The sermon at church today started with a disclaimer that left me thinking all day for two reasons. The first was a question posed as the centerpiece of the sermon. The second almost made me chuckle out loud as the priest reminded me of two quotes from Yoda in The Last Jedi – definitely NOT the intended message, but one that’s been sticking with me today.
“The greatest teacher failure is.”
Yoda
We are what they grow beyond. That is the burden of all masters.
Yoda
Both of these quotes have been sticking my head as they roll together. Growth happens through failure, we are able to help others grow as a result of our growth, and at a certain point we have to remember that those we grow will outgrow us. This has had me thinking about Dominic, about work, about my relationships with those who’ve taught me and so much more today. What an interesting circle we live!
Appreciation:
This morning Becky and I were torn between what we wanted to do today, head out for a hike or go out on the boat. In a stroke of insight we chose a third option that combined parts of both – we rented kayaks and went out paddling. What a blast! I like the active aspect of hiking, but I also really enjoy getting out on the water while the weather’s nice so kayaking seemed to blend the two. The three of us enjoyed paddling around while watching birds, fish, and turtles while also soaking up some sun and shooting the bull. It turned out to be a fantastic way to get outside, get some exercise in, and enjoy family time all rolled into one. Definitely something we’ll do again!
Presence:
On Friday night I started listening to an album by The Killers that I’d never heard of, Pressure Machine. Over the past couple days I’ve had that album essentially on replay and I just can’t get over how incredible it is. The emotion it brings out is truly epic. The best way I can describe it is this… it is hauntingly beautiful but so intensely tragic. It is a rough but very thoughtful collection of music that resonates so well while also making me feel completely uncomfortable. Each moment spent listening to it has been an opportunity to feel and to grow. If you want a taste of what I mean you can check out their video for Quiet Town here.
Tonight will be a long night and that’s 100% cool by me. What I’m thankful for from a learning standpoint is remembering how important it is to plan ahead and get stuff done early when possible. Rather than waiting until the end of the day as usual I’m typing my blog now so I can go right to sleep when I get home late this evening. A little gift I’m giving myself called planning ahead. 😉
Appreciation:
Mom still laughs when she talks about how I regularly called her during my freshman year of college… well after 10 and 11pm! I’m still not sure how I was too thick headed to realize how late I was calling, but she always took my call and we’d have awesome conversations. Over the past few years she’s been reminding me of that fact to help prep me for what to expect with Dominic, especially since I’m usually in bed by 9pm or so.
Guess what happened last night for the first time? LOL – yup, I was on FaceTime with Dominic well after 10pm last night getting to hear all about what he’s been up to. Funny, I was exhausted immediately before and immediately after that conversation, but during the call I was 100% wide awake. It was so awesome spending time with him virtually like that, hearing some of his experiences, and joking around together. I had a blast and will be 100% open to taking his call any time.
Presence:
I’m going to break from the norm on this section today and focus on something I know I’m going to be 100% present for – spending time with Dominic on his birthday! We’re heading up to pick up Mom and Brad and then see Dominic at the University of Minnesota tonight to take him out to dinner. It hasn’t even been a week since he moved out, but I’m already so excited to spend time with him again. This scene from The Shawshank Redemption has been running through my head all morning:
Communication can really cause issues when it is not clear and/or not clearly understood. This afternoon I spend more time than needed helping to fix a situation which never should have been an issue in the first place.
What’s interesting is that no one was truly at fault, and yet we were all at fault. What I learned was the importance of asking for confirmation that the message was truly received as intended. Similar to posts from the past week, I should have paused, asked, listened, and responded differently in order to prevent the future challenge.
Appreciation:
This evening Becky and I had supper with an old friend we hadn’t sent time with in many years. As we caught up we got into conversations that had Becky and I both laughing as we realized just how much our friend and I have in common. It was a blast! So thankful for taking the opportunity to re-connect and catch back up with someone who’s had a positive impact on my life in many ways. There’s much more for me to write about here but I think I’ll let the rest of my thoughts simmer for a bit and then they’ll show up in a future post, just a hunch.
