The inspiration for today’s post comes from a handful of moments, interactions, and insights from the past handful of days. What’s interesting is that there was a common theme of the majority of them, a connection that I’m finally starting to come to grips with more than I have through the rest of my life… at least for the majority with the exception of a handful of moments.
After four and a half decades I’m finally getting to be more comfortable in my own skin.
For so long I’ve let labels, the opinions of others, and especially my own opinions and expectations of myself be the lens through which I’ve seen myself. In so many ways I have been the insecure kid who sits back and awaits validation of a job well done, of looking good, of doing “the right things” and wilts when my striving for that validation is absent.
I’ve stifled down much of my own being, my thoughts, and my ideas in being something I felt I should be in order to “fit in.” Rather than acting as I’d prefer I most often would live into “what I should.” All the while the sense of insecurity grew and grew like a snowball rolled off a large mountain.
What I’ve realized more and more is that I’m okay being me. I don’t need to be anyone else. The more I live into the real me the more joyful my life is, the more I can be joyful and brighten the lives of others. Rather than socialize with a ton of people, it’s okay for me to chill and read a book on my own. Instead of going out late and having several drink I can head to bed early, relax, and skip the alcohol. Why do the vacation someone else loves when the one I enjoy is so very different? I can be myself rather than who I feel like others expect me to be.
One of the beautiful reasons I so enjoy vacations is the way they create space for me to breathe, to think, and to take a new perspective. This vacation has totally lived into that as well, it’s been a wonderfully insightful time to pause and be okay with me, to enjoy time as me, and to relax and heal.