LOL – I am still laughing at how I’ve found a way to fit this much life into one day! The alarm is going to ring a little earlier than I’d like it to, but what’s a dude to do? The little extra tired feeling is a very small price to pay for a wonderfully jam packed day.

What I’m most thankful for today are days like this. After burning the candle on both ends (in a healthy way) I’m in a hurry to write my blog and go to bed. I really don’t want to short change the day, but the day was so packed I’m exhausted! To follow up from yesterday’s blog post maybe I should deem it “The Kreiling Paradox.”

Living a day to its fullest, so much so that by the end you’d really like to write about all of it, but you’re so exhausted that you rush through your gratitude for it because you’re ready to crash in bed.

The Kreiling Paradox

Long story short, I am also thankful for saying yes to a hike. There’s a time sensitive project I wanted to work on in my woodshed today, but Becky and Gavin were going to go for a hike while Dominic went snowboarding. I followed my own advice – when someone asks you to go on vacation with them, exercise with them, or hike with them, the answer is always yes. To this day I’ve yet to regret going on a hike instead of doing whatever else I was going to do.

We headed out to Wildcat Mountain State Park and enjoyed a winter wonderland completely devoid of anyone else. The only company we had on the trails were the three deer watching us from a hillside. Being in the wild is always music for my soul, the snow added even more peacefulness and serenity to the time out there. I’m excited to head back down to that neck of the woods later this week.

After getting home I went up and got to work on my project. Part of it didn’t turn out as I’d like so I started over which was simultaneously frustrating and liberating at the same time. The hours flew by as I made tremendous progress in spite of the do over.

Before sitting down to blog I opted for a board game with the boys. We’d played Wingspan for the first time last night and LOVED it so we fired it back up again. I probably should have looked at the clock before starting the game, but again, I’m so grateful for the time I had with the boys playing games and joking around. What an excellent way to wrap up the weekend.

Time to crash and enjoy falling asleep before my head hits the pillow!

Thanks!!!

Something that has really hit me for several reasons is the concept of the Stockdale Paradox, a concept made famous by Jim Collins in the book Good to Great. You can read about it in more detail here (and I highly recommend you do as I won’t do nearly the justice it deserves).

The extremely short version is that when Admiral Jim Stockdale was taken as a POW he noticed that there were people of a certain mindset who survived (as he did through SEVEN years or so of being held captive and tortured) and people of another mindset who died of a broken heart before they were able to experience freedom again. The biggest difference in mindset was optimism… and not for the better. Crazy, right?

The people who had this optimistic mindset that they would be released by a certain date would fall apart when that day came and went and nothing happened. They believed that they would be set free, but they also blindly believed that things would work out in a certain way and in a specific timeframe.

The people who survived were able to do a very Stoic balancing act. They firmly believed that everything would work out. Many believed that their experience, horrific as it may be, would be something that would transform them for the better. They would survive and become stronger as a result of the experience. This would be a defining chapter in their lives. The ones who survived had an unwavering belief that they would make it.

They balanced that mindset while confronting the brutal facts around them. There was no timeline in which they could count on this to end. There was no specific way they would get out. There were terrible things happening to them that they had to survive, and those terrible things would continue to an undetermined amount of time. They dealt with the brutal facts while holding onto their unwavering faith that everything would work out.

What’s interesting is that this is very similar to what Viktor Frankl shared in Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl said that those who set a falsely optimistic goal of being set free by a certain time often fell apart once their self-imposed deadline came and went. By focusing on something they created in their own head they pushed beyond what should have been possible, but then fell apart when things didn’t change on the other side of their fictional finish line. The ones who survived absorbed each moment and knew that it may continue forever – though their faith was that they would find a way to utilize their suffering to make the world a better place. The survivors found purpose in their suffering and decided they must survive – no matter how long it continued – in order to transform their suffering into purpose.

So why am I thankful for this today?

As 2020 keeps winding down there are more and more messages all around us portraying this epic shift in all of our lives at exactly 12:00 midnight on January 1, 2021. That’s not going to happen. Everything that is currently going on will continue into next year. Remembering these two examples is critical for my mind to to keep at its forefront right now. I’m finding it’s easy to let the changing of the calendar fool me into a false sense of security. It’s so easy for me to mentally skip past the next week and see it as a “throw away” as the last week of the year.

