Day 4,065
This morning a semi truck pulled into the roundabout right in front of me. I hit the brakes, and I was upset. Very upset. My blood was boiling, and I spent more of the drive than I care to admit stewing over a driver I will never meet.
I cannot control what happens, but I can control how I respond. So often this shows up in how I respond to others. It is not about how I respond outwardly to the person. It is about how I respond inwardly to their actions, and how much I let them frustrate me.
Days like me remind me to listen to the words of wisdom from Anthony de Mello:
“I have no right to make any demands on you. Oh, I’ll protect myself from the consequences of your actions or your moods or whatever, but you can go right ahead and be what you choose to be. I have no right to make any demands on you.”
Anthony de Mello, Awareness
We are all human, we all do human things, we all have human drives and cravings, we all have our human egos, and we all have our human failings. Why should I expect perfection from others at all times when I am constantly stumbling over myself in a seeming race to see how many mistakes I can make?
Yet I am continually surprised, and sometimes moved to anger and frustration, by the actions of others. I catch myself getting worked into a lather at someone doing the same things, or a similar flavor of the things, I have done myself.
It is so easy to sit upon the judge’s bench and call out the mistakes. It is so easy to get frustrated by what I can so clearly see as foolish, and sometimes malicious, mistakes made by others. My blood boils and I get angry at their inability to follow the fundamental laws of logic and justice…
Yet when I make my own mistakes, I cannot understand why anyone is so frustrated. “I didn’t mean to cut you off, I was looking at something else and didn’t check my blind spot. Why are you yelling and screaming at me? Don’t you know what a stressful day I’ve had and all I have on my mind?”
Were it me, I would wonder why I wasn’t being forgiven. Why were they not understanding my intentions? Can’t they see past my fallibility and look instead to the goodness and love I share? Why must the focus be on the negative? Surely, if they were in the same shoes they would understand…
I have been that driver. More than once.
So Mr. Semi Truck Driver, I should have taken a deep breath and understood you were likely trying to get home quickly, or had a long day ahead, or maybe were engaged in a conversation and didn’t see me. Whatever the reason, we were both fine, there was no harm done, and I have done the same before.
When will I learn to pause and relax, to not hold expectations of others, to not worry about their mistakes, to forgive the wrongful actions, and to assume a more positive intent? For sure, this does not mean I stop protecting myself and others from the consequences of their actions. It does mean leading with love. It means becoming more fully human, more fully the loving beings we were all called to be.
There was a mix of my responses throughout the day. Some I handled well, others not so much. And here is the part I keep forgetting. The same grace I offer the truck driver, I need to offer the guy who got so angry at him. I have no right to make any demands on him either.
Today I am grateful for the moments I remembered to pause and love, to forgive and move forward. I am grateful for the moments I didn’t, and for the chance to learn from each of them. The gap between who I am and who I am called to be is still there, and that is okay. Here’s to working on the gap, one roundabout at a time!
Thanks!!!
