Whew – what a day! From the point I woke up until now it’s been a flurry of activity. Even Becky made a comment about how much time I spent on calls and Zoom meetings. In between it seems like I was either finalizing proposals, prepping for later conversations, or churning out emails to clients and teammates. After work Becky had supper already cooked which was awesome! We ate, went for our walk, and then I hopped online with some friends for some gaming.

Throughout the day there were many awesome things that happened. It seemed like there was much positive progress mixed among obstacles, both expected and unexpected. There were some frustrating moments as well. The overall feel of the day has been positive balanced with exhausting.

So while the day has been exhausting I am thankful for how fast it has flown by. It has been a day that flew by in the blink of an eye. The pace of the day was tiring, but invigorating at the same time. There is a rush to days like this that remind me of how much can be accomplished with focus, planning, adaptability and resilience.

To be sure, I hope tomorrow is a little more normal pace. That said, I’m thankful for the pace today – it’s been a crazy, yet great day!

Thanks!!!

The ability of the weather to have an impact on my mood never ceases to amaze me. At the end of the day I always have the option of choosing my attitude, but isn’t it so much easier on perfect summer nights like this?

Three years ago today it was a stunningly perfect weather Saturday. Dominic had a couple of soccer games in the Madison area. The boys all brought squirt guns along with and had an epic water fight after one of the games. Gavin found a tree to climb. Becky and I got way too much sun, but it felt awesome!

Why do I remember the weather so well? That was one of the toughest days of my life. That was the day when I knew in my gut that Dad was not going to pull through after his stroke.

There’s a lot that happened on that Saturday. Even with it being one of the most difficult days in my life I remember it with such vibrancy – the highs and the lows. The day seemed to be a constant rollercoaster of emotions. One moment I was ready to break down, the next I was smiling and laughing. Then I’d feel a little crushed and just need a little time to myself, and then I’d be surrounded with great memories of Dad.

While the tone was so dark, it was still a day I am very thankful for. I learned so much that day, felt things I’d never felt before, and had experiences I still can’t even being to explain. Reading the chapter I wrote about that day I can’t help but shake my head wondering how that much could’ve happened in one day.

One thing in particular really resonated with me today for a variety of reasons. Over the past year or two I’ve talked a lot about “nudges,” those times when something seems like it nudges you down a certain path or in a specific direction. I can’t really explain it, I can’t will it into being, but when nudged I’ve learned to go with it.

That beautifully sunny Saturday included a very different kind of nudge.

We had opted to carpool with one of the other parents to the soccer game. We weren’t even two miles out of La Crosse when I got the call that recovery wasn’t an option and Dad wasn’t going to be around much longer. I was sitting shotgun while Eric drove. Becky sat right behind me and held the hand I stretched back from the front seat of the vehicle. I explained to Eric what I’d just learned and he very calmly asked if I wanted to head back home.

Throughout the past couple of soccer seasons I’d gotten to know Eric enough to know he’s got a huge heart and is a great person to talk with. Every interaction I’d had with him left me smiling more than I was before our conversation. That said, we weren’t best friends or anything like that, more like friends of consequence due to being soccer dads. Up until this point we hadn’t talked about anything overly personal.

When Eric asked if I’d like to turn back I had a feeling the right thing to do was carry on. Little did I know just how powerful my time with Eric would be that day.

On the drive he did an awesome job of following my lead, listening when I talked, talking about other things when I uncomfortably shifted the topic of conversation to change my focus away from Dad. I still don’t know how he did it, but he handled the situation perfectly. Even more important than handling it with perfection were a couple of key things.

First off, he shared his thoughts from the perspective of both a father and son. With Dad not there Eric did a wonderful job of helping me remember both perspectives.

The other thing he did will stay with me for the rest of my life. In one of the many moments of he silence he asked, “Mike, can I tell you a story? It might not be what you want to hear, but it might be one you need to hear.”

