At a dinner with friend this evening we spent some time talking about a variety of topics, one in particular really caught my attention. For a number of years the story of Shackleton and the Endurance has been one I’ve wanted to learn more about. Two of the people I was talking with got into a discussion about that specific story. In less than ten minutes of conversation I was hopping into my Audible account to add South to my wish list. Why add this to the “Growth” section today? Reading is one of my favorite things, the opportunity to learn new things is always high on my list. Hearing these stories had me re-energized to learn more about this incredible journey.
I’ve been going pretty hard for quite a few straight weeks now and definitely was feeling it. After taking LuLu for a walk in the sun I listened to my body and took a nap. It was glorious! I’m so thankul for taking a moment (or twenty) to rest, relax, and recharge. The rest of the day was much improved as a result.
At the Maple Leaf Parade for Oktoberfest in La Crosse I had the opportunity to spend a little bit of time with one of my teammates. I met more of her family, spent time joking around and shooting the bull, and enjoyed their company. It was awesome! As I walked back to the rest of my family I realized how great it was to be 100% in the moment with my teammate and her family, to have great conversation, and to enjoy their company. Good stuff!
In a conversation earlier today a teammate reminded me of a story we’d both recently heard from a cohort. The cohort had shared how the use of the word “should” was a personal battle cry for them, hearing it made them immediately stand up AGAINST whatever action the other person said “should” be done. My teammate and I both bristled thinking about both the times when we’ve heard that used on us as well as the times when we’ve used it when talking with others. It felt really uncomfortable, but we both kind of laughed it off and then moved on with our day.
In a different conversation with another person the word came up again. This time the other person immediately shared that “should” is a judgement word and has some very negative connotations. When we dove back into the use of the word my brain really had to pause and digest. What was being said was 100% spot on and truly enlightening on so many levels.
Quite often, when I use the word should it really does the exact opposite of what I’d like while also showing judgement on the person and/or their action. What even got me more was the realization that there are so many better ways to help each other than using “should.” Specifically, starting with the age old “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Rather than immediately passing judgement and sharing my supposed “right” way, what if I paused to ask more questions to understand the “why” of the situation? How much more enlightening would the conversations be to listen, learn, and grow rather than immediately move into “fixing” mode?
As we dug in the person also shared how they have heard of using an actual clicker to track all the times they say judgement words like “should” throughout the day. Without having one in hand my mind was already pretty rocked by catching MANY times those six letters came out of my mouth through the remainder of the day.
Wowza… The gap between who I am and who I’m called to be spread a little wider today, didn’t it? Hmm… that’s not quite right. Maybe a better analogy would be – the fog lifted to help me more clearly see how much of the gap I didn’t know existed? Yup, I’m leaving this whole long thought process in here, this blogging thing really helps me work things out and it feels right to leave it as a clue for my future self to go back to one day.
If you want more info all you have to do is Google “should judgement word” and your mind will be blown as mine was.