Day 2,972

Growth:

It seems as if we all go through “funks” in our lives. You know, those times when we aren’t fully happy, we feel a little down, and like there’s almost something missing in our life. Sometimes they feel like I am in a room in which all the light bulbs have either gone out or are fading fast rather than being outside on sunny day. Regardless of how you describe them, they really kind of suck and are not where we want to hang out often.

There have been a handful of “funks” I’ve lived through. Each had its own suffering, but as I look back each was something I grew through. When I was much younger I descended into a deep funk and as I grew through it I learned the importance of inner happiness rather than looking outwards and focusing on the opinions of other people. Another funk in my early thirties helped me see I needed to take better care of myself physically which also led to a huge growth in self discipline. Before I turned thirty nine I was enveloped in a funk that eventually became the creation of this blog and focused my attention to appreciation and changed my life in profound ways.

In between there have been small funks which registered small growth. There’ve also been larger funks that I really don’t want to dive into in this format that led to larger growth in other directions. Throughout life there has always been, and seems that there will always be, ups and downs in my mood. Often there is joy and elation, but there are also funks.

At one point in life I’d argue that we should never be in a funk, that it is as simple as choosing happiness instead. What I’ve been learning more and more is that funks are a counterbalance to joy, but also a creation of joy. Through those difficult times we find our growth, we create future joy. They still hurt when we suffer through them, but if we pause and realize they can be a tool for us to grow closer to who we are called to be.

That’s where my head has gone this evening. I thought about those past funks and saw the growth they resulted in. Their pain is still there, but is has been numbed by the growth that has come since. As I work through what feels like the tail end of a funk my mindset changed drastically after a simple question crossed my mind.

In a moment of emotion, singing out loud to an awesome song with my moonroof open (more on that in the Presence section), the question appeared and brought a moment of absolute stillness and honest contemplation.

“What is the purpose of this funk?”

What is the purpose of this funk? What am I learning through this? How do I need to grow as highlighted by this funk? Something must be off or wrong if I am feeling this way – what is it, what caused it, how do I change it? Why is this specific funk hitting now? When I work through this how will I be closer to closing the gap between who I am and who I am called to be?

“What is the purpose of this funk?”

As I thought through the question I had several rapid fire thoughts which I will share honestly and openly. For clarity, I still have much to consider in this, but these were the starting points:

• Learning how much is truly out of my control no matter how much I want to be in control
• Choosing a path, being bold, not settling for the path of least resistance, not drifting, acting intentionally
• Realizing what is truly important to me, manifesting more of the opportunities which fit my strengths
• Making a choice rather than hedging my bets
• Learning to let go, that I can only accomplish so much, not trying to do everything

Thinking through this list brought up so many ideas to struggle with and through. What was interesting though was that rather than feeling like I was in a funk it was an acceptance of not being 100% joyful as I would like to be and seeing that working through this would help me get closer to that state.

Another interesting insight – it is not the goal of living a perfectly joyful life, rather it is to enjoy the struggle and the journey towards that goal. Definitely an idea to come back to later.

Tonight I’m really grateful for the question – “What is the purpose of my funk?” It has helped me transform a feeling of almost helplessness into a tool for growth, a source of future joy. If you’re currently in a funk of your own try asking yourself that question, who knows where it may take you!

Appreciation:

I am grateful for the way so many moments worked out today to help create the mindset and the mental and emotional space to work through that thought above. As I type my blog I can’t help but be thankful for this process of daily journaling and blogging to help my mind work through so many of these thoughts. In the past I would have maybe had the moment of insight and then lost it into the recesses of my brain, never to be seen again. By writing this thought process down today I can come back to it in the future, I work through the concept more completely through writing, and – even though it is incredibly humbling to open myself up like this to whomever happens to read this – to live more closely into my personal purpose of brightening lives through shared experiences.

This process, this ritual, this habit… what a gift!!!

Presence:

My drive home from Menomonie was rather epic this evening! I opted for some music rather than audiobook or podcast, opened up the moonroof, and sang my butt off. It started as an opportunity to let loose some energy, to relax. What’s wild is that is was exactly at this time with my guard completely down and I was unencumbered by any intentional thought that the concept in the Growth section broke loose and became reality.

That moment of letting go to emotion completely led to some of the best thought processes I’ve had in quite some time. Force it and it doesn’t work, forget it and it comes alive. Such an eye opening reminder to let my brain relax and work its own way to where it needs to go.

Thanks!!!