By remembering the Stockdale Paradox and Man’s Search for Meaning I am reminded to have unwavering faith that everything will work out in time. There is much I am able to control, my locus of control lies in my ability to choose my mindset and to live in the present knowing that there will be a brilliant future – in time. Regardless of what happens around me I will soak up all that happens and see it as opportunities to grow and become stronger. I will maintain my unwavering faith in the future while recognizing that any of the challenges of COVID are far from over. I do not know how long it will last, but I do know it will not last forever. I am grateful for the opportunity to be tested and to forge my soul through the current fire. It will all work out in the end, even if it is difficult and hurts in the moment.

Have faith that better days are ahead, live fully in each moment – even until this happens. Do not wish my life away for something out of my control. Even though it may hurt and cause discomfort it is the sensation of growth.

Thanks!!!

One of the things that is nice about being a red headed step child is that you learn to march to the beat of your own drum. Fortunately for me my family and I all march to the same crazy beat. Our Christmas Day has been a very “Kreiling” kind of day… and I am grateful for each moment of it.

The entire day has been filled with laughs and time together. We went for a drive to pick up the dogs. We made and ate a delicious meal together. We went for a walk together. We’re now chilling on the couch and watching a movie together.

Throughout the day we’ve spent a ton of time doing one of the things we enjoy most – playing games together. Between a gift from friends and gifts for the boys from us we had quite the pile of games to play. We didn’t quite get through playing each of them today, but we had a great time playing the ones we did!

Why I appreciate most about days like this is all the time we get to spend together. I can’t imagine a better way to spend Christmas than as a family like this. Laughs, smiles, love, and togetherness. It was a perfectly Kreiling Christmas.

Thanks!!!

While the day has been filled with many blessings there are two moments (or series of moments) which really stick out and are thing I haven’t blogged about in the past.

This morning after I showered I got only about halfway dressed. I donned only my shorts and a pair of shoes. I grabbed my phone and I stepped outside. In a temperature of approximately 1 degree (Fahrenheit), 85% humidity and 6mph winds I stood in only my shorts and shoes. For seven minutes I had couple of songs playing quietly in the background on my phone. I reached my arms out to maximize the surface area of the cold air. Over the next seven minutes I focused only on my breathing. It was incredible.

While breathing and doing nothing else but existing in the moment the present seemed more clear than ever. The birds quickly flew back to the nearby bird feeders and paid no attention to me. They quickly realized that I intended no harm to them and resumed their breakfast. The gusts of wind sent ghosts of snow across the field. Each inhale was intensely crisp in a profoundly satisfying way as I drew air in through my nose and expanded it from my belly up through my chest before exhaling.

Rather than hiding in “the pain cave” and avoiding the sensations I savored each every single second of it. Interestingly enough, I wasn’t cold in the least. The breathing and my practice in cold kept me plenty warm. Each time the wind would increase I would relish the feel of it going across my bare skin and tickling each hair as it rushed past. I felt intensely alive and was hyper tuned in to the present. What an excellent seven minute extreme cold meditation!

After spending many moments yesterday thinking about my personal values, purpose, and goals for next year there was a lot of residual impact today. Several times I caught myself about to act or about to say something and then thought back to my values. In an instant I was able to rinse it against the sieve of my values to catch the impurities. Unfortunately there were more times when I caught myself AFTER I’d already acted or said something. Nothing major, but mildly frustrating as it helped me see there’s a lot of gap for me to cover.

What I’m most grateful for about those moments today was the residual impact of focusing on my values yesterday. After spending time in thought on my values yesterday it brought them back to the forefront of my brain and I was much more cognizant of them. One of the “Top 3 Starting Doing” activities I’m considering this year is to start my morning with a quick review of my values. Today certainly has pushed me more strongly in that direction.

Thanks!!!

This morning I saw an update on my phone talking about getting ready for the new year. The title of the article was something along the lines of “Good Riddance 2020.” Allow me to channel my inner Dennis Miller here. Now I don’t wanna go on a rant here, but….

I am thankful for 2020. I am not a fan of each of the individual challenges it has presented, but I am thankful for the year itself. Anything I survive is something I can find reasons to be grateful for. 2020 very much included. This year has been incredibly challenging on so many levels, but there are so many lessons I’ve learned this year that will have a lasting positive impact on my life. These lessons are largely those which can only be learned through adversity.

