Day 2,868

The nice thing about creating a blog is that I can change the rules as I see fit based on how I’m feeling and where my thoughts are taking me. The objective is to spend time focused on reflecting on what I am grateful for throughout the day. In so many ways it is a much needed opportunity to pause life and dive inside to remind myself to be appreciative of all the blessings the day has provided. While I have been focused on a Growth, Appreciation, and Presence based format my thoughts on the hiking trail today have led me towards one specific train of thought so I’m going to roll with it tonight and will likely get back on the normal track tomorrow.

Throughout the past few days we’ve been surrounded by the mountains. The behemoths seems to constantly remind me of just how small I am in the big picture of things. They completely dominate the landscape and are only seen in partiality, one must travel over them in order to start to soak up their massiveness. There’s another way that they leave me seeing my place in the universe…

One constant on this trip has been the power of time. I get frustrated when I pull up to a stoplight that just turned red, when I have to wait in a line at the grocery store, or for a variety of things that cause me to feel like I am missing precious seconds or a moment. Seconds. Moments. God forbid I lose an hour or more! I measure life in moments, hours, days, weeks. In the extreme I may even measure it in years.

While hiking the valley carved out by a glacier I couldn’t help but focus on the smooth rippled rock I was stepping on. The rock was slowly carved and smoothed by the grinding of glaciers and sand over thousands of years. Literally ages. The glacier ice that has since receded and stood sentinel above us is older than I am by hundreds of years. The ice makes my life look life a flash in the pan!

The mountains themselves are an entirely different story. These specific mountains were created over ONE HUNDRED MILLION years ago. If I lived 1.2 million lifetimes I still wouldn’t have been around to see them. They were slowly created by the pressure of plates pressing against each other for a wildly long period of time that my brain can’t even being to fully comprehend. The mountains tower over me and have been around long before humans and will continue to be here long after us. Another way in which they put me in my place and help me see just how small I am – in size and time. What a powerfully humbling realization / recognition.

The way that I see time sometimes needs to be slowed. Pause and remember that time stretches on much longer than I realize. Yes, sometimes the seconds matter, but more often it is okay to slow down and let nature take its course.

Time moves differently for humans and mountains, but there is much to be learned from in that difference. Sometimes the greatest and grandest things in life take a very long time to shape and form, don’t rush them, let nature run its course.

This trip has been an awesome opportunity to spend time in quiet thought and contemplation in addition to spending time with family. I’m grateful for the ways the concept of time have started to work their ways into my brain. It seems there’s something here I really need to learn. Mountains – I’m here and I’m listening.

Thanks!!!

Day 2,867

Growth:

Remember that rest is okay, even on vacation. I don’t always needs to go full speed all the time. Pause, breathe, unwind, relax, and be rested. Tonight I’m calling it a night earlier than usual, especially for a vacation night. Time to rest up and be ready for a full day tomorrow!

Appreciation:

While it is easy to remember when the weather doesn’t quite work out as planned it is really difficult to remember all the times the weather was absolutely perfect as happens more often than not. On our drive from Jasper to Field the skies got increasingly more and more hazy from smoke. For the previous couple of days the haze was very light and we had wonderful views of the mountains in the distance. Today was an entirely different story as the smoke almost completely choked out the view of the ranges that were crystal clear only 24 hours prior.

Had we done our glacier hike today rather than yesterday the entire experience would have been very different. We totally lucked out and had favorable winds and skies and I didn’t completely appreciate it until today. What an excellent reminder to appreciate all the wonderful weather we have when we have it, so easy to take for granted, but still so deserving of appreciation.

Presence:

Throughout our hike atop Whistler’s Summit today was filled with many moments of presence. We occasionally climbed giant boulders, joked around for pictures, and took in the amazing beauty all around us. Such beautiful sights from 4,600+ feet above the town of Jasper, including seeing the bungalows we’d stayed at along the Athabasca River, so easy to be present in the moment.

I almost feel like I’m on cheat mode during vacations like this… so many moments focused on the here and now as there is so much to be intensely focused on. This area is so beautiful, I am so grateful for our time here!

Thanks!!!