What really sunk in for me today was a realization about not being alone in the way my brain processes spending time with people. Sometimes I wonder if I am a little different (spoiler alert – I am) in the way I am energized with other people and spending time alone. The conversation shifted my view on this a bit and gave me a few ideas on how to best live into who I am and to work on closing the gap. It also led to seeing Dad in a slightly different way and helped me see a bit of similarity there. I felt like I was spending time with a kindred spirit who had accumulated more wisdom and helped me see how to be a slightly better me. Not a bad dinner!
Presence:
I couldn’t help but laugh at this scene of my running buddies this morning 😂 As one of my teammates pointed out long ago, there’s not much more cute and funny than watching a calf run. These little guys were obviously not used to seeing people run past and were all skittering and running when I got close.
I heard a quote today which may or may not be authentic due to the intense amount of debate to be found by Googling it, but I found it quite meaningful nonetheless.
Preach the Word of God wherever you go, even use words if necessary.
Possibly Saint Francis of Assisi
What struck me was the reminder of the importance of actions over words. Live the way you would speak and there’s no reason to talk about how to live.
Appreciation:
Living into and towards a sense of purpose really adds a deep level of fulfillment to the act of living daily life. Over the past few weeks I’ve been getting much feedback on one aspect in particular which in turn inspires me to do more to live into that purpose which seems to increase the feedback and the circle continues. So much work ahead to fully live into my purpose, but days like today remind me that it is very much a worthwhile endeavor.
Presence:
The crimson sun rising above the fog covered fields and rolling hills was wildly vibrant and beautiful this morning! Almost better than coffee this morning!
So easy to act, so much more healthy to pause, listen, think, and then act. I can so easily jump into action rather than pause first, but today I did and it made a huge difference! My gut feel and initial reaction may be right, but how much more simple and complete is life when I remember to pause first. Many actions do not need to be taken immediately. Somewhere I read a note a while back about how we can always choose to send an email later, but we can never unsend one. Better to wait rather than immediately act.
Appreciation:
I really didn’t realize just how much I needed a night like last night! This morning everything was a little lighter, more chill, and my mind was more at ease. Every handful of months or so I get in the mood to fire up nonstop music online and just go from song to song to song and pick up bits and pieces of life wisdom throughout. It had been a while and it happened to work out that life shifted to create that space last night, just what I needed.
There have been more than a few times when the state of calm or one of the lessons I learned last night came back to help and make today a little more joyful. Sure, I would have really enjoyed going to a soccer game to watch Gavin, but I am very thankful for how everything worked out (and the game was moved rather than canceled).
Presence:
My car showed 102 on the thermometer on the way home. At first I cranked up the AC to cool off a bit, but then I had a better idea. How many days each year to I get to experience triple digit temperatures? Very few! I took this opportunity to shut off the AC, open every window and the moon roof, and soaked up the sun and heat while listening to my new favorite song for the week – My Own Soul’s Warning by The Killers. What an amazing ride home, wind in my hair, singing loudly and without care, and taking it all in. Felt wonderful to feel so alive!
Sometimes my brain needs space to relax, to think, and to engage. I don’t like sitting still and I like keeping busy so this can sometimes be a bit problematic. Tonight Gavin’s soccer game was cancelled due to the heat, Becky is out of town for Dominic’s college orientation, and Gavin went to band camp seeing as there wasn’t soccer. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do for the night, there are a handful of work projects I could put extra time into, there are a few projects at home I’d like to work on, and there was writing that I could always do more of. Instead I just trusted that the universe would provide, and I found myself relaxing, but listening to music on my laptop as I started to type this blog. I started that process almost two hours ago now and I’m so grateful for the rabbit hole I’ve gone down!
While I wasn’t working on a specific project I also wasn’t mindlessly watching a screen. Rather, I quickly became engaged in a study which led me to some very interesting insights.
