Day 3,329

Over the past couple of years I’ve worked towards splitting my blog into three parts – Growth, Appreciation, and Presence – an homage of sorts to one of my first mentors who goes out of her way to find one thing that is beautiful each day. When I first learned of her practice it helped me see that I would benefit from finding one way I grew one thing I appreciated, and one moment of true presence each day. This practice has increased my awareness of those three categories more than expected and has led to growth through introspection.

That said, when I started blogging daily almost ten years ago I focused on one specific thing I was thankful for each day and I went deeper into that singular topic. Occasionally I had “list days” in which I had to go through an entire list of what I was grateful for as there seemed to be blessing after blessing after blessing. For sure, they weren’t all initially seen as “blessings,” some were very challenging moments in which I was able to grow, but they were moments that shaped and molded me, hence I was grateful for them even though they hurt. As another of my mentors once said, “‘Joy’ isn’t the same as happiness, and it is often the opposite of comfort.”

Lately I’ve been a fan of breaking the blog into smaller bite sized pieces as it provides the opportunity to not go too deep into too many categories, especially the ones I need to write about but don’t want to go deep into because they hurt. What’s interesting is that it is in exactly those moments in which I need to go a little deeper and work through my thoughts and emotions. In processing all of life, the blessings and the frustrations and the sufferings, gratitude helps transform all the experiences into growth. It is in that vein that I am opting to go “old school” tonight and dive a little deeper.

Whew – and that was all just the intro! 😉

Today has been a difficult day, one filled with emotion, one in which I can’t help but pause, take a step back, and feel incredibly discouraged. Due to compounding of mistakes and missteps there are challenges I need to face in business and they have a large impact. By the end of the work day I was feeling drained and questioning my ability to live into the purpose I feel called to live into, to brighten lives through shared experiences. In short, I was feeling like a failure. There were bright spots throughout the day to be sure, but the biggest challenge just kept pulling me down and it seemed to be the only place I could focus my attention. I felt defeated.

As I tried to put it behind me for the night and spend time focused on my family and being home I kept drifting back to that challenge. I could feel the weight of it on my shoulders and my soul.

Out of the blue I received a phone call from someone I had not spoken with in over four years. They were reaching out to ask me to be a reference for them as they considered a path towards a dream they want to live into. As we spoke they shared the positive impact I’d had on their life at a pivotal time. The thoughts and appreciation I shared for them helped them out with providing the right message at the right time and they are still grateful for that interaction. My eyes were watering up as they shared the positive impact I’d had. In a sentence, they shared that I had lived into my purpose – to brighten lives through shared experiences.

What a dichotomy! In one case I was feeling as if I was failing at my purpose, yet in the other I’d lived into it without intention. Two distinct moments of the day, both overshadowing all the rest, both focused on purpose, and yet both going in polar opposite directions.

As I spend time reflecting on today and both of those interactions I can’t help but remember a handful of nuggets of wisdom others have taught:

• The question we should be asking ourselves isn’t “What should I do?” rather, it should be “How can I be useful?” In that question we find the direction we should really pursue.
• Each day we should ask ourselves, “How have we impacted the lives of others?” This question will also help us see the positive, but it can also cut deeply and help us learn from our mistakes. Asking myself this question has led to tremendous insight into whether or not I’m living into the best version of me.
• Never underestimate the power of small gestures. This was advice I’ve learned from many others, but Jim Collins summarized so concisely. Don’t hesitate to reach out and share what a positive impact someone has made on you – you never know when that is exactly what they needed at the right time. The conversation this evening was an exquisite balance of sharing my gratitude four years ago when the other person needed it and their sharing of their gratitude exactly when I needed it. The Universe dances so beautifully and moves us all exactly where we need to be if we allow it to. Never hesitate to share our gratitude or kind words, those small gestures may have an enormous positive impact on the other person and cause a ripple of positivity which will grow and grow.
• Control what you can control. This was what started the conversation with my friend and I a handful of years ago and I chuckled as I re-read what I wrote for them back then. Little did I know how much the world would change and how much difficulty and challenge that phrase would get me through. Even tonight I can’t help but be reminded of how much this is a guiding light in my life – when I remember to seek the advice out for myself.

As I finally wrap this all up I can’t help but smile. My challenge still lies in front of me, but I feel more bolstered to figure it out while also remembering that there are ways to live into my purpose while doing so. I’m reminded of, and grateful for, the small gestures which help us see the world more clearly when we’ve let it get hazy. The clarity provided this evening was truly stunning and moving. If it were my story to share I would get into more detail, but that is for them. At least I can share that their motivation, selflessness, gratitude, passion, and integrity are inspiring to me, in many ways they have had a very positive impact on me.

To my friend – thank you for the incredibly positive impact you’ve had on me today. The writing of my blog was cathartic, and inspired by you. Thank you for reminding me that one misstep doesn’t define us, we have the opportunity to live into our purpose daily, and inspiring me to live into my dreams – especially when it isn’t easy.

Thanks!!!