Nothing like the days when I start to type… pause… and then backspace the entire thing. I start over… pause… and then delete everything again. Repeat. Over and over. Tonight has been that in a nutshell and I’m not quite sure that this will be kept, though it feels like I’m starting to get on track. Hmm… Yup, I think this is the winner.
I’ve blogged before about being grateful for the nights when there are so many things I’m thankful for that I don’t quite know where to start. There are times when I find a loose connection between several of those gratitudes and proceed to weave them into a complete whole. In those nights I smile as there is so much to be thankful for and it is obvious.
There are other nights when I’m at a loss and have to stretch. Nothing really jumps out and I have to scour my memory of the day to find what I am grateful for. Those nights are easy to be grateful for as well, as crazy as that may sound. When I blog on those nights I’m reminded that the difficult work of blogging is doing exactly what my original intent was – focus on being more grateful when I am not. I smile at those times because the blog is fulfilling its purpose.
Nights like tonight are an entirely different animal. I’ve got much I’m grateful for. For some reason the words and thoughts get a little stuck in my brain and aren’t quite able to make it all the way to my fingertips. There’s a deep and insightful thought that wants to come out but it is just not quite ready. Each time I try to grasp it I feel as if I am walking the desert and reaching for the mirage. I am reaching for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. My hand passes through the illusion just as I think I am about to grab it.
These nights provide their own unique reason to be grateful. They are the times when I must work the hardest to extract the idea, to coax it from hiding. Instead of just typing I must pause, compose my thoughts, plot a path, erase a bit, re-plot the path, and then finally start to make my way forward. Blogging on a day like this forces me to put my thoughts together completely instead of just rattling of a description of something specific. These nights are when some of my greatest growth happens, I am pushed outside of my comfort zone and am forced to find a new way.
All that from what was initially going to be a blog about making progress towards a dream, how crazy is that?
Tonight I’m thankful for the nights when I have to work at it. The nights when the real work happens. The times when it doesn’t come easy and I must find another way. For sure, they are the most difficult to blog during, but they are beautiful in their own way.