Tag: love

Thankful for a Book of Grit, Pausing a Moment, & a Moment of Cosmic Perfection

Day 3,913

Growth:

The book Once a Runner by John L Parker remains one of my all time favorites. This is not due to the story itself, the writing style, or the topic. What it boils down to is that this book is all about grit, all about having to work insanely hard towards a dream we want, to put in the countless miles of trials to see that one dream have a chance of coming true. Over and over again it loads up so many save-able quotes on grit. One of my favs is this one that I added to a picture of Dominic edging out his competition by leaning over the finish line that really nailed the spirit of the quote.

Appreciation:

When we press the pause button on the whirlwind of life we’re able to see and create some incredible things. So often we get caught up in the inertia of everyday life and blow right past so many opportunities we could have taken had we slowed for a moment. Today I was reminded to pause, to breathe, and to intentionally put my focus into a specific action, directing the energy in one exact direction, making tremendous progress on a goal. Interestingly enough, it was a pause to focus on helping others pause!

Presence:

The magic moments when you feel the Universe giving you an enormous hug, blessing you in a moment of cosmic perfection. Nothing specifically perfect, an overwhelming sensation of being exactly where you are supposed to be in a specific moment, seeing the beauty of nature all around you, listening to the perfect song for that specific moment (Bow and Arrow by Reuben and The Dark), knowing all is well regardless of the sate of anything. The moment of knowing you are loved, you love others, and all humanity shares that common love. For one fleeting moment all is at peace, all is exactly as it should be. A single moment of perfection to heal the pains of the soul, to re-direct and focus on all that is good and love in the world.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Allowing Myself Space to Grieve

Day 3,904

Today was the re-charge and rejuvenate day I’ve needed for a while. Becky and I got in an invigorating hike this morning, enjoying one of our favorite hikes…

Yeah, and that’s where I stopped typing and just sat there staring at my screen for a while. My mind racing across many emotions and memories. Kind of like the act of pausing today really allowed all the emotion to leak in through the cracks. While moving constantly for the past few months there wasn’t time to really let the emotions saturate, today was a sense of release, of slowing down… in so many ways a sense of finality of a season of life.

Gavin sent a poignant message about his emotions about his track career officially being over today. That had started to sink in for me a bit last night, in the silence of relaxation today it really sunk in. The emotions of a tectonic life shift are being given the space to breathe, and I’m not sure how I feel about all of it.

As I paused to breathe, to write my blog, I was reminded that it was nine years ago yesterday that Dad suffered his brain aneurysm. In taking a moment to reflect I also came across a video Gavin and Dominic recorded from nine years ago today wishing him well and hoping he feels better soon while also recounting their favorite memories of him. On that screen are my two sons who were eleven and eight years old who are no longer children, but men – talking about Dad, who was to be no longer less than a week after the video was created by Becky. In less than 45 seconds I felt the grief of losing both Dad and the childhood of my sons. Of course both Dominic and Gavin are a live and well, it’s just that their childhood seasons are now both complete.

When Dominic graduated I struggled, but Gavin was still at home, still a kid, and helped to soften the blow of the change. Now with Gavin graduating I am feeling very different, the loss – or better, a change – in my life as I’ve known it for the past twenty years. Through all the busy-ness of the past few months I’ve been able to keep the strong front, to say that it’ll be fine, to keep the smile. Today, with the release of stress, the relaxing of my shoulders, I can feel it so much more intensely. Almost as if it my heart knew I wasn’t quite ready to actually deal with this. Now, with a little space, I am.

I know it is not loss per se, it is a shifting of the season. I am looking forward to the next season – for myself, for Becky and I, and for the boys – we all have so much to look forward to! As I’ve learned, each change leads to the next adventures, each day seems to be better than the previous. It may be very uncomfortable as it all unfurls, but it will all work out as it always has.

