I just want to give everyone a couple of warnings about the post today.  First, I never would have believed it had someone else told me the story, and even as I think about it I’m not sure if it sounds too “out there” to share.  Second, this was something that hit me very deeply and I may or may not dive into a ton of detail… it all depends on what happens as I type.  Last, it’ll probably help bring on a case of the feels…  just sayin’…

So yoga on Tuesday was absolutely incredible.  Not just the workout, it was much more than that.  After almost an hour of twisting, stretching, pushing, and pulling we end with the “Final Rest,” or savasana.  In going from strenuous work to laying flat on my back with my eyes closed and arms out I’m transported to a peace I rarely find elsewhere in life.  Usually when I get to this point I find myself chilling at one of my favorite places on Earth…  on the volcanic beach in Hawaii watching lava…  laying on a giant rock in a boulder field near Long’s Peak…  sitting on the shore of Iceberg Lake in Glacier NP…  you get the idea.  I just sit there and just exist, totally present, no thoughts or stress, just enjoying the feel of the air and savoring the incredible view.  This Tuesday was very different.

The last time I had gone to yoga prior to Tuesday was the last Saturday my dad was alive.  During yoga that morning I just couldn’t get into the swing of it.  Nothing was quite working right, I was struggling to stay focused, I was just off.  Try as I might I just couldn’t get myself to be present.  Finally I got into the groove, just in time for Final Rest.  As I started to go to one of my normal haunts something entirely different happened.  I was in an area that was pure white.  Had it not been for one thing in view I wouldn’t have been sure if it was a two dimensional view I had.  That one thing I saw was Dad.  Not angelic or anything, just my dad.  He looked at me and said “Hey bud, I’m leaving.”  No tears, no sadness, just a statement of fact.  And with that it was time to wake up from the rest.  As Becky drove home from yoga I told her what happened and I wept.  I knew that Dad wasn’t going to make it.

Fast forward to this past Tuesday.  With this being my first time back to yoga I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I was able to get into the swing of it quickly and it all felt right.  Far from perfect it was all good.  Everything was clicking and I was totally checked in and present.

As I went into the final rest my mind led me somewhere different yet again.  I was on the porch of the house on the coast of the ocean in Hawaii… and Dad was with me.  We both cried, hugged, told each other we loved each other and took a little while soak in the moment.  “Dad, I’ve got some places to show you!” I said as we jumped from one of my favorite places to the other, all places I would’ve loved to have gone to see with Dad but didn’t until that moment.  It was incredible!  Without his earthly form we were free to go anywhere together.  We zipped from the coast to the volcanic beach and watched lava pouring into the ocean.  We chilled on the rock near Long’s.  We hiked along the rim above Emerald Lake.  As we ended up at the Ancient Grove we spent a little time talking and catching up.  As looked up at one of the ancient trees I laughed and asked him how much wood we could get out of that tree and we both almost doubled over in laughter.  We hugged, exchanged I love you’s…  and then our instructor told us to start moving.  

It took all of my strength to keep myself stoic as we wrapped up and headed out.  As soon as we got to the car I buried my face in my towel and wept as I told Becky about it.  She was concerned and wanted to make sure I was okay.  I told her the truth – I was awesome!  How incredible of an experience to have, to have that extra time with my dad?  

At the end of the day I know it sounds crazy.  All I know is that it felt as real as I feel typing right now.  It could easily be my mind playing a trick on me, giving me what I want so bad.  Maybe I actually fell asleep and it was a dream.  Regardless, I could care less what it actually was, for me it was an incredible experience with Dad.  Real or not, I’ll hold it close in my heart for the rest of my life. 

It has been a couple of days since this experience but I find myself thinking about it often and am so thankful for it.

Thanks!!!

I just want to give everyone a couple of warnings about the post today.  First, I never would have believed it had someone else told me the story, and even as I think about it I’m not sure if it sounds too “out there” to share.  Second, this was something that hit me very deeply and I may or may not dive into a ton of detail… it all depends on what happens as I type.  Last, it’ll probably help bring on a case of the feels…  just sayin’…

So yoga on Tuesday was absolutely incredible.  Not just the workout, it was much more than that.  After almost an hour of twisting, stretching, pushing, and pulling we end with the “Final Rest,” or savasana.  In going from strenuous work to laying flat on my back with my eyes closed and arms out I’m transported to a peace I rarely find elsewhere in life.  Usually when I get to this point I find myself chilling at one of my favorite places on Earth…  on the volcanic beach in Hawaii watching lava…  laying on a giant rock in a boulder field near Long’s Peak…  sitting on the shore of Iceberg Lake in Glacier NP…  you get the idea.  I just sit there and just exist, totally present, no thoughts or stress, just enjoying the feel of the air and savoring the incredible view.  This Tuesday was very different.

