’s not really very old but it’s still a favorite) – Presence by Amy Cuddy.  I’ve you’ve ever had any self confidence issues, this is one hell of a read.  The book itself is incredible, while I could give you my summary it’s better hearing the concept from her directly in the TED Talk below.

One of the most important topics that she covers, in my opinion at least, is the concept of Impostor Syndrome.  In short, here’s the definition:

“Impostor syndrome is a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.  

For most of my professional career I’ve struggled and continue to struggle with this.  There have been many occasions in which I’ve had that little voice in the back of my head telling me, “You’re not supposed to be here, you’re not this good, they’re all smarter than you, it’s all luck that’s gotten me to where I am, pretty soon I’m going to screw up and everyone is going to know it.”

To be clear, I know that I am successful and that I have earned most of my success through hard work.  That said, I struggle to beat that little voice down when it starts to speak up.  It seems to come up at the most inopportune times, like at the beginning of a presentation, while sharing a business strategy, and while working with my peers.  When that voice starts to speak up I have started to learn tricks to fight it back.  I use the mental tripwire of saying “flip the switch” to shut it up before it starts to whisper in my ear.  I use interrogative self-talk to remind myself of the times I’ve been successful in that specific situation.  There’s a few emails and old homilies that I read to remind me to be strong, to remember that I have had success.  Since reading Presence I’ve used power poses to trick my brain out into being more confident that the voice in my head wants me to be.  It doesn’t always work, but I can usually start to fight that voice off.

Sometimes it doesn’t work and I can slump into a spiral or slip into a fixed mindset to try to help myself grasp onto the little confidence I have at the time…  exactly what I don’t want to have happen.  If I’m honest with myself the times when I slip into a fixed mindset are typically due to that little voice, the Impostor Syndrome.  When I fail at containing it I reflect on how it won and then find ways to prevent it from happening again.

One of the reasons that I really appreciated Bruce Sprinsteen’s autobiography was his incredibly honest admission of having similar challenges.  He talks about one concert in which he wasn’t completely present and the little voice got the best of him.

Today I’m thankful for Amy Cuddy focusing on this topic and helping me give a name to something that I’ve struggled with, not knowing what it was.  The reason I bring this topic up today isn’t for anyone to feel bad for me, it’s to get it off my chest and to help others who may wonder why they sometimes feel the way they do.  It can happen to all of us, and the best part is that we can all learn to beat it!

Thanks!!!

Today I’m thankful for the right song at the right time.  It was an earworm that burrowed deep tonight and I listened to it several times on my drive tonight for several different reasons.

It was one of those perfectly timed moments when I needed the right tune to be in the right mindset, to match a mindset, to help change a mindset.

You can catch a live version of it here:

https://youtu.be/725iONdAu9Q

RIP Chris Cornell…  You’ll be missed and remembered by many, especially when they hear this song.  Thank you for giving me the right song at the right time tonight.

Thanks!!!

 

Another successful Kid’s Cup is in the books!  Over $75,000 was raised for the Mayo Clinic Children’s Center and Olmsted Medical Center in Rochester – How awesome is that?  The weather was perfect, my teammates were great, and our golf game was…  well…  let’s just say that the sign below is sideways on purpose to match the way our golf game went! 😉

This year’s event really touched my heart at a different level than in past years.  As in past years we had a couple of families who’ve received care from the clinics share their story of how their lives have been impacted by the funds raised by Kid’s Cup.  This year we had an 8 year old boy undergoing treatment for bone cancer (his 13th chemotherapy is tomorrow) share some jokes and a hidden talent while his mom shared all the things that have helped the entire family through this challenge.  Another child’s mom shared how they were able to help him treat his hearing issues by week 2 of his life and how much his self esteem has benefited from the early care he received.  In both cases my eyes welled up as I listened.

While both of those stirred my emotions, what really hit home for me this year was a conversation I had recently with a little buddy of mine.  He and I run into each other every once in a while and when we do we have a blast!  He’s always full of energy, always smiling and giggling, he’s always happy – how can you not love being with someone like that?  We chase each other around, threaten to throw each other in the garbage can, and tease each other in fun ways like pretending to eat each other’s snacks.  When we hang out I smile and am able to be a big kid and I’m thankful for that.

Crazy thing is that he has a serious health issue that I never would have ever guessed until his dad mentioned it.  I don’t know all of the details, but it’s serious and has involved surgeries.  This kid is tough as all get out, full of life and energy and it still floors me to thing that he’s got anything less than perfect kid health.

Recently he and I were talking and I was wearing my Kid’s Cup sweatshirt from a past event and he asked me what the logo was for.  I explained that we raised money for a couple of children’s hospitals in Rochester.  “Rochester?  That’s where my doctor is!” was his smiling response.  I smiled huge and held back the sudden flow of emotion so he didn’t think anything was up, and we moved right on to the next conversation.  I am not sure if Kid’s Cup has helped him or his family out while he’s been at his doc, but I know that if there are kids like him that are so full of energy, life and happiness that need help some extra help and comfort I’m very happy to do what I can to help them out.

