Tag: love

Thankful for 4,000 Days of Gratitude

Day 4,000

Growth:

Quick spoiler alert, it is only fitting to share that I often don’t write these sections in order. I often have one or two categories that come flying off my fingertips while one sometimes gets caught in the weeds a bit. Tonight is one of those nights, and part of this section is a direct result of the Appreciation section below.

As I pause and consider all that has happened and all that I’ve learned over the past four thousand days of blogging my mind bends as the sheer volume of what I’ve written in those past four thousand blog posts starts to sink in.

There are a couple of large themes and lessons that have continued to grow and expose themselves over this expanse of time.

  • Pause first, then choose. The simple act of pausing to think has come through over and over in these 4,000 posts. It’s often as clear as being grateful for pausing, other times it is almost hidden in the landscape as it is the pausing to write this blog that created the space for my thoughts to form before I took action and started writing.
  • Discomfort is the address of growth, and the boundary keeps moving. In reviewing the past posts I’m intrigued by how often they involve the way discomfort leads to growth. As the blogs keep going it seems that I’m more and more actively pushing myself into more and more intense discomfort specifically to grow.
  • Trials of miles, and miles of trials. The act of doing the exact same thing day after day after day can either be drudgery or bliss – how do I choose to see the discomfort? Novelty is fun and easy, the trials of miles, of putting in the reps is difficult, but so rewarding!
  • My attention has a location, and it is outdoors. I’ve always enjoyed the outdoors, but somehow this blog seems to have helped me see just how much of a core part of me it is, and it has helped me re-focus my life in a way that I’m able to enjoy it more often and share it more with those I love.
  • This practice has not created more time or life, but it has helped me get so much more out of the time and life I have had. There is no way to get more time than we are each allotted, but we can certainly control how much we actually live the time we have. By pausing to write I’ve been able to see and enjoy so much more of my life, to help me live more intentionally into the life I want to live.

These lessons and so many more… the past 4,000 days have taught me so much about life, I’m grateful for each of those lessons!

Appreciation:

Today I pass an interesting trail marker. This is the 4,000th time I’ve blogged in the past 4,000 days. Almost once per day with the exception of one around the 2,750 mark that I immediately wrote the next morning to get myself back on track.

This daily practice has cost me virtually nothing but about 15-45 minutes per day. The return on the investment has been priceless. In no other practice have I learned so much about myself. The simple act of pausing to breathe and think has helped me coordinate the dreams of who I want to be with the actions leading to that person – even though they are seemingly impossible to completely live into and I’ve yet to have a single day in which I’ve lived the entire day in the way I would like to live it. In taking this time to pause I’ve been able to help close the gap just a bit, significantly more than I ever had in that period of time in my life before.

My heart is full of so much love and gratitude for so many in my life, it’s a reminder to appreciate those around me, those who impact me. It reminds me that none of us make it through life alone, that life is so much better when shared.

This practice throughout the past 4,000 days has brought so much joy to my heart, not necessarily creating it on its own, rather helping me see all the joy provided by life that I so easily could have looked right past had I not paused. That might be one of the things that has surprised me about this practice – it hasn’t given me more time or life, but it’s helped me more completely enjoy and appreciate the time and life I have.

To 4,000 days – a true trial of miles and miles of trials!

Presence:

The moments in which I gently press the pause button on the rest of the world to dive inward and reflect upon the day is amongst my favorite moments of the day. It is my moment to breathe, to think, to be honest with myself and my situation.

The thinking about gratitudes from the day usually brings a smile to my face, sometimes a frown, and sometimes a blank stare… but each brings me joy.

It is that moment on a great day when I have the opportunity to bask in its successes. It is that moment on a trying day in which I realize I need to shift my mindset and find the positive spin while embracing the suck. It is the moment on a nonstop day full of action in which I pause to re-focus and get my mind straight.

Each moment when I am done and press the Publish button I am smiling – for the events of the day, for what I have learned, what I have worked through, for the moment of calm, for the reminder of gratitude creating joy (remembering that comfort and joy can be two wildly different things).

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Living Intentionally, the Unexpected Upside of a Goal, & a Soul at Peace

Day 3,995

Growth:

Time to start winding down for the night, big day of adventure and challenge ahead tomorrow.  What’s funny is that the goal tomorrow isn’t technically on my dream list, but the concept of it is very much in line with the type of person who would live my dream list.  

