Based on some recent favorites, I picked up a recommendation to read The White Darkness by David Grann—a gripping true story of one man’s modern-day expedition into the most unforgiving place on earth.
The book follows Henry Worsley, a British explorer and descendant in spirit of the great Antarctic pioneers. In 2015, Worsley set out to achieve something never before accomplished: a solo, completely unsupported and unassisted crossing of Antarctica. His route retraced the one Sir Ernest Shackleton had hoped to complete in 1914 before his ship, Endurance, was trapped in the ice.
No spoilers here—the suspense of not knowing how Worsley’s journey unfolded made the read all the more powerful.
A few quotes stuck with me:
Passion for something can easily tip into obsession, which is a dangerous thing, especially when those affected are the very people who so loyally stand and wait.
Henry Worsley
Men go out into the void spaces of the world for various reasons. Some are actuated simply by a love of adventure, some have the keen thirst for scientific knowledge, and others again are drawn away from the trodden paths by the ‘lure of little voices,’ the mysterious fascination of the unknown.
David Grann
This book is a short but profound reflection on ambition, endurance, legacy, and the blurry line between courage and compulsion.
My mind keeps getting drawn back to the concept of pace. I’ve got about another two weeks of a dead sprint ahead of me before I reach my first aid station on this run. All good, I’ve turned the corner and can see the finish line clearly in front of me, I just have to dig deep and I’ll cross it soon.
What I’m starting to notice is a balance of exhilaration thanks to seeing the finish which is making me want to sprint faster AND the stress and fatigue of the running I’ve already done starting to compound. In marathons the first mile and the last mile are the same distance but they feel so incredibly different due to the pounding the body has taken. I want to sprint faster to the finish, but I feel the compounding drag from my body. What’s the right pace?
Too fast and I’ll die before the finish line. Too slow and I’ll miss the opportunity to finish appropriately. It’s all about finding the right pace, not too fast, not too slow, sustainable progress.
Appreciation:
There’s a beauty in being so busy that there is not enough time to even consider a distraction or to pause and wonder where to go next. A steady stream of actions to be taken, never ending, coming one after another after another in a freight train of tasks.
While this is not sustainable for a long term pace it is interesting to see how my mindset shifts and old habits are more easily broken. I caught myself looking at a task I normally take time to complete today. Rather than getting it done as usual to enjoy the sense of completion I completely threw it aside while realizing that it really didn’t matter with the other things on my plate. It wasn’t until I discarded the task that I realized just how much this busyness has helped me see the clarity of what is truly important. What a gift this is!!! I never would have seen this quite this way had I not pushed myself right up to the edge like this.
All our growth comes through pushing hard through difficulty and obstacles. I would not have chose the suffering, but I am so grateful for the growth!
Presence:
Our run this morning was quite chilly, but so refreshing! I love breathing in the frigid air while running, something about it feels so invigorating…. Or maybe that’s just my brain freezing 😉
Regardless, running in the cold with Becky, seeing the behemoth of Orion looking on the horizon, and then seeing a shooting star rip right through the constellation Cancer was a running moment I’ll hold dear for quite some time! A moment like that to get my head straight and going the right way, what a way to get my day moving!
Look backwards for forward growth rather than for what might have been. One enriches, the other devours joy.
Appreciation:
Nothing like running in the rain and then racing a thunderstorm! What an awesome start to my day!
For real, the sensation of voluntarily running in a relatively warm rain is sublime. To have the addition of pre-storm electricity in the air made it all the more intensely satisfying. By the end I didn’t even mind losing to the storm and being swallowed by the rain, it was beautiful and my heart was full of joy.
Presence:
The moment the lightning struck almost on cue! Wowza!!!
Full disclosure, my mental diet has been loaded with possibly too much Neil Gaiman reflections, stories, and ideas as of late – if there is such a thing.
Have you ever met a person who at some deep visceral level you could tell that they were more than a person?