The last time I had gone to yoga prior to Tuesday was the last Saturday my dad was alive.  During yoga that morning I just couldn’t get into the swing of it.  Nothing was quite working right, I was struggling to stay focused, I was just off.  Try as I might I just couldn’t get myself to be present.  Finally I got into the groove, just in time for Final Rest.  As I started to go to one of my normal haunts something entirely different happened.  I was in an area that was pure white.  Had it not been for one thing in view I wouldn’t have been sure if it was a two dimensional view I had.  That one thing I saw was Dad.  Not angelic or anything, just my dad.  He looked at me and said “Hey bud, I’m leaving.”  No tears, no sadness, just a statement of fact.  And with that it was time to wake up from the rest.  As Becky drove home from yoga I told her what happened and I wept.  I knew that Dad wasn’t going to make it.

Fast forward to this past Tuesday.  With this being my first time back to yoga I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I was able to get into the swing of it quickly and it all felt right.  Far from perfect it was all good.  Everything was clicking and I was totally checked in and present.

As I went into the final rest my mind led me somewhere different yet again.  I was on the porch of the house on the coast of the ocean in Hawaii… and Dad was with me.  We both cried, hugged, told each other we loved each other and took a little while soak in the moment.  “Dad, I’ve got some places to show you!” I said as we jumped from one of my favorite places to the other, all places I would’ve loved to have gone to see with Dad but didn’t until that moment.  It was incredible!  Without his earthly form we were free to go anywhere together.  We zipped from the coast to the volcanic beach and watched lava pouring into the ocean.  We chilled on the rock near Long’s.  We hiked along the rim above Emerald Lake.  As we ended up at the Ancient Grove we spent a little time talking and catching up.  As looked up at one of the ancient trees I laughed and asked him how much wood we could get out of that tree and we both almost doubled over in laughter.  We hugged, exchanged I love you’s…  and then our instructor told us to start moving.  

It took all of my strength to keep myself stoic as we wrapped up and headed out.  As soon as we got to the car I buried my face in my towel and wept as I told Becky about it.  She was concerned and wanted to make sure I was okay.  I told her the truth – I was awesome!  How incredible of an experience to have, to have that extra time with my dad?  

At the end of the day I know it sounds crazy.  All I know is that it felt as real as I feel typing right now.  It could easily be my mind playing a trick on me, giving me what I want so bad.  Maybe I actually fell asleep and it was a dream.  Regardless, I could care less what it actually was, for me it was an incredible experience with Dad.  Real or not, I’ll hold it close in my heart for the rest of my life. 

It has been a couple of days since this experience but I find myself thinking about it often and am so thankful for it.

Thanks!!!

Days like today leave me struggling for words, yet smiling as I reach for them.  When I first wake up I start watching for what I am thankful for that day.  On a day like this it leads to sensory overload in a very positive way!

My day started with waking up feeling well rested.  Great tunes while showering and getting ready for work.  A peaceful morning drive with an amazing audiobook.  Getting to the office very early and enjoying the stillness as I work my craft and sip some caffeination.  Things that go better than expected.  A feeling of being in the right role.  Struggles that arise out of nowhere, but are conquerable.  Working with my teams to fix the issue.  Team members rising up to meet the challenge.  New found appreciation for new team members for growing themselves.  Remembered appreciation for team members who’ve done so much that I just always expect awesomeness…  and they almost always deliver!  Sticking to our values in a tough situation.  Remembering to breath and see the obstacle as an instrument of growth.  Planning ahead and seeing the plan pay off.  Taking a few minutes of personal time to make progress on a project that’s close to my heart.  Seeing a team member not only start to see but start to touch the dream.  A quiet and peaceful ride home with an amazing audiobook.  Walking through the door to be greeted by the best wife in the whole world.  Chilling while eating frozen pizza.  Playfully joking with Becky on our ride to yoga…

And then there was yoga itself. Wow!  It felt INCREDIBLE!!!  It’s been about two months since I had last gone, it felt incredible to get back into the swing of it.  Between Nick and Josh it was a tough but do-able workout that gave me moments to really push myself.  The rest and cool down at the end was mind blowing, and I’ll swear, for reasons that I will keep personal this time, that it was by far and away the best Final Rest / moment of meditation that I’ve ever had.

