When Father Mark gave his last homily as the priest at our church it moved me to the point of asking him for a copy of it. Thankfully he was willing to send it. Since then whenever I take time to reflect on my values and the direction of my life I start with his words first and everything else seems to make a lot more sense.
While they almost all made immediate sense to me there was always one that I couldn’t quite figure out. The other nine were easier for me to understand – though they were all tough to remember in practice and in the moment. Number Two always threw me off and I never quite got it. It was easy for me to understand the importance of the other nine, this one just didn’t quite seem to fit. When I re-read his homily I kind of cruise right by that one and move on.
As many of you know, I’ve spent a lot of time in self-reflection over the past months. This isn’t of itself anything to brag about or anything to worry about me on, it is just something that I’ve been doing. While my blogging has brought me incredible happiness it continues to unlock a little something in me, it seems like the more I dig into myself the more I learn and start to figure out about myself. In spending time thinking it’s been interesting to see myself from a different angle and realize that I may have more to work on that I thought, all while realizing that there may be more positives about myself than I’ve given myself credit for. Throughout all of this I’m feeling stronger in my faith than I’ve ever felt, something feels different in a very positive way. As this as changed I’ve noticed things like an increased willingness to forgive, more acceptance of other points of view, sometimes taking time to think before speaking, and attempting to look at the world through someone else’s eyes before I make an assumption or judgement. Far, far from any semblance of perfect or great, I have a long, long way to go, but I can tell I’m making progress.
As this is happening I’m starting to see little spots in which I’ve been able to help other people a little bit more. It seems as if I’m starting to have a little greater impact for the positive. Again, I’m not bragging or trying to say woe is me or anything, it just is what it is. Know what I mean? I can step outside of myself and see that I’m having a more positive impact on others than I have had in the past.
At church tonight there was a little lightbulb that lit up over my head and I just smiled. I’m not sure, but I’m pretty positive that I totally spaced out for a period of time during the homily. Becky mentioned something in my ear and I just agreed – sorry Babe, I was in my own little world! What got in my head was Father Mark’s #2… If you would be a river, first you must be a reservoir.
It finally sunk in… only several years later and kind of by accident. After all this time it eventually made sense. In taking time to figure myself out, strengthen my own faith, and work on my own happiness I’m able to better help others. My soul is stronger my spirit more positive, and my energy is higher. This helps as a way to help others both by example and by giving me the right strength and perspective. I’m no where near a reservoir, but I’m at least a little more than a puddle. 🙂
This blog never ceases to amaze me… As I think and write one blog it seems that sometimes the underlying subject lays dormant just below the surface and helps me realize things that I’ve been missing. Yesterday was learning from lessons long since past, today was the same.