Living into a stoic mindset is so simple when life is easy. Many of the ideas and concepts get measured against past experiences or imagined events. The lessons are learned but maybe not quite as embedded. It becomes so easy to see the future successes and the ease with which ones takes on an imagined dragon. So simple, so foolish.
When are lessons truly learned? When is progress really made? The true growth happens in the test.
Hypotheticals are easy. Being tested shows how much has sunk in and has become a part of us.
Throughout the past 48-ish hours it seems like test after test after test have provided opportunities for me to practice my practice. As wave after wave have crashed on the shore I’m continuing to smile and be thankful.
The test. This is where I grow. This is where I am me. I am thankful for each of these moments. They are an appreciated opportunity to prove to myself that I am focused on becoming the me I should be.
Last weekend one of my friends asked me how I blog when I am frustrated or things aren’t going well. Dude, this is totally one of those times. I dial up the gratitude for the opportunity to be tested. I ask myself the same question over and over, “What can I learn from this?” I am truly grateful for the test, I am appreciative of the opportunity to prove to myself that I am truly grateful, focused on the present, and am ready to make the best of whatever challenge is thrown my way.
The test. This is my time to grow. The struggles are there, there will be discomfort, but I will appreciate them as they are signs of growth and my ability to persevere.
Not gonna lie, I’ve already got a blog in mind for tomorrow and it involves no more political ads, calls, and texts… Just sayin’! Even though all the election stuff is in the news I’m largely withdrawing from society for the next ten hours. No point in stressing something that likely won’t be concluded in the next week or two anyways. As such the theme for me tonight is chill; in all its forms 😉
One of the key takeaways I’ve drawn from one of the books I’m reading is the power of a cold shower. By switching the water from hot to cold for the last 15 seconds to 2 minutes of my shower I’m able to give my pulmonary system and vagus nerve a nice little workout. There’s a lot of science behind it but I won’t dive into it here. If you want to learn more just let me know.
Long story short, I’ve worked my way up from fifteen seconds to well over two minutes each day over the past eight days. I walk away feeling refreshed, energized, and ready to go. While in the shower my mind goes to a beautiful state of peace, presence, and focus – albeit after the shock of the first 15-30 seconds. Funny, but it’s amongst the most relaxing part of my day and I can already feel it becoming habit. I’m grateful for this new way to kick off a day!
One of the songs that’s been in my head a lot lately is Shine by Mondo Cozmo (https://youtu.be/1pOUbcbTvOU) . Something about it just seems to fit so well with all going on in life. Here’s a little sample:
Stick with me Jesus through the comin’ storm I’ve come to you in search of something I have lost Shine down a light on me and show a path I promise you I will return if you take me back
It’s been one that’s close to mind recently. Each time I’ve pulled it up I can’t help but feel a bit uplifted and relaxed in a positive way. To dial up a combo of Shine followed by the Chris Cornell version of Patience and then close out with Woods by Hollow Coves is pretty much chill perfection. Times like this I’m thanks for music that fits the mood and sets the mood.
Picture from last night that fit the mood of tonight… chill.
Last, what a beautiful November day! Becky and I got a nice walk in under the stars while Gavin was at practice. Having time to shut down the outside world, get physical activity in, and enjoy the unseasonably warm weather was a great way to start closing up the night. Each step, each breath through my nose, and each little breeze on face felt like perfection. The enjoyment of the present moment in such a state of perfect weather reminded me of how little I actually need for joy and how beautiful simplicity can be. Breathe in, breathe out, exist, and be grateful.
Full disclosure, somehow I stumbled upon two very interesting books at the same time. The one I’m thankful for today is the one I’ve almost finished and the other I’ll have finished by the end fo the next weekend. Both books have a very strong similarity, a focus on the power of breath.
Breath by James Nestor has been one crazy factoid after another. Throughout the book there’ve been many interesting nuggets of information – supported by science – as well as ways to take advantage of our physiology. Never in my life would I have imagined that I knew as little about the essential bodily function that I do so many thousand of times each day. Hearing about how the body breathes and all the ways I can impact it has been mind blowing.
One nugget in particular I’ve been consciously focusing on improving is nasal breathing. I’m not sure if it is due to allergies or something else, but my nose is seemingly always stuffy. This stuffiness has led to the habit of breathing through my mouth. During especially rough allergy seasons I’ll wake up in the morning with a raw throat from breathing out of my mouth all night long.