I was amazed at how calmly he asked that question. The fact that he asked instead of just telling was especially poignant and was greatly appreciated. Since this conversation I’ve held that memory tight in my head and have often emulated his question when I’m talking with someone who’s facing a difficult moment and might need to hear something tough. When they say no I respect that, just as I know he would have.

After I’d said yes he went on to tell me a story that related to Dad’s situation. To say it was heartbreaking would be an understatement. That said, it truly was EXACTLY what I’d needed to hear in that moment. It made a profoundly deep impact on me and I carry it in my soul to this day.

When I talk about nudges this wasn’t anything so subtle. This story was a full blown kick in the shins! But it was exactly what I’d needed to hear. I’m eternally grateful for the way Eric shared this story with me.

As I said, there were so many things that happened that day. While the overwhelming majority were difficult, there were many more bright spots; I just needed to take some time to see them. One of the brightest was that time spent with Eric. While nudges are usually something very subtle, Eric was exactly the nudge in human form I needed that day in addition to my family.

Eric, for reals, thank you so much for listening, sharing, and taking time to care for me on what was one of the most difficult days of my life. I’m so thankful for the incredibly compassionate way you helped guide me in the right direction. Thank you!

Thanks!!!

The past week and change has included some pretty deep stuff. Tonight? Totally different!

After work Becky and fired up a perfect couch date night meal… cheese and crackers. We fired up The Office while we ate. Our dessert was a mix of games we could play while chilling on the couch together. We fired up some TV for background noise. Talk about full on chill!

Taking time to just relax and chill was greatly appreciated today. Nothing crazy, no deep thoughts, and no responsibilities. Just the two of us enjoying time together while chillin’ on the couch on a rainy night. I can’t remember how long it’s been since we last did this, but I’m totally savoring it tonight.

Thanks!!!

Over the past days I’ve written about Dad often and thought of him even more. As luck would have it I’ve had several different thoughts combining in my head at the same time.

My mind and soul are still feeling rocked from reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl for the first time. Hearing his story of survival has had a very profound impact on my thoughts. I’ve already started re-reading it with a highlighter and sticky bookmarks. If you haven’t read this book yet I would highly recommend it – especially if you are struggling to find meaning in the current challenges we’re all facing.

As mentioned a couple of days ago I’ve been writing my book again. I’m not sure, but I think Frankl’s book helped me re-fuel the reason behind it.

In the past few days I’ve been seeing a combination of these concepts and my personal experiences starting to gel into a cohesive whole. When I try to picture the concept in my head I have a crystal clear image. It is so vivid I can reach out and touch it.

What is that picture? This:

This is a nurse log. In an old growth forest when a great tree falls it can often turn into a nurse log. As it lies on the forest floor and decomposes it becomes a source of nutrition, sustenance, and safety for new trees. As the new trees grow the nurse log slowly fades into nothingness. Its presence is still very much known. When one looks through the forest the right way they’ll notice an odd natural occurrence… a long line of trees of about the same age in a perfect row.

The tree sprouts, grows, endures, falls, nourishes, and fades in the history of the other trees.

As I think about our purpose I can’t imagine a more fitting way of expressing the concept of the purpose of life. Grow, learn, share our light, love, and joy, nourish those coming after us, and then fade away.

To be clear, I believe there’s something beautiful waiting for us after we fade away. What’s interesting is that when sitting amongst these lines of trees that grew out of the same now non-existent nurse log if you listen with your soul… shh… quiet your mind… shh… let your soul listen closely… you can feel the presence of that once great tree. This sense of peace, serenity, and completion of purpose is truly awe inspiring.

Where am I going with all of this? We owe it to those who came before us to share their joy and light. We owe it to ourselves to let our light shine bright. We owe it to others to help bring more light and joy to their lives. We take all we’ve been given from others and share it with others to help those who come after us grow and live a more joyful life than us – and help them find their purpose on their own as well. Once that is completed we move on. How beautiful it would be to fulfill that purpose?

Thanks!!!

