Author: Michael Kreiling

Thankful for Hiking Thoughts, Shared Passions Leading to Increased Resilience, & Quiet Trails

Day 3,987

Growth:

While hiking today there were two thoughts my mind became a little fixated on.

Isn’t it interesting that when we walk on level and flat terrain it is so easy to daydream?  We can almost coast and let muscle memory do the work while we allow our brains to drift off.  As soon as there are roots and rocks and water and sudden drops and cliffs we become hyper focused, fully attentive to our surroundings.

How much of my life has been lived the same way?  When times of ease and simplicity abound it becomes so easy to drift with the surroundings and lose focus.  When difficult times are faced I can’t help but hyper focus.  Where is the proper balance?  How best should I maintain it?  What’s the right way to keep the intentionality and presence high?

The second thought is this – the flow of time in the outdoors is different.  Each moment feels longer and more drawn out as I take in the details of the woods.  Each hour seems to quickly disappear, three hours pass me by and yet I feel I’ve only been gone for thirty minutes.

The paradox of time in hiking in nature, the moments are so long, the hours are so short.

Appreciation:

I’m very grateful for the shared passion for travel Becky and I have.  The travel itself doesn’t need to be crazy or ridiculous, it can be near or far.  The trip could be as short as a day and as long as a month, the act of traveling has brought about so many perspectives for me that I likely never would have known.  In sharing this passion we both are able to grow while also continuing to grow together.

A quote I read on this current trip caught my attention and has been resonating through my mind.  “The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes,” Marcel Proust.  The act of getting outside my normal life, outside of the way I always look at the same small corner of the world I inhabit allows me the opportunity to see all of it so differently.  My perspectives are changed, my lens cleaned, and my preconceived ideas are tectonically shifted.

As a case in point, this trip has really focused my mind on the Civil War, the reasons behind it, the tragic loss of life as a result, the power of ego and the power of feeling “justified.”  Learning about how Shenandoah National Park decided to open a segregated section for people of color only to have whites complain that they were not being treated as well before the park finally desegregated in 1960.  

My heart breaks when I consider that only 150 years ago many people thought it was okay and their God given right to OWN other humans and that only 65 years ago the park was desegregated.  How was anyone ever capable of deluding themselves into thinking so highly of themselves and showing so little dignity and respect for others?  

This trip has brought so much of these thoughts closer to the surface and cause me to see the world differently, hopefully enough to keep my sense of hurt raw enough to use it for good cause, to help everyone show more love for their fellow humans. 

Had I travelled to these places alone I would still likely have been moved, having travelled them with Becky helps me preserve and hold onto all I’ve experienced, helps me keep my new eyes fresh.

Presence:

Our hike this morning was an ongoing moment of presence.  We started hiking towards Dark Hollow Falls and Rose Falls around 8am and were the only vehicle in the entire parking lot.  From the point we started descending until only moments from reaching our destination miles later we were completely alone in the woods.  

We experienced Dark Hollow Falls completely alone, no one else nearby.  The opportunity to pause, take in the majesty, breathe, enjoy quiet time soaking it all up, and observing it from various angles without any distractions or noise was exceptional.  

By the time we reached Rose Falls we’d encountered three other hikers coming from a different direction, and we had these falls all to ourselves as well.  Sitting and standing on the rock wall watching the water rush over, I couldn’t even guess how long we were there – maybe 5 minutes, maybe 15 minutes.  We just sat quietly and enjoyed the stillness of being in front of something that was here long before us and that will continue to be here long after us.  All alone, savoring the stillness.  

It wasn’t until we were within a mile of the end of the trail that we started encountering people again. First one, then a small family, then a handful of groups, and then a seemingly endless procession of people heading down as we got closer to the parking lot.

All those moments alone in the quiet stillness of that sacred place, wandering heaven on Earth.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Mid-Life Awareness, Dominic, & Existing with the Campfire

Day 3,986

Growth:

With the big 5 – 0 slowly creeping up on me like a screaming ninja dragging three bags of empty aluminum cans and glass bottles across a bumpy concrete alley I’ve been starting to pause and consider this milestone in more detail.