One of the biggest of these lessons is to appreciate each and every single minute, day, and year I have on Earth, 2020 included. If I were to push this year aside and do my best to rush past it I would be missing the point. If I were to look to slamming the door on 2020 and told it not to let the door hit it in the ass I’d risk not being fateful for each and every moment I had left in 2020.

If I were to die tomorrow and knew it would be the case would I rush it away as the entire year has been challenging? No way! I’d find a way to savor each last moment and breath – even the difficult parts. My time is so limited and finite, I must remember to appreciate each moment of it. As I’ve often learned, the most difficult moments in my life are often my turning points, my opportunity to grow and improve, to close the gap between who I am and who I should be, and have created and led to some of the most joyful memories of my life. Yes, it hurts in the moment, but if I’m smart I find a way to soak in the pain, use it as fuel, learn from it, use it, and live better and more joyfully as a result of it.

Good riddance 2020? Hell no! 2020 – thank you for the challenges you’ve presented. I would have preferred a little less adversity, but that was not in my control. 2020, you provided me opportunity to grow in many unexpected ways and while you’ve left some scars they are ones I’ll look to fondly as they helped me live more into the life I was meant to live. Thank you for showing me the power of gratitude to rise above pain, showing me more of the depth of the gap between who I am and I am should be, and for providing me opportunity to continue closing that gap. While I can’t honestly say I’ve enjoyed every moment of 2020, I’m grateful for each breath I’ve taken in 2020.

One of the lessons I’ve also learned from 2020 is how much I’ve let momentum and gravity guide my path over the past few years. There’ve been many reminders of what brings me the most joy in life, what I hope to accomplish, and habits I need to re-shape and focus on.

Earlier today I spent some quiet time reviewing my Dream Journal. I went through each of the past three dream lists I’ve created – each including over 100 dreams I hoped to accomplish. There’s also a section walking me through which ones I’ve already accomplished.

By taking time to review both it helped me see I need to spend time in thought re-creating / updating my dream list based on lessons learned over the past couple of years. Once I have those completed I can set my Top 3 goals for 2021 (although I’ve already started jotting some down) and then get my 2021 personal plans in line with where I feel called to be. This is very different than the past couple of years in which I’ve let momentum and gravity pull me along through life. I will live proactively and with purpose more so than I have in recent years.

Thanks!!!

Without getting into too much detail today was the culmination of a mindset shift I’ve been working of for a few years. It has been difficult and required many mental calisthenics while continuing to learn through mistakes.

Over the past handful of years my cohorts and mentors have been working with me on this shift. Mentally, it made perfect sense. However, sometimes there are habits that are very difficult to change. While hearing how much of a difference it would make I kept feeling the gravity of past action pull me back to what I’ve always done and what I’ve always known.

In many ways it fits the “ball in cup” model of regime change and resilience that Becky wrote about in her PhD thesis. Today felt like the point in which I went over the peak of the next cup and can feel the momentum pulling me towards the next stable state. I don’t know a better way to explain it other than how incredible it felt to have a sense of positive progress.

What’s most interesting is the different sensation of reward that came from this mindset than from the previous one. It was more profound and also showed so many more opportunities. I’m so grateful for everyone who has helped push me to this point!

Something else that’s been on my mind a lot is a practice a business mentor follow each year. They look ahead to the next year and set their Top 3 goals for the next calendar year. They then look at the Top 3 Supporting goals for those Top 3 goals. Once they have those goals (6 in total) written out they then look at what are the Top 3 things they need to STOP doing to accomplish their goals. They then move to setting the Top 3 things they need to remember in order to meet their goals. These lists are what they review at the very beginning of each day to help guide them through what is the most important.

When I heard this the first time I thought about how time consuming it would be to do this – setting it at the start of the year and then reviewing that list each and every single day. And then I started thinking… What are the three biggest goals I would like to accomplish in the next year? What would I need to stop doing? What would I need to start doing? All day long my brain has been thinking on this topic.

Over the next week I’ll be spending time in thought and jotting notes to myself to get this list down. Over the past almost 2,000 days I’ve taught myself how to one activity daily, one that is time consuming and requires additional thought and is grit intensive… and it’s had a tremendous positive impact on my life. Why could I not do one more thing daily to more deeply enhance the joy in my life?

