Tag: mental-health

Thankful for 4,000 Days of Gratitude

Day 4,000

Growth:

Quick spoiler alert, it is only fitting to share that I often don’t write these sections in order. I often have one or two categories that come flying off my fingertips while one sometimes gets caught in the weeds a bit. Tonight is one of those nights, and part of this section is a direct result of the Appreciation section below.

As I pause and consider all that has happened and all that I’ve learned over the past four thousand days of blogging my mind bends as the sheer volume of what I’ve written in those past four thousand blog posts starts to sink in.

There are a couple of large themes and lessons that have continued to grow and expose themselves over this expanse of time.

  • Pause first, then choose. The simple act of pausing to think has come through over and over in these 4,000 posts. It’s often as clear as being grateful for pausing, other times it is almost hidden in the landscape as it is the pausing to write this blog that created the space for my thoughts to form before I took action and started writing.
  • Discomfort is the address of growth, and the boundary keeps moving. In reviewing the past posts I’m intrigued by how often they involve the way discomfort leads to growth. As the blogs keep going it seems that I’m more and more actively pushing myself into more and more intense discomfort specifically to grow.
  • Trials of miles, and miles of trials. The act of doing the exact same thing day after day after day can either be drudgery or bliss – how do I choose to see the discomfort? Novelty is fun and easy, the trials of miles, of putting in the reps is difficult, but so rewarding!
  • My attention has a location, and it is outdoors. I’ve always enjoyed the outdoors, but somehow this blog seems to have helped me see just how much of a core part of me it is, and it has helped me re-focus my life in a way that I’m able to enjoy it more often and share it more with those I love.
  • This practice has not created more time or life, but it has helped me get so much more out of the time and life I have had. There is no way to get more time than we are each allotted, but we can certainly control how much we actually live the time we have. By pausing to write I’ve been able to see and enjoy so much more of my life, to help me live more intentionally into the life I want to live.

These lessons and so many more… the past 4,000 days have taught me so much about life, I’m grateful for each of those lessons!

Appreciation:

Today I pass an interesting trail marker. This is the 4,000th time I’ve blogged in the past 4,000 days. Almost once per day with the exception of one around the 2,750 mark that I immediately wrote the next morning to get myself back on track.

This daily practice has cost me virtually nothing but about 15-45 minutes per day. The return on the investment has been priceless. In no other practice have I learned so much about myself. The simple act of pausing to breathe and think has helped me coordinate the dreams of who I want to be with the actions leading to that person – even though they are seemingly impossible to completely live into and I’ve yet to have a single day in which I’ve lived the entire day in the way I would like to live it. In taking this time to pause I’ve been able to help close the gap just a bit, significantly more than I ever had in that period of time in my life before.

My heart is full of so much love and gratitude for so many in my life, it’s a reminder to appreciate those around me, those who impact me. It reminds me that none of us make it through life alone, that life is so much better when shared.

This practice throughout the past 4,000 days has brought so much joy to my heart, not necessarily creating it on its own, rather helping me see all the joy provided by life that I so easily could have looked right past had I not paused. That might be one of the things that has surprised me about this practice – it hasn’t given me more time or life, but it’s helped me more completely enjoy and appreciate the time and life I have.

To 4,000 days – a true trial of miles and miles of trials!

Presence:

The moments in which I gently press the pause button on the rest of the world to dive inward and reflect upon the day is amongst my favorite moments of the day. It is my moment to breathe, to think, to be honest with myself and my situation.

The thinking about gratitudes from the day usually brings a smile to my face, sometimes a frown, and sometimes a blank stare… but each brings me joy.

It is that moment on a great day when I have the opportunity to bask in its successes. It is that moment on a trying day in which I realize I need to shift my mindset and find the positive spin while embracing the suck. It is the moment on a nonstop day full of action in which I pause to re-focus and get my mind straight.

Each moment when I am done and press the Publish button I am smiling – for the events of the day, for what I have learned, what I have worked through, for the moment of calm, for the reminder of gratitude creating joy (remembering that comfort and joy can be two wildly different things).