Initially I loaded up a song by The Killers that blew my mind earlier today when I heard it for the first time – Caution. Earlier in the day I needed a respite from my audiobook to have a little more space to think through the challenge I was facing at work. The first four songs of The Killers album Imploding the Mirage absolutely blew my socks off! I wanted to fire the video up to get a slightly different perspective and I was going to write my blog after. Then I noticed a link to a video of someone hearing a song by The Killers for the first time and couldn’t help but click on it. Next thing I knew I was on a journey of learning for the evening.
Here are some of things I noticed from tonight:
The power of music to soothe our soul is truly awesome
There are so many different ways people learn, no one way is right, only the one that works for us
When we see someone who’s an expert in something one can’t help but be in awe of how differently they see the world. What are the ways we each see the world differently that others might be in awe of? What experiences do we have that allow us to see connections other may typically miss?
The creative process is a beautifully fluid and ethereal thing, never the same way for an individual let alone other people. Something about knowing how to let go just the right way, to trust, to explore, to coax, to release, to play, and to allow, but never to force.
The ability of music and emotion to connect us to a moment is amazing. Experiencing others hearing a beautiful song for the first time adds the joy of the song with the shared human emotional experience even through video. It adds an unexpected level of complexity to the music. More on this in the Presence section.
So many lessons, so much stillness and peace. A heart full of joy through a combination of growth and shared experience even while alone.
Appreciation:
Wow, this is the last section I am writing tonight and I’ve already had this blog started for over two and a half hours. There is so much I am grateful for today, my heart is almost bursting! How do I summarize what I am thankful for? Easy.
I am beyond appreciative for the practice of daily gratitude journaling that I stumbled into almost 3,000 days ago. Taking the time to think through my day, to process the moments, to work through thoughts and emotions, to take time to reflect, to dream, to learn , to grow, to share, to be grateful for life’s blessings. I can’t even begin to state what a positive impact this one simple practice has had on my life in so many levels. This evening was an exquisite reminder of how taking time to journal can help me remember to travel inward and grow rather than sit and waste.
Presence:
The first video that got me going down this evening’s musical/creative journey was this. It is a professional drummer hearing Mr. Brightside by The Killers for the very first time and without a drum track. He listens once, makes notes, and then play song.
Then another similar yet different video caught my attention. This is a voice coach listening to Disturbed’s cover of Sound of Silence. Honestly, the emotion that builds from 7:20 on is palpable and was so much more intense than I would have expected. There was an increased connection to the song with the addition of someone hearing it for the first time. While I’d heard this many times it somewhat put me back into the mindset of hearing it for the first time, but different. (For some reason the video link wasn’t quite working to embed, but click here to see it.)
Sometimes we just need to trust, to listen to the “nudges” from The Big Dude Upstairs, and act with love from our heart. My heart has been reminded of the sewn quote under Pa Bailey’s picture from It’s a Wonderful Life on several occasions today.
“All you can take with you is that which you’ve given away.”
Pa Bailey
Appreciation:
Life throws us many wonderful things that are joyful from the start. They are amazing, awesome, and appreciated, they bring happiness so easily!
Life also throws us the stuff that really sucks once in a while. That stuff hurts, is frustrating, and can really be crushing – it can be so difficult to see any positive through it initially.
Today I’ve had the opportunity to see an interestingly large number of times how those sucky things have actually created long term joy, knowledge, and growth. For some reason it seems like this message came through about once every couple of hours to make sure I was really getting it and seeing what was happening. I’ve had the opportunity to take what I learned from those difficult times, the growth I’ve had through the hurt, and share it in a positive way to help others.
What’s interesting is that it’s also been helping me tremendously [I almost added a comparison of me being helped as much as others today, but I realized how silly it is to compare something like that. My brain typically goes straight to comparisons which can be helpful sometimes, but not in this case. Looks at that, a second Growth point for today 😉 ]. Each of these moments is helping me to pause and review that past hurt. To look at it not specifically for the pain, but rather to find the beauty created through it. I have grown specifically because of those difficult times, they have made me who I am. While I certainly won’t be rushing out to get hurt it does remind me that when I have something difficult happen that I can find the upside if I remember to pause and look for it. I’ll have the confidence to better work through the difficulty and may possibly learn and grow more specifically because I’ve got my head in the right place sooner.