All that said, today I’m grateful for allowing myself the grace to grieve the loss of this past season. It is okay that this shift hurts, it is okay that this shift is very uncomfortable, it is okay that I don’t want it to change, and it is okay that I have tears streaming down my face as I type. Change is difficult. The deeper the emotion felt the more that it has meant to us, the deeper the love we feel for all those involved.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Learning from Failures, Kind Words and Slowing Down, & Seeing the Horizon

Day 3,657

Growth:

Quite often we talk about learning from our heroes, wanting to exhibit their courage, strength, wisdom and whatnot. Just as often we can learn from everyone – including our heroes – on how we would prefer not to act, on how not to treat others, and on how to let our personal fears negatively impact our ability to love others.

We can learn from both halves, we each are both halves. Rather idolizing our heroes, remember to learn from all of our human failings. We all fail, we all struggle, we all act without love and kindness.

When we see that may ew also remember not to return their actions with similar actions of our own. Learn from the experience they’ve given, act as you’d hoped they would have.

Appreciation:

Two parter for today as there are a couple of points to cover in my blog to help remind “Future Mike” of why I was grateful today.

First off, I am most grateful to those who have reached out to regarding the impact of the government shutdown. Even a short message, text, or quick phone call helps others see that they are not alone. Those acts of kindness may seem so tiny to the person providing them, but they can make a huge positive impact on the person who really needs to hear them at the right moment.

Second, I appreciate my reminder to give myself grace, to remember the intent behind the goal, and to take care of myself from a mental standpoint. With so much going on my mind was racing as I listened to my audiobook on my drive north this morning. I quickly became frustrated with my inability to focus on the book which in turn added more stress which added more things for me to get frustrated about. After a quick facepalm I shut off the book, turned on some music, and sang and relaxed while I drove. I then turned everything off and thought through the challenges and created my action plans. Finally, I went back to reading and was able to stay completely present. Slow down Kreiling!

Presence:

Sitting on the deck with Becky on an unusually warm October evening, relaxing, reading my beloved copy of Fahrenheit 451 as the sun goes down. Hearing the sounds of nature, taking in the fresh air, simultaneously completely absorbed in the exquisite writings of Ray Bradbury. Each page causes me to pause for a moment to step back to the ledge upon which I see across into reality and down into the story, the horizon a mixing of the two realities. I melt into both.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for A Quote on Judgement, Awareness of Joy Causing Activities, & Workshop Time with Gavin

Day 3,653

Growth:

As I’ve started reading Montaigne by Stefan Zweig there’ve been so many little nuggets of wisdom I’ve filed away to reflect on in the future. This one in particular struck me with the current state of affairs in our society / nation / world.

I do not subscribe to this communal error of judging a man according to the way I perceive things.

Stefan Zweig, Montaigne

Appreciation:

Today was an awesomely productive day, a nonstop high speed thrill ride of errands, projects, and other assorted tasks. For sure, it was a day largely full of adulting, but all in a very positive way. Funny how I used to look forward to days with nothing to do but sit on the couch and watch football, now I find days like this to be so much more rewarding and fulfilling!

This has been a bit of an ongoing theme over the past few days. Looking at several years ago when I would take Friday off for Oktoberfest and have too many beers, now I had the perfect Friday off thanks for knocking out a 15 mile hike and then spent the evening at Gavin’s football game. So much more rewarding and fulfilling than how I lived life a ways back. For sure, it wasn’t anything crazy or out of control, but even just the difference in scenery this year is so much more my style and my jam.

As I keep typing and thinking about this, I guess that’s what I am most grateful for today… a better understanding of or maybe a better awareness of what brings me the most joy and leads me towards my purpose AND then choosing it and enjoying it even if that path isn’t quite as relaxing as the other.

Presence:

Spending time in the workshop with Gavin as we built a fixture to help him cut lumber for his Eagle project was a blast! So grateful for the father son time up in the workshop – full of jokes, talks, coaching, teaching, and creating. The time we spent there and in working on his project today was a wonderful way to spend the day! Projects like that with him cause time to fly and memories to be made.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Assuming Positive Intent, Music Therapy, & Connectedness

Day 3,644

Growth:

So often all we need is all around us, it is up to us to LISTEN for the answer. I was caught off guard while re-reading one of my favorite books today. They very briefly hit upon the concept of “Assuming positive intent,” and the profoundly positive impact this can have on our lives and interactions.