What I find interesting isn’t the sensation of “oh my god, I’m so old” so much as it is a “woah, it is now pretty much guaranteed that half of my life is behind me.”  Along those lines, there is no panic of death looming ahead, no sudden “I need to make all these crazy changes,” or deep re-consideration of all of my life choices.  

It’s an oddly calm sensation, a realization of a life well lived. 

It’s a vivid reminder of just how quickly time can pass by when we aren’t paying attention to it.

It’s the thought that I should have more gratitude for each day I have, to live more intentionally.

No fear, no crazy negative feelings, no sense of suddenly being old, feeble, and unable to do the things I enjoy doing.  No panic of being in the back nine and trying to catch back up to par.  

I feel oddly refreshed.  The lint filter of my mind seems to be getting cleaned out with this rolling of the odometer.  Getting rid of the gunk so I can finish efficiently and on track.  An opportunity to pause, re-evaluate direction, and re-prioritize what I want to accomplish with the clarity of seeing the finish line. 

Mid-life crisis?  Not even fucking close.  More like mid-life intentionality?  Mid-life re-prioritizing?  Mid-life awakening?

Hmm…. Nope, none of this quite nail it.

Mid-life awareness?  That’s the sensation, the opportunity, the challenge, all in a nutshell!

Appreciation:

Gavin had me thinking about my first week of college at Michigan Tech way back in the day yesterday, funny that Dominic brought back a different set of memories today!

Dominic celebrated his 21st birthday today!  While I still think Becky should be the one celebrated for her truly heroic feats of strengths to birth Dominic, we’ll focus on the traditional celebrating of the one who was born instead.

Normally on this day each year I take time to pull up pics from throughout the past year and let them do most of the talking.  With being out in the middle of Shenandoah National Park without consistent cell coverage that’s not an option so I’ll improvise a bit.

What I’m most grateful for in Dominic is his undying positivity, his passion for helping others, his ability to lead through example, his gigantic dreams, and his love of nature.  

Dominic is almost always in a positive mood, seeing the bright side in seemingly every difficult situation.  He reminds me to pause and take a deep breath, to roll with whatever challenges may arise, and to always keep his chin up.  He always finds a way to be successful, especially when he isn’t.  Nothing can beat him and his optimism down.

He is always watching out for ways to help others – directly, indirectly, and through any support needed.  He has a servant’s heart and is always looking for ways to include the un-included.  Even when others disagree with him he looks to find ways to help bring them joy.  Ever since he was a young kid he’s been determined to help be a positive influence for others.

Dominic is very much a natural leader (though he works very diligently at it with regularity even when he doesn’t know it).  People look to him when things go sideways, he can find a plan, he stays positive, and is quick to dive in and do whatever it takes, leading by example.  There are several times  specifically in which he taught me to be a better leader and set the example I should live into (a contentious town hall meeting is one of the clearest memories).  People follow his integrity.

I don’t know many people with a dream list as robust as his, nor anyone else who is as likely to check as many of them off as he will in his lifetime.  There are no limits to his dreams, they keep growing as they have since he was young, and they will keep leading him down the right path.  He’s often inspired others to dream big, myself included!  As a result of his dreams he’s made some epic trips, knocked out some crazy hikes, and has a ton of other dreams ahead of him.  

I’d also be remiss to not mention how grateful I am for his love of the outdoors, of nature, and of all the beautiful and simple things which lay right outside our homes.  He’s a fan of getting outside, appreciates seeing the spectacular beauty in something as simple as a sunset, as dazzling as the Northern Lights, and as awesome as the mountains.  That passion for the outdoors brings so much joy to him that he can’t help but exude to others.  

There are so many reasons I am grateful for Dominic – his friendship, his humor, and so many others that it becomes difficult to focus this blog.  That said, what I appreciate the most of everything about Dominic is that he motivates and inspires me to live into a better version of myself.  How amazing is it to have a son who reminds you to be the man you are called to be?

Love you Bud!!!