This book showed me just how important it is to breathe through my nose instead of my mouth – and not just for the reason of a dry and irritated throat. Through a handful of the exercises in the book I’m already finding I have the ability to control how open my nose is. In a matter of minutes I can go from stuffed up to breathing through my nose only. It’s crazy!
What I’m also finding are so many ways to breath in ways that are much more healthy (yes, there are healthy and less healthy ways to breathe). When I combine the ideas from this book with the other I’m reading I’m finding ways to increase my lung capacity. There are several things I’m looking forward to trying over the next couple of weeks to see how I can improve my fitness and athletic performance as well.
If you suffer from asthma, allergies, or anything else breathing related or are interested in the physiology of the nose I’d recommend picking up a copy of the book. My mind is already blown and I’m not even done yet!
What are the deeply impactful moments of clarity in your life? You know, those experiences when something set itself upon your soul and you knew it would shape your values and world view in a profound way for the rest of your life. Maybe it was an experience, a story, something incredibly good and fortunate, or maybe it was something you wished would never happen but it did. In those moments a lesson is taught with such clarity that it leaves a mark on your soul and becomes a part of who you are and who you will be.
Last night’s sermon at church was one of those moments for me. A striking lesson that will be with me for the rest of my life and will shape future actions. I am sure I will not always live into it as I should, but the spirit of this lesson will be there with me as I make decisions and take actions in my life.
Fr Dodge started talking about saints as November 1st is All Saints Day. He shared a story to hep us understand what a saint really is and helped us see that it is not something unattainable for all of us. If you’d like to watch and hear it yourself instead of reading my ramblings you can check it out here ( https://youtu.be/nWxg8anthpI?t=1316 ) and it will go right to exact moment for you. Even if you are not Christian or Catholic I can almost guarantee you’ll appreciate this three minute story as well.
The story is this. Each time a mother takes her son to church she points to the stained glass windows and spends time explaining who the different saints are in hopes he remembers them as he grows older. Once the young child has grown a bit and goes to Sunday school their teacher asks the question, “what is a saint?” His response? “Saints are those who let The Light shine through them.”
“Saints are those who let The Light shine through them.” What a profound thought!
To be clear, being a saint isn’t something on my dream list or a goal written somewhere. What this thought helps me see is a very clear way of viewing my actions, emotions, and intentions. It provides a two part thought process to help me. Am I focused on receiving the light and am I letting it shine through?
When I think of the phrase there must be light in order to allow it to shine through. Am I acting with kindness? Am I acting with positivity? Am I acting with gratitude? Am I acting with an open mind? Am I acting with inclusivity? Am I acting with peace? Am I acting with joy? Am I acting with the right intentions? Am I acting with love? In short, am I acting with the ideals The Big Dude Upstairs would want me to act with? Am I acting as Jesus would? If the answer is yes The Light is there and shining brightly.
Love, love, love this pic for so many reasons.
Am I letting The Light shine through? There are times when it is so easy to keep things inside and not share them outwardly. Sometimes the light might be there but I cover it with a heavy blanket or I close the curtains around it. When someone is overly negative, closed minded, taking poor actions, or acting with anger am I hiding the light or am I courageous enough to let the light shine through? This can be a very tough one! How many times have I allowed the darkness to cause me to act with darkness or to withhold the light at the very moment in which its presence was needed more than ever? Did I have the courage to let the light shine through even if I was nervous, uncomfortable, or scared? The Light was meant to be shared, am I selfishly keeping it to myself or selflessly letting it shine?
Those two key questions will resonate in my brain for the rest of my life. As I started with, I am positive I will fail sometimes, but this knowledge will help me act with grace more than I would have without it.
There’s also a very interesting note that Father Dodge added at the end of the sermon. Allowing The Light to shine through us may cause us to feel worse in some cases. Think of the windows in a house. When the light hits them you can quickly see the smudges that need to be cleaned. As we would allow The Light to shine through us it is important to remember we will see more of our own mistakes. Those are opportunities for growth, not a reason to stop letting the light in. We can take the time to clean those smudges and allow The Light to shine through even more clearly.
Have a wonderful rest of your day, I hope we all allow The Light to shine through us today!