Day 2,866

Growth:

The small incremental changes can be difficult to notice, but larger changes shown at extremes can rock us to our core. Today we saw how far the glacier we first visited twelve years ago had receded since our past visit and it was heartbreaking. We stood at the spot we’d stepped up onto ice twelve years ago and were still well over a quarter mile of ice away.

Watching it daily we would have missed the change. Seeing it after do many years was shockingly obvious.

Appreciation:

The entire area around the Athabasca Glacier is so beautiful it is hard to put into words. The entire valley is surrounded by picturesque mountains covered in glaciers and causes the senses of distance and perspective to be so distorted that it’s almost impossible to take it all in. To have the opportunity to spend a few hours there was such a gift!

Presence:

As we stood over the mouth of a waterfall the sound echoed so loudly off the rock that I could feel the sensation of the sound in my chest. It was wild!!! So much raw power from the waterfall, to see it, hear it, AND feel it was awesome!

Thanks!!!

Day 2,865

Growth:

It is so easy to learn vicariously through the actions of someone else. Today we saw two adults pretty much lose their mind over a dispute of a parking spot while we’re surrounded by mountains and natural beauty. While it was easy to stand back and realize how crazy they were being it really hit home when I asked myself, “when am I like that?” There are so many times when I’ve lost my cool when the best thing to do would have been to calm down, relax, and focus on what’s really important. As one of my favorite thought leaders recently said this…

I can confidently say that I have never once lost my temper and afterwards said, “I’m so glad I did that.”

Ryan Holiday

How true! This afternoon’s display was a reminder to me to pause, breathe, and choose my emotions and response rather than allow my emotions to be in control out of reflex.

Appreciation:

Our hikes today were mindbendingly amazing!!! From the moment we got out of our car my brain struggled to comprehend the enormity of what we were seeing in front of us. The walls of granite shot seemingly straight up above us and caused an almost vertigo sensation as I looked up. We later saw glaciers, waterfalls, glacial lakes, and pretty much everything in between. The hike up was pretty ridiculous, gaining 2,250′ in less than three miles. Throw in the random sounds of rockslides echoing through the valley – it was AWESOME!!!

Our second hike was along a valley in which the river seemed to cut the rock like a hot knife through butter for a hundred-ish feet. The rock formations were patterned and seemingly random at the same time while the colors of the rock shifted from chalk white to dark gray. Occasionally there were what appeared to be waterfalls coming right out of the rock and then draining into the river. So cool to take it all in.

The sights of today have been amazing as has the conversations we’ve had as a family. I’m so appreciative of our prioritizing family time like this, for hitting the pause button on much of life specifically to spend time together creating memories with each other.

Presence:

Becky woke me up a bit early this morning with a huge smile on her face. In a matter of seconds I was out of bed, standing at our window, and watching an elk only a short distance from our bungalow! There were elk wandering the entire property munching on grass as they slowly meandered across the open spaces. What a surreal moment, hanging out with elk all around us!

Thanks!!!

Day 2,864

Growth:

Nothing like the grandeur and majesty of mountains to quickly remind us of our place as humans. They’ve been here since long before us and they’ll still be towering over long after we’re gone. The sense of awe and humility when in the presence of mountains is medicine for the soul.

Appreciation:

Today was a relatively long trace day but it started out as almost all Mondays do – waking up before 4:45am and getting in a four mile run. Knowing we’d be sitting s lot today we decided to get done exercise in before travel. It felt great to get moving, it felt better when I was sitting to know I’d already gotten some exercise in, and I’m going to sleep so much better now as a result. So easy to sleep in, so much more rewarding to wake up and move.

Presence:

The sounds of the oohs, ahhs, and wows from the backseat were priceless!!! The ones from Becky and I in the front sweet were awesome too! So happy to be sharing one out favorite places with the boys, so many magical moments already, and we were just driving today…. Bring on the hiking!!!

Thanks!!!

Day 2,863

Growth:

If the world really wanted to tap into the most positive clean energy source ever they need go no further than Becky’s pre-vacation energy!!! The way she lights up before vacation like this is amongst the most inspirational events I have the opportunity to witness firsthand. The smile on Becky’s face is priceless, her happy nervous energy is infectious, and the pure joy she exudes causes me to fall in love with her all over again! Whenever I’m feeling a little down I need only remember her today and I’ll be smiling.