Yesterday I had the opportunity to do a little bit of trail running in between Gavin’s races and I found this beautiful rocky valley just a short drive away.
As I ran into the valley, I just had to pause and take it all in. Surrounded by beautiful rock walls that had been carved out by thousands and thousands of years of water slowly cutting through the rock from the glacial activity, I was completely alone.
There were roots holding trees up at impossible angles right on edges of the cliffs where no tree should be able to exist. And yet there they all were.
When I hit the end of the trail I just paused and soaked it all in, and savored a moment by the little waterfall. I stood on a couple of the big rocks right in the middle of the canyon and just took it all in with each of my senses.
As I was walking back, I encountered someone who just seemed to be more than just a someone. In so many ways, they seemed to be the incarnation of that area that I was in. They seemed to have been carved out of the surrounding environment, their eyes the same dark brown as the surrounding rock walls, their hair blowing in the valley breeze as if one with the shadows created by the swaying leaves.
They had said they’d been here many times before, it’s one of their favorite places on earth. Their face lights up as they say this as the sun shines on the rocks over their shoulder.
There was this sly smile on their face, a smile that was so knowing, almost as if to say, “I’m going to tell you about these other places to go, these other trails here, but I’m not going to tell you about all of them because you have to find and experience them yourself, you have to come back.”
And there was just something about them that was just so similar to the enchanting landscape surrounding me. Even the surreally intricate tattoo of a feather on their right forearm seemed to have been plucked off the floor of the valley after having recently dropped by an eagle soaring by. It was incredibly intense and yet the edges of memory are already starting to slightly fray as a dream does throughout the morning.
I don’t know a better way to explain it other than I met someone, someone who was more than someone. They were of the valley.
Sometimes opportunities present themselves at seemingly inopportune times, but we feel compelled to take them regardless of logic. those “nudges” seem to never fail to produce amazing results when heeded.
By taking on an opportunity to do some training I stumbled upon a powerful. well timed, and much needed focus on self reflection. To built this I needed to pause and look back over the past 20ish years to observe the results of actions and inactions without emotion, rather with the scalpels of logic and reason. Through that process was discomfort for sure, but also smiles of past successes and so many opportunities for growth and improvement. There are so many ways in which this has helped me more clearly see the gap between who I am and who I am called to be.
Had I passed on this opportunity I would have had more time to focus on other things – busyness which will still need to be attended – but I would not have had this opportunity to learn and grow. What a gift it has been!
Appreciation:
This might sound cheesy, but there’s a quote which has been bouncing through my soul thru the past few days. In many ways it sums up so much of what I am most grateful for this evening.
“Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is.
We are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters.”
Master Yoda 😉
While the source may be a bit too much for some, the sentiment and truth of the quote cannot be overstated.
How much brighter is the world if we all choose to help each other be better than ourselves? By helping to raise others up we create joy for all.
Presence:
That moment went you know that you are exactly where you are meant to be and doing exactly what you are meant to be doing, and a part of something much bigger than yourself. It opens the mind to ideas of how much we could all accomplish working together, sharing openly, and living into who we were meant to be. Today’s Express Leadership Academy training was a moment which will continue to inspire me to remember the beauty of “we” over “me.”
Perfect time to spend a little extra focus on the lyrics that initially hooked me on The Strumbellas, such inspiring words to live into!
And I don’t want a never ending life, I just want to be alive while I’m here.
The Strumbellas, Spirits
Appreciation:
As Becky reminded me today, we are a family who works hard and plays hard. Over the next handful of weeks she’s gone over 50% of the time for work. It’s very common for us both to be working early and late, knocking out work tasks after hours. We’re also very cognizant of making sure we have time for our non work dreams and goals also. The pace can be a bit crazy on both ends of the spectrum, but I can’t imagine it any other way!
Presence:
Jamming out to the set list from last nights concert was amazing today!!! No better way to wrap up our mini-trip than listening to the songs again.
