Day 4,000

Growth:

Quick spoiler alert, it is only fitting to share that I often don’t write these sections in order. I often have one or two categories that come flying off my fingertips while one sometimes gets caught in the weeds a bit. Tonight is one of those nights, and part of this section is a direct result of the Appreciation section below.

As I pause and consider all that has happened and all that I’ve learned over the past four thousand days of blogging my mind bends as the sheer volume of what I’ve written in those past four thousand blog posts starts to sink in.

There are a couple of large themes and lessons that have continued to grow and expose themselves over this expanse of time.

• Pause first, then choose. The simple act of pausing to think has come through over and over in these 4,000 posts. It’s often as clear as being grateful for pausing, other times it is almost hidden in the landscape as it is the pausing to write this blog that created the space for my thoughts to form before I took action and started writing.
• Discomfort is the address of growth, and the boundary keeps moving. In reviewing the past posts I’m intrigued by how often they involve the way discomfort leads to growth. As the blogs keep going it seems that I’m more and more actively pushing myself into more and more intense discomfort specifically to grow.
• Trials of miles, and miles of trials. The act of doing the exact same thing day after day after day can either be drudgery or bliss – how do I choose to see the discomfort? Novelty is fun and easy, the trials of miles, of putting in the reps is difficult, but so rewarding!
• My attention has a location, and it is outdoors. I’ve always enjoyed the outdoors, but somehow this blog seems to have helped me see just how much of a core part of me it is, and it has helped me re-focus my life in a way that I’m able to enjoy it more often and share it more with those I love.
• This practice has not created more time or life, but it has helped me get so much more out of the time and life I have had. There is no way to get more time than we are each allotted, but we can certainly control how much we actually live the time we have. By pausing to write I’ve been able to see and enjoy so much more of my life, to help me live more intentionally into the life I want to live.

These lessons and so many more… the past 4,000 days have taught me so much about life, I’m grateful for each of those lessons!

Appreciation:

Today I pass an interesting trail marker. This is the 4,000th time I’ve blogged in the past 4,000 days. Almost once per day with the exception of one around the 2,750 mark that I immediately wrote the next morning to get myself back on track.

This daily practice has cost me virtually nothing but about 15-45 minutes per day. The return on the investment has been priceless. In no other practice have I learned so much about myself. The simple act of pausing to breathe and think has helped me coordinate the dreams of who I want to be with the actions leading to that person – even though they are seemingly impossible to completely live into and I’ve yet to have a single day in which I’ve lived the entire day in the way I would like to live it. In taking this time to pause I’ve been able to help close the gap just a bit, significantly more than I ever had in that period of time in my life before.

My heart is full of so much love and gratitude for so many in my life, it’s a reminder to appreciate those around me, those who impact me. It reminds me that none of us make it through life alone, that life is so much better when shared.

This practice throughout the past 4,000 days has brought so much joy to my heart, not necessarily creating it on its own, rather helping me see all the joy provided by life that I so easily could have looked right past had I not paused. That might be one of the things that has surprised me about this practice – it hasn’t given me more time or life, but it’s helped me more completely enjoy and appreciate the time and life I have.

To 4,000 days – a true trial of miles and miles of trials!

Presence:

The moments in which I gently press the pause button on the rest of the world to dive inward and reflect upon the day is amongst my favorite moments of the day. It is my moment to breathe, to think, to be honest with myself and my situation.

The thinking about gratitudes from the day usually brings a smile to my face, sometimes a frown, and sometimes a blank stare… but each brings me joy.

It is that moment on a great day when I have the opportunity to bask in its successes. It is that moment on a trying day in which I realize I need to shift my mindset and find the positive spin while embracing the suck. It is the moment on a nonstop day full of action in which I pause to re-focus and get my mind straight.

Each moment when I am done and press the Publish button I am smiling – for the events of the day, for what I have learned, what I have worked through, for the moment of calm, for the reminder of gratitude creating joy (remembering that comfort and joy can be two wildly different things).

Thanks!!!

Day 3,431

Growth:

Interesting how sometimes stepping back can provide so much clarity. Our mental lint filters get a little clogged up and we need to step back, clean them out, and then start fresh. Often the insights of others can help us get there. Pause, reflect, ask advice, seek input, and then take action.

Appreciation:

This evening I’ve sat in front of my computer and stared at this blank section. I’ve typed the Growth and Presence portions already, this one has been empty with nothing but a flashing line waiting to release letters. I’m incredibly frustrated today, no need to dive into it any further than than, not with anything related to work or Becky and boys, with other aspects of life. My soul hurts, I’m angry, and I’m so frustrated that I know any response right now – save writing this blog – would not likely be the right one.

I need to reflect further, dive into the why behind the emotion, and remember that above all else we were created to love. That can be be wildly difficult for me to remember and I’m starting to see that it is likely at the core of my hurt – the dissonance of the emotions and the necessary response. Maybe it is because I don’t know how to allow myself to love those I despise, or maybe because I am so unwilling to do so because of my anger. When is the right time to stand up and take action? When is the right time to put my head down and be invisible? When should I calm my emotions and let logic rule? When should I free my emotions in a righteous rage? Are there even right answers to be found?

As I type this I want to circle back to what I am grateful for. I’m grateful for having found a journaling practice like this to help me work through the hurt. I’m grateful for this exercise which helps me remember to stay focused on the positive. I’m appreciative for the wisdom to know it is okay to not be okay all the time. I’m glad I’ve learned to not act out in emotion unless it is logically prudent to do so.

So long as I am alive I have the opportunity to learn and grow. Through the darkest times we learn and grow most. This really sucks right now, but I know I must be growing and learning – though I’d kind of like to have a pause soon. 😉

Presence:

Sometimes there are moments in which when I have learned to pause the audiobook and switch to music. Something within my soul needs to be soothed in those moments, and music or silence is typically the key. Today I listened to one of my favorite songs on repeat for part of the way to work and the entirety of the way home and it was exactly what I needed.

Thanks!!!