Tag: love

Thankful for Lyrics Sharing How I Feel about Becky

Day 3,991

Over the past week Becky and I have had the opportunity to launch Gavin off to start his college career and took time to spend time together traveling and soaking up the outdoors as our lives transition to being empty nesters. Throw in closing in on the big 5 – 0 and our 25th wedding anniversary and it’s been wild to think of how much we’ve been through and how much life there is ahead of us.

All of these shifts and changes and milestones and everything are so much easier to work through knowing I’m able to partner with my absolute best friend and love of my life. Everything can change, we will remain – and, more importantly – we will find a way to keep growing closer.

What I’m most thankful for this evening is a shortlist of song lyrics that I swear the artists wrote specifically for how I feel about Becky. I’m beyond blessed to share my life with her every day!

This might not be an easy time
There’s rivers to cross and hills to climb
Some days we might fall apart
And some nights might feel cold and dark

But nobody wins, afraid of losing
And the hard roads are the ones worth choosing
Someday we’ll look back and smile
And know it was worth every mile

And it don’t matter to me
Wherever we are is where I wanna be
And honey, for once in our life
Let’s take our chances and roll the dice
I can be your lucky penny
You can be my four-leaf clover
Starting over

Chris Stapleton – Starting Over

And when the stars don’t shine no more and all the good days have come and gone. Well, I just want you to always know – my home is you, my home is you…
…I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know where I am, But I’m here till the end with you. All this time, well, I’ve known – that my home’s with you.

The Strumbellas – My Home is You

Home is wherever I’m with you.
Home is when I am alone with you.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – Home

We swore we’d travel, darlin’, side by side
We’d help each other stay in stride
But each lover’s steps fall so differently
But I’ll wait for you, and if I should fall behind, wait for me

Now, everyone dreams of a love lasting and true
Oh, but you and I know what this world can do
So let’s make our steps clear that the other may see
And I’ll wait for you, and if I should fall behind, wait for me

Bruce Springsteen – If I Should Fall Behind

Since we met, I feel a lightness in my step
You’re miles away, but I still feel you
Anywhere I go, there you are…
…Everything is fine, when your head’s resting next to mine, next to mine.

Vance Joy – Fire and the Flood

I don’t get many things right the first time, in fact, I am told that a lot. Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles, and falls brought me here.
And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday and I know that I am the luckiest.

Ben Folds – Luckiest

Thanks!!!

Thankful for the True Burden of All Masters (and Parents), Pausing Life to Allow My Soul to Breathe, & Blogging by the Campfire

Day 3,988

Growth:

As we drove from one part of New River Gorge to another we got a fun text from Gavin saying he’d decided to opt for a double major of neuroscience and biophysics because it wasn’t that much more work.  We both chuckled and commented on how grateful we are for both boys being as intelligent as they are, and then an old quote that is one of my favorites came back to mind.  

“We are what they grow beyond, that is the true burden of all masters.”  This was from the wise philosopher, Yoda.

What struck me most is that this is exactly the moment in which there is so much the boys both have to learn which is beyond my capability.  I’ve worked to share as much as I can with them, and for sure, there is still much more for me to share with them, but they are at the point when they really need to reach out beyond Becky and I for their next steps of growth. 

There’s something very sad and empty feeling about that for me, both in knowing that they have grown beyond needing my help, and from a sense of personal purpose – what else do I have to offer if that which I am most used to contributing is no longer needed by those I focused it on?

That said, there’s still a very fulfilling and rewarding side as well.  It appears we’ve done well in our roles to help take care of them and to grow them, they are both very much ready for the next stages of their lives.  There’s a calm in knowing that if something should happen to me I’ve done what was needed to help them be as prepared as I can help them to be.  

Intriguing thought processes to be sure, where does my focus and energy go now?  To which directions should I channel it?  