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Remembering to Sleep

Day 3,994

Today has been a great day in so many ways. Way more positive professional growth and success than expected throughout the day. Lots accomplished, progress on several projects, and living into the goals I’ve been setting for myself. I’ve been present in my conversations, been attuned to where I should be, and in some ways ahead of where I expected to be at this point in the week.

That said, I’m feeling worn down, exhausted, and kind of beaten up. This is exactly the opposite of how I should be feeling. Everything took a little extra work, more effort than expected. My motivation keeps waning, I’m struggling to stay positive. Again, so bizarre because for all intents and purposes it has been a great day!

What’s the issue? Why the dissonance between how I should feel and how I actually feel? I’m exhausted. I packed in too much. I haven’t slept enough. A little under 6 hours of sleep in average over the past to nights. I feel gross, lazy, like my brain is foggy. Very meh. The only reason is specifically because of a lack of sleep.

Way back in the day I thought I could accomplish more by skipping hours of sleep, staying awake for all but four hours to give myself bonus hours of awake time. Now I realize how foolish that really was. To go from averaging well over eight hours per night over the past week and a half to a sudden drop to a little under six has blown my mind with the impact.

This evening I’ll be sleeping much longer, making sure I get the eight plus I need to feel human, and then will do my best to do that again tomorrow night.

While this sensation of being exhausted sucks, it is a very clear reminder to me of how important it is to get enough sleep. The positive impact of sleep is much more intense than I’d remembered!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for the True Burden of All Masters (and Parents), Pausing Life to Allow My Soul to Breathe, & Blogging by the Campfire

Day 3,988

Growth:

As we drove from one part of New River Gorge to another we got a fun text from Gavin saying he’d decided to opt for a double major of neuroscience and biophysics because it wasn’t that much more work.  We both chuckled and commented on how grateful we are for both boys being as intelligent as they are, and then an old quote that is one of my favorites came back to mind.  

“We are what they grow beyond, that is the true burden of all masters.”  This was from the wise philosopher, Yoda.

What struck me most is that this is exactly the moment in which there is so much the boys both have to learn which is beyond my capability.  I’ve worked to share as much as I can with them, and for sure, there is still much more for me to share with them, but they are at the point when they really need to reach out beyond Becky and I for their next steps of growth. 

There’s something very sad and empty feeling about that for me, both in knowing that they have grown beyond needing my help, and from a sense of personal purpose – what else do I have to offer if that which I am most used to contributing is no longer needed by those I focused it on?

That said, there’s still a very fulfilling and rewarding side as well.  It appears we’ve done well in our roles to help take care of them and to grow them, they are both very much ready for the next stages of their lives.  There’s a calm in knowing that if something should happen to me I’ve done what was needed to help them be as prepared as I can help them to be.  

Intriguing thought processes to be sure, where does my focus and energy go now?  To which directions should I channel it?  

Appreciation:

To pause life so much that the actual sense of relaxation really sinks in, the ability to sleep eight plus hours for multiple nights, the quiet calm of a still mind as a place to play with thoughts and ideas.  I honestly forgot which day of the week it was this morning, Becky laughed so hard as I had to do some calculations to make sure I knew which day it actually was.  

This sense of calm that is found when there is no email to check, no calls to return, no “priorities” to focus on for the day.  Creating space for my mind to breathe, for my soul to have the space it needs to create and think and reflect and put all the lessons learned into a more coherent thought.  This time to pause and reflect, to savor the beauty of nature so much more clearly, to exist with Becky and connect – often with no words needed, only a smile – this is what it means to be on vacation.  I’m so glad to have created this space for my soul.

Presence:

I think this may be the first time I’ve typed my blog on a laptop sitting in front of a campfire!  The smell of the burning hardwood, the earth of the fire, the dancing of the flames behind my screen as I type, a siren of sorts, a glowing muse for my blog.  This could be a more common practice as I create more space for my mind to pause and think.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Trifecta of Goals

Day 3,943

Throughout the day I’ve adjusted and gone in several unexpected directions. Some curveballs, largely the good kind, but the types of adjustments that send us off in slightly different directions than what were initially intended for the day.

As I’m wrapping up a nice long chunk of creative time on my “side quest,” I’m reminded of the importance of setting goals for myself.

