More than a handful of hours were spent reviewing my edited manuscript today, much like there were yesterday. Reading, reviewing, and re-framing something I’ve already written was quite a surreal experience. In many ways it seems as if I’m reading a story of my life written by someone else using notes from past conversations.
What really struck me today was how much re-reading these thoughts and past writings brought back memories and emotions. There have been more than a handful of times in which I have been forced to pause rather than succumb to emotions which would have slowed the process. Many of these experiences are from over four years ago and they still have the ability to strike an emotional nerve.
Over the past couple of days something has really continued to bubble up to the surface. Many of our greatest moments of growth and development seem to occur as a result of working through incredible adversity. There have been so many ways in which I’ve grown since Dad’s death and as a result of his death. The lessons learned through the pain of loss, grief, and sadness… but also lessons learned through gratitude, love, stillness, thought, and growth mindset.
I would still gladly revert back to where I was four years ago if that would bring him back, but that’s obviously not an option so why even entertain the thought?
There’s a quote from Proust which seems so fitting today.
We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full.Marcel Proust
In taking the time to write this story I’m completely immersing myself back into that suffering. What makes it easier to bear is the concept Frankl shared – I’ve found purpose in my suffering, I have an opportunity to transform it into a tool for joy for others… while healing myself in the process. Hmm… In many ways I already feel healed, it seems more correct to explain it as “while completing this chapter in the creation of myself in the process.”