Bonus for those of you who’ve made it this far 😉

This quote was in the forest in which I first learned about nurse logs. Edwin Way Teale hit the nail on the head much better than I could’ve ever hoped to. It’s only now after almost three years that I’m starting to understand this on a much deeper level.

“For a great tree death comes as a gradual transformation. Its vitality ebbs slowly. Even when life has abandoned it entirely it remains a majestic thing. On some hilltop a dead tree may dominate the landscape for miles around. Alone among living things it retains its character and dignity after death. Plants wither; animals disintegrate. But a dead tree may be as arresting, as filled with personality, in death as it is in life. Even in its final moments, when the massive trunk lies prone and it has moldered into a ridge covered with mosses and fungi, it arrives at a fitting and noble end. It enriches and refreshes the earth. And later, as part of other green and growing things, it rises again.”

LOL!!! So this is the fourth time I’ve started typing my blog tonight. Even though I write this each day as a way for me to pause and focus on gratitude I sometimes feel like I’m not quite getting it right. Try as I might there are some days when I can just tell that what I’m writing wasn’t hitting the point I wanted it to. Often I can start typing and drift in the correct direction. This can lead to meandering, but I almost always get to where I am wanting to go. Tonight? Nope. I tried, I drifted, I meandered, and I didn’t even end up close to the right thing. So here goes nothing… Day 1,349… Take four… and ACTION!

See, add some dramatic notes and an exclamation point or two and I’m ready to!

Dear Mr. Writer’s Block,

Your services are no longer required here. Kindly exit stage left.

Sincerely,

Mike

So what am I most thankful for today? Quite honestly it’s the quiet time I’ve had for reflection over the past 48 hours or so. I’m glad Becky’s home and we’ve had a great time today. I’m very thankful for our quiet time together as well. That said, the time I’ve had to myself to think, reflect, and process has led to a great deal of healthy re-charging. Thanks to that time I’m able to enjoy our time together even more.

Many of my favorite mentors, writers, and thought leaders speak often of taking time to take care of yourself. As one of my mentors is often heard saying, “put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others put theirs on.” Another says, “If you would be a river first you must be a reservoir.”

What I find in that quiet time by myself is the ability to really think. Without the distraction of other people I have less to interrupt my thought process, or, more accurately, when I am starting to think deeply about things I really don’t want to face I have more potential distractions to reach out for. When I take time to think (or to write) it is forced thought time. Even right now. My mind is working all of this out as I type.

Over these past couple of days I’ve found that the gap between who I am and who I am called to be has grown wider in some ways. It’s also decreased in other ways. I often think of it as a river working it’s way through the stone in a valley. Just when I think I’ve made progress in closing the gap the water carves out a new section of earth that was weaker than it appeared on the surface. I used to get frustrated when I’d see myself take a step backwards. Now I’m seeing that usually that is incorrect. I’ve moved forward and with the benefit of closer vantage point I can see something even better to reach for. This will be a never ending quest to reach the end of something that doesn’t ever end. Regardless, in moments of quiet like this I’m able to view the gap more clearly.

I’ve also had more time to think about purpose. The writing of Viktor Frankl really hit home for me earlier this week. When I had time to let it ferment this weekend it really showed up in my writing. As I wrote in one chapter I really opened myself up in discussing a potential purpose of my life. Had I not had time to think alone this most likely wouldn’t have appeared on my laptop’s screen.

I feel rested. Like really rested. And not just because I got over 10 hours of sleep last night and will be heading to bed just a shade over 12 hours since I got out of bed this morning. My soul is rested.

I have tendency to want to fill my life with as much of everything as possible. This means spending time with others often (especially family and close friends), not saying no to things that I should skip, and wasting my time on trivialities that don’t move me towards my purpose. One of the biggest issues in losing time on non-essential things like that is I often sacrifice my alone time. This has certainly been the case recently and having this time alone was the rest I needed. Moving forward I need to find a way to keep this top of mind and worked into my life on a regular basis instead of by accident.

Whew!!! Take Four finally hit it on the head! Funny, sometimes I try to force my blog in a certain direction. I really need to remind myself to just let my fingers loose and set my soul free to talk, it’ll never lead me astray.