Thanks to the dream list I update at least annually I have a larger scale focus on what I would like to do, see, accomplish, give, and experience in the life I have remaining. These long term goals (many of which are completely unrealistic) help show me a path towards something larger than I would normally drift towards.

Thanks to the annual goal setting I do I have a short list of three specific goals I would like to accomplish. While I’d like to focus on all of them all the time, I’m reminded that there is usually one large focus and maybe one minor focus. They have to take turns depending on the different seasons of life. Regardless, these three annual goals give me a very pointed and direct focus towards a goal I am certain I am capable of accomplishing – should I put the appropriate energy and focus to it. These goals, reviewed daily, help me fight against the momentum of what life typically throws at me. They help me fight upstream.

Thanks to the daily intentions I set for myself I start my morning with a focus on one to three very specific minor yet impactful tasks I can accomplish that day to put me one small step closer to the larger annual goal. One small step at a time is so much easier than shutting down all of life for a month to get one specific things done. The compounding impact of a few small yet strategically important tasks is truly powerful!

That’s what helped me keep the focus today. All three of these worked together to allow me room to adjust and maneuver while still offering enough space to complete what needed to get done. While I adjusted my action I knew there was a map to get me back on the right trail afterwards.

Quick side note: If you’d like a little sneak peek into my “side quest,” just shoot me a note or drop a comment and I’ll be happy to get you more info.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Remembering the Give and Take, Remembering Appreciation, & a Moment of Calm

Day 3,927

Growth:

Many days this task is to help focus my brain on what’s been most meaningful throughout the day. The appreciation I have for certain actions, people, things, happenings, and whatnot. Remember that this can also go in the reverse, helping to frame the frustration and stress of the day into a reason to be thankful. This blog is not for the result in of itself, rather, it is a tool to help me work to close the gap between where I am and where I am meant to grow. Reflection, direction, action, motivation – a tool to be used as needed based on the day.

Appreciation:

Interesting day for a handful of reasons – starting off with a super tight and sore back to a stressful work day to a transition from a difficult conversation to a productive one. Once home it was a dinner with Becky, slow stretching to get my back moving, a call with my brother to joke and laugh, and then some quiet time to blog as I heat my back.

The overall “joy” score of my day was very meh to be sure (likely a -1) and I really struggled to find a reason to blog tonight. There were so many moments to be grateful for individually, but the overall feel of the day was a bummer all around. By leveraging this habit of blogging every single day of why I’m grateful I was able to get my brain turned back around to the positives and to remember to focus more energy there. For sure, the day was still a bummer, but one I can struggle through as I know there are always things I can learn from these types of days, so long as I remember to be grateful for them.

Today that meant being grateful for the acts of kindness, for the opportunity to help others, for the time with Becky and the meal she made, for the time with my brother as we laughed. For the time I spent texting family for various reasons as we all laughed. For this moment of quiet respite to gather my thoughts and choose the better attitude… I am grateful.

Presence:

Taking a quiet moment to myself to get all the junk out of my head. Pressing the pause button on the stress, opening my mind to see the bigger picture. Enjoying the view of the leaves dancing in the wind outside the window, watching the ground squirrel scampering through the park across the street. Allowing my mind to clear. Calm.

Thanks!!

Thankful for Re-Centering

Day 3,916

Today was a rough one for a variety of reasons. Honestly, the reasons themselves are profound in their own ways, but the nature of each is not relevant to this conversation. All that matters is that it was a rough day with several moments of hurt, of frustration, of feeling helpless, of difficult challenges. By the time I got home from work I was emotionally exhausted, I was spent.

Then we went to yoga (Thursday night was the new Monday night for Yoga Date Night this week). The first five to ten minutes were a struggle. The weight of the day kept pressing down on my shoulders and I wasn’t focusing on the present. At some point, obviously the exact moment when I actually let go because I don’t actually remember when the transition happened, I was completely lost in the flow. I was only existing in the studio, I was only breathing, I was only stretching and moving, I was only existing. My mind and soul were present only in the moment and sensation of the inhale, in the shifting from one pose to another, and in the exhale. I was so locked in I felt each individual beed of sweat as it rolled off my face. I was alive in the moment. There was no past, there was no future. There was only now.