As I look at today in total, it was a very joyful day.  Not that everything went perfect, far from it, but everything came at a pace in which I was able to breathe and choose my attitude accordingly.  It was AWESOME!!!

Special thanks to everyone who touched my day in one way, shape, or form today, I appreciate each of you!

Thanks!!!

Our minds really are funny things, aren’t they?  Over the course of the day I’ve been buffeted by the realization of just how important perspective can be.  When something happens it happens, there is no good, bad, frustrating, elating, or any specific feeling based adjective.  It just happens and is.  The adjectives that I choose to call it are of my choosing, not of the act itself.  Deep, right???  Seriously though, when I stub my toe it’s up to me to either react angrily (who put the couch there???) or react with a calm growth mindset (whew, I’m glad that got me and not someone else…  I am going to move that couch).  Either reaction doesn’t change whether or not the event happened, but it does change my attitude and resulting emotion.  Today’s one of those days in which I’ve been more noticing of the choice I make as I respond to my day.

A couple of days ago I wrote about the book I was reading (The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World) and parts of it really have me thinking and noticing myself in a very different light.  One section specifically keeps resonating in my head.  The Dalai Lama is discussing his own exile from his home and says:  “Therefore, if you look from one angle, you feel, oh how bad, how sad. But if you look from another angle at that same tragedy, that same event, you see that it gives me new opportunities. So, it’s wonderful.”  As opposed to being sad and morose he chooses to see the positive in the situation.  I’m only a third of the way into the book and this theme has ben repeated over and over again.

As luck would have it, I had finished another book just before starting this one that dovetails almost perfectly into this concept.  To start off his book The Obstacle is the Way  Ryan Holiday shares a couple of quotes by Marcus Aurelius:

• “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
• “Objective judgment, now at this very moment. Unselfish action, now at this very moment. Willing acceptance—now at this very moment—of all external events. That’s all you need.”

He uses these quotes to show a couple of things, bad things will happen to us.  We can either get frustrated, deflated, and quit OR we can use it as the impetus for change.  It can be the fuel we need to grow and become stronger.  If we choose to we can look at it objectively, take action, and accept the results of our action.  It is up to us to decide.  As he puts it later in the book, “There is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means.”

To cross back over to The Book of Joy Archbishop Tutu describes pain, suffering, and frustration as one of the necessary ingredients to true joy.  Using the analogy of a mother having a baby he describes great pain leading to incredible joy.  After time the memory of the pain fades, yet the joy remains.  He then shares the story of Nelson Mandela and his appreciation for his imprisonment, it gave him time to become who he was meant to be.  By now you’re probably seeing how my mind is starting to look at the events of life a little different than I did a week ago.

Back to today…  There’ve been some curveballs thrown my way today.  As they’ve come in I’ve been taking a deep breath before responding and pausing to think.  “What’s the obstacle that this is presenting?  What can I learn by tackling this?  How much stronger will we get from this?  What new insights will I have by working through this?”  Taking the time to pause and see the opportunity I’m catching myself smiling and jumping in with a positive attitude.  As I review the challenge I see that my teams and I will be better for going through this challenge.  This change in mindset is already leading to new approaches.  More importantly, I’m smiling as I tackle new things.

Some struggles still suck and I’d rather have The Big Guy Upstairs give me a work around, but in the meantime I’m very thankful for remembering to choose my perspective.

Thanks!!!

Today was the first day of it’s kind in over 4 weeks…  There was no agenda, no planning, no prepping, no packing, no working…  nothing.  It was glorious!  Yesterday was the last day of running for at least a few days, we dropped the boys off at Becky’s parents’ house for Camp Grandpa and then headed home to a quiet house.

Instead of rushing and going from one activity to the next we chilled at home.  We slept in a little bit, went to church, grabbed coffee and grilled.  Grocery shopping was quick and easy, we chilled some more and then went out on the boat for a little while once the rain had subsided.  Afterwards we grilled some supper and snuggled on the couch for a movie.  I’m thinking after this it’ll probably be an early bed time.  Perfect!