If you’ve tried calling, emailing, or texting me today my apologies in advance. If you’d like to contact me tomorrow please use my home phone number (yes, we’re one of those crazy families who still have one). My iPhone is currently in the same place it has been all day. It is in exactly the same mode now as it has been all day and as it will be tomorrow – powered off.
Outside of this short period of time blogging today there has been and will be exactly zero minutes of screen time for me today. Yes, I’m going full blown cellphone and screen celibate today.
Why? My answer may surprise you. “Why not more often?” Today I’ve been so much more calm and relaxed. I really don’t need any updates on the election. I could care less about any sports scores. There aren’t any shows I’m missing. Instead of playing an online game I’m planning on playing games IRL (in real life) with my family instead.
This morning we went for a hike in the bluffs. There were a couple of times I wanted to stop and take a quick picture and realized I didn’t have a device with me. I smiled at myself, stared at the scene I wanted a picture of, studied it intently, and moved on. As we moved on I wondered to myself if I would have paid that close of attention to the details I was appreciating had I taken a picture instead.
When I took Dominic too and from the soccer fields to ref I caught myself wanting to grab my phone on the way out the door. Without it I felt like I was forgetting something. Each of these urges and sensations is helping me realize I need to do this more often.
Throughout the day I’ve had weird desires to check my email, check my texts, and look something up online. I’ve found it easy to resist those urges as my phone is still sitting in my bedroom on the dresser. What I’m also seeing is that I am doing just fine without the extra distractions.
While cleaning the garage today I struggled for a second. Maybe I could just turn on my phone specifically for music while I clean… Horrible idea. I know what would have happened. As soon as I went to change the music I’d check for alerts on my phone and would quickly undo everything I’ve been working on today. Instead I went old school. I went into the basement, pulled out a huge and archaic device, grabbed a binder of plastic covered foil and when outside. I’m amazed that I still remember how a CD player works! 😉 No advertisements, no alerts, nothing but one album from start to finish. Not only was it peaceful but I was shocked to see how many lyrics I still remembered!
Off to church, grab supper, play games as a family, do my breathing practice, read in bed, and off to sleep. No screens, no news, no alerts, and no distraction. Just chilling and focused in the moment. I can’t think of many better ways to wrap up the last quarter of a day.
I went with this pic today as it is from one of my favorite places in the world, one in which there is ZERO cell coverage and wifi in only one small location… Isle Royale, our fortress of solitude. See you in 2021 Isle Royale!
My stress level has been totally low all day. I’ve been focused on the task at hand and have been more productive. When I’ve had moments of peace I’ve pulled out a book (Breath by James Nestor – I had no idea how much goes on in our bodies when we breathe everyday!). My mind has been present more often. I’ve been thinking about deeper thoughts and how to grow and close the gap between who I am and who I should be more today than I have in a long time. Long story short, my day has been significantly improved by my cellphone and screen celibacy today. I’m sure tomorrow will be too!
Yeah, it would have been even cooler to have been in person like we were back in the day for this picture, but we stayed safe and hung out on Zoom instead. Over the past almost five hours I’ve been online with a handful of my lifelong friends.
Sorry Kevin – I didn’t have one with all seven of us, we’ll have to take one next we’re all hanging out (preferably at someone’s cabin?).
True friendship is hanging out with no agenda, letting the conversation go in any direction, sharing new experiences and old memories, joking with each other constantly, talking about the great stuff in life, talking about the tough stuff in life, and laughing and smiling until our faces hurt. My soul is full after spending time with my friends, my life feels more full and complete, and I am grateful for the opportunity for all of us to share this time with each other.
Sharing time online is not the same as hearing the laughs in person and sharing a bear hug or a punch in the arm, but our friendship is one that transcends physical location. I’m simultaneously excited and giddy at the prospect of getting together sometime in the future as well as enjoying every minute we get to share together – even if it is online.
What an awesome way to end the work week and transition into the weekend!
This quote from Seneca has been in my head for much of the day. In my opinion it is a quote of extreme personal ownership in every action I take. While I may have ideas (or delusions of grandeur) of who I am, I am truly my choices. Nothing more, nothing less.