This is a well timed reminder for me that while the dream list itself is in many ways the gateway to living more intentionally, living the life it is meant to lead toward is so much more important than living the specific dream itself.  In many ways I’m reminded of the metaphor used by de Mello of the vehicle that takes you to the house is needed, but you don’t use it to enter the house itself. 

In which other times have I focused too tightly on the specific dream rather than the life the dream was meant to support?  How can I keep that dichotomy of needing a clear dream to use to get me moving, yet keeping the flexibility and awareness to shift as needed?

As I prepare to start working on my 2027 revision of my dream list this reminder couldn’t have been more well timed!

Appreciation:

In a similar vein to the section above, I’m grateful for the goal which led me to today’s day with Dominic.  With a goal of being fully present with Gavin during his last year at home I was reminded of both the importance of presence and the impermanence of all stages of life.  The time we have with loved ones is so limited and can slip by so quickly, I must remember to be intentional with my moments.

As a result of that lesson I remembered to be very intentional and parlayed that into an adventure to Canada with Dominic for a ridiculous hiking adventure.  There’s maybe a 50% chance of success in our goal for tomorrow (the 20+ mile, 4,500+’ hike of Sleeping Giant in Ontario in one go), but there’s a 100% chance of creating memories.  We’ve already had so much fun on the drive up, almost no screen time for either of us on the entire drive except for confirmation of hiking details.

The goal was presence with Gavin, but there’s true intent was to be intentionally present and to create more moments with loved ones.  Today that had nothing to do with Gavin and had everything to do with Dominic.  Again, I’m grateful for not focusing on checking a box, rather, living the life the box was meant to support.

Presence:

I absolutely LOVE the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, and the North Shore of Wisconsin and Minnesota.  The entire US shore of Lake Superior is spectacular.  That said, I was in for quite the shock this evening as we drove across the border into Canada.  Literally only miles before the border the entire topography somehow shifted into an even more majestic topography.  This entire area with its severe cliffs, verdant forests, lowland swamps and lakes, and continually undulating landscape are beyond anything I could have imagined around Lake Superior.  Dominic and I spent the last two hours of our drive in awe as we soaked up all the sights.

There is something about this area that feels so right, so much like home, like a bit of my soul has always been here, like it is returning to the place of its birth.  I know no other way to put it, my core of me is more in tune here, more grounded, than virtually anywhere else. 

For clarity, it’s not a desire to live here (visiting is definitely the right way for me), not a place I need to come to all the time (but I’ll likely be here a little more often), but something similar to and yet more intense than what I’ve always felt up in the UP.  A peace, a calm, at a visceral level.  A feeling of home, of rightness, like I’ve crossed a boundary into something that exists just outside of the plane of life.  Not the sense of awe and wonder of travel to places like Sequoia NP or Patagonia or Iceland, there is awe for sure, but more feeling like a deep exhale when walking into my home after being away for two weeks.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Planning Ahead, a Top Ten Hike, and Shared Adventures

Day 3,996

Growth: 

I can’t express enough how grateful I am for remembering that the point is not to check a box, that the point is to live the life the box was meant to check.  I’ve had the opportunity to create a core memory with Dominic, one we’ll hold forever.  While it wasn’t specifically a goal this year it is directly as a result of a lesson I wanted to remember in 2026, a different goal I set in 2026, and a supporting goal I set for myself in 2026.  It is also in part thanks to honoring the season of life I am in, of living intentionally, and also thanks to remembering that living into our purpose creates so many opportunities for joy in our lives.

Thank you to the Mike of the end of 2025 for taking the time to pause, create a plan based on how I wanted to live my 2026, and putting all of the work into action for this all to have come together!

Appreciation:

Today was easily one of the top ten day hikes I’ve ever done in my life.  The scenery was spectacular and stunning to say the least, ever changing and full of wonderful surprises if I want to go deeper.  

Honestly, while all of that blew my mind, what I am most thankful for today was not the hike, the park, the views, the accomplishment or anything else.  I’m most grateful for a day share completely with Dominic, one we will both remember for the rest of our lives.

We will forever remember the sights we saw together.  The ridiculous hike we accomplished together.  The conversations and the jokes we shared together.  The memories we shared while having walking tacos for supper and a couple of cold beers after.  We will remember the laughs, the talks, the experiences, the dreams, and the stories.  We will remember the time together – I’m beyond grateful for creating this opportunity for us to share this day together!