Thanks!!!

I’ve spent today alone at home. The morning was focused on home improvement and the evening was focused on writing my book. Having time to pause and have complete quiet has been exactly what my soul needed to recharge. I love spending time with my family more than anything on earth, but there’s a need for quiet and stillness at times. One of my favorite sermons talks about the need to escape to the desert every once in a while to breathe. Today was a desert day for me.

Writing my book always seems to get put down on the priority list. I’m so close to having the first complete draft done, but I have found many excuses to get in the way.

With this much time alone today I had a lot of time in thought. Something I finally realized was that I’m still nervous about writing. This might sound weird, but as I get closer to wrapping it up the idea of putting it out in public has me feeling fear and self consciousness. In my head I feel like putting it out there is akin to stripping naked in a crowded room of fully clothed people with a spotlight on me as everyone has a clipboard in their hands and they’re asked to have a contest to see who can find the most faults in me. How’s that for a visual? Sorry, but that’s how I’m feeling. I’ll get over it, things like that are never as bad as they build themselves up to be.

Once I realized that it was fear stopping my I may have uttered an expletive along the lines of “screw that”, chuckled, and started typing. After several hours tonight I’ve only got a few things to add over the next few days and I’ll be done with round 1.5 (I’ve re-read and edited 2/3 of it already).

The progress was difficult as it was dealing largely with one of the most profound days of my life (as you’ll read more about shortly). Yes, it was difficult. In writing it there are more than a few spots that were gut checks for me. That said, just like so many things in life, the hardest fought work results in the sweetest rewards. I wrote the book largely in order, except for the day I wrote about today. That one was a beast. I put it off until the very end for reasons I finally started to understand today. Difficult but rewarding progress today.

One of the benefits of writing is having the opportunity to time travel. When I was writing today I went back to Thursday, June 8, 2017. I took the time to re-read my blog from that day. I read the notes I’d taken a week or so later as we left on a family vacation to Washington state. As I wrote I dug even more deeply into the fabric of that day.

For many reasons I’d thought it was one of the most difficult days of my life. Aft writing I realized that wasn’t the right description. It was one of the most profound days of my life. The impact that day has had on my life is long lasting.

Here’s the deal, I’ve just spent hours typing about it and I really don’t want to any more tonight. Instead I’ll share my blog from that day. Of all 1,700 blog posts thus far it is easily in my personal Top 10. While it’s not all the detail I think you’ll see what I mean by profound. https://thankful4forty.com/2017/06/09/day-255-thankful-for-letting-go-of-the-wheel/

What a day! Time for bed so I can wake up early and get rolling again.

Thanks!!!

Three years ago today life was thrown off kilter more than I’d imagined it would. Becky and I were wrapping up our morning run when I got the call that Dad had a stroke and was being rushed to hospital.

Of all of the days of my life this is a day I remember more clearly than most. My thoughts have gone to the negative portions of that day only rarely today. Time seemed to crawl by at an excruciatingly slow pace. Just like in the car accidents I’ve been in everything seemed to slow down. I observed all around me in sharper detail than normal. Each detail burning itself into my brain whether I like it or not.

What’s struck me today is just how times my brain went to very positive thoughts and memories with Dad. When I started thinking about three years ago I caught myself remembering with clarity the many joyful moments mixed into that day. Yes, as shitty of a day as it was there were still so many bright spots all around. All I had to do was look for them and focus on them. Conversations with my brother I’ll never forget. Calls from friends and family. So many well wishes via email, text, and Facebook. Hug after hug after hug in the hospital. Becky propping me up so often throughout the day. Even in what may have been one of the darkest days of my life there was love and light.

When I thought back to three years ago I remembered those joyful moments. I smiled. I’ve even laughed at several of them! Very few thoughts have been focused on the pain and heartache of the day. I’m sure I’ll be feeling those on and off again our the next week or so, but for today they weren’t the focus.

