It’s funny how this blog thing works sometimes. On my drive to work this morning I had and idea and started to write it in my head. Over lunch I started typing it up, but it just didn’t quite feel right. The writing was fine and all, but it just didn’t quite seem to fit as well today as I’ve come to expect after 989 straight days of blogging. It was very deep, serious, and introspective, but it was just off a little.

As the day went on there was another vibe I was getting but I couldn’t quite nail down what it was. It wasn’t until after getting home and eating dinner with Becky that the real thing I’m thankful for today was right under my nose. It was so simple, I can’t believe I missed it as long as I did! Funny how sometimes I find that when I stop looking so hard to find something and I finally let go of the search that I collide right in what I had been searching for all along.

Throughout the day I’d occasionally think about Dad’s death a year ago today. That thought would only linger for a moment and was then quickly replaced with a happy memory. In some cases they were memories from when I was a kid, in others it was in the days and weeks shortly after he’d passed. Some memories were super happy, others funny, and some serious. At random moments I’d hear something, even just a word and a memory would pop in and bring a smile to my face. All day long I was surrounded by happy memories of my dad, my family, and my friends. It was beautiful.

The only thing that even compares to the happy memories was all the love I felt from so many friends and family. An extra hug here, a text there, a conversation somewhere in between, and a random joke or two thrown in and there was no way I could avoid strong feelings of love from so many. If at any point I didn’t have a memory bouncing in my head making me smile there was surely a whole lot of love I felt from so many.

So here I am, a year after my dad’s death and I’m grinning from ear to ear, feeling so much joy thanks to so many people and so many happy memories! I wish he was here to share the day with him and I’d give almost anything to have one more day with him, but I’m sure he’s smiling from up above. Odds are he might’ve pulled a few strings to help me out today.

To each and everyone who knowingly (& in some cases unknowingly) contributed to my joy today through memories and love – thank you, thank you, thank you! I appreciate each of you and am so grateful to have you in my life!

Thanks!!!

After log rolling tonight I decided to have a cold beer to start winding down the night.  Without really thinking about it I noticed this view:

The bottle opener was a beautiful gift from my great friend Sammi.  She’d read the post about having no regrets with my dad and had this made.  When it caught my eye tonight I just paused and smiled.

I pulled my phone out and started going through some old pictures of my dad.  I was smiling from ear to ear seeing the pictures of his smile as he spent time with the boys and I throughout all the years.  Gavin heard me playing a video and came in to watch it with me.  As we watched a video of Grandpa Pete spinning the boys in a huge cardboard box I snuggled up with Gavin and started to feel a deep sense of loss.

As we watched it I realized I needed some time alone to just soak in the emotion and appreciate the feeling.  My dad is gone and there will be no more memories made with him.  One of my best friends in the world will never give me a hug again, call me again, or be there to spend time with me.  It’s an incredible loss that causes a lot pain and heartache.  I hopped in the shower, still stinky from being in the river log rolling and fired up a song that really helped the tears flow, Terry’s Song by Bruce Springsteen.  I stood in the shower, soaked in the lyrics, soaked in the feeling of sadness and loss, and wept quietly.  In focusing on the sadness I had one goal, to remind myself of how much I miss Dad.  It sounds a little silly, but it reminded me of just what a special guy Dad was.  It reminded me of how fortunate I was to have him as my dad.  Sadness, but a reminder of an incredible bond and great love shared, so many joyful moments.

Once the song was over I hopped out of the shower and chose a different perspective.  I thought about what Dad would want me to be and feel if he were still around.  He would want me to be happy to for my friends and family and to be the best possible dad I could be.  To do that I need to set my self-focused pain aside and focus on how to be the best dad I could be.  I looked back at the past year and thought about what a difference the past 364 days had many.  How many times had I ton something a little differently with this newfound appreciation for life in the back of my head?  I’m positive he would be proud of how many times I turned his loss into a positive moment or created a new memory specifically because I was inspired by his loss.  What a gift!  In his passing he’s helped me find a much stronger sense of purpose than I’ve had in the past.  This sense of purpose had touched virtually all aspects of my life, from family to work to friends to people I’ve never met.  When I think about the impact Dad has had on my life since his passing I am happily surprised.  Even in death Dad is helping me to be a better man.

How funny that within the span of less than 30 minutes it’s possible to see the same thing in such different lights?  Even with the extreme difference in perspective in both there’s one thing in common…  the joy that comes from remembering the love of my father.

Thanks!!!