Appreciation:

The boys just got back from having an incredible time with Mom and stepBrad. They came home totally exhausted and smiling ear to ear! We got to hear about their adventures and all the awesome memories they made over supper and throughout the night. In talking with Mom it seems the feelings were mutual and they had an amazing time together.

Soooo thankful my family creates the opportunity to share time together like that, what a wonderful way to strengthen relationships and connect with each other. Many of my favorite childhood memories were created in a similar fashion with my grandparents, I’m beyond grateful Mom and the boys are continuing the tradition.

Presence:

Greeting everyone at church today was a nonstop smile. We got to spend so much time in brief conversations with so many friends while having the opportunity to get to know others. Each person who can’t in and smiled brought a ton of joy, such s gift to have the opportunity to greet them. Thank you to all of the wonderful parishioners who came through our doors today, you all brightened my day and kept me totally focused on the present.

Thanks!!!

Day 2,862

Growth:

LOL – excellent reminder today to be sure to prep for vacation early! With the busyness of life and work I didn’t do nearly as good of a job prepping for travel as I normally do. This led to an interesting situation this evening when Becky and I realized that we’re missing the confirmation email for one of our excursion! No worries, we’ll get it figured out, but it would have been much better to have gotten this taken care of at least a few days ago. All good, we’ll get it worked out. That said, it would have been nice to have a little less stress this evening. I’m just glad we started pulling that info tonight!

Appreciation:

There are so many scenic hiking trails near our house. Within an hour drive we can be at any one of over a dozen excellent hiking areas. There are a few that are usually a bit busy so we take the ones less traveled. Thanks to getting a move on while it was early-ish we were able to have one of the typically more busy trails to ourselves. Being almost alone on the trail was an awesome change of pace, especially on this specific trail. The woods were so quiet and peaceful, a very serene start to a weekend. Gotta love Saturday morning hikes!

Presence:

Sitting on the deck after a busy day and relaxing to the sounds of birds while the breeze cools the air as the sun slowly descends. Yup, doesn’t get much better than this moment right here!

Thanks!!!

Day 2,861

Growth:

Nothing like the pressure of an upcoming vacation to push productivity into hyper mode! Throughout the day I was able to stay focused on a task list that was longer than I wanted, but it all got done except one project that’ll wait for while I’m on the plane. Gotta love short bursts of scarcity to keep moving!

Appreciation:

The boys are up spending some time with my mom and step-Brad which left Becky and I alone for a few nights. Today we headed off to yoga after work to mentally chill before the weekend and followed it up with supper. Now we’re chilling on the couch, heading to bed early, and probably going to do some adulting tomorrow while also sneaking in a hike. Kind of nice seeing a sneak preview of life in about three years when Gavin moves off to college to. Should be able to keep ourselves busy AND not drive each other too crazy! 😉 It’s nice to have a little test run to start getting used to it.

Presence:

I’m currently working on a special project which required a very different skill set than I’m used to. It was very fine and detailed work that required my full attention. Taking the time to focus on something new, on something I wanted to do correctly, and something that was very tedious certainly drew my presence in.

Thanks!!!

Day 2,860

Growth:

We have a choice to make, we can choose our mindset. Regardless of the situation we always have the ability to decide how we will respond to an event. Our initial emotional response may be very strong and difficult to choke down, but we still can make a choice.

I still miss LuLu tremendously and the the silence in our house is deafening. Yesterday I allowed myself to wallow in the hurt. Today I chose to be grateful for the time I had with her, the moments we shared. My mindset was completely different and I spent much time in thought remembering so many great moments with her. So many smiles today mixed in with the occasional sadness, but largely a more joyful day.

Appreciation:

While driving through Independence this morning the clouds opened up a little and let some rays of sun burn through the foggy dreariness. I shut off my audiobook and soaked up the sights. In short order I opted for some music instead. Without much thought I went with the first song that came to mind – Anew by Hollow Coves.

The song played and the skies continued to open until the half on the right side of the road was completely bathed in sunlight while the side on my left was grey and dark. To my right in the sun soaked rolling fields I could’ve swore I saw LuLu and Skywalker running and playing. It was amazing on so many levels, they both seemed so happy. To my left was darkness and sadness, to my right was love and joy. I looked to the right.