Do I wake up early or do I sleep in? Do I read a thought provoking article to ponder throughout the day or do I mindlessly stare at my phone? Do I push myself on the bike or do I coast a bit? Do I eat healthy and only what I need or do I eat as much as I’d like of food that is not nutritious? Do I focus on what truly needs to be done or am I going to complete what’s easy first? Do I make the tough decision or do I allow the decision to be made for me? Do I prep completely to perform at my best or do I waste my time on something else and half ass the other project? Do I stand up for something I believe in even if it means disagreeing with the majority or do I choose to back down? Do I stay calm or do I allow my emotions to control my actions? Do I become part of the solution or do I complain and make the problem worse? Do I remember the words of Marcus Aurelius and not allow myself to be harmed or do I take words and actions personally? Do I remember the story of the two monks and the muddy road and let something go or do I hold on to frustration well past its expiration date? Do I take action to make something happen or do I sit back and hope for something to happen?
So many little choices to be made throughout the day. Each of them simultaneous minor and trivial while also being of infinite importance as they each shape who I am.
Today I have not been the best version of myself that I am capable of. I have made many poor choices, especially as I read the list of choices above. Frustrating, of course. Also a chance to improve with each moment moving forward today and tomorrow. The choice is mine. I can choose to be the me who I know I can be. I can become that me by making the right choices.
Thanks!!!
Bonus Seneca quote 😉
True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not. ― Seneca
My mind tends to fix on themes often. If I were to go back and re-read many posts over certain periods of time there are definitely themes flowing from one through the next to the next to the next. The most recent theme is focused on a combination of gratitude and growth. Yesterday I wrote about my presentation on gratitude tomorrow and it also got me thinking of growth. The day before was focused on meditation and a sense of enlightenment.
After going through the normal morning routine I opted to work on my breathing practice before hopping in the shower. I laid on the bed and spent the next 28 minutes breathing in a specific pattern. Sound easy? It was more intense than I would have thought! Interesting and unrelated side note – I didn’t realize that I could empty my lungs, not breathe in for over two minutes, inhale deeply once, and then not exhale for another minute and a half until this morning!
I’m not sure if it was a combination of the past blogs, my breathing practice, a crazy earworm, prepping my training, or random-ish chance, but I got myself thinking about one of the lower points in my life. Back many years ago I just felt off. I was feeling unfulfilled and like I was just drifting without purpose. Becky helped pull me out of that funk by suggesting I take a road trip to the Upper Peninsula of Michicagn. While sitting alone on the shore of Lake Superior I took time to think, chill, and dream. It was one of the first times I put tangible dreams on paper. By the time I came home I was already changing. I was motivated, had goals, and was actively finding ways to grow into those dreams.
From that one weekend I transformed and grew closer into the person I feel I should be. This was the spark of my dream book before I read Dream Manager. This was when I realized how important my health was, not just for me, but as generational gift and benefit for my boys. When I go back and look at how much started blossoming from that difficult time I see it was one of a handful of turning points in my life.
This morning I kept thinking back to that mindset before the weekend in the UP. I was so lost, so disengaged. Hopelessness was rampant. Motivation was a struggle. I was in a complete and total funk. The Killers wrote a great song – Rut – that really nails the feeling I had in a way much better than I could ever dream to:
Can’t keep my mind off of every little wrong I see the mouths are open but I can’t hear the song I’ve done my best to fill ’em But the cracks are starting to spread Hey, I won’t blame you baby Go on, turn your head
But don’t give up on me ‘Cause I’m just in a rut I’m climbing but the walls keep stacking up
I can’t keep pretending this next stop isn’t mine The truth is on the table, and someone’s gotta sign I’ve done my best defending But the punches are starting to land I’m sliding into something You won’t understand
Don’t give up on me ‘Cause I’m just in a rut I’m climbing but the walls keep stacking up
As I listened to that song in the shower I chuckled to myself. How many times in life have the most profound changes come as a direct result of the most difficult challenges of my life? Sure, in the moment the pain is intense and in the moment I would prefer to skip it, but if I keep my head, if I keep my emptions, if I live my true self I know I will be better for the experience. Those difficult moments are when I’ve grown the most.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to actively seek those moments out, I’m not that big of a masochist. However, when I look back at the challenges of all sorts that 2020 has thrown I’m going to someday look back and see it as another pivot in my life, an opportunity to take the next step in growth. There’ve been so many lessons and steps of growth already, but this morning I couldn’t help but think of how much time I’ve spent reading, in thought, in meditation, in nature, in motion, and with family. The breathing exercise and cold showers (three days going strong, up to 40 seconds!) might be another of those changes that maintain and continue to bring joy to my life for years after 2020.