Appreciation:

To pause life so much that the actual sense of relaxation really sinks in, the ability to sleep eight plus hours for multiple nights, the quiet calm of a still mind as a place to play with thoughts and ideas.  I honestly forgot which day of the week it was this morning, Becky laughed so hard as I had to do some calculations to make sure I knew which day it actually was.  

This sense of calm that is found when there is no email to check, no calls to return, no “priorities” to focus on for the day.  Creating space for my mind to breathe, for my soul to have the space it needs to create and think and reflect and put all the lessons learned into a more coherent thought.  This time to pause and reflect, to savor the beauty of nature so much more clearly, to exist with Becky and connect – often with no words needed, only a smile – this is what it means to be on vacation.  I’m so glad to have created this space for my soul.

Presence:

I think this may be the first time I’ve typed my blog on a laptop sitting in front of a campfire!  The smell of the burning hardwood, the earth of the fire, the dancing of the flames behind my screen as I type, a siren of sorts, a glowing muse for my blog.  This could be a more common practice as I create more space for my mind to pause and think.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Mid-Life Awareness, Dominic, & Existing with the Campfire

Day 3,986

Growth:

With the big 5 – 0 slowly creeping up on me like a screaming ninja dragging three bags of empty aluminum cans and glass bottles across a bumpy concrete alley I’ve been starting to pause and consider this milestone in more detail.

What I find interesting isn’t the sensation of “oh my god, I’m so old” so much as it is a “woah, it is now pretty much guaranteed that half of my life is behind me.”  Along those lines, there is no panic of death looming ahead, no sudden “I need to make all these crazy changes,” or deep re-consideration of all of my life choices.  

It’s an oddly calm sensation, a realization of a life well lived. 

It’s a vivid reminder of just how quickly time can pass by when we aren’t paying attention to it.

It’s the thought that I should have more gratitude for each day I have, to live more intentionally.

No fear, no crazy negative feelings, no sense of suddenly being old, feeble, and unable to do the things I enjoy doing.  No panic of being in the back nine and trying to catch back up to par.  

I feel oddly refreshed.  The lint filter of my mind seems to be getting cleaned out with this rolling of the odometer.  Getting rid of the gunk so I can finish efficiently and on track.  An opportunity to pause, re-evaluate direction, and re-prioritize what I want to accomplish with the clarity of seeing the finish line. 

Mid-life crisis?  Not even fucking close.  More like mid-life intentionality?  Mid-life re-prioritizing?  Mid-life awakening?

Hmm…. Nope, none of this quite nail it.

Mid-life awareness?  That’s the sensation, the opportunity, the challenge, all in a nutshell!

Appreciation:

Gavin had me thinking about my first week of college at Michigan Tech way back in the day yesterday, funny that Dominic brought back a different set of memories today!

Dominic celebrated his 21st birthday today!  While I still think Becky should be the one celebrated for her truly heroic feats of strengths to birth Dominic, we’ll focus on the traditional celebrating of the one who was born instead.

Normally on this day each year I take time to pull up pics from throughout the past year and let them do most of the talking.  With being out in the middle of Shenandoah National Park without consistent cell coverage that’s not an option so I’ll improvise a bit.

What I’m most grateful for in Dominic is his undying positivity, his passion for helping others, his ability to lead through example, his gigantic dreams, and his love of nature.  

Dominic is almost always in a positive mood, seeing the bright side in seemingly every difficult situation.  He reminds me to pause and take a deep breath, to roll with whatever challenges may arise, and to always keep his chin up.  He always finds a way to be successful, especially when he isn’t.  Nothing can beat him and his optimism down.

He is always watching out for ways to help others – directly, indirectly, and through any support needed.  He has a servant’s heart and is always looking for ways to include the un-included.  Even when others disagree with him he looks to find ways to help bring them joy.  Ever since he was a young kid he’s been determined to help be a positive influence for others.