As you’ve probably already seen over the past couple of days the boys, my little brother, and I all headed up to Copper Harbor, MI for a weekend of camping.  The entire weekend was a huge success and many memories were made by all.  There were so many new jokes, inside jokes, and great times that I’m not even sure where to begin…  I’ll let the smiles in the pictures tell most of the story.

After dropping Nick off at his house in Green Bay I spent a pretty large chunk of the three plus hour drive in silence as the Gavin read and Dominic napped.  In that quiet I kept chuckling to myself at what a wonderful time we had.

It warms my heart knowing that my boys have grown an even stronger bond with their Uncle Nick and have memories they’ll hold onto forever.

For me I’m so thankful for the extra time with my little brother.  Between catching up, shooting the bull, remembering past memories and creating new ones it was an experience I’ll never forget and will hold in a special place in my heart for the rest of my life.

Thanks!!!

Today was an awesome day all around. It’s really tough to say what the best part of the day.

We got our fire for tonight built and ready this morning. The first stop of the day was at the rock shop to pick up some pretty sweet rock souvenirs. Afterwards we headed to the beach and picked rocks just like when we’d be up at Dad’s House. From there it was off to kayaking in Lake Superior which was pretty fantastic! We then grabbed a bite to eat in Eagle Harbor and the played some mini golf. To start closing up the night we headed up to the top of Brockway Mountain and found a couple of gnarly mountain bike trails that we hiked for a little ways. Once we made our way down and made several sightseeing stops we ended up back at the campsite. There we enjoyed time around the fire and chilling while talking about politics, bro code, girls, growing up, jokes, and giving each other a hard time. Pretty quick here we’ll call it a night and head off to bed.

It’s been a jam packed day full of fun, one that I’ll remember for a long time!

Thanks!!!

There was a late addition to the list of chores/activities for the boys to accomplish this morning… “Write a list of 50 things you’re thankful for.”

Seeing their lists made me happy, they made me laugh, and they made me even more thankful for our boys!

Thanks!!!

It’s been a very action packed day. I got almost everything done that I had set out to do this morning and the little bit that didn’t will be done by end of day tomorrow. I just sat down and am taking a load off on this very productive day.

As I say for a moment I was struck by a very tough decision…

Lemon Cake or Peanut Butter Cup?

Wrestling with this decision between two very right answers something else occurred to me…

I am so thankful for Halo Top ice cream! What an awesome way to wrap up the day… light, refreshing, sweet, delicious, and very low cal.

Life is good!

Thanks!!!

Just a heads up, yes, this blog post includes the phrase “Part 1.”  Just a hunch, but I’m guessing I’m going to come back to this overall concept one day so I’m going to leave this open ended…  

Isn’t interesting how we each have the ability to choose the lens through which we view the world?  Events and things happen all the time.  In of themselves they’re neither good nor bad, they just are.  The context and flavor are added by us and are entirely up to us.  Sometimes we find an event as being tragic and sad because that’s how we’ve chosen to see it.  Often times we don’t even realize it’s a choice, it’s more of a default that our brain goes to.  Our brains can process things more easily and quickly when we allow them to go into default mode and categorize the event without our putting thought into it.  The beauty to this is that we always have the ability to choose a different perspective when we view a specific event.  It is wholly up to us to determine how we see an event.  Good or bad, happy or sad, awesome or tragic.

The reason I am thankful for this awareness today is due to news from one of my favorite places in the entire world, the Champagne Ponds in Kapoho Bay on the big Island of Hawaii.  An incredible slice of nature in which the pools alongside the ocean are heated to bath water like temperatures due to geothermal activity.  In them you can snorkel, chill, and find so many awesome species of ocean life from sea turtles to eels (the inspiration for my tattoo) to puffer fish and everything in between.  They were nothing short of amazing.

When we went on our trip to Hawaii we rented a house with one of the many interconnected pools right in the backyard.  Our first morning in Hawaii I was up before sunrise and floating in the beautifully warm water.  Throughout the week much time was spent just relaxing in those pools.  I swam closer to a sea turtle than I’ve done since and saw so many beautifully colored fish and eels.  As I think about it I can feel my shoulders relax and drop along with my heart rate.  It was so relaxing to just float in that water.

Today those beautiful champagne ponds were completely swallowed up by the most recent lava flow.  Within 24ish hours they were just gone, vanished, disappeared as though they never existed.  Now there’s a flow of lava that’s filled them all in, taken all of the houses with it, and it now pouring into the ocean.