Thanks!!!

One of the ways my brain is wired to thing is through comparison. I’m continually comparing something to something else to see which is better and how the other could be improved. In a vacuum and focused on two things that are unrelated to me comparison is a wildly important and effective tool. The process of comparing things is a beautiful scalpel to cut away the extraneous and get to the root of why one thing is more effective or better than the other.

While comparison is a fantastic tool in comparing ideas, things, and whatnot it is a terrible tool to live my life by. A recent quote from the Tim Ferris’s podcast with Jim Collins (yes, I listened to it again!) hit the nail on the head:

“Comparison is the primary sin of modern life.”

Michael Ray

Jim goes on to share that the days when he feels the least fulfilled there are often moments of comparison between him and someone else. What do they have versus what he has? What have they done compared to what he has done? What have they created compared to what he has created? In those moments there is only discontentment.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve had several reminders of the ills of comparison. In some situations I was envious of what others had done and created. Sometimes I wished had more success like someone else. I wanted their ability to see the world differently or to have had the opportunities that they’ve had. Nothing crazy, but enough that as I look back I can see that those times involved feelings of discontentment.

I’ve also had situations going in the other direction when I was comparing myself to others to make myself feel better. Seeing how I’d already learned from the experiences I’ve had while they hadn’t. This is also certainly did not lead to joy or contentment. It may have made me feel momentary happiness, but it was quickly followed by the regret of realizing I was essentially deriving happiness from the misfortune of others. Another example of comparison gone bad.

In each of those types of solutions I was allowing myself to be lured into the appeal of personal comparison. What’s funny is that I already know and actively practice the antidote to personal comparison…

Gratitude.

If I am instead grateful for what I have, where I am, and for what I’ve experienced there is no room for personal comparison. When I feel the clutches of comparison / envy / jealousy / schadenfreude grasping at me I need to remember to pause and be thankful instead. Yes, there is always more to learn, more to do and more ways to grow, but if I am thankful for what I have I will not be lured away. As a philosopher once put it, “happiness is not having what you want, it is wanting what you have.”

Jim goes in a slightly different direction when he feels the lure of personal comparison drawing him in. He focuses on creating something new. His mindset is that in creating something new there is nothing to compare it to. This seems like a wonderful strategy also and I plan on trying to adopt it into my practice as well.

Is my way right or is Jim’s the correct way to conquer comparison? It really doesn’t matter, does it? There is only what works for each of us in the moment as we find the discontentment that comparison always leads us to eventually.

Thanks!!!

I stayed up way later than normal last night to watch a movie with Gavin. Needless to say I slept in later than usual this morning. After getting out of bed Becky and I made the plan of hitting the grocery store before it got busy. I made the bed and then hopped in the shower.

Switching from scalding hot water after a minute or so to cold water for the remaining several minutes of the shower still takes a bit of willpower. Even though I love the sensation of the cold shower it still takes a little focus to talk myself into it. Listening to the right music really helps. I fired up a song I’d really enjoyed on Pandora yesterday and got to it.

As the song Shots (Broiler Remix) by Imagine Dragons (check it out here if you’d like it as background music while you read this) blasted from my iPhone I started moving and grooving in the cold water. My body flipped from hot to freezing and I could feel the endorphins kick in as I gasped. Within a couple of seconds I went from frozen shock to having a cold water jam session loaded up with a 100% natural high. Who ever would’ve thought I could have so much fun in a cold shower??? After Shots wrapped up I slid right over to Lucky by Daft Punk and got a few extra minutes of cold water blasting me.

The entire day I’ve been moving nonstop and riding that high. That cold shower jam session really set the tone for the day!

Thanks!!!

After dropping Dominic off at the ski hill this morning I stopped off at the post office. Even though the postal workers were cruising through customers very rapidly there was still a substantial line. Everyone was being totally chill, giving space, and there were a lot of smiles (everyone was wearing masks, but now that we’re all getting used to recognizing “eye smiles” you know what I mean). One thing was a little off that I didn’t quite notice right away… it was crazy quiet in there. No music and no one was talking, it was almost completely silent.