Presence:

I can’t even…. Every peak was a practice in presence.  Each overlook was a practice in presence.  Each lake and beaver dam and boulder field was a practice in presence.  Most importantly, the conversations with Dominic throughout and after were practices in presence.  The total amount of intentional presence was through the roof!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Unplanned Time, Shifting Perspectives of Being a Dad, an Unplanned Trip to the Amethyst Mine

Day 3,997

Growth:

Just because we have time doesn’t mean it has to be packed with activity.  Just because there are trails everywhere around us doesn’t mean we have to be hiking.  Just because there are lakes all over doesn’t mean we have to be paddling.  When you get tired, relax.  When you’re worn down, rest.  No need for constant activity just because the activity is there to be done.

How many times has Becky helped to teach me this?  Today Dominic was the one reminding me it was okay to chill – and reminded me of the epic hike we did yesterday. 

Slow down, enjoy the ride!

Appreciation:

I had an absolutely grand day with Dominic, from start to finish we had a blast shooting the bull and enjoying each other’s company.

Quite often my thoughts went to Dad and the time he and I had together.  I wish there would have been more of it, and I wish it would have been doing more things like this.  I love Dad, but I feel we could have had so many memories like this of time spent together, but that was not the case.

While so much of who I am came from Dad, I’m grateful for times like this when I’ve created my own path as a father to do more of what I feel a dad should be.  What’s interesting is that I know Dad would not only understand, but would hold me to that type of standard.  All we want as sons are two things – to have an awesome dad and to be a better dad than ours was.

Today I felt like I lived into both and was hopefully the first half for Dominic.

Presence:

Such a great day with Dominic again today!  We knocked out a 7.5 mile hike in the morning to get our legs stretched out and warmed up, and then we opted for one of the most random vacation side quests ever…. We went mining for amethyst!  Yup, we went to an active amethyst mine, dug through piles of dirt, rock, and mud, and walked away with about five gallons of amethyst covered rocks!

Such a unique activity, such a blast!  We were joking and talking as we learned the ins and outs of the basics of amethyst mining, delighted by so many wonderful finds AND the times we thought we’d found something big, only for it to be nothing.

Throughout it was one of the best investments of a couple of hours ever, we had a blast together and enjoyed our shared passion for rock collecting!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Lyrics Sharing How I Feel about Becky

Day 3,991

Over the past week Becky and I have had the opportunity to launch Gavin off to start his college career and took time to spend time together traveling and soaking up the outdoors as our lives transition to being empty nesters. Throw in closing in on the big 5 – 0 and our 25th wedding anniversary and it’s been wild to think of how much we’ve been through and how much life there is ahead of us.

All of these shifts and changes and milestones and everything are so much easier to work through knowing I’m able to partner with my absolute best friend and love of my life. Everything can change, we will remain – and, more importantly – we will find a way to keep growing closer.

What I’m most thankful for this evening is a shortlist of song lyrics that I swear the artists wrote specifically for how I feel about Becky. I’m beyond blessed to share my life with her every day!

This might not be an easy time
There’s rivers to cross and hills to climb
Some days we might fall apart
And some nights might feel cold and dark

But nobody wins, afraid of losing
And the hard roads are the ones worth choosing
Someday we’ll look back and smile
And know it was worth every mile

And it don’t matter to me
Wherever we are is where I wanna be
And honey, for once in our life
Let’s take our chances and roll the dice
I can be your lucky penny
You can be my four-leaf clover
Starting over

Chris Stapleton – Starting Over

And when the stars don’t shine no more and all the good days have come and gone. Well, I just want you to always know – my home is you, my home is you…
…I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know where I am, But I’m here till the end with you. All this time, well, I’ve known – that my home’s with you.

The Strumbellas – My Home is You

Home is wherever I’m with you.
Home is when I am alone with you.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – Home

We swore we’d travel, darlin’, side by side
We’d help each other stay in stride
But each lover’s steps fall so differently
But I’ll wait for you, and if I should fall behind, wait for me

Now, everyone dreams of a love lasting and true
Oh, but you and I know what this world can do
So let’s make our steps clear that the other may see
And I’ll wait for you, and if I should fall behind, wait for me

Bruce Springsteen – If I Should Fall Behind

Since we met, I feel a lightness in my step
You’re miles away, but I still feel you
Anywhere I go, there you are…
…Everything is fine, when your head’s resting next to mine, next to mine.