Dominic is very much a natural leader (though he works very diligently at it with regularity even when he doesn’t know it).  People look to him when things go sideways, he can find a plan, he stays positive, and is quick to dive in and do whatever it takes, leading by example.  There are several times  specifically in which he taught me to be a better leader and set the example I should live into (a contentious town hall meeting is one of the clearest memories).  People follow his integrity.

I don’t know many people with a dream list as robust as his, nor anyone else who is as likely to check as many of them off as he will in his lifetime.  There are no limits to his dreams, they keep growing as they have since he was young, and they will keep leading him down the right path.  He’s often inspired others to dream big, myself included!  As a result of his dreams he’s made some epic trips, knocked out some crazy hikes, and has a ton of other dreams ahead of him.  

I’d also be remiss to not mention how grateful I am for his love of the outdoors, of nature, and of all the beautiful and simple things which lay right outside our homes.  He’s a fan of getting outside, appreciates seeing the spectacular beauty in something as simple as a sunset, as dazzling as the Northern Lights, and as awesome as the mountains.  That passion for the outdoors brings so much joy to him that he can’t help but exude to others.  

There are so many reasons I am grateful for Dominic – his friendship, his humor, and so many others that it becomes difficult to focus this blog.  That said, what I appreciate the most of everything about Dominic is that he motivates and inspires me to live into a better version of myself.  How amazing is it to have a son who reminds you to be the man you are called to be?

Love you Bud!!!

Presence:

The sensation of sitting by a campfire with no goal, no tasks, no distractions.  Quietly watching the flames dance.  Letting the mind empty, becoming lost in the complete lack of pattern of the fire.  Soaking in the smells of the different types of wood burning.  Enjoying the feel of the heat on my bare legs and feet, having to back up to avoid being burned, and then slowing working my way back closer.  The letting go of stress, of emotion, of thought, of worry.  Existing with the flame.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Family Roots

Day 3,942

As time keeps flying by and Gavin’s college dorm move in date seems to sprint towards us more quickly than expected I am more and more grateful for the bonus moments we are able to sneak in. Today’s version was him riding to and from work with me as he did a bunch of yard work for our office building. Over lunch we hung out and shot the bull too, nice pockets of bonus time.

When the end of a season approaches it becomes so much easier to recognize the impermanence of all things. We can see the end of the season coming, each day as it gets closer those moments become more and more precious.

How much more fulfilling would our lives be if we realized earlier on that each day before it has the same opportunity, the same amount of time? When the end seems so distant it is so easy to lose sight of how precious each moment is. Shouldn’t we have that same mindset for each moment of our lives? Why must it take an impending (or abrupt) end to get us to pause and appreciate the time we have? Seems like we would all live much more fulfilling lives!

On the flip side, our relationship with Dominic also reminds me that while the season may change, it really is only a change, a shift. In some ways our relationship with Dominic has improved with the space between us while he’s in college. We talk regularly, our conversations often go deeper in some ways than they used to, and the time we all have together is made all the more precious moving forward as we understand that we only have a limited amount of time together. After the shift of him going off to college we’ve experienced the change itself as well as have had the understanding that we need to appreciate each moment all the more!

My heart is already starting to feel a bit of the loss of Gavin when he moves out soon, but I’m also very excited for the change in our relationship and the ways our friendship will shift. It won’t be what we’ve grown used to, but thanks to the roots of love and friendship we’ve cultivated in him and he in us I know we’ll somehow become closer than ever as a result. Thank you again to Dominic for helping me see that firsthand.

Here’s to the roots, the grounding of love in a family which will continue to grow throughout the generations and time.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Book of Grit, Pausing a Moment, & a Moment of Cosmic Perfection

Day 3,913

Growth:

The book Once a Runner by John L Parker remains one of my all time favorites. This is not due to the story itself, the writing style, or the topic. What it boils down to is that this book is all about grit, all about having to work insanely hard towards a dream we want, to put in the countless miles of trials to see that one dream have a chance of coming true. Over and over again it loads up so many save-able quotes on grit. One of my favs is this one that I added to a picture of Dominic edging out his competition by leaning over the finish line that really nailed the spirit of the quote.