From behind me I heard someone come in and start joking around with the person in front of them. They were obviously smiling and in a cheerful mood and started talking about where the line should go to help everyone feel more comfortable. I smiled to myself and was immediately grateful for their cheerfulness on a dreary morning while waiting in line. Within seconds I was thinking about possibly blogging about being thankful for his cheerful spirit.

And that’s when something happened that was out of a movie.

“It’s way to quiet in here… Who’s up for some Christmas carols?”

Before anyone could say no the same individual burst into song!

“We wish you a merry Christmas…”

Before he got to “merry” another person jumped in. By the time “Christmas” finished almost everyone in the post office was singing along with him. It was like a scene right out of a movie!

Yes, thanks to the mask I was playing the role of the dad from Elf and was mouthing along. Quite honestly, I was mouthing as I didn’t trust myself to maintain my composure if I started to sing. I was already battling “the feels” thanks to to the emotions fo a post office full of people singing together.

I’m so thankful for the person who started the singing. Many years ago one of my favorite pastors made the comment “God takes action and moves through people in the form of the Holy Spirit.” For some readers I know this will sound crazy, but there was a presence of something greater than the people in the building with all of us in that moment.

In that moment there were no political parties, different economic classes, different skin colors, or anything. There was no COVID, there was no unrest, there was no hate. There were only people sharing a moment full of peace and love together. The overwhelming feeling of joy was palpable. I wish I could describe it better, but that’s really it. The entire room was filled with love.

To think, a situation that usually causes frustration became a moment which had a profound impact on my soul which I’ll never forget. The part that has stuck with me all day is that there is no reason why I didn’t start the singing. How often could I have helped create a moment like that for others if I would’ve put my ego aside and thought of how to raise up others? How often have I added to the negativity of a difficult situation as opposed to creating a moment of overwhelming love? When confronted with a line in the true how will I respond – with quiet repose as I did today or with the singing, joy, and zeal of the gentleman who created a moment forever embedded in my heart? I hope to stay strong and be the light as he chose to be today.

Thanks!!!

Today is one in which I’m thankful for pausing to be thankful. There have been moments in my day when I’ve felt a little down. Nothing awful or anything, just a light dose of dissatisfaction for zero good reason whatsoever. Kind of like the changing of the seasons or lack of light – nothing brought due to work, family, friends, or life – just like I need a little more sunlight or something. What’s been interesting is that whenever that feeling has crept up it’s been gratitude that has swatted that subtle “off-ness” away.

What was I grateful for that helped raise my spirits? I thought you’d never ask 😉

All day long I’ve smiled as I thought of an incredible social media experience a good friend recently had. Great things happen to great people, especially when they need them most. Kelsey’s favorite band played a song specifically for her yesterday – how awesome is that??? The song itself is incredibly symbolic and a virtually perfect 2020 theme – Hang On by Guster.

Today was the first day of snowboarding season for Dominic. It was awesome to see how excited he was for the opportunity to get out on the hill and do what he’s been looking forward to for the past 10 months or so. The joy he radiated has had me smiling all day and I’m grateful for his opportunity to do something he loves.

Work was pretty awesome today for many reasons. There was an excellent sales success, some great teammate successes, and it was a day filled with the feeling of positive progress. While I don’t want to get into too many details I felt like I was living into my purpose on several occasions and I’m thankful for that feeling.

Becky pointed out a Facebook post one of our favorite old haunts had put up. La Cave at La Chateau downtown is by far and away one of my favorite places to hang out when there’s not a pandemic. Their smoked drinks are mind-blowing. Picking one up for home tonight has had me smiling (and I’ve only had a little so far!). I’m grateful for a little smoky taste of normalcy.

When someone shares their gratitude it’s a pretty awesome thing. Completely out of the blue and totally unprompted came a letter from someone I’ve known for many years. The letter shared how grateful they are for the impact I’ve had on their life. Let’s just say there may have been a little awesome leaking out of my eyes when I read it. That letter will be saved and pulled back out in those moments when I need a pick me up. I’m incredibly grateful for those kind words and can’t begin to express just how full it made my heart today.

So many moments of gratitude to combat a slightly off day. How awesome is that? I am thankful for each and every person who had such a positive impact on me today, thank you for keeping me in a good mood!

Thanks!!!