What a gift!
Presence:
Becky and I got to spend some time with Gavin’s entire soccer team this evening and it was a blast! The kids were all so polite, fun, and engaging, such a gift to see their personalities live and in action. After spending time with young men like this one can’t help but be more positive about the future of our world. So many smiles – such an awesome opportunity to spend time with them today!
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.
Robert Frost
There are times in which I sometimes wish time would move a little faster and I catch myself wishing my time away. There are times in which I wish a moment would last forever and I catch myself getting lost in the past. The right choice is to live in the moment, enjoy it for all it is worth in all of its up and downs, and realize that it will change. Sometimes I might feel it changes too soon, other times it takes too long, but regardless it will always change and move on to the next moment.
Appreciation:
So many thoughts and emotions running through me today but what I am most grateful for is very simple and easy to define. I am so thankful for Dominic’s opportunity to take the next steps in his life. I already miss having him at home, but my heart is so full of of joy for the adventure he is beginning. Throughout the day I’ve been reminded of so many memories from my first year of college when I attended Michigan Tech. That year was one of the most defining of my entire life. I am so pumped and excited to hear about Dominic’s experience and see how he continues to grow.
Presence:
What a surreal moment it was when we got back to the University of Minnesota campus and entered Dominic’s dorm room. Back to where I spent most of my college career, to the place where Dominic starts his life outside of our house, to the place we leave him before Becky and I head back home. So many emotions – largely joy for Dominic’s next adventure – and a wildly intense moment of presence as we helped him get settled in to where he’ll live for the next nine months or so.
There are so many times I enjoy a song without fully listening to the lyrics. When I was working on the dishwasher this morning I heard the song Human by The Killers. It’s the one that has the repeating line, “Are we human, or are we dancer?” I finally was intrigued enough to dig into the reason for the lyric and the why behind that line. I was rewarded with this article: https://www.radiox.co.uk/artists/the-killers/human-lyrics-hunter-s-thompson-grammar/
After learning the “why” behind it I listened a few more times and took it in on such a different level than I ever have before. So glad I took the time to dive in and learn more about the song, I’ll never hear it the same way again.
Appreciation:
One of my favorite parts of today was sharing so many memories while we were on our hike this afternoon. Over the course of four plus miles we talked about so many past experiences we have had as a family. Tomorrow the dynamic of our family shifts, I am so grateful for the awesomely strong foundation of shared experiences and memories we’ve built over the past years. So many moments of joy behind us, so many moments of joy ahead.
Presence:
Spending time as a family going for a hike in Perrot State Park. Spending time as a family enjoying dinner at home. Spending time as a family playing board games at the kitchen table. Spending time as a family laughing and talking on the couch during the soccer game. Perfect last day of Dominic being at home before starting his next adventure!
The clarity created by a looming deadline is a dagger that can cut both ways, we must choose how we will wield it. Do we choose the side focused on reminding us of how little is left, the scarcity mindset – or – do we choose to see it as a gift, it creates such intense focus on the present moment as that will come to a close soon? I’m choosing the beauty of the clarity, but am also allowing myself to be a little cut by the feeling of loss. That sting reminds me to appreciate life all the more especially when there’s no deadline in sight, though I know the deadline looms hidden in the fog if the future.
Appreciation:
This was likely the last “boys night” for Dominic, Gavin, and I for quite some time. Dominic moves to college on Sunday and we decided to enjoy the evening together. Pizza, games, and a little Mario Kart to round out the evening, a pretty much perfect one to remember until the next. So grateful for the opportunity to share one more night like that with both boys.
Presence:
Seriously, pretty much every moment after I wrapped up work at 5:30 until a few minutes ago was present with the boys. Funny how much more we appreciate time even we know how little we have left. Wonderful memories were created, shared, and will be remembered.
Thankful for Forty 