Appreciation:

When we press the pause button on the whirlwind of life we’re able to see and create some incredible things. So often we get caught up in the inertia of everyday life and blow right past so many opportunities we could have taken had we slowed for a moment. Today I was reminded to pause, to breathe, and to intentionally put my focus into a specific action, directing the energy in one exact direction, making tremendous progress on a goal. Interestingly enough, it was a pause to focus on helping others pause!

Presence:

The magic moments when you feel the Universe giving you an enormous hug, blessing you in a moment of cosmic perfection. Nothing specifically perfect, an overwhelming sensation of being exactly where you are supposed to be in a specific moment, seeing the beauty of nature all around you, listening to the perfect song for that specific moment (Bow and Arrow by Reuben and The Dark), knowing all is well regardless of the sate of anything. The moment of knowing you are loved, you love others, and all humanity shares that common love. For one fleeting moment all is at peace, all is exactly as it should be. A single moment of perfection to heal the pains of the soul, to re-direct and focus on all that is good and love in the world.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Allowing Myself Space to Grieve

Day 3,904

Today was the re-charge and rejuvenate day I’ve needed for a while. Becky and I got in an invigorating hike this morning, enjoying one of our favorite hikes…

Yeah, and that’s where I stopped typing and just sat there staring at my screen for a while. My mind racing across many emotions and memories. Kind of like the act of pausing today really allowed all the emotion to leak in through the cracks. While moving constantly for the past few months there wasn’t time to really let the emotions saturate, today was a sense of release, of slowing down… in so many ways a sense of finality of a season of life.

Gavin sent a poignant message about his emotions about his track career officially being over today. That had started to sink in for me a bit last night, in the silence of relaxation today it really sunk in. The emotions of a tectonic life shift are being given the space to breathe, and I’m not sure how I feel about all of it.

As I paused to breathe, to write my blog, I was reminded that it was nine years ago yesterday that Dad suffered his brain aneurysm. In taking a moment to reflect I also came across a video Gavin and Dominic recorded from nine years ago today wishing him well and hoping he feels better soon while also recounting their favorite memories of him. On that screen are my two sons who were eleven and eight years old who are no longer children, but men – talking about Dad, who was to be no longer less than a week after the video was created by Becky. In less than 45 seconds I felt the grief of losing both Dad and the childhood of my sons. Of course both Dominic and Gavin are a live and well, it’s just that their childhood seasons are now both complete.

When Dominic graduated I struggled, but Gavin was still at home, still a kid, and helped to soften the blow of the change. Now with Gavin graduating I am feeling very different, the loss – or better, a change – in my life as I’ve known it for the past twenty years. Through all the busy-ness of the past few months I’ve been able to keep the strong front, to say that it’ll be fine, to keep the smile. Today, with the release of stress, the relaxing of my shoulders, I can feel it so much more intensely. Almost as if it my heart knew I wasn’t quite ready to actually deal with this. Now, with a little space, I am.

I know it is not loss per se, it is a shifting of the season. I am looking forward to the next season – for myself, for Becky and I, and for the boys – we all have so much to look forward to! As I’ve learned, each change leads to the next adventures, each day seems to be better than the previous. It may be very uncomfortable as it all unfurls, but it will all work out as it always has.

All that said, today I’m grateful for allowing myself the grace to grieve the loss of this past season. It is okay that this shift hurts, it is okay that this shift is very uncomfortable, it is okay that I don’t want it to change, and it is okay that I have tears streaming down my face as I type. Change is difficult. The deeper the emotion felt the more that it has meant to us, the deeper the love we feel for all those involved.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Learning from Failures, Kind Words and Slowing Down, & Seeing the Horizon

Day 3,657

Growth:

Quite often we talk about learning from our heroes, wanting to exhibit their courage, strength, wisdom and whatnot. Just as often we can learn from everyone – including our heroes – on how we would prefer not to act, on how not to treat others, and on how to let our personal fears negatively impact our ability to love others.