As I left yoga everything felt so much more loose and relaxed. The day was still rough, but it was moved far behind me. The day ahead was still in front of me, but now so far pushed back that I couldn’t see the details. Everything felt calmer and quieter. Softer.

What’s interesting to me is that nothing truly changed in the world. All of the outside forces from earlier in the day had still acted upon me. All that lies ahead outside of me is still there biding its time. What changed was me. I shifted. I re-centered. I lived fully in the moment and realized that is what life is, the calm in between the crashing waves, the remembering to relax and breathe when a moment of calm can be found. That is within me anytime to choose, nothing can take that away from me. At any moment I have the opportunity to pause, to breathe, to re-center. I’m glad I remembered to do that today!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Data Tracking

Day 3,838

This may seem like a wild one, but I am very grateful for some of the crazy data tracking I’ve been doing which wasn’t technically intentional but has turned into a wildly insightful set of datapoints!

I’ve been blogging daily since September 29, 2015 about at least one thing I am grateful for. The intent was to strengthen my my appreciation muscles to live more joyfully. Throughout the years it’s transformed int a time capsule of my thoughts, emotions, observations, and memories. Thanks to the power of data aggregation I’ve got a plethora of data to analyze, over 3,800 posts encompassing 1.2 MILLION words I’ve typed over that time period.

Additionally, I’ve been tracking each book I’ve read in order going back to January of 2022. By following this trail of bread crumbs I’m able to see when certain ideas started to take hold as well as the impact that they made via my blog posts from that time. Awareness by Anthony de Mello was by far and away the front runner for me in that time period – both in total reads and in mentions in blog posts.

Last, in early 2024 I started a daily scorecard for myself on what I have found to be the most important measurements and daily questions to ask myself. While it didn’t maintain as a habit in 2024 it was something I did on over 85% of the days of 2025 and have been over 95% of the days so far in 2026. These points add a different level of depth, diving into everything from minutes of exercise to daily joy (-2 to +2), and so many more nuggets.

As I start to put all of these pieces together I’m getting a more and more clear view into who I am, what makes me tick, and how I’ve grown over the past decade. Just short moments of time to pause and blog, to keep score, to read a little – but so much wisdom to glean from those nuggets!

More to follow for sure, but today I’m grateful for realizing just how much data I’ve compiled for myself to review in order to live a more fulfilling live. Pretty wild!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Existing Simply, Busyness, & Moments of Awareness

Day 3,670

Growth:

This quote, truly stunning and so true:

“The secret of the mountain is that the mountains simply exist, as I do myself: the mountains exist simply, which I do not. The mountains have no “meaning,” they are meaning; the mountains are. The sun is round. I ring with life, and the mountains ring, and when I can hear it, there is a ringing that we share. I understand all this, not in my mind but in my heart, knowing how meaningless it is to try to capture what cannot be expressed, knowing that mere words will remain when I read it all again, another day.”

Peter Matthiessen, The Snow Leopard

Appreciation:

What a nonstop thrill ride of a day! This has been a runaway train full of productivity, all towards a good cause. That said, I am exhausted and ready to crash. This bit of time on the couch blogging is about the only moment of stillness I’ve had throughout the day. To have a nonstop day is to be very present, very focused on the moment and what is at hand. As I write about later, the moments in which I was not as focused were the moments in which I lost presence and was ocused on what was lacking.

Busyness towards a good cause – a pathway to presence.

Presence:

Pausing to consider my thoughts and emotions, why do I feel this way or that? When feeling unpleasant / unhappy today I realized that the emotions were caused by a “lack” of something. Something wasn’t happening like I’d wished, I wasn’t getting what I wanted. In the moment I realized the unhappiness was caused by lack it was as if a spotlight were shown upon it, I saw it for what it was, and I was able to choose differently.