Rather than immediately assuming “the other side” is trying to destroy our nation/world what if we instead paused and considered their actions/words from the starting point of assuming positive intent. Why are they responding as they are? What is the underlying issue leading them down this path? Quite often it is likely similar to our own reasons – just executed differently. If we assume positive intent we can more easily listen to understand rather than listen to prove wrong.

This will be in the forefront of my mind – assume positive intent before being so quick to judge.

Appreciation:

Part way through my drive up north this morning I realized I needed some music therapy for my soul. I like to utilize my drive time as learning time, focusing on how to improve myself with what could so easily be dead time rather than alive time. I feel more productive when I spend the time filling my brain with ideas, pausing to digest and consider what I’ve learned.

This morning I needed to spend some time in quiet calm, listening to music to relax my mind and soul. It was time for some therapy, some rejuvenation. I found it in music. For almost half an hour I went from song to song to soak up the energy I needed to feel recharged and ready for the day.

By the time I got to the office my head and heart were in the right palce to dive in and make a positive impact.

Presence:

With so much discontent and anger and hate and divisiveness in our world I found sanctuary and solace in M83’s song Outro.

While driving to the Eau Claire office this morning I almost had to pull the car over as I was completely overcome with the emotion of pure love and connectedness with all people and all creation while this song reached its crescendo.

Pause your life, shut everything else off, turn on this song, close your eyes, and feel the love and connection you have with all people. I hope you will be moved as I was – awakened in the love of the connections we all share.

When it is my time to go this song (from 1:30 on) will be the last music my soul plays before moving on. Beautiful, breathtaking.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Love Over Hate, Hard Moments, & Reckoning

Day 3,636

Growth:

No matter how deeply we disagree with someone’s ideas, murder is never the answer.

No matter how much we disagree with someone’s ideas murder is never the answer. There are so many other ways to deal with disagreement, taking a life cannot be the resolution.

Tonight a family has lost their dad due to hate and fear.

There is always a better way of overcoming. As people face fear and hate with more fear and hate there is no positive end to the story, only a sickening spiral of more and more hate and fear. Is it so difficult to face fear with love instead?

Appreciation:

I don’t know about you, but when I think of “gratitude” and “appreciation” I usually think of happiness. That’s not always the case. Sometimes life hands us challenges so inconceivable that appreciation feels impossible. That said, those are so often the moments in which we have so much to be grateful for. We don’t have to be grateful for the tragedy itself—let’s be real, it sucked. But we can choose how to move forward. But we can’t change it once it has happened, we can only choose how to move forward, how to use that as an opportunity for growth.

Today was rough for me, much more than I ever would have expected, but I think it was largely because it caused a very necessary moment of awareness. While I wish Charlie Kirk would not have been killed, I cannot change it. I can remember this moment, remember the lessons learned about the true vile ugliness of hate and fear – regardless of whether you feel the other person is right or wrong – is never the right answer. Love is. Rather than lashing out in anger or in fear, reach out in love.

Presence:

Oof, this one hit hard today. I’m still not one hundred percent sure why this one after so many others, so many that one seems to almost become numb to all of the ongoing gun violence and loss of life. I wasn’t a fan of his—I disagreed with him on so many levels—but the sudden, instant loss of a life was still jarring. I really don’t have a better way of stating it, the clarity of that moment, the awareness of the wrongness… maybe it had more to do with the frustration and anger I’ve felt over so many things related to politics, seeing where it can go if completely unchecked and unhinged to such an insane extreme, made me instantly aware of how wrong my low level anger and fear are, how wrong I am to fight fear with fear rather than love.

In an instant, I saw where unchecked fear leads—and it was horrifying. Violence, hate, and fear are never the answer. Sometimes there will be pushback, disagreement, but it should always be with love rather than hate.