We can learn from both halves, we each are both halves. Rather idolizing our heroes, remember to learn from all of our human failings. We all fail, we all struggle, we all act without love and kindness.

When we see that may ew also remember not to return their actions with similar actions of our own. Learn from the experience they’ve given, act as you’d hoped they would have.

Appreciation:

Two parter for today as there are a couple of points to cover in my blog to help remind “Future Mike” of why I was grateful today.

First off, I am most grateful to those who have reached out to regarding the impact of the government shutdown. Even a short message, text, or quick phone call helps others see that they are not alone. Those acts of kindness may seem so tiny to the person providing them, but they can make a huge positive impact on the person who really needs to hear them at the right moment.

Second, I appreciate my reminder to give myself grace, to remember the intent behind the goal, and to take care of myself from a mental standpoint. With so much going on my mind was racing as I listened to my audiobook on my drive north this morning. I quickly became frustrated with my inability to focus on the book which in turn added more stress which added more things for me to get frustrated about. After a quick facepalm I shut off the book, turned on some music, and sang and relaxed while I drove. I then turned everything off and thought through the challenges and created my action plans. Finally, I went back to reading and was able to stay completely present. Slow down Kreiling!

Presence:

Sitting on the deck with Becky on an unusually warm October evening, relaxing, reading my beloved copy of Fahrenheit 451 as the sun goes down. Hearing the sounds of nature, taking in the fresh air, simultaneously completely absorbed in the exquisite writings of Ray Bradbury. Each page causes me to pause for a moment to step back to the ledge upon which I see across into reality and down into the story, the horizon a mixing of the two realities. I melt into both.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for A Quote on Judgement, Awareness of Joy Causing Activities, & Workshop Time with Gavin

Day 3,653

Growth:

As I’ve started reading Montaigne by Stefan Zweig there’ve been so many little nuggets of wisdom I’ve filed away to reflect on in the future. This one in particular struck me with the current state of affairs in our society / nation / world.

I do not subscribe to this communal error of judging a man according to the way I perceive things.

Stefan Zweig, Montaigne

Appreciation:

Today was an awesomely productive day, a nonstop high speed thrill ride of errands, projects, and other assorted tasks. For sure, it was a day largely full of adulting, but all in a very positive way. Funny how I used to look forward to days with nothing to do but sit on the couch and watch football, now I find days like this to be so much more rewarding and fulfilling!

This has been a bit of an ongoing theme over the past few days. Looking at several years ago when I would take Friday off for Oktoberfest and have too many beers, now I had the perfect Friday off thanks for knocking out a 15 mile hike and then spent the evening at Gavin’s football game. So much more rewarding and fulfilling than how I lived life a ways back. For sure, it wasn’t anything crazy or out of control, but even just the difference in scenery this year is so much more my style and my jam.

As I keep typing and thinking about this, I guess that’s what I am most grateful for today… a better understanding of or maybe a better awareness of what brings me the most joy and leads me towards my purpose AND then choosing it and enjoying it even if that path isn’t quite as relaxing as the other.

Presence:

Spending time in the workshop with Gavin as we built a fixture to help him cut lumber for his Eagle project was a blast! So grateful for the father son time up in the workshop – full of jokes, talks, coaching, teaching, and creating. The time we spent there and in working on his project today was a wonderful way to spend the day! Projects like that with him cause time to fly and memories to be made.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Assuming Positive Intent, Music Therapy, & Connectedness

Day 3,644

Growth:

So often all we need is all around us, it is up to us to LISTEN for the answer. I was caught off guard while re-reading one of my favorite books today. They very briefly hit upon the concept of “Assuming positive intent,” and the profoundly positive impact this can have on our lives and interactions.