What I am most thankful for today are all of the thoughts and memories I’ve had playing in my head. Dad has been at the top of my mind all day long. It may sound crazy, but it feels a lot like I’ve spent the day with him. Just a hunch, but I’m thinking this may continue through tomorrow. Becky and the boys are out of town. I’m home alone and will be working on some projects around the house. Time for me to spend quietly in thought with Dad. I’m sure I’ll feel his presence closer than ever… especially the first time I make a bone headed mistake and I hear him laughing in my heart.

Today’s been different though, almost like a highlight reel playing intermittently throughout the day. I see something I made with Dad and I think of him. I have a conversation with Dominic that reminds me of Dad. At one point I even caught myself looking at myself on Zoom and thinking about how much I was making a facial reaction like Dad. Thoughts of him one after another after another. It’s been awesome!

So I’ve rambled a bit and am probably going to change the title slightly now as a result.

To everyone who filled my heart with love and joy on this day three years ago… thank you so much! Your kindness is so clearly remembered and will never be forgotten. Your actions and words have inspired me to be a better help to others. You each helped me see and focus on the light in the darkest of nights. Thank you!!!

Dad… dude… love you Bud! Looking forward to spending time in spirit, thought, and remembrance with you tomorrow.

Thanks!!!

The past few nights have been either some relatively deep and weighty topics or very descriptive. Tonight? Nothing that deep or complex, yet in many ways I’m more thankful and full of joy.

Tonight I spent much of the time hanging out with my boys. We fired up some great gaming and spent hours joking, talking, and playing at the dining room table. After gaming we ended up on the couch chilling and watching The Office. Yeah, I’m staying up later than I should, but it’s worth every minute of it.

Nights like this are awesome and greatly appreciated!

Thanks!!!

“Our time is too precious to waste on worry.”

The storm last night got my gears rolling. Yesterday during the day was hot, sunny, and wonderful out. Sure, it was hotter than blazes, but it was fantastic. Seemingly out of nowhere the clouds rolled in. In less than 20 minutes the temperature dropped by over 30 degrees. The lightning tore across the sky. The winds ripped through anything and everything that got in its way. Shortly after the storm blew through the the skies cleared up. The weather was even more perfect than it was before the storm. There was damage, but the world was still intact. It is changed, but it is still there.

When it became evident the storm was going to hit with full force I had a choice to make.

I could run to the basement, fear for the worst, and drive myself crazy with worry. It’d be so easy to think about all of the possible awful things that could happen and stew. I could be angry and think of how unfair it is that the storm is going to hit. If I chose the path of dark thoughts I could drive myself into a state of depression.

or…

I could head out on the deck and take in the show. I could appreciate the sensations of the storm rolling in. I could take time to be thankful to be here to experience it. I could still stay safe and not put myself in harm’s way, but at the same time not worry. I could choose the path of gratitude, prepare myself and others for safety as best I could, and stay positive throughout the worst. If I live I can continue to find reasons to be thankful. If I don’t live the rest doesn’t really matter, does it? Either way, I can choose gratitude and purpose.

Regardless of what I chose, the storm was going to hit. My attitude wasn’t going to change it’s path or the destruction it left. There was not a single thing I could do to change the situation itself. What I could change was how I responded, the attitude I chose.

As with every struggle in life if I survive it I can learn from the storm. If I am alive I can find purpose in the storm. If I am breathing I can find beauty, even in the storm. So long as I am still on this earth I can choose the one choice any of us truly have to make, my attitude.

After the storm the clouds parted. The grass was a spectacular shade of green. The world smelled amazing. It was still a place of beauty. Yes, some things were broken. But if we survived it we had the opportunity to find beauty, purpose, gratitude, and joy in it. Some may have had to look for it harder than others, but it was still there to be found for everyone.

I had a choice to make when the storm rolled in. If I survive it I can learn from it, I can find beauty in it, and I can be thankful for it. My time is too precious to waste on worry.

I stayed outside and experienced the storm with no worry and found ways to be thankful for it.

Thanks!!!