Today marks an incredible milestone—3,000 days of introspection, appreciation, and growth. As I reflect on this remarkable journey, I’m compelled to share the invaluable lessons these daily reflections have bestowed upon me.
The Genesis of Gratitude
It all began on September 29, 2015, a decision to pause, reflect, and document at least one thing I was grateful for each day. What started as a year-long commitment grew into an integral part of my life, shaping my perspective and mental landscape.
Embracing the GAP: Growth, Appreciation, Presence
The ethos of Growth, Appreciation, and Presence became my guiding compass. Through daily musings on personal growth, moments of profound appreciation, and the power of being present, I’ve nurtured a deeper connection with myself and the world around me.
Top 10 Lessons from a Million Words
Daily Practice Builds Consistency: Small, daily goals culminate in significant achievements. How can we harness the power of consistent, incremental efforts in our own lives?
Create Space: By minimizing “dead time” and dedicating moments to reflection, I found ample time for gratitude amidst the hustle.
Reflection Soothes the Soul: In silence, clarity emerges. Time spent introspecting has been invaluable in navigating thoughts and emotions.
Give Myself Grace: Imperfections aren’t stumbling blocks but stepping stones for learning and growth.
Journaling is Timeless: These daily entries are a gift to my future self and loved ones, an autobiography woven with gratitude.
Appreciation of the Mundane: The mundane holds profound beauty when seen through the lens of gratitude.
Proactive Gratitude Creates More: Actively seeking moments of gratitude amplifies their presence in our lives.
Appreciation in Adversity: Choosing gratitude amidst life’s storms empowers resilience.
Appreciation Creates Intentionality: Observing recurring sources of gratitude helps shape a life aligned with joy and purpose.
Choose Growth, Appreciation, Presence: This triumvirate fuels an upward spiral of fulfillment even in life’s toughest moments.
The 11th Lesson: Endless Gratitude
There’s an abundance of gratitude in the world waiting to be acknowledged. It’s not just about seeing these moments; it’s about pausing to embrace and appreciate them.
Embracing Choice and Intent
Amidst life’s uncertainties, our response remains within our control. Choosing intentionality, growth, appreciation, and presence allows us to bridge the gap between who we are and who we aspire to be.
Join Me in This Journey
To all who have supported this odyssey, your encouragement has been the wind beneath my wings. As I look forward to continuing this voyage, I invite you to share your own stories of gratitude and embark on this journey together.
Let’s choose joy. Let’s choose gratitude. Here’s to 3,000 days and the countless moments of appreciation that lie ahead.
I think people get old when they stop thinking about the future. If you want to find someone’s true age, listen to them. If they talk about the past and they talk about all the things that happened that they did, they’ve gotten old. If they think about their dreams, their aspirations, what they’re still looking forward to – they’re young.”
Ric Elias quoted by Peter Attia in Outlive
Truth.
Appreciation:
Stress is going to happen in our lives. Something outside of our control happens, causes an unexpected issue, and we have to figure out how to adapt to it or how to correct it. What we can control is the way we respond, the way we choose our attitudes in those moments. What really stuck out to me today is how inspiring it is to spend time with people who smile and choose joy even in moments of stress. Their positive energy is contagious and help create more smiles for all around them. It is like an upward spiral of joy in the face of stress as one person’s positive response to a challenge inspires another to smile through their stress which in they inspire someone else to choose the same path. So awesome seeing the escalation of positivity like that!!! Seeing teammates in action like this today remind me how important it is to choose the right attitude – to help ourselves AND to help others.
Presence:
When I got out of bed this morning my legs were sore! It took a hot minute to get up the courage to step out of bed and see what I had underneath me… but then everything went very well. My legs loosened up rather quickly! Once I was on my bike and got moving it seemed as if everything was back to normal. My cadence was solid and held right at 90-95 while my resistance stayed put with where it normally is. All in all, it felt pretty good.