Rather than immediately assuming “the other side” is trying to destroy our nation/world what if we instead paused and considered their actions/words from the starting point of assuming positive intent. Why are they responding as they are? What is the underlying issue leading them down this path? Quite often it is likely similar to our own reasons – just executed differently. If we assume positive intent we can more easily listen to understand rather than listen to prove wrong.

This will be in the forefront of my mind – assume positive intent before being so quick to judge.

Appreciation:

Part way through my drive up north this morning I realized I needed some music therapy for my soul. I like to utilize my drive time as learning time, focusing on how to improve myself with what could so easily be dead time rather than alive time. I feel more productive when I spend the time filling my brain with ideas, pausing to digest and consider what I’ve learned.

This morning I needed to spend some time in quiet calm, listening to music to relax my mind and soul. It was time for some therapy, some rejuvenation. I found it in music. For almost half an hour I went from song to song to soak up the energy I needed to feel recharged and ready for the day.

By the time I got to the office my head and heart were in the right palce to dive in and make a positive impact.

Presence:

With so much discontent and anger and hate and divisiveness in our world I found sanctuary and solace in M83’s song Outro.

While driving to the Eau Claire office this morning I almost had to pull the car over as I was completely overcome with the emotion of pure love and connectedness with all people and all creation while this song reached its crescendo.

Pause your life, shut everything else off, turn on this song, close your eyes, and feel the love and connection you have with all people. I hope you will be moved as I was – awakened in the love of the connections we all share.

When it is my time to go this song (from 1:30 on) will be the last music my soul plays before moving on. Beautiful, breathtaking.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Love Over Hate, Hard Moments, & Reckoning

Day 3,636

Growth:

No matter how deeply we disagree with someone’s ideas, murder is never the answer.

No matter how much we disagree with someone’s ideas murder is never the answer. There are so many other ways to deal with disagreement, taking a life cannot be the resolution.

Tonight a family has lost their dad due to hate and fear.

There is always a better way of overcoming. As people face fear and hate with more fear and hate there is no positive end to the story, only a sickening spiral of more and more hate and fear. Is it so difficult to face fear with love instead?

Appreciation:

I don’t know about you, but when I think of “gratitude” and “appreciation” I usually think of happiness. That’s not always the case. Sometimes life hands us challenges so inconceivable that appreciation feels impossible. That said, those are so often the moments in which we have so much to be grateful for. We don’t have to be grateful for the tragedy itself—let’s be real, it sucked. But we can choose how to move forward. But we can’t change it once it has happened, we can only choose how to move forward, how to use that as an opportunity for growth.

Today was rough for me, much more than I ever would have expected, but I think it was largely because it caused a very necessary moment of awareness. While I wish Charlie Kirk would not have been killed, I cannot change it. I can remember this moment, remember the lessons learned about the true vile ugliness of hate and fear – regardless of whether you feel the other person is right or wrong – is never the right answer. Love is. Rather than lashing out in anger or in fear, reach out in love.

Presence:

Oof, this one hit hard today. I’m still not one hundred percent sure why this one after so many others, so many that one seems to almost become numb to all of the ongoing gun violence and loss of life. I wasn’t a fan of his—I disagreed with him on so many levels—but the sudden, instant loss of a life was still jarring. I really don’t have a better way of stating it, the clarity of that moment, the awareness of the wrongness… maybe it had more to do with the frustration and anger I’ve felt over so many things related to politics, seeing where it can go if completely unchecked and unhinged to such an insane extreme, made me instantly aware of how wrong my low level anger and fear are, how wrong I am to fight fear with fear rather than love.

In an instant, I saw where unchecked fear leads—and it was horrifying. Violence, hate, and fear are never the answer. Sometimes there will be pushback, disagreement, but it should always be with love rather than hate.

A wise man tried to teach us that 2,000 years ago—and we killed Him for it. His response was forgiveness. His response was love. That’s the path we should choose too: love over fear.

Thanks!!!