Vance Joy – Fire and the Flood

I don’t get many things right the first time, in fact, I am told that a lot. Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles, and falls brought me here.
And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday and I know that I am the luckiest.

Ben Folds – Luckiest

Thanks!!!

Thankful for the True Burden of All Masters (and Parents), Pausing Life to Allow My Soul to Breathe, & Blogging by the Campfire

Day 3,988

Growth:

As we drove from one part of New River Gorge to another we got a fun text from Gavin saying he’d decided to opt for a double major of neuroscience and biophysics because it wasn’t that much more work.  We both chuckled and commented on how grateful we are for both boys being as intelligent as they are, and then an old quote that is one of my favorites came back to mind.  

“We are what they grow beyond, that is the true burden of all masters.”  This was from the wise philosopher, Yoda.

What struck me most is that this is exactly the moment in which there is so much the boys both have to learn which is beyond my capability.  I’ve worked to share as much as I can with them, and for sure, there is still much more for me to share with them, but they are at the point when they really need to reach out beyond Becky and I for their next steps of growth. 

There’s something very sad and empty feeling about that for me, both in knowing that they have grown beyond needing my help, and from a sense of personal purpose – what else do I have to offer if that which I am most used to contributing is no longer needed by those I focused it on?

That said, there’s still a very fulfilling and rewarding side as well.  It appears we’ve done well in our roles to help take care of them and to grow them, they are both very much ready for the next stages of their lives.  There’s a calm in knowing that if something should happen to me I’ve done what was needed to help them be as prepared as I can help them to be.  

Intriguing thought processes to be sure, where does my focus and energy go now?  To which directions should I channel it?  

Appreciation:

To pause life so much that the actual sense of relaxation really sinks in, the ability to sleep eight plus hours for multiple nights, the quiet calm of a still mind as a place to play with thoughts and ideas.  I honestly forgot which day of the week it was this morning, Becky laughed so hard as I had to do some calculations to make sure I knew which day it actually was.  

This sense of calm that is found when there is no email to check, no calls to return, no “priorities” to focus on for the day.  Creating space for my mind to breathe, for my soul to have the space it needs to create and think and reflect and put all the lessons learned into a more coherent thought.  This time to pause and reflect, to savor the beauty of nature so much more clearly, to exist with Becky and connect – often with no words needed, only a smile – this is what it means to be on vacation.  I’m so glad to have created this space for my soul.

Presence:

I think this may be the first time I’ve typed my blog on a laptop sitting in front of a campfire!  The smell of the burning hardwood, the earth of the fire, the dancing of the flames behind my screen as I type, a siren of sorts, a glowing muse for my blog.  This could be a more common practice as I create more space for my mind to pause and think.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Mid-Life Awareness, Dominic, & Existing with the Campfire

Day 3,986

Growth:

With the big 5 – 0 slowly creeping up on me like a screaming ninja dragging three bags of empty aluminum cans and glass bottles across a bumpy concrete alley I’ve been starting to pause and consider this milestone in more detail.

What I find interesting isn’t the sensation of “oh my god, I’m so old” so much as it is a “woah, it is now pretty much guaranteed that half of my life is behind me.”  Along those lines, there is no panic of death looming ahead, no sudden “I need to make all these crazy changes,” or deep re-consideration of all of my life choices.  

It’s an oddly calm sensation, a realization of a life well lived. 

It’s a vivid reminder of just how quickly time can pass by when we aren’t paying attention to it.

It’s the thought that I should have more gratitude for each day I have, to live more intentionally.

No fear, no crazy negative feelings, no sense of suddenly being old, feeble, and unable to do the things I enjoy doing.  No panic of being in the back nine and trying to catch back up to par.  

I feel oddly refreshed.  The lint filter of my mind seems to be getting cleaned out with this rolling of the odometer.  Getting rid of the gunk so I can finish efficiently and on track.  An opportunity to pause, re-evaluate direction, and re-prioritize what I want to accomplish with the clarity of seeing the finish line. 

Mid-life crisis?  Not even fucking close.  More like mid-life intentionality?  Mid-life re-prioritizing?  Mid-life awakening?

Hmm…. Nope, none of this quite nail it.

Mid-life awareness?  That’s the sensation, the opportunity, the challenge, all in a nutshell!

Appreciation:

Gavin had me thinking about my first week of college at Michigan Tech way back in the day yesterday, funny that Dominic brought back a different set of memories today!