A wise man tried to teach us that 2,000 years ago—and we killed Him for it. His response was forgiveness. His response was love. That’s the path we should choose too: love over fear.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Stillness, More Stillness, & the Nexus of Past, Present, and Future

Day 3,591

Growth:

Create space for stillness, room for your mind and soul to open and relax, to not have something which must be done, but rather, to just exist, to be. Sit still, let your mind go, and allow yourself to just be present in the moment. In that quiet, in that stillness – past the initial discomfort of the silence – is joy, your soul, being.

Appreciation:

Being at home today was so rejuvenating! Doing our normal Sunday activities, spending time at home, eating at our table, doing odds and ends around home. Exactly what was needed to get back up to speed after the past week of seemingly nonstop travel.

As I wrap up the night and prepare for bed I am pausing to enjoy some quiet in the living room all alone. It is quiet, I’ve got some excellent music playing (M83 – Outro: https://youtu.be/C0d_74wweFg?si=8ulVjkneFfpHdMB3 ) and I’ve been taking time to allow my mind to be still. Time alone with my thoughts, time with no expectation of progress or result, time existing. So much of what I needed!

Presence:

Those little moments of sharing bits of knowledge learned from others being passed on to others. A nexus of past experiences lived in the present moment with the hope of living again in the future. As simple and mundane as those moments may seem at times they are the points of wonderful memory. today it was in helping to show Gavin how to change windshield wipers and replace the broken glass of a side mirror. In the past it was working with Dad on how to change the air filter. Nothing special in of the moment itself, but beautiful as I step back and savor the memories of the past, enjoy the moment as it happens, and hope that the memory will repeat itself in the future.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Remembering Love is the Way, Crazy Ideas, & Reminders to Appreciate the Moments We Have

Day 3,437

Growth:

Father Dodge had a wonderful sermon that I really didn’t want to hear today, usually the sign of one which I really needed to hear. Where there is discomfort there is usually room for growth.

In his sermon he reminded us that we are to love everyone, to want everyone to enter into heaven, for everyone to feel love. This is currently very difficult for me as I strongly disagree with several issues we are having as a society at large. It would (and has been) so much easier to be angry, to return hate with hate, and to be about as far from love as we should be.

As he spoke I couldn’t help but realize that this pushing back with anger and frustration is what is fueling the downward spiral we seem to be in. We should be remembering to love each other throughout, to pray for others, to help them understand that even if we disagree they are still humans, we should treat them all as we would be treated.

For sure – I am nowhere near ready to for this complete shift, I know what I should do and will work towards closing the gap between who I am and who I am called to be. As I reflect on the day I will be remembering to give a little extra prayer for those who need it, those who are acting from a place of hate, greed, ego, for them to find their way back to love for all humans and all life. I will say an extra prayer for all those who are directly impacted by the hateful and bitter action for them to have the courage to continue, the strength to keep fighting, and the ability to find a way to return love for hate. I will say a prayer for myself, to help me stay level minded, to help me know when and how it is appropriate to fight back, but in a way from the heart, with love. All in all, I’m praying for us to all remember to love each other and to treat each other well – especially when we don’t agree.

This evening I acted out in peaceful ways, a donation to an organization that could really use the extra help right now, sending messages to our congress on my thoughts on specific actions. Please consider doing the same. An organization which we’ve supported in the past that could use your help is the National Parks Conservation Association.

Appreciation:

I’ve been known to have some crazy idea, some might even say bad ideas form time to time. Nothing crazy or nefarious, rather ideas which many normal people would likely think a little out there. Case in point hiking a 50k last summer in the middle of a heat wave. Some have been so crazy they never happened, others I’ve seen through and maybe even questioned after the fact.

After Gavin finished reading The Long Walk by Stephen King this week he had an incredible idea – possibly a crazy one. We are going to do a 24 hour nonstop hike this summer just because we can. We’re going to start approximately 65-70 miles from home and follow the trail all the way back. Nothing short of ridiculous, no question, but it should be an incredible adventure, one we’ll remember for the long haul for sure!

Here’s to the crazy ideas, may they continue to invade our brain and lead us to many incredible shared moments together!