The moment of presence I am grateful for was the hyper awareness of the sensations in my leg muscles and elsewhere throughout my body today. In an action as simple as turning my torso I can feel the muscles that were worked yesterday and I paid extra attention to how they were feeling. It is not often that I put that much focus into the sensations within my body, it was pretty enlightening today!
Today I was working on the last of the testing and set up for recording the audio version of my book (which you can learn more about here). I’ve got the pseudo-studio in Dominic’s bedroom closet ready to go with soundproofing, I’ve got all the equipment set up, I’ve got my recording app (Audacity) all set, and did a couple of test runs to see what I’m getting myself into. At this point I know I will be able to record well and in a format that will get uploaded to ACX (Audible.com) and other websites. All I need to do now is the hard work, recording 😉
What I was reminded of today is how grateful I am for all of the online resources we have available to make projects like this easier. Being able to hop on YouTube to learn about recording, using Google to find how to upload and install a plugin for the application, and then stumbling upon advice to e more successful was a total godsend! Having such a wealth of knowledge and wisdom at our fingertips like this is something I don’t take time to appreciate often enough.
Appreciation:
For the past decade and a half our house has been a largely loud and crazy place. Whether it was chasing the boys, playing with the dogs, or hanging out with friends it seems like our house was always a place of busyness. Today it is only Leia and I. Gavin and Becky are on a trip in France and Dominic is in college. Such a crazy and drastic change!
Within this quiet has been a huge focus on productivity. I put together a fairly large list of what I want to accomplish this weekend and I’ve already made some serious headway on it. Additionally, with the definite lack of conversation there’s been so much time to think and contemplate while I am getting things done. The quiet has been uncanny – almost like when I did my solo writing retreat and solo backpacking trip – but in an even more interesting way as it is in the place which is usually the center of conversation.
I know without question that I prefer the busyness and conversations within our home, but there is a magic to this stillness that I am thankful for in small doses. It reminds me of a book I read not too long ago about someone who has almost completely withdrawn from the rest of society. He pops back in every so often just to stay sane before fading back into the wilderness. In my case it seems like I need to fade into the background of solitude every so often before jumping back into real life in order to hold more tightly to my sanity.
I miss the time with my family, but I am appreciative for the time I have alone. It is certainly a time of healing, rejuvenation, and focus – so long as I choose to utilize it that way. I am reminded of the old quote by Blaise Pascal:
All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
Blaise Pascal
Here’s to enjoying that quiet time in a room alone.
Presence:
This morning Leia and I went for a little hike on a beautiful trail just off of Fisherman’s Road and enjoyed some outside time in the sun. She took her time to sniff everything possible as we slowly worked our way along the out and back trail. It was easy to see she was loving the outside time in the woods as much (possibly even a little more than) I was.
This afternoon she was getting a little squirrelly so I thought we’d take on our second hike of the day. After a very short distance she was walking very fast and starting to pull on her leash. Even though I was not prepped for a trail run – I was wearing cargo shorts and no socks – I decided it was time to test her out with some trail running. Seeing as she’s a puppy we’ve been slowly building up her distance, I haven’t taken her for a trail run yet. I hit the gas, she smiled, and then all I saw was her backside… until she would suddenly dart off the trail to stop and smell something!
Other than her smell breaks we ran well over three quarters of the trail together and it was awesome!!! I am not sure which of us was smiling bigger by the time we were done. Definitely a moment I’ll remember forever, kind of like the time I took LuLu running solo with me back in the day. Moments like that are pure gold.
It seems as if we all go through “funks” in our lives. You know, those times when we aren’t fully happy, we feel a little down, and like there’s almost something missing in our life. Sometimes they feel like I am in a room in which all the light bulbs have either gone out or are fading fast rather than being outside on sunny day. Regardless of how you describe them, they really kind of suck and are not where we want to hang out often.
