Day 335 – Thankful for Tough Days When I am Missing Dad

You’re going to have to bear with me on two very different fronts on today’s blog.  First off, as you’ll quickly see, this is kind of a tough one to write.  Secondly, as you see why it’s difficult to write you might cock your head at why I’m thankful for it today.  Trust me, you’ll see it come together at the end.

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I really miss my dad today… a lot.  Of all of the days since his funeral I’m pretty sure this is the toughest one I’ve had yet.  Life is getting back to its normal pace – a departure from the non-stop busy-ness of the past few months.  Training is done, travel is done, the kids are in between events, and I had a day at home without plans.  Next week is a pretty sane week, back to normal.  As I have time to breath I’m feeling a big empty hole that Dad used to fill for me.

One of the biggest reasons for missing him today has to do with what I’ve been doing today.  We went for a hike to Perrot Park and had a great time, but it reminded me of a time when Dad hiked it with us.

After lunch I built a replacement screen for Dominic’s window and there were several times I just wanted to call Dad to ask for advice.  Three months ago I’d call him on something like this, he’d give me some hell, and then coach me through it.  I made it through the project successfully with the help of Becky & Dominic, but it wasn’t the same.

Insulating my workshop before winter is a project I’ve been going back and forth on doing myself or hiring a contractor.  Today I decided I’d give it a shot.  As I started looking at what needed to be done I immediately knew my first step…  call Dad.  That crushed me.  I felt like a little kid, completely lost.  After a bit I pulled it back together and went to a book to coach myself out of it.  Deciding to give it a shot I headed off to Menards for the first wave of materials.  While there I just wanted to call Dad up and shoot the shit with him…  but I couldn’t.  Once I got home and started working on putting up the baffle and thinking through more of the details I just kept wanting to talk with him more and more.

Projects like this were one of our times, one of our connections, one of the foundations of our relationship, and this was the first time I’d taken something like this on since he died.  It was more rough than I ever would have imagined.

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As I could feel myself getting more and more sad I pulled from ideas from past blogs and the Book of Joy, and I flipped my thinking.  How amazing is it that my dad and I had so many great times together that I miss him this much?  How awesome is it that as I do these things that we’ve done together so many times I still feel this close of a connection to him?  How fortunate am I to have had him as my dad?  How cool to be able to have learned so much from him?  When I start thinking of it that way I can’t help but smile.  Yes, I miss him dearly, but I start to focus on all the incredible memories we made while working on projects like this and I feel happy.  I start thinking about the projects we worked on together, the times I called him for advice, and the smiles of satisfaction we would share after a project together.  I remember those times and my heart is filled.

So here’s the transition point.  When the dust settles on today, it was a tough day.  That said, I’m thankful for the tough days like this.  They hurt like hell, but they hurt like hell specifically because of how much I love Dad and the memories we created.  I am thankful for days like today because they remind me of just how much happiness and joy in my life has come from my dad.

Dude, I really wish you were here today.  It’s been a rough one.  That said, I know that you are here with me.  I’m so thankful for all of the time that we had, I wouldn’t trade that for anything.  Love you bud!

Thanks!!!

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