About two hours before LuLu passed we had her in her favorite place in the world, on the deck in our backyard. She was positioned near the stairs leading to the yard and was soaking up a little sun. At the time she looked old, tired, and a bit sad. For some reason, as if she heard something the rest of us could not her, LuLu lifted her head and looked out into the yard. She was watching something, something that I could not see, and she was watching it very intently. Her mouth slowly opened into a huge puppy grin as she kept seeming to watch something in the backyard. As LuLu’s smile grew I realized she was probably seeing her sister, Skywalker, bouncing around and getting ready for LuLu to join her soon. After a minute or so LuLu laid down and continued to smile until we finally brought her back into the house. Needless to say, I sobbed. I knew LuLu was ready to play with her sister again.

This morning I swear I saw them in the fields running, playing, and barking as they did over a decade ago when we first brought LuLu home. Skywalker was jumping, and twisting, and contorting her little body into a letter C the way she did when she was at her happiest. LuLu was chasing around with her while smiling and loving the presence of her sister. They were together in the sunlight.

That song – Anew – was so fitting on so many levels and will forever bring back a memory I have never actually had of our two pups having as much fun as ever could have playing in the sunlight. Such an incredible moment, what a wonderful way to remind me of the existence of more than life, and something I will hold dearly in my heart.

Presence:

After taking some time to soak in the moment shared above I continued to hit the Shuffle button on my phone to hear random songs I’ve downloaded. Out of the blue I caught the opening chords of Angels of the Silences by Counting Crows and I was awash in a surreal moment from my sophomore year of college.

While walking back from the coffee shop I was pretending to study at I walked past Northrop Auditorium on Wednesday, March 19, 1997. Someone was outside in the mall area and asked if I wanted to buy tickets to the Counting Crows concert that evening. The friend I was walking with had plans and I didn’t know for sure if any other friends would want to go (this was the dark ages before the proliferation of cellphones) so I got one single ticket. I continued on to my dorm, changed, and then went back to the concert.

For the only time in my entire life up until now I went to the concert all alone. Solo. Only me. I found my seat in a mass of people I did not know and immediately jumped to my feet as did everyone else when the music started. The next time I sat down was when I was back in my dorm. For a couple of hours I enjoyed an incredible concert all by myself, with no conversation, just me taking it in. There was an unexpected magic to being alone but surrounded thousands of stranger while taking in the music.

The song I mentioned earlier, Angels of the Silences, was the second song and the crowd ERUPTED in positive energy as soon as the first notes kicked off. Between that moment and the ad lib interlude of Round Here were two of the absolute highlights of the evening.

Hearing the opening chords this morning brought back amazing memories of pure presence. So glad I decided to go to that show alone!

Thanks!!!

Day 2,859

Growth:

Grief has the power to freeze us in our tracks. After getting home tonight I just wanted to stress eat and go to sleep. Zero motivation, feeling like something is missing, and not feeling 100%. And that’s okay. I’m not beating myself up over it.

I’m working on being grateful for the time I had, but with mixed results. And that’s okay. I’m not beating myself up over it.

Tomorrow is the next chapter, the time to be vigilant in staying positive and appreciative. Tonight I’ll allow the hurt to numb and cloud. When my alarm goes off I’ll get back to where I need to be. I will give myself this grace, there will be no remorse, and I will choose joy in the morning.

Appreciation:

This morning I awoke to thunder and lightning. Rather than going for a run in it I opted to go back to sleep for a bit. Tonight I’m going to bed a bit early. Extra rest and extra sleep will help my head get back to the right space. I’m grateful for remembering to rest during a difficult time like this rather than stress or drink or mindlessly watch TV. Rest, heal, and move forward when the alarm goes off tomorrow morning.

Presence:

Waking up to a home without LuLu. Coming home to a house without LuLu. Going to bed without LuLu in her dog bed next to ours. All moments of clarity, moments filled with silence and a void rather than LuLu. Each moment cut deeply and hurt, but also was a beautiful reminder of how much of a positive impact she had on my life.

Thanks!!!