Dominic celebrated his 21st birthday today!  While I still think Becky should be the one celebrated for her truly heroic feats of strengths to birth Dominic, we’ll focus on the traditional celebrating of the one who was born instead.

Normally on this day each year I take time to pull up pics from throughout the past year and let them do most of the talking.  With being out in the middle of Shenandoah National Park without consistent cell coverage that’s not an option so I’ll improvise a bit.

What I’m most grateful for in Dominic is his undying positivity, his passion for helping others, his ability to lead through example, his gigantic dreams, and his love of nature.  

Dominic is almost always in a positive mood, seeing the bright side in seemingly every difficult situation.  He reminds me to pause and take a deep breath, to roll with whatever challenges may arise, and to always keep his chin up.  He always finds a way to be successful, especially when he isn’t.  Nothing can beat him and his optimism down.

He is always watching out for ways to help others – directly, indirectly, and through any support needed.  He has a servant’s heart and is always looking for ways to include the un-included.  Even when others disagree with him he looks to find ways to help bring them joy.  Ever since he was a young kid he’s been determined to help be a positive influence for others.

Dominic is very much a natural leader (though he works very diligently at it with regularity even when he doesn’t know it).  People look to him when things go sideways, he can find a plan, he stays positive, and is quick to dive in and do whatever it takes, leading by example.  There are several times  specifically in which he taught me to be a better leader and set the example I should live into (a contentious town hall meeting is one of the clearest memories).  People follow his integrity.

I don’t know many people with a dream list as robust as his, nor anyone else who is as likely to check as many of them off as he will in his lifetime.  There are no limits to his dreams, they keep growing as they have since he was young, and they will keep leading him down the right path.  He’s often inspired others to dream big, myself included!  As a result of his dreams he’s made some epic trips, knocked out some crazy hikes, and has a ton of other dreams ahead of him.  

I’d also be remiss to not mention how grateful I am for his love of the outdoors, of nature, and of all the beautiful and simple things which lay right outside our homes.  He’s a fan of getting outside, appreciates seeing the spectacular beauty in something as simple as a sunset, as dazzling as the Northern Lights, and as awesome as the mountains.  That passion for the outdoors brings so much joy to him that he can’t help but exude to others.  

There are so many reasons I am grateful for Dominic – his friendship, his humor, and so many others that it becomes difficult to focus this blog.  That said, what I appreciate the most of everything about Dominic is that he motivates and inspires me to live into a better version of myself.  How amazing is it to have a son who reminds you to be the man you are called to be?

Love you Bud!!!

Presence:

The sensation of sitting by a campfire with no goal, no tasks, no distractions.  Quietly watching the flames dance.  Letting the mind empty, becoming lost in the complete lack of pattern of the fire.  Soaking in the smells of the different types of wood burning.  Enjoying the feel of the heat on my bare legs and feet, having to back up to avoid being burned, and then slowing working my way back closer.  The letting go of stress, of emotion, of thought, of worry.  Existing with the flame.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Family Roots

Day 3,942

As time keeps flying by and Gavin’s college dorm move in date seems to sprint towards us more quickly than expected I am more and more grateful for the bonus moments we are able to sneak in. Today’s version was him riding to and from work with me as he did a bunch of yard work for our office building. Over lunch we hung out and shot the bull too, nice pockets of bonus time.

When the end of a season approaches it becomes so much easier to recognize the impermanence of all things. We can see the end of the season coming, each day as it gets closer those moments become more and more precious.

How much more fulfilling would our lives be if we realized earlier on that each day before it has the same opportunity, the same amount of time? When the end seems so distant it is so easy to lose sight of how precious each moment is. Shouldn’t we have that same mindset for each moment of our lives? Why must it take an impending (or abrupt) end to get us to pause and appreciate the time we have? Seems like we would all live much more fulfilling lives!

On the flip side, our relationship with Dominic also reminds me that while the season may change, it really is only a change, a shift. In some ways our relationship with Dominic has improved with the space between us while he’s in college. We talk regularly, our conversations often go deeper in some ways than they used to, and the time we all have together is made all the more precious moving forward as we understand that we only have a limited amount of time together. After the shift of him going off to college we’ve experienced the change itself as well as have had the understanding that we need to appreciate each moment all the more!

My heart is already starting to feel a bit of the loss of Gavin when he moves out soon, but I’m also very excited for the change in our relationship and the ways our friendship will shift. It won’t be what we’ve grown used to, but thanks to the roots of love and friendship we’ve cultivated in him and he in us I know we’ll somehow become closer than ever as a result. Thank you again to Dominic for helping me see that firsthand.