I love the crazy breakneck pace of our life, but once in a while it’s nice to have a day without an agenda like this to help me take a deep breath.

Thanks!!!

Super huge thanks to Kelsey and Adam for an incredible gift that I’m totally loving already!  Diving right in the night I got it, I’m already hooked.  What an awesome story of the mindset of living a life full of joy by two of the most incredibly positive thought and faith leaders.

If you haven’t heard of it or checked it out yet, you can see more details here.

I’ve still got a long ways to go, but I’ve been smiling as I read it and smiling even more as I think about it.  Just a hunch, I have a feeling that this will show up again in a future blog post 😉

Thanks again Adam and Kelsey for the awesome gift!!!

Thanks!!!

Many times when I blog it’s about something more serious.  A deep insight, a strong friendship, an awesome experience, or something memorable.  Tonight is both none of those and all of those at once!

Becky and I just got home from hanging out with some great friends of our’s, a night that saw much Cards Against Humanity played.  If you don’t know the game, don’t fret!  You’re probably a better person than me! 🙂

An excellent time was had by all.  We learned new insights about each other, built stronger friendships, had an awesome experience, and created many memories…  many of which are mildly inappropriate!  To protect the not-so-innocent I’ve not tagged them on this post…

Thanks to Cards Against Humanity for making tonight even more awesome than it would normally have been!

Thanks!!!

Over the past month and a half my beard has continued to grow and I notice it often.  Many times it is a little itchy, sometimes it tickles my nose.  I catch myself rubbing it, twisting it, and tugging at it from time to time.  In each of those moments when my conscious thought catches up with my subconscious reactions I pause.  When I pause I sometimes smile…  sometimes I cringe…  Each time there are two thoughts that pop into my head.

The last time I completely shaved my face was the morning of Dad’s funeral.  A few days after that I made the decision to keep the beard as a reminder of a promise that I made to myself.   My dad was never big on beards (I’m pretty sure it was because he couldn’t grow one!), this facial hair is not symbolic of him.

From the time that Dad was dying to the day of his funeral to many times since I’ve gotten a lot of feedback about my blog.  There’ve been many people who said that it helped them express their own feelings, it showed them that others felt the same, it brought them back wonderful memories, and it helped them through the process of grieving.  All of this from something that I’ve been writing selfishly to help myself be more happy in life, for sharing emotions, thoughts, and memories that have helped me deal with the loss of my dad.

At some point around the funeral I heard the call of what I needed to do.  I’ve started writing a book about losing my dad, some of the life lessons that he shared with me, and some of our most important values that I want to share with my boys.  My dad helped me learn to deal with his death by the way he dealt with his dad’s death.  He taught me his way, it is up to me to help teach my boys his way.  Whether or not this book ever turns into something for the public or remains something in the libraries of my boys, it is something that I must write…  Both for my boys and for me.

When I pause and am aware of my beard, there are two thoughts that pop into my head.  The first is a vision of my dad smiling at me, the smile is a cross of his proud smile and the smile of him giving me a hard time.  The second thought is a question to myself…  “Have I made progress on my book lately?”  When I have been working on it, physically or mentally, I smile.  When I’ve decided to waste my time on things, like social media or TV, I cringe.

And therein lies the reason for my beard.  I will not shave it off until I’m at least halfway done with my book (or longer).  Every single time I look in the mirror I’m reminded that I am choosing how to spend my minutes.  I can’t run from it, it’s right there in front of me.  And that’s why I’m thankful for reason behind my beard today…  It is a constant reminder of what I must accomplish, my decision to use my time on this earth for the right things, and it reminds me of Dad.

Thanks!!!

Sometimes you’ve just got to blow off some steam, and sometimes that means that some empty cans have to pay the price!

Deciding that we needed to do something fun after supper tonight the boys and I busted out our paintball guns and had an awesome time shooting at empty cans (and occasionally each other’s feet).  There were long distance shots, trick shots, and even a little bit of can trap shooting!

We even had fun washing all the paint off the garage…  and possibly spraying each other a little bit!

After a day of adulting it was kind of nice enjoying the simple pleasures of life…  like shooting stuff with the boys to blow off some steam.

Thanks!!!