Presence:

Appreciate each moment, we don’t know how many more we have. In church today we received some deeply sad news of a parishioner who passed away from a very fast acting cancer. While we did’t know her well, we knew she and her husband well enough to enjoy a smile and a joke from time to time. Her death was a shock and that moment really hit hard. Her husband is the one I blogged about years ago as “the guy at church who reminds me of Dad.” My heart goes out to him and their family. Enjoy the moments we have, we are not promised tomorrow.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Stepping Back for Clarity, Working Through Hurt, & Repeat 1

Day 3,431

Growth:

Interesting how sometimes stepping back can provide so much clarity. Our mental lint filters get a little clogged up and we need to step back, clean them out, and then start fresh. Often the insights of others can help us get there. Pause, reflect, ask advice, seek input, and then take action.

Appreciation:

This evening I’ve sat in front of my computer and stared at this blank section. I’ve typed the Growth and Presence portions already, this one has been empty with nothing but a flashing line waiting to release letters. I’m incredibly frustrated today, no need to dive into it any further than than, not with anything related to work or Becky and boys, with other aspects of life. My soul hurts, I’m angry, and I’m so frustrated that I know any response right now – save writing this blog – would not likely be the right one.

I need to reflect further, dive into the why behind the emotion, and remember that above all else we were created to love. That can be be wildly difficult for me to remember and I’m starting to see that it is likely at the core of my hurt – the dissonance of the emotions and the necessary response. Maybe it is because I don’t know how to allow myself to love those I despise, or maybe because I am so unwilling to do so because of my anger. When is the right time to stand up and take action? When is the right time to put my head down and be invisible? When should I calm my emotions and let logic rule? When should I free my emotions in a righteous rage? Are there even right answers to be found?

As I type this I want to circle back to what I am grateful for. I’m grateful for having found a journaling practice like this to help me work through the hurt. I’m grateful for this exercise which helps me remember to stay focused on the positive. I’m appreciative for the wisdom to know it is okay to not be okay all the time. I’m glad I’ve learned to not act out in emotion unless it is logically prudent to do so.

So long as I am alive I have the opportunity to learn and grow. Through the darkest times we learn and grow most. This really sucks right now, but I know I must be growing and learning – though I’d kind of like to have a pause soon. 😉

Presence:

Sometimes there are moments in which when I have learned to pause the audiobook and switch to music. Something within my soul needs to be soothed in those moments, and music or silence is typically the key. Today I listened to one of my favorite songs on repeat for part of the way to work and the entirety of the way home and it was exactly what I needed.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Neil Gaiman Quote, Those Who Help Me See Others More Clearly and with More Love, & Ordinary Time with Becky

Day 3,148

Growth:

What a beautiful quote by Neil Gaiman which takes just a moment to sink in.

If you, as a parent, raise your children well, they won’t need you anymore. If you did it properly, they go away.

Neil Gaiman

Appreciation:

I’m not quite sure how to put this one so I’m going to just type it and see how it comes out. Fingers crossed that it portrays the sense of profound appreciation I have for so many today.

For a variety of reasons I am deeply grateful for all of the people who have helped me step outside of myself and my very limited vision to see the larger scope of how we all fit together as people. I’ve been a slow learner and I haven’t always seen things as quickly or clearly as I would have hope. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time, shown the patience, and provided me the grace to slowly become aware of the different challenges all types of people face. Your patience, love, and faith in my heart have helped to grant me one of the most priceless gifts in the world, the seeds of awareness. Thank you for helping me step outside of myself, to see the world from different perspectives, and to slowly work towards closing the gap between who I am and who I am meant to be.

I have such a large distance to go to keep growing past my own filters of the world, please continue to help guide me, inform me, question me, support me, and love me throughout the successes and stumbles I have along the way. You have had a significant impact on my life, please know I am doing my best to pass it on others – especially my sons. Thank you for your patience and faith in my ability to become more aware!

Presence:

Making dinner with Becky, both joking around in the kitchen, enjoying each other’s company, now relaxing on the couch reading/writing. What beautifully ordinary ways to spend part of our evening together! We’re in the midst of a three plus week stretch in which we’re each rarely in the same state, this dose of normalcy is incredible!

Not from today, but a fun one regardless 😉

Thanks!!!