Today I’m thankful that Kid’s Cup had another incredibly successful year and will continue to help kids and families.  Thank you so much to all of my friends and family for all the contributions and well wishes this year – they’re greatly appreciated!!!

Thanks!!!

 

I was volunteered by Becky to be the chauffeur for Dominic’s soccer game in Madison today.  My responsibility was to transport him and a few of his teammates to the game and then drive them home.  Due to Bro Code Rule 357.9, subsection B, I am unable to share the details of the ride.  What I can share is just how much fun I had driving and listening – it was AWESOME!!!

As one of the dads put it, “the best is about 20 miles in when they forget that there’s an adult in the car.”  I was fighting back laughter often, biting my tongue on several times, and just enjoying listening to the lives of U12 kids.  It was a blast!  Taking time to replay some of the highlights from our 5 hours together still has me smiling and will for days.

Thanks!!!

Is there anything better than that story that you’ve read…  and read…  and read… and read…  and know that you will continue to read for many years to come?  American Gods is that book to me.  When the question comes up “if you could only read one book for the rest of your life…” my brain always pauses on American Gods by Neil Gaiman.  Special thanks to James DeSota for turning me on to this one many years ago.

It’s an incredible story that continues to blow my mind each and every time I read it.  Each time there are small nuances that I missed, little clues that were undiscovered, and themes that were overlooked.  As I’ve been reading it again recently (for probably the sixth time or so) there’ve been more aha’s than I’d care to admit!

It doesn’t hurt that much of the book is set in Wisconsin (in a town eerily similar to Menomonie)…

The character development is amazing, the content is right up my alley, there’s enough details that I can see it clearly in my mind, and the overall concept is very intriguing.  The story is incredible and it always leads to great thoughts in my brain.

Thanks!!!

Talk about something that brought some leaks of awesome to my eyes this afternoon…  Earlier today Dominic was recognized for an award at his school.  When Becky told me the name I was pretty pumped for him…  Student of Excellence!

When I asked what the award was specifically for she sent me the following picture:

As I read it my eyes welled up with pride and with happiness for him.  Award or not, he’s an incredible kid and I’m so thankful for his awesomeness!  

Dominic, I’m thankful for your values, your drive, your happiness, your giving, your humbleness, your humor, and all of the other awesome things about you.  Love you bud!!!

Thanks!!!

How cool is it that on the 600th straight day of blogging I’m able to be thankful for knocking off one of my dreams???

Dream #31 is/was:  Get passports for the boys.  

Travel is a huge part of our lives and the passports are keys to new and unexplored experiences for the boys.  We hope and pray that they catch the travel bug like we have (& it’s looking pretty good for both of them so far!).

BTW – it was hysterical watching the boys not smile for the picture!

Thanks!!!

The votes have been counted and Gavin will not be the next Treasurer.  😥

Funny thing is that when I picked him up from school we talked about several things that happened over the course of the day.  When I asked him about the election he kept smiling and said that he lost, but he was happy that his friend, Emma, won.  No frustration, no visible disappointment, just acceptance and enjoyment of running for the spot.  I asked him if he had fun campaigning – asking kids for votes and making his posters – he smiled and said that he did.

Funny how there are many times I can learn from my boys sometimes.  Today was an awesome reminder to enjoy the journey, don’t worry about fretting the results after it’s all done.  Find a way to improve and get better, but don’t let the loss beat me down.

Thanks for taking the loss today well Gavin!  I’m glad you had fun running for treasurer and will have a campaign poster or two hanging in my office tomorrow 🙂

Thanks!!!

For something a little different in our meeting today we headed out to a shooting range for a little friendly competition.

The event itself was a lot of fun, everyone did well and there were many smiles afterwards.  As I had a chance to think on it a bit something hit me that I don’t always take time to appreciate…  I had a very well rounded childhood.  

Wait a sec…  how the hell did I draw that conclusion from shooting a pistol?

It was interesting, as I picked up the pistol it all started coming back to me.  Assuming the right stance, breathe in, hold the sights on target, gently squeeze, repeat…  it reminded me of hours of shooting my bow at targets in our yard as a kid, sighting in my rifle for deer hunting, and shooting in Scouts.  To be clear, I’m just as horrible of a shot as I was before, but it all came back as soon as I stepped in the booth.

As these memories came back I started thinking about so many other things I had the chance to do as a kid.  Learning to paddle and trap.  Learning the joy of many different sports.  Experiencing the awesomeness of the outdoors, from hiking to sledding to laying on the road watching a meteor shower.  Helping my parents in building our houses.  Camping regularly in Scouts, having great friends to make memories with.  Even working in the woods (which I didn’t appreciate as a kid).  So many things I had the opportunity to do as a kid that keep coming back as I get older.  While I might not have thought that as a kid, I am very thankful for all of the opportunities I had as a kid.

Who would’ve ever thought that the simple act of shooting a gun would bring back so many positive memories?  Today was one of the magic moments that I would’ve missed had I not taken time to pause, reflect, and be grateful.

Thanks!!!