As one could imagine my initial feeling was one of deep loss.  One of my favorite places in the world was gone, never to return.  No return trip.  No chance to show the boys one of the things I was so excited to show them when we take them to Hawaii this December.  No way of ever experiencing the relaxing sensation of floating in the warm waters.  I felt great loss and sadness.

My mind quickly realized the trap I was falling into and I knew I had to look at this through a different lens.  I had to view it with gratitude and see it as something positive.  The damage had already been done, no point in allowing myself to hurt and cause more damage and pain.  With that in mind I quickly started thinking about all of the things I was grateful for in this event.  Here are some of those I came up with:

• I’m thankful for having experienced the Champagne Ponds in the first place.  I know the sensations I felt, I have the memories of that bliss, and I took the opportunity while it was present and savored every moment.  No lava flow can ever take that away.
• I’m thankful for the reminder of the sheer awesome power of nature.  Seeing videos of the lava taking everything in it’s path is a wonderful reminder of how small we all truly are in the big picture.
• I’m thankful for the reason to have a great conversation with my boys.  When we talked about it they were both quick to point out how lucky I was to have been there before it was gone.  Dominic reminded me that it’s also pretty cool when you think that I was able to see something incredible there once and now there will be something else amazing to see in it’s place – the world’s way of constantly changing up the scenery for our enjoyment.  Gavin pointed out how cool it was that the island is getting bigger so there will be more to explore.  Right on boys!
• I’m thankful that Becky didn’t let me up and leave to move there like I wanted to back in 2013.  It would have been an awesome 5 years of living there, but choosing my perspective would have been way more difficult if our home was swallowed up or worse.
• I’m thankful for friends with common mindsets.  After texting everyone the news Katie sent the following, “That makes me so sad, but grateful at the same time that we got to experience it.”  She hit the nail on the head!  It’s great knowing that I have friends who also can take something and find the positive in it.

Of course I wish the Champagne Ponds were still around, they were incredible!  That said, The Big  Dude Upstairs had other plans and I’m going to roll with them.  Today I’m grateful that I (and all of us) have the ability to choose the lens through which we choose to see the world.  When I use that gift correctly I’m continually surprised by the joy I find all around me…  even in the darkest of events.

Thanks!!!

Earlier this morning I’d looked at the calendar and was reminded of everything going on last June 4th.  Dominic’s soccer team had just about wrapped up their season and had a great game in Madison followed by a huge party at one of the parents’ house of one of his teammates.  I was going to call my dad, but it was getting a little late after the party and I was a little worn out.  Thinking nothing of it I figured I’d call him on my way home from work on the next day.

At about the same time my Uncle Tom Kreiling reached out to Dad and had a wonderful long phone conversation with him.  Uncle Tom told me about how much he’d enjoyed the time on the phone with Dad catching up and shooting the bull like brothers do.  When I was getting up and moving this morning the memory of talking with Uncle Tom about his conversation with Dad was top of mind and I smiled thinking about how great it was that they had that time to talk with each other one last time.

Out of the blue my Uncle Tom called me today.  We shot the bull for quite some time and had a wonderful conversation.  There were jokes about Nick and I going camping this weekend.  There was a lot of catching up on what we’re both up to.  There was time spent talking about vacations past and upcoming.  There was also a lot of talk about that last conversation with Dad.  It felt so awesome to be talking with him about it.

Something about talking with him just felt so right that I had goosebumps at times.  In some ways it was like I was talking with Dad.  In other ways it helped me get my head wrapped around what had happened at this time last year.  And, just like when talking with Dad, Uncle Tom even had some good advice that I’m going to take!  All in all it was comforting and greatly appreciated.  It’s something that I’ll have to make sure happens a little more often than I have in the past.

Thanks!!!

 

 

 

After Dad had passed away the Express team in Winona got together and bought a very generous gift card to Trees Today Nursery. As luck would have it my Uncle Frank and Aunt Andrea had a very similar idea. Yesterday the family and I headed out to the nursery and picked out our new tree, a Brandy Wine Maple 🍁.

Funny how things work out isn’t it? Later in the day I realized that we were shopping for the tree almost exactly one year after I’d last talked/texted with Dad. Not sure how that worked out so perfectly, but it seemed pretty right and more than a coincidence.

Last night we got the tree planted in our yard and today we did a little temporary landscaping to help keep it safe while it takes root.

Becky’s already started calling it “Pete” which cracks me up for numerous reasons.

For me it’s a wonderful reminder of Dad that we’ll have in our front yard for as long as we live here.

Thank you to everyone who helped give this amazing gift, I’ll think of all of you and your thoughtfulness and generosity every time I’m looking at it and thinking of Dad.

Thanks!!!