Day 3,431

Growth:

Interesting how sometimes stepping back can provide so much clarity. Our mental lint filters get a little clogged up and we need to step back, clean them out, and then start fresh. Often the insights of others can help us get there. Pause, reflect, ask advice, seek input, and then take action.

Appreciation:

This evening I’ve sat in front of my computer and stared at this blank section. I’ve typed the Growth and Presence portions already, this one has been empty with nothing but a flashing line waiting to release letters. I’m incredibly frustrated today, no need to dive into it any further than than, not with anything related to work or Becky and boys, with other aspects of life. My soul hurts, I’m angry, and I’m so frustrated that I know any response right now – save writing this blog – would not likely be the right one.

I need to reflect further, dive into the why behind the emotion, and remember that above all else we were created to love. That can be be wildly difficult for me to remember and I’m starting to see that it is likely at the core of my hurt – the dissonance of the emotions and the necessary response. Maybe it is because I don’t know how to allow myself to love those I despise, or maybe because I am so unwilling to do so because of my anger. When is the right time to stand up and take action? When is the right time to put my head down and be invisible? When should I calm my emotions and let logic rule? When should I free my emotions in a righteous rage? Are there even right answers to be found?

As I type this I want to circle back to what I am grateful for. I’m grateful for having found a journaling practice like this to help me work through the hurt. I’m grateful for this exercise which helps me remember to stay focused on the positive. I’m appreciative for the wisdom to know it is okay to not be okay all the time. I’m glad I’ve learned to not act out in emotion unless it is logically prudent to do so.

So long as I am alive I have the opportunity to learn and grow. Through the darkest times we learn and grow most. This really sucks right now, but I know I must be growing and learning – though I’d kind of like to have a pause soon. 😉

Presence:

Sometimes there are moments in which when I have learned to pause the audiobook and switch to music. Something within my soul needs to be soothed in those moments, and music or silence is typically the key. Today I listened to one of my favorite songs on repeat for part of the way to work and the entirety of the way home and it was exactly what I needed.

Thanks!!!