There have been a handful of “funks” I’ve lived through. Each had its own suffering, but as I look back each was something I grew through. When I was much younger I descended into a deep funk and as I grew through it I learned the importance of inner happiness rather than looking outwards and focusing on the opinions of other people. Another funk in my early thirties helped me see I needed to take better care of myself physically which also led to a huge growth in self discipline. Before I turned thirty nine I was enveloped in a funk that eventually became the creation of this blog and focused my attention to appreciation and changed my life in profound ways.
In between there have been small funks which registered small growth. There’ve also been larger funks that I really don’t want to dive into in this format that led to larger growth in other directions. Throughout life there has always been, and seems that there will always be, ups and downs in my mood. Often there is joy and elation, but there are also funks.
At one point in life I’d argue that we should never be in a funk, that it is as simple as choosing happiness instead. What I’ve been learning more and more is that funks are a counterbalance to joy, but also a creation of joy. Through those difficult times we find our growth, we create future joy. They still hurt when we suffer through them, but if we pause and realize they can be a tool for us to grow closer to who we are called to be.
That’s where my head has gone this evening. I thought about those past funks and saw the growth they resulted in. Their pain is still there, but is has been numbed by the growth that has come since. As I work through what feels like the tail end of a funk my mindset changed drastically after a simple question crossed my mind.
In a moment of emotion, singing out loud to an awesome song with my moonroof open (more on that in the Presence section), the question appeared and brought a moment of absolute stillness and honest contemplation.
“What is the purpose of this funk?”
What is the purpose of this funk? What am I learning through this? How do I need to grow as highlighted by this funk? Something must be off or wrong if I am feeling this way – what is it, what caused it, how do I change it? Why is this specific funk hitting now? When I work through this how will I be closer to closing the gap between who I am and who I am called to be?
“What is the purpose of this funk?”
As I thought through the question I had several rapid fire thoughts which I will share honestly and openly. For clarity, I still have much to consider in this, but these were the starting points:
Learning how much is truly out of my control no matter how much I want to be in control
Choosing a path, being bold, not settling for the path of least resistance, not drifting, acting intentionally
Realizing what is truly important to me, manifesting more of the opportunities which fit my strengths
Making a choice rather than hedging my bets
Learning to let go, that I can only accomplish so much, not trying to do everything
Thinking through this list brought up so many ideas to struggle with and through. What was interesting though was that rather than feeling like I was in a funk it was an acceptance of not being 100% joyful as I would like to be and seeing that working through this would help me get closer to that state.
Another interesting insight – it is not the goal of living a perfectly joyful life, rather it is to enjoy the struggle and the journey towards that goal. Definitely an idea to come back to later.
Tonight I’m really grateful for the question – “What is the purpose of my funk?” It has helped me transform a feeling of almost helplessness into a tool for growth, a source of future joy. If you’re currently in a funk of your own try asking yourself that question, who knows where it may take you!
Appreciation:
I am grateful for the way so many moments worked out today to help create the mindset and the mental and emotional space to work through that thought above. As I type my blog I can’t help but be thankful for this process of daily journaling and blogging to help my mind work through so many of these thoughts. In the past I would have maybe had the moment of insight and then lost it into the recesses of my brain, never to be seen again. By writing this thought process down today I can come back to it in the future, I work through the concept more completely through writing, and – even though it is incredibly humbling to open myself up like this to whomever happens to read this – to live more closely into my personal purpose of brightening lives through shared experiences.
This process, this ritual, this habit… what a gift!!!
The reflection of the mountains and trees resonated with me as I wrote tonight – enjoy!
Presence:
My drive home from Menomonie was rather epic this evening! I opted for some music rather than audiobook or podcast, opened up the moonroof, and sang my butt off. It started as an opportunity to let loose some energy, to relax. What’s wild is that is was exactly at this time with my guard completely down and I was unencumbered by any intentional thought that the concept in the Growth section broke loose and became reality.
That moment of letting go to emotion completely led to some of the best thought processes I’ve had in quite some time. Force it and it doesn’t work, forget it and it comes alive. Such an eye opening reminder to let my brain relax and work its own way to where it needs to go.
Thankful for Forty 