What we are aware of we can control, what we are not aware of is control of us. Today I’m grateful for the moments of awareness in which I was able to shed a light on my mindset and make a better choice. Here’s to the brief moments of clarity we all hope to cultivate more frequently.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Appreciation, My Dream List, & Pockets of Time with Gavin

Day 3,667

Growth:

Appreciation was the main theme of toady’s sermon at church and it was a winner! Father John shared examples of how this past week had been a series of struggles, unexpected obstacles in what was planned to be a relatively relaxed week. Throughout those challenges he did as much as could, controlled as much as he could, and then finally have to give in and allow space for help. While he focused on that being the space in which God helped, I saw it slightly differently.

After he tried to do something on his own it was only after he failed when he asked for help. When the help was provided he found gratitude in that space, an appreciation for the help. How true this is in so many ways! What if we all learned to accept help sooner in order to work through a difficulty?

Another note that caught my attention and resonated with the concepts fo so many of the books and stories I’ve read lately – we grow most and have the most to be thankful for when struggle, when we face adversity. That is when we are pushed to grow, to receive help, to see we are not alone, and to be grateful.

So much to take away from this one, I’m glad it is recorded so I can go back and re-listen and absorb it more deeply.

Appreciation:

This afternoon I skipped the Packer game and focused on working on my dream list. Rather than taking in a game I realized my time would be better spent ensuring I was working on the right goals for the upcoming years. It started off a bit uncomfortable, I struggled to get the list up and running. With each successive dream recorded I gained momentum. The sunlight on my face while sitting on the deck, the music playing quietly in the background, and the fresh air provided the perfect environment to stay focused on shaping my future.

While I typically wait until the beginning of the year to reset my dream list I realized last year that there was a benefit to getting this rolling early as I start my annual planning process for 2026. Crazy to think that 2026 is only two and a half months away! If I want to live into my best life I need to remember to put the focus on intentionality and planning. Glad I did both this afternoon!

Presence:

While Becky and I had our mini-date on Friday and Saturday I had a nice pocket of one on one time with Gavin today. Nothing crazy, eating lunch together while watching football. Joking around and playing some cards. No real deep conversation, just enjoying each others company.

There are not too many of these times left, I remember how quickly Dominic’s senior year flew by. The inertia of time somehow continued to increase throughout that school year and was gone before I knew it. To have the opportunity share a pocket of time with Gavin like this was sublime!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Appreciation, Being Alive Today, & Conversation and Pumpkin Rolls

Day 3,658

Growth:

Such a perfectly eloquent quote by Ray Bradbury in Fahrenheit 451:


We have everything we need to be happy, but we aren’t happy. Something’s missing.

Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

This quote coupled with a couple of recent articles and a podcast or two really hit home. In so many ways we each already have everything we need to be happy – maybe joyful is the more appropriate term. We could feel fulfilled with all that we have in this present moment if we choose to. Instead we allow want / desire / greed / fear / envy get in the way and cloud our judgement, they block our gratitude.

Should we choose gratitude we have all we need right now in this present moment and in every present moment moving forward. When we try to sate our hunger for more by buying more we only push ourselves further from joy.

We have everything we need to be happy, but we aren’t happy. Something’s missing… Appreciation for what we have.

Appreciation:

As one of my teammates put it this morning as we talked about a book we are both reading based in the mid 1800’s based in the American Southwest and Northern Mexico:

“This book makes me grateful to be alive NOW as opposed to any other time”

No kidding!!! When we think of the challenges we face daily and then compare them to that specific timeframe and location I’m also grateful for being alive now as opposed to then, no question!

One of the reasons I enjoy the occasional historical fiction is the ability to see times long past through the eyes of today. Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy is staggering in its ability to punch me in the gut over and over and over… and this is the second time I have read it!

What also really blew my mind today was learning how much of it was based on real life people and their stories! It is nothing short of ridiculous to think we used to be at such a different place as a people and culture.

Nice to pause and be grateful to be alive now, today.

Presence:

Nothing like a surprise visit from a friend bearing a batch of pumpkin rolls to start off a morning in the office!!! Thank you so much to Trissa for an awesome conversation AND delicious treats to boot! There may have been a few more than a few during the day, maybe one or two on the ride home, and definitely more at home. Always fun spending time catching up with some of the people who’ve left an onngoing positive impact!

Thanks!!!