Here’s to the roots, the grounding of love in a family which will continue to grow throughout the generations and time.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Book of Grit, Pausing a Moment, & a Moment of Cosmic Perfection

Day 3,913

Growth:

The book Once a Runner by John L Parker remains one of my all time favorites. This is not due to the story itself, the writing style, or the topic. What it boils down to is that this book is all about grit, all about having to work insanely hard towards a dream we want, to put in the countless miles of trials to see that one dream have a chance of coming true. Over and over again it loads up so many save-able quotes on grit. One of my favs is this one that I added to a picture of Dominic edging out his competition by leaning over the finish line that really nailed the spirit of the quote.

Appreciation:

When we press the pause button on the whirlwind of life we’re able to see and create some incredible things. So often we get caught up in the inertia of everyday life and blow right past so many opportunities we could have taken had we slowed for a moment. Today I was reminded to pause, to breathe, and to intentionally put my focus into a specific action, directing the energy in one exact direction, making tremendous progress on a goal. Interestingly enough, it was a pause to focus on helping others pause!

Presence:

The magic moments when you feel the Universe giving you an enormous hug, blessing you in a moment of cosmic perfection. Nothing specifically perfect, an overwhelming sensation of being exactly where you are supposed to be in a specific moment, seeing the beauty of nature all around you, listening to the perfect song for that specific moment (Bow and Arrow by Reuben and The Dark), knowing all is well regardless of the sate of anything. The moment of knowing you are loved, you love others, and all humanity shares that common love. For one fleeting moment all is at peace, all is exactly as it should be. A single moment of perfection to heal the pains of the soul, to re-direct and focus on all that is good and love in the world.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Allowing Myself Space to Grieve

Day 3,904

Today was the re-charge and rejuvenate day I’ve needed for a while. Becky and I got in an invigorating hike this morning, enjoying one of our favorite hikes…

Yeah, and that’s where I stopped typing and just sat there staring at my screen for a while. My mind racing across many emotions and memories. Kind of like the act of pausing today really allowed all the emotion to leak in through the cracks. While moving constantly for the past few months there wasn’t time to really let the emotions saturate, today was a sense of release, of slowing down… in so many ways a sense of finality of a season of life.

Gavin sent a poignant message about his emotions about his track career officially being over today. That had started to sink in for me a bit last night, in the silence of relaxation today it really sunk in. The emotions of a tectonic life shift are being given the space to breathe, and I’m not sure how I feel about all of it.

As I paused to breathe, to write my blog, I was reminded that it was nine years ago yesterday that Dad suffered his brain aneurysm. In taking a moment to reflect I also came across a video Gavin and Dominic recorded from nine years ago today wishing him well and hoping he feels better soon while also recounting their favorite memories of him. On that screen are my two sons who were eleven and eight years old who are no longer children, but men – talking about Dad, who was to be no longer less than a week after the video was created by Becky. In less than 45 seconds I felt the grief of losing both Dad and the childhood of my sons. Of course both Dominic and Gavin are a live and well, it’s just that their childhood seasons are now both complete.

When Dominic graduated I struggled, but Gavin was still at home, still a kid, and helped to soften the blow of the change. Now with Gavin graduating I am feeling very different, the loss – or better, a change – in my life as I’ve known it for the past twenty years. Through all the busy-ness of the past few months I’ve been able to keep the strong front, to say that it’ll be fine, to keep the smile. Today, with the release of stress, the relaxing of my shoulders, I can feel it so much more intensely. Almost as if it my heart knew I wasn’t quite ready to actually deal with this. Now, with a little space, I am.

I know it is not loss per se, it is a shifting of the season. I am looking forward to the next season – for myself, for Becky and I, and for the boys – we all have so much to look forward to! As I’ve learned, each change leads to the next adventures, each day seems to be better than the previous. It may be very uncomfortable as it all unfurls, but it will all work out as it always has.

All that said, today I’m grateful for allowing myself the grace to grieve the loss of this past season. It is okay that this shift hurts, it is okay that this shift is very uncomfortable, it is okay that I don’t want it to change, and it is okay that I have tears streaming down my face as I type. Change is difficult. The deeper the emotion felt the more that it has meant to us, the deeper the love we feel for all those involved.

Thanks!!!