Moments of growth disguised as moments of pain. Keep my head, keep my emotions, live to my true self… do those things and the pain will melt into growth every time. Keep the faith, stay positive, always smile, always grateful. Memories of pain will fade, the growth, joy, and gratitude will remain.
This week it is my turn in the training rotation for our weekly learning session on Thursday. In case you have missed hearing about those they are our opportunity to pause everything in our working world for 30-45 minutes to focus on learning more about our core values. We rotate the trainer each week so everyone has an opportunity to share an idea with others. The value we’re keying in on for the next few months is near and dear to my heart… gratitude!
I took a little time last week reviewing some of my favorite articles and videos on the topic. Once I landed on the winner ( David Steindl-Rast’s TED Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/david_steindl_rast_want_to_be_happy_be_grateful/up-next?language=en ) I went back and watched it a few more times. One of the pieces that I found most I retesting was his simple way to be more grateful – Stop, Look, & Listen. Yes, the same simple instructions we were taught when we learned to cross the street. What I hadn’t tied together before was those are the steps in my daily blogging practice that have helped it to create so much joy in my life. I stumbled/lucked into it totally by accident.
As I prepped my brief presentation for Thursday I realized that there are some additional things I must focus on to continue to grow my gratitude practice. At first I kind of shrugged off the cosmic messages and plowed ahead. For some reason I finally stopped, mid sentence, and opened my calendar. I found three days that I did not yet have booked up in the next handful of weeks. Some key strokes and mouse clicks later and I had finally accomplished setting the date to work on something I’ve had in process for quite some time. I will be working those three days, but not on my career, on another passion instead. Had it not been for the lessons I had recently re-learned while watching the video again I most likely wouldn’t have taken action like I did.
As a middle aged dude I’m apt to wake up once or twice in the night. Last night I fell asleep, awoke at 1:30am, got up and then went back to bed. Laying in bed I could tell my brain was dangerously close to the precipice of full blown mind racing thoughts. I smiled and had an awesome idea that was way better than expected.
On Saturday night I happened across a book online that quickly caught my attention. The entire focus was on breathing techniques and the use of cold to help relaxation and health. I clicked on Audible, downloaded it, and proceeded to listen to approximately a quarter of the book yesterday. One of the techniques that was explained was a deep breathing exercise. It was pretty easy to remember, even in the middle of the night.
As I laid on my back looking up into the blackness of our dark bedroom I figured why not try the breathing exercise. I spent the next minutes (though I couldn’t tell you how long for sure) drawing in deep breaths of air until my lungs expanded my stomach and then slowly releasing the breath. Forty breaths later I expended all the air in my lungs and didn’t breathe in until my lungs made it very clear that I should. I then threw a long, slow, and deep breath and held it until my lungs were ready to release it. This process alone led to some interesting sensations throughout my body and I quickly understood why they recommended doing it only when laying down in a safe place.
My mind was already clear of all thoughts and I went deep into myself. Very quickly I reached that beautiful space in which no thought exists, only sensation and existence. For what seemed like and incredibly long period of time my entire existence was the sensation of my heart beating and pushing the hot blood throughout my entire body. Each beat of my heart was followed by an intense wave of warmth flowing through my veins. It was one of the most intense experiences of my life, certainly the most profound meditative state I’ve even been in.
One of my favorite books, American Gods, has a character who has come back from the dead. She mentions that one of the things she misses the most is the warmth of blood being pushed from her heart to the rest of her body. She never noticed it in life, it was only after her heart stopped beating that she was aware of its now missing presence. When I read the book I thought I understood. After my experience last night I am much closer to a complete understanding of the concept the author was describing. All day long I’ve had these little mini moments of that same sensation in which I can feel an individual heartbeat or two and the following echo across my body. It’s been wild!
When I woke this morning I can’t even being to explain what an amazingly joyful mood I was in. I was excited to wake up and get out of my warm bed. I was pumped to run outside in the frozen air. All my being was in a deep state of gratitude for life and for the gift I received in mediation last night. Throw in some other awesome experiences (like my first dose of 15 seconds of cold water at the end of my shower) and it was one of the best Monday mornings of my life!
This pick just seems to fit for some reason tonight… Not sure if it was the cold, the feeling of being alive, or something else.
All that from one little bit of insomnia, how crazy is that?
Thankful for Forty 