Presence:

The sensation of sitting by a campfire with no goal, no tasks, no distractions.  Quietly watching the flames dance.  Letting the mind empty, becoming lost in the complete lack of pattern of the fire.  Soaking in the smells of the different types of wood burning.  Enjoying the feel of the heat on my bare legs and feet, having to back up to avoid being burned, and then slowing working my way back closer.  The letting go of stress, of emotion, of thought, of worry.  Existing with the flame.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for the Campervan as a Reminder of Risk Taking, the Ability to Hike, & Relaxing on a Rock on the Ridge

Day 3,985

Growth:

A few years ago Becky and I decided to put “getting a camper van” into our goals for a title ways out as a present to ourselves for raising both of the boys to adulthood.  The goal was to be measured by dropping Gavin off at college, meaning that he was supposed to be able to adult himself if needed.  About a year in we realized that the cards were lining up a little too well and we should pull the trigger sooner than later.  In the way that life often does, we realized a couple of years after buying it that the timing couldn’t have been better – finances were exactly where they needed to be, there was no worry about job security, and the market had offered up some incredible deals due to the overproduction of campervans during and following COVID.  Had we waited a year we likely would have passed on the entire endeavor, probably waiting until “the timing was right.”

What got me thinking today is how glad I am to have bought it when we did.  Now knowing how the past couple of years have worked out we definitely could have bought it when we did had we known the future, but we likely would have been way to scared to actually pull the trigger, constantly thinking “but what if…”

How often in life do I hesitate out of an overabundance of caution when I should be moving forward?  How often do I skip taking the risk that really could have made all the difference?  When should I take the leap and trust that it will all work out and be okay?  Just last night didn’t I blog about Dad’s confidence in his ability to figure things out – whether on his own or with the help of others?  Where is that gusto in me?  Why do I hesitate?

One more reason for me to be grateful for the campervan – it is an ongoing reminder to take the leap, take the educated risk.  It will all work out, and even if it doesn’t… I’ll figure out a way to make it all work out.

Appreciation:

Once Becky and I got to Shenandoah NP today we decided to do exactly what we both love to do.  We found a couple of trails on the way to our campsite, put on our hiking shoes, and hiked our way to some spectacular sights top the ridge.  

There was no question of our physical ability, we just decided where to go and did it. There was no pausing to consider if it was too far, too steep, or anything like that, we just hit the trail.  Even as we went up the decent elevation increase my heart rate only sped up a little, never going into the yellow zone or beyond, staying nice and chill.  My breathing stayed pretty regular, largely through my nose, only increasing a little on some of the steeper sections.  For sure – I am not bragging up my physical abilities, there are many who put me to shame.  The reason I bring this up is that it is so freeing and liberating to know that as I approach 50 I don’t have to stress whether or not my body can handle what I want to do.

What I’m most grateful for today are the regular habits that keep me ready and able to do what I want to do like this.  My hiking.  Our three runs each week.  Our one (hopefully soon to be two) nights of yoga to build balance and stability.  The way we often get out for a hike or a walk after a large meal like we did this evening.  It would be so easy to skip each of these things and just veg out on the couch or stare at a screen.  By doing these small actions I’m able to do the big things I want to do.  In doing these small actions I find so much more joy and reward from doing the work, from putting in the reps.  There is so much more purpose in there, I often find I enjoy the reps as much of almost more than the hiking itself!

Cheers to the small sacrifices, the simple habits, and all of the things that allow me to live into my best life on the trails!

Presence:

Sitting atop a rock in the sun in Shenandoah.  Taking in the sweeping vistas across the valley from an overlook on the hill.  Quiet calm, no distractions.  Savoring the feel of the cool breeze blowing across my face and arms.  Relaxing and sharing a smile with Becky as we just sit and exist together on the rocks.  Stillness and calm.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for a Shift, Gavin’s Future Memories, and Being Moved by Gettysburg

Day 3,984

Growth:

This whole empty-nester mindset is going to take a while to sink in, that’s for sure! Being on vacation certainly throws an odd curveball at it as well, but it definitely feels quite different. Knowing that both boys are off and being adults (for the most part) after having them both with us for so long is very rewarding yet feels like something is missing. Throughout the ay there were moments when I could tell something was off, but I couldn’t immediately put my finger on it.

What’s funny is that while all this is going on in my mind, Dominic and Caitlyn are driving back from a road trip across Montana and up through the Rockies! Dominic has already been gone for a few years and has traveled to many places on his own without us. Gavin has already left the country without us, he took a cross country mountain hiking trip with Dominic before. They’ve both left and gone great distances before. Why does this feel so different?

Somewhere deep inside I feel like it’s also a moment to remind me that I’m closing in on turning 50. Assuming I live into my late nineties and am still very active (definitely a long term goal of mine) I’m still almost guaranteed to be beyond the halfway point. The boys both now not living at home really forces that reality to be faced. It’s certainly something I should already have known, and I’m sure I did, but now there’s a much difference sense of awareness. I knew my life was likely past the halfway point, but this shift has started to really make me aware of that fact at a more visceral level.

Part of the discomfort lies in knowing that I’m shifting from one chapter to the next. I got to know the last chapter very well, I feel as if I really had a good hang of it by the end. Now it’s something different. It’s a shift, something of an unknown.

While I continue to explore that sensation and find my way down this new path I’m more grateful for something I learned from Dad along the way. He did not know everything, far from it. What he did know, what he had faith in, was that he could figure anything out and he could always find the help he needed to accomplish it. Sometimes he got the challenge completed on his own through trial and error. Other times he found it was best to ask for help. I’m certain there were times when he tried to do it on his own, got frustrated, and realized he needed to call in support. Regardless – I can learn from his example on this.

One way or another I’ll figure out how to adjust to and make the most out of this new chapter. Some if it will be trial and error on my own, quite often it will be with the help of others. Regardless, the opportunity is mine to really figure this out and find a way to grow.

Appreciation:

As we walked towards the family registration at JHU yesterday with Gavin there was a moment that I’m still smiling about today. Gavin and Becky were a step ahead of me and I saw a group of people passing by. One of the guys immediately stopped in his tracks, spun around, had a huge smile open across his face, and said, “Gavin???” He then gave Gavin a big handshake and pulled him in for the old school one armed guy hug. Turns out it was one of Gavin’s roommates he’d met online a couple of weeks before. Talk about an epic start to the move in day!

After Gavin got his key we helped him move in, helping to unpack, set things up, and whatnot. The entire time he was a nervous ball of positive energy, smiling the entire time, totally getting into making his corner of his triple room his own. We got to meet both his roommates and one of their families. The family lives in the DC area and immediately offered their house up for Gavin anytime he wanted to leave campus. He was beaming about that opportunity.

Last night and today we’ve gotten some text updates from Gavin about all the fun he was having, all the people he was meeting, how much he was enjoying the school cafeteria, and so on. It was very clear from the tone of his texts that he’s having the time of his life!

All day today and throughout last night I had so many memories of my first day at Michigan Tech, moving in and knowing exactly ZERO people on that entire campus. That entire first week was best of my life, the first week of being truly free to be me, to be an adult(ish), and to be able to meet so many people with similar interests but from so many different backgrounds and walks of life.

Gavin is now experiencing that week in spades and I’m so excited for all the memories he is creating!

Presence:

Spending the day with Becky at Gettysburg was more moving than I expected on a few levels. Seeing exactly where all the fighting and combat took place, having it become something that now “felt” real (see my comment on awareness in the Growth section above) was more mind bending than I’d expected. To think that only a century and a half ago people thought is was okay to own other people – I still cannot begin to comprehend how that was ever acceptable, this experience helped me again get that sense of awareness of just how true that was. My heart broke several times over, not only for the fallen soldiers, but also for the slaves they were working to free.

At the end of our day our tour culminated with a walk through the cemetery in which Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address. The monument of Lincoln looking so morose for the decisions he hade to make with a copy of the Gettysburg address chiseled in stone on either side of him caused me to choke up for a moment. In reading his speech, in seeing the agony he suffered in doing the right thing for so many, I was deeply moved. Later we got to the exact spot where he spoke those words, a place now commemorated with a memorial, and I again was moved to tears – for Lincoln, for the slaves, for our country, and for all those who’d fought there – regardless of side of battle. So much hate, so much pain, but thankfully, so much freedom for all afterwards.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for the End of a Chapter, the Beginning of the Next

Day 3,983

Eighteen years and two days ago this was the scene after Gavin had launched himself into the world!

Today this was the scene as we dropped Gavin off for his freshman year of college at JHU halfway across the country.

It is beyond wild to consider just how quickly the past eighteen years have flown by. So many shared moments of joy, frustration, love, growth, humor, sadness, and everything in between. How they have passed by in such a flash leaves me almost speechless.

Let’s leave it short and simple today.

As one chapter ends, another begins. Here’s to the fact that each chapter will always have its own ups and downs and twists and turns, and if we choose our mindset correctly we can leverage that into writing a new chapter which will be somehow even better than the previous. We then have the opportunity to repeat.

This past chapter has been nothing short of amazing, I cannot wait to see how this next chapter finds a way to become even better.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for the Road Trip Time Together

Day 3,982

Quick, someone wake up my copilot!!! 😉

The cross country migration of rhe adult Gavin has begun! This evening will wrap up about halfway across the country, one more push tomorrow morning before we drop Gavin off at his dorm.

The day has bene a day full of driving, but pretty sweet having the bonus time together. We’ve each spent time cycling through driving and riding shotgun and in the backseat, the shifting allowing different conversations at different times. We’ve enjoyed several podcasts, often paused so we can talk for a moment about the podcast or a random memory. Many laughs together, definitely a soft landing to get us all ready for what’s going to happen tomorrow.

My brain has already started to shift the narrative a bit, realizing I will see Gavin in person again in only three months AND we’ll be talking a couple of times a week before then. It will be a big change for sure, but as with Dominic, I’d be surprised if it doesn’t somehow strengthen our bond and relationship. Different than it has been for sure, but it will likely grow into something stronger.

Before that paradigm shift, this drive today has been a great way to savor the way it has been for a few more hours.

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Another Year of Gavin!

Day 3,981

Crazy to think that Gavin is 18 today! Somehow our youngest has now legally become an adult though it seems like only yesterday we were taking Becky in to the hospital as this kid was ready to take on the world!

This year saw him wrapping up his senior year of high school and prepping to head off to Johns Hopkins University for his freshman year. So many adventures throughout the year, so many shared moments of every day activities, so many smiles he created, so much joy he brought to into my life this year.

What a wonderful year this was to enjoy with him before he heads off to college. I’ll certainly miss having his high energy, humor, wit, and drive in our home, but I’m beyond grateful and proud of the man he has grown into. Vey much looking forward to seeing the positive impact he’s going to make in the world!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Letting My Brain Decompress

Day 3,980

The past few days have been filled with spending a lot of time with many different people and filling my brain with many different ideas and thoughts.

This evening I paused and savored some quiet time. Becky had gone to bed, Gavin is out with friends. I’m on the couch, listening to music, letting my brain decompress.

After so much thinking and time with others, my brain really needed an hour or so of relaxation and absorbing everything from the past couple of days without actually focusing on the ideas. Letting them have space to breathe, not pouring more in, letting everything just sit and simmer, letting it ferment a bit. This time of quiet calm, exactly what I needed to wrap up my week!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Another List

Day 3,979

Another full day, almost 19 straight hours of life packed in.

Totally exhausted from the day, forget being wordy, I’m going with a list of highlights:

  • A chill morning run with Becky, sub 60 degrees for the first time in a while.
  • Remembering to enjoy all of Gavin’s “lasts” before he goes to school.
  • The Nights by Avicii
  • Seeing everything slowly click into place.
  • Teammates growing together.
  • The opportunity to coach teammates on more than work.
  • The palpable change in confidence of s teammate.
  • Creating space to think bigger.
  • Seeing additional similarities between teams.
  • Dinner with friends.
  • A bonfire by the beach of the Mississippi River.
  • Going to bed exhausted!

Thanks!!!

Thankful for Gavin’s Eagle Scout Board of Review and a Day Full of Connection

Day 3,978

First thing’s first – big day in the Kreiling house! Gavin officially passed his Eagle Scout Board of Review this evening!!! After many years of hard work Gavin’s efforts have culminated in the final step of earning his Eagle Scout rank. Sure, it will be “official” at his Eagle Court of honor, but we can definitely celebrate it tonight!

Today’s been a day full of connections. Time with teammates, time with cohorts. Time with family. Time with my niece and her boyfriend. Time with a friend. Time on the phone with my brother.

Seemingly around every corner of the day there was interaction with others. The only times when that wasn’t the case was when I was driving. Outside of that it’s been a day of nonstop people-ing. While I can tell my social energy batteries have been tapped I’m grateful for the connections made. Very solid day